To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Dead Eye Dick



I fell in love with a blind man when I was younger. I'm not sure if I really loved him, or if I loved his blindness. He told me that I was beautiful. The way I saw it, if a blind man said I was beautiful, it had to be true. Maybe I was even beautiful on the inside. I was young. It seemed reasonable at the time.

I learned to read braille. I even learned to type on a brailler so that I could leave him naughty notes. Of course, sometimes he couldn't find my naughty notes because...well, he was blind. It sort of takes the steaminess out of naughty notes when you have to say things like, "You're getting warmer, oh you're on fire, now you're cold again" or "okay, it's on the kitchen table at 9:00 or is it 3:00?"

When I stopped seeing him, I rearranged his furniture. I had a good laugh when I thought about the bruises on his shins.

It was wrong. I know this now.

The Universe has a way of setting things right. The Universe is going to make me go blind.

Tonight, before I brushed my teeth, I leaned over the toilet to spit out a cough drop. A drop of toilet water splashed up over the seat and landed squarely in my left eye. Unfortunately, I am predominantly left eyed.

It is only a matter of time before I live in a world of darkness. I feel like Mary from "Little House on the Prairie." Only not blonde.

Thank God I still know how to read braille.

Mist 1


24 Comments:

At 5:48 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

You rearranged his furniture???

Please tell me that this was after he broke up with you...not after you broke up with him. If you broke the man's heart AND rearranged his furniture that's just crossing lines...if he broke your heart then he deserved every bruise he had coming. ;)

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

He took me to a concert (obstructed vision seats are cheaper) and later that evening told me that I was too young. He was sure that I'd be a "heartbreaker" one day.

That's worse than the "we can still be friends" line.

I swear my word verification says "xfcku." I am reporting this to Blogger.

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Then the asshat deserved every bruise he got and I applaud your imaginative and highly restrained reaction.

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger SabilaK said...

In my humble opinion, most, if not all, men are blind, deaf and dumb.
Alas.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger Roy said...

haha, dang you are really funny! Watch out for that toilet water...

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

I am a rational girl. Thanks for noticing.

sabilak,

If what you say is true, I would totally do Helen Keller.

 
At 7:50 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL You rearranged his furniture, your so bad. I guess I might be bad too for laughing - oh well. I don't think you have anything to sweat about your eye. ;)

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

LOL
I don't think you have anything to worry about. Toilet water is not acid, after all ;)

I do wonder though - how does the karma cycle know when or where to stop? Hmmm ... it's a puzzle.

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

roy,

I wonder if my sense of humor will be heightened now that I'm going blind.

nerd,

I may have to borrow those coke bottle glasses of yours.

mouse,

Still. It's toilet water. In my eye. Blech.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

LMAO, you crack me up, no pitty, not even for the blind!! The toilet water would of freaked me out too!!!

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

People just wanted to be treated equally.

I am sort of like a saint, don't you think?

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

LOL Good point.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

It only would have bothered me if I hadn't flushed yet ... but then my motto is you have to eat .6kg of dirt before you die.

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

Thank you. I do make good points, don't I?

icl,

I'm American. How many pounds is that?

 
At 9:51 PM, Anonymous Veronica said...

I should ask you for advice next time I have a crisis with one of my boyfriends. I mean my boyfriend...oops.

 
At 4:57 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

1 pound

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

veronica,

I am here to help.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

Thanks. I think I may have already eaten my quota of dirt.

 
At 8:20 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Predominately left eyed? you too? lol. Maybe you should brush up on your braille, just in case. I hear that toilet water works fast! :P

KristynMarie

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristynmarie,

You don't really brush up on braille, you run your finger lightly over it.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Go check out http://his.guppystorm.com/?p=620. When are you going to share some GP p-o-r-n? How is what's his name anyways? I miss him.

Ha ha my word verification is badqshm - means bad queer stay home mom - I'm weird.

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

Wiggy really enjoyed your link. Thanks.

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

In your eye, huh? Okay - that was TRULY a "karma biting you in the ass" moment. You can change your name to Mary Ingalls only after you start wearing petticoats and milking cows.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

Not touching cow nips. Unless I go blind and someone plays a mean joke on me.

 

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