To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Cure

Last night, Sue (my blindingly beautiful but, one chromosome over being severely retarded friend) needed to talk to me. She always turns to me when she is exploring personal growth because I am a very supportive person. Also, I use small words when I talk.

Since her boyfriend started his court ordered community service project, she's been feeling like she doesn't make a difference in the world. She wants to get more involved but, doesn't know where to start. I was happy to help her become a better person because I'm pretty sure that by default, that makes me a better person.

I know a lot about community involvement. Growing up, Dad was an activist. He was always boycotting something. We ate Hershey's chocolate because the Nestle company had an unsavory relationship with Ethiopia. We didn't have GE appliances due to their leading role in production of nuclear weapons. Dad drank shade grown coffee before it was stylish. He coordinated bands of Hippies who participated in relief efforts in Cuba and Mexico. He collected children's picture books for the students at Southern colleges and universities.

I asked Sue questions in order to find a cause where she could add value. She swears too much to work with children. She hates nature. Sue prefers to be surrounded by a lot of people and likes the color pink. In a moment of brilliance, I suggested that she participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.

She twisted her face in thought and said, "I never really got into The Cure. Is there another band that I could race for?"

I told her that I'd look into it but, until then, the best service she could do for the community was to keep using reliable birth control.

Mist 1


At 8:19 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

You gave Sue excellent advice.

I like what you wrote about your dad, primarily because he and I are birds of the same feather.

At 8:35 PM, Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

I have to ask- is she really that dumb? And if so, how do you handle it exactly?

At 8:46 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Perhaps you should play it safe and get the birth control for her. You know, why leave things to chance...

At 9:01 PM, Anonymous C said...

Hmmm. Severe retardation just doesn't account for what transpired here. What about extraordinary brain trauma and amnesia-- that would explain why she's never mentioned the brain trauma.

At 9:24 PM, Blogger Airam said...

Does she at least have a pretty face?

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

I don't know if I'd want to watch the race for The Cure. It would be full of little Emo kids, wearing black trench coats and cutting themselves...On second thought, it might be kind of amusing.

At 10:34 PM, Blogger kuri said...

"He collected children's picture books for the students at Southern colleges and universities."

I want to have your baby.

At 2:04 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I think you'll find the race is more of a dawdle - goths don't run.


At 2:34 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I would like to date her.

At 4:42 AM, Blogger TOM said...

Sounds like you might be up for a "Gene Pool Guardian Award" form the Darwin Award people...good work (-;

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Oh, my.

At 5:19 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

now i am curious about her boyfriend and what he did to have a court order community service. see how you are, always tempting & teasing me...

At 5:56 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Robert Smith will be disappointed.

At 6:11 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

I agree with Michael C - just slip the birth control into her alcoholic beverage of choice - that could be your good deed ya know.....

At 6:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I hope you got your bird flu shot.

p of u,

I adore Sue. She makes me feel smart.


She might take that the wrong way.


Sometimes, I wish that I could be stricken with amnesia.


She is remarkably gorgeous.


It's hard to run in a trench coat.


I'm not putting on any sympathy weight during your pregnancy.


Dawdle for the Cure sounds good too.


I'll set you two up. I expect to be paid handsomely.


Is there a ceremony for that award? I have nothing to wear.


You must be a fan of The Cure.


It wasn't just one thing. It was an assortment of deeds that earned him the community service. Did I mention the restitution?


The economist?


I hope I took my pill with my alcoholic beverage of choice this morning. Thanks for the reminder.

At 6:40 AM, Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Perhaps a better choice would be politics! LOL
Sounds like it might be a perfect fit.

At 6:46 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I put notes on SUV's. I'm an activist too.

England is full of white people, so that's the race for the Cure.

At 7:09 AM, Blogger puppylander said...

why am i picturing sue dressed head to toe in pink and carrying a sign that says "FUCK OFF, BREAST CANCER!"?

oh. i know why. the grl did the walk a few weeks ago and she had signs to that effect.

(ok. my alternate comment was: "if she's not into tommy, maybe she could do something for the jimmy fund.")

At 7:15 AM, Blogger WNG said...

Wow! Now I feel even smarter than normal. Thanks, Mist. You know, if she was ugly she would probably be dead by now...

At 7:33 AM, Anonymous archie FCD said...

I'm at the Steely Dan opener in Oz tomorrow night - that probably puts me into your Dad's class. Although the only cause I was involved in was after the great bra-burning of 1973. I was a volunteer breast supporter.

At 7:34 AM, Blogger Susan said...

Sometimes...I just can't find the words..

At 7:40 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

I love your Sue Stories. It makes me feel smarter just by hearing about her.
*hugs* missed you Doll!

At 7:57 AM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

Wow. Just wow.

At 8:04 AM, Blogger Flenker said...

maybe she's a bigger fan of The Smiths?

At 8:04 AM, Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Back when I was 15, I would have been all over such a race.

Wait, I think I still would be. How funny would it be to see a bunch of goth kids walking a 10K and wilting in the sun because of all that black they're wearing? That'll give 'em something to whine about, you big emo babies!

At 8:08 AM, Anonymous M@ said...

This reminds me of the time my college girlfriend and I moved to a new part of the country together and I wondered how I would find employment.

I stunned her by suggesting I take one of the maintenance jobs at her place of business, picking up discarded cigarette butts outside her office windows.

"Yup, that's my boyfriend," she would have said.

There is a place in the world for all of us, Mist1.

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Nina said...

all I can say is, "thank you'.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger Jazz said...

Yep, reliable birth control is indeed a public service in this case.

At 8:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

picture books for southern universities?? hahahaha. She doesn't like the cure? hahahah. She needs to continue practicing safe sex. YES!!! hahahaha. You are a kind and good friend Mist.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

I may have dated Sue in highschool...

And I LOVE this bit:

He collected children's picture books for the students at Southern colleges and universities.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger LarryLilly said...

You have your hands full with this one

I loved the picture books line. I deal with lots of southern educated, and I use that term loosely, scholars and what amazes me is that most of them can remember more about their college sports teams than they can about subject material they were supposed to use in life, like now.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger tallyho_2022 said...

I love, love, love The Cure! When is this walk? Oh, just one question, Why does Robert Smith need money? I hear their songs everywhere these days.

At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG.... I think we have the same friend.

At 10:01 AM, Blogger mindy said...

I agree with Peter - best line ever:
He collected children's picture books for the students at Southern colleges and universities.

At 10:06 AM, Blogger Tiggerlane said...

Freakin' hysterical...but I would run for The Cure. Not FROM...well, maybe from Robert, b/c he might rub his smeary lips on my nice, white blouse.

BC - GREAT idea.

And I used to have one of those books when I was attending Texas A&M...

At 10:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


It's hard enough for me to remember which party is the elephant and which is the, damn, what's the other one? I could never teach Sue about politics.


Activism. Another ism. Can't we all just get along?


That wasn't Sue. All of the words were spelled right on the sign.


Ugly is not fatal.


Please refrain from mentioning Dad and boobs in a single comment.


Sue, is that you? When did you learn to read?


I feel smarter too but, sometimes, I get a headache.


She's special, isn't she?


Do they have a 5K?


I would sponsor a runner.


Moving across the country with a college relationship never works out just right, does it?


Don't thank me. Thank Planned Parenthood.


I never thought that wearing a diaphragm could be such a statement.


I am a decent person all the way around. Very few people can see this about me.


Coloring books were too advanced.


What kind of subject material applies to my life? I can't remember a thing about college.


What size tee shirt do you need? I'm ordering them soon.


Does she drive like a maniac?


I feel comfortable writing that because no one who went to a Southern college or university can read it.


That book sure came in handy when you couldn't reach something on the top shelf, didn't it?

At 11:01 AM, Blogger jali said...

Your dad sounds pretty cool.

Sue doesn't mean "jali" I hope.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


He is pretty cool. I think I'll keep him.

How much do you have in common with Sue? How's your delinquent boyfriend?

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Diesel said...

I boycott companies that charge too much for crappy products. Sometimes. I'm not much of an activist.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Goth rocker economist who sang about laissez-faire and love.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am a sucker for companies like that.


Not the host of Howdy Doody?

At 12:36 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Can you convince her that the best thing she could do for the world is a tubal ligation?

It sounds so much more politically significant than "spayed."

At 2:01 PM, Blogger karma lennon said...

I did my community service at a nature park/reserve place. Habitat for Humanity wouldn't let me work for them.

At 4:51 PM, Blogger Liz said...

8 years ago, I boycotted Wal Mart. It lasted for almost 6 months, but then those damn smiley faces offering falling prices lured me back. I regret it daily. Most recently I have boycotted sex. It's not actually been a voluntary boycot, but it makes me feel good to be standing for something. I hope soon to boycot abstinence.

At 8:58 PM, Blogger TOM said...

M1st. I'll make up a ceremony...don't bother wearing anything it's not necessary (-:

At 9:13 PM, Blogger Echomouse said...

LOLOL Awesome creative post. LOL Too good. :)

At 1:50 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

You've definitely done your community a great service by insisting birth controls for Sue. I wonder what she does for a living to survive... geez.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

I am glad you took a break, I had to stop reading you for a while, too addictive.I see you have been pretty busy though, helping friends like Sue takes alot of time, ask me how I know.

At 6:44 PM, Blogger Spellbound said...

Ain't no cure for dumb, now is there? Please talk her into getting her tubes tied.

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Uncivil said...

I wish there was a free Spay & Neuter clinic for people. That would be a noble cause!

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

The childen's picture books for Southern colleges. Brilliant touch to this post, that one.

Sue should race for Violent Femmes. I bet she could get just one kiss *and* a blister in the sun.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger Killer said...

Maybe if there was a race for the Pussy Cat Dolls more hot chicks would attend.

I could support that cause.

At 11:31 AM, Blogger The CEO said...

It's no wonder that your kindness and humanity knows no bounds when one meets your wonderful Dad. I am moved!

At 1:43 PM, Anonymous rjlight said...

You are so funny! Your writing is great!

At 2:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Tubal ligation has a lot of syllables. It may be hard for her to understand.


That's it. I'm boycotting Habitat.


I think you should stage a protest. Make signs and march around shouting, "What do I want? SEX! When do I want it? NOW!"


I'll need to shop for shoes that look good with nudity.


Stupidity inspires me.


Sue has one of those jobs that pays her to look good.


Do you know Sue?


I'm just hoping that she'll settle down with an equally dumb man. They'll be happy and maybe their stupid genes will cancel each other out.


I think they have those in China.


Sue is totally opposed to femme on femme violence.


You can make a difference. Organize that race.


Dad taught me that sometimes, you have to get arrested for stuff that you believe in. I taught him that sometimes, you have to get arrested for driving with a suspended license after failing to appear in court.


Thanks. I have friends that provide good material. I couldn't do it without them.

At 3:23 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

nice job....maybe get the injection type of birth control so she doesn't have to remember to take a pill...?

At 9:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


In almost every situation, pills are far better than needles.

At 4:24 AM, Blogger Nosjunkie said...

Haha this was great post as usual I have missed your posts so much.
I am not good at giving back to the comunity so I decided that I would start small. my most recent comunity involvement achievement thingy is opening my home to a group of friens who needed a place to drink and party

At 4:48 AM, Blogger alphawoman said...

Hilarious! But, did I read something wrong...why would college students in the South need childrens story books? It implies that we never has them as children??

At 7:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I respect your community involvement. You do deeply important work.


You read very well for not having picture books as a child. Maybe Dad's efforts were not wasted.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

ha! excellent..... If you start up a reliable birth control charity, let me know because I'd donate the shit out of that charity..... :)

At 9:34 AM, Blogger heather said...

perhaps you should tell sue about the latest in plastic surgery, it involves getting her tubes tied, thereby forever reducing the chances of her ever having that 'looks like you swallowed a watermellon' tummy.

At 10:13 AM, Blogger eric1313 said...

I wondered, too, about the children's picture book reference; I thought it was either a dis on the level of education in the south, or the prevelance of young mothers attending those colleges who could have used at least one or two more years of birth control training.

Look out for letting your partying friends use your house as voluntary shelter; it led me to having to do real community service.

That judge acted like she never had a partying daughter of her own to watch after, to smile with and about some of the hijinks that could be misconstrued as "illegal activity".

And that was a lie! I dated her daughter; her daughter was wanting to turn her purse into a bong--like a bagpipe, I guess you'd have to say.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I think it's called Planned Parenthood.


You have dumb friends too, don't you?


I spent a little time in a Southern college. I didn't see a single picture book. However, I did enjoy the fingerpainting.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Melanie said...

amen. ;-)

I don't have a cause. oh well.

At 11:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You can have one of my causes. I am into saving sea turtles. Since I don't actually live near the sea, nor do I ever run into turtles in need of rescue, it doesn't cut into my drinking time.

At 2:08 PM, Blogger c j. said...

i disagree with sue in her musical taste, but i would not race for The Cure, either. i'd rather march for dimes instead.

ps: unlike the wine box i'm sure you do not drink anymore, you just keep getting better. hilarious.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Mystic Wing said...

Oh, sure. Just as soon as I stop checking in every day, there you are with a new post.

Why is it that beautiful dumb people seem to get along so well in the world...?

Never mind. Answer is obvious.

At 2:57 PM, Blogger heather said...

and relatives. ;-)

At 6:24 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Birth control? Sue sounds like she should seal herself in a bubble. Might give other folks contact highs from being too close.

At 6:49 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

Susan G. Komen's arm wrestling championship for The Sisters of Mercy raises a lot of money too.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

Jesus Fucking Christ.

At 7:49 AM, Blogger Tera said...

"(my blindingly beautiful but, one chromosome over being severely retarded friend)"

Mist, I hope I never have to use this cleverly, brilliant phrase to refer to any of my friends.

At 9:03 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

Is there another band she could race for? Of course there is!
There are so many bands out there that desperately need our help... those too old and fat to fit into their 80's lycra pants, those so destroyed by drug use they can't form coherent sentences...

At 10:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm not doing anything for dimes. Maybe quarters.


I am a big fan of the beautiful dumb people. I'm comfortable amongst them.


I have at least one of those but, I don't talk about him because he knows how to handle a shotgun.


Sue loves bubble wrap. She'd have a blast in there.


I was going to participate this year but, due to a broken nail, I had to take myself out of the competition.


JFC is a fast food restaurant around these parts.


She has more chromosomes than she can count.


Drug use destroys the ability to form coherent sentences? Crap. How long does it take before the effects are noticeable?

At 11:19 AM, Blogger CG said...


At 7:14 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Well she'd have to be full on retarded to not like The Cure.

As if.

At 9:15 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Wicked awesome.


I think "full on" is really fun to say. It works in so many situations.

At 10:08 AM, Anonymous andy said...

It's funny to think about why The Cure would actually host a race.

What the people race for? What kinds of people? This is something I can really get behind.* Personally, though, I'd much rather race for Bananarama.

*That's what he said.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't get behind a lot of people. I prefer people to be behind me.

At 8:05 AM, Blogger velvet said...

But Sue is already providing a valuable community service by making us all feel so damn smart! I hope that she keeps up with her birth control, though.

At 6:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


So true.

At 12:24 PM, Blogger BottleBlonde said...

Good Lawd, you've got a genius on your hands.

At 5:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I almost had a genius the other night. I've never had a genius before.

At 2:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a great first read of your blog... hahahaha

At 10:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Too bad I don't post any more. You should have been around when I had an internet addiction.

At 3:01 AM, Anonymous Moonbeam McQueen said...

That's why I don't volunteer at the YMCA. I always hated that song.

Hilarious post--I now realize that my friends are all geniuses!

At 11:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Your friends may be smart but, are they beautiful?

At 6:23 AM, Blogger The Grouch said...

and why dont u post any more ?

At 1:49 PM, Blogger The Red said...

Natural selection has failed us.

At 5:36 AM, Anonymous スタービーチ said...


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At 4:59 AM, Anonymous 人生の値段チェッカー said...


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At 4:19 AM, Anonymous 家出 said...



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