To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, July 16, 2007

You Can Do It, Chris


My fifth grade teacher taught me that the mind is a source of energy. If I learned how to harness this energy through visualization exercises, I would be able to pass the fifth grade on the first try. I could do anything if I took the time to visualize myself doing it first.

She instructed us to picture ourselves as calm, confident, and mature boys and girls who were ready for success. With my eyes closed, I saw myself recording answers on a bubble sheet, clearly and completely, without leaving stray marks. Children who do not receive this kind of instruction, never learn the correct way to fill in the bubbles. They mark them with an X and sometimes, a check mark. It's a safe assumption that children like this don't pass the fifth grade on their first try. Without knowledge of visualization techniques, they grow up to believe that they can't do anything.

Chris, the bartender at the pub I went to last night, never learned about the power of self-imagery. He didn't take the time to picture himself pouring a perfect Paulaner with a slice of orange or a tall Crown and Coke. Lisa and I visualized our drinks arriving but, there is only so much the mind can do without telekinesis.

Lisa channeled her energy into searching her purse for nothing in particular. She pulled out a book about the human aura and read the back cover. She stared just past my head with her head tilted to one side and her eyes slightly crossed. I sat perfectly still. She said that my aura looked like it wanted a beer. She is a seer. Chris slipped off into the kitchen. I took a picture of my shoes. Lisa clicked her nails.

I began to visualize myself someplace else; someplace without Chris. I could think of plenty of places without Chris. Lisa had the same thought. She excused herself to the restroom, conveniently available without Chris.

I walked a few steps away from the table and was visualizing myself finding my keys in my purse when I felt someone standing over me. Chris threw his hands up and said that our drinks were poured and at the end of the bar. I explained to Chris that it is customary to place a beverage in front of the person who ordered it.

Chris raised his voice, "I can't pour a beer back into a keg and I can't pour the Crown and Coke back either."

"Sure you can, Chris. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I believe in you."

Mist 1


50 Comments:

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Winter said...

Visualizing my raise here at work as we speak.

Who am I’m kidding, I’m blogging at 11:45 in the afternoon, probably not going to happen is it?

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

Been working on visualization myself lately-tried visualizing me with oodles of money this weekend but it hasn't exactly worked out that way yet...

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger ADW said...

Hmmm... I will have to ponder on the effects of visualization. I am visualizing a ho deserted beach and a cabana boy right now. I'll let you know when it works.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger WNG said...

I'm trying to visualize myself home with Brad Pitt giving me a backrub...hmmm...visualizing is fun!

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

Well good morning!
Does Chris wear a helmet by any chance??

 
At 10:36 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

chris also apparently never learned how one is to earn a tip either, eh?

so, if chris wouldn't put a drink in front of you, how did it come to pass that you were too *ahem* tired this morning to post?

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Jenny! said...

Chris should def. be wearing a helmut!

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Thy Goddess said...

Visualizing myself grabbing and violently shaking Chris.

No, not an overreaction.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

I think my aura says I don't want to be at work right now...

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Hannita said...

i'm visualizing my work being done already. with little effort from me...

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

If the power of visualization worked, I'd be a rock star about now.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Tera said...

Chris sucks...at least we know that it's a given that you went some place else since you couldn't peel yourself out of bed, and obviously weren't drunk before leaving if you could hold steady enough to take a picture of your awesome shoes!

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Constance said...

What does a beer-thirsty aura look like? Must be a pretty common look.

What did the shoes look like?

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger Susan said...

I'm visualizing myself home in bed.

...five minutes later I woke up on my desk.

Close.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger puppylander said...

chris is one strange duck. that's a weird way for chris to respond. maybe he visualized himself dropping a sweet-assed pick-up line, but instead those words fell out of his mouth. some people just aren't good at visualizing.

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

winter,

Not with that kind of attitude, it won't.

karma,

Visualize harder.

adw,

Did it work yet?

wng,

That's a different kind of visualizing. And yes, it's fun.

michael,

Please, don't mention helmets. I am still recovering from a helmet incident yesterday.

hello,

Tired doesn't even begin to cover it. I couldn't make a sentence.

jenny,

He wore a lot of hair gel. That's kind of like a helmet.

thy,

Let's go see Chris tonight.

tammie,

My aura says that I need another nap.

hannita,

I am in no condition to even think about work.

lbb,

Maybe you should visualize yourself visualizing. Then, you'd be really good at it.

tera,

I didn't even get in bed until morning. It was a struggle.

constance,

I'll have to ask Lisa what the aura looked like. I'll have to check the photos to remember what the shoes looked like.

susan,

That's better than lying in bed and visualizing yourself at work.

puppy,

I thought it was weird too. It irritated me. He meant to say that we had to pay for the drinks but, it came out all wrong.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

At the end of the bar? It must be hard to visualize when you can't even see that your customers aren't sitting at the end of the bar...

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

Chris doesn't know who's he messin' with! He must be new. ;)

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Natalia said...

I think I can...I think I can.

-N

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Nölff said...

All the Chris's I know are pretty dumb.

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

When I was in college I tried to visualize my father sending me some money so that I would not have to work...apparently we didn't have the same kind of vision...so I had to get a job as a bartender, When I turned in my application at the Bar the manager said can you make drinks...I said no but I know how to drink...he said your hired...I never made the a great bartender, because I never invisioned my self working in a trashy Bar...to make up for my short commings I wore a tight shirt with boobs out...I'm not it will work for Chris..

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger WNG said...

Mine is fun. Yours sounds like work and I won't stoop that low.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Okay, you took a picture of your shoes, but didn't share it with us. Not fair. Not rair at all. The hell with Chris... Really, he just isn't going to ever get this...or you for that matter. Glad to see you back. I hate to admit it, but I missed you while you were serving time. :)

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Entropy was sooo cute when it was a baby.

Its when entropy hit the teens that getting the beer back into the keg became trouble.

The moving hand, once writ...

 
At 2:29 PM, Anonymous MisstressM said...

Girl don’t you know it takes much energy to be a bar tender. I mean come on….why do you have to go and give them hard time

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

How many tries did it take for Chris to pass the fifth grade?

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

hey karma,

i know a visualization that really works for making lots of money.

its called... acing that contest. I just bought a copy of your book. you have talent.

go hit the contest page I posted. now.

remember. you know you are a writer when you can't imagine not writing. try this little visualization.

can you not post on this blog or any other, ever again?

thought so. Now, get back to work.
If you don't have any work, get some push pins and make a push pin pig out of an extra eraser to represent yourself at your office.
then, when you get home, rip open the text editor and start hammering away on something.

lets try this.

suppose you're in los angeles.
its 2050. its hot. desolate.
a preacher walks up.
he's carrying a gun.

I need dialogue for that.

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

mist - be honest. do you really , really go to pubs and bars and stuff. isn't it expensive to pay , like 2.00 for something that cost about .30 to make, made of a .25 can of coke and approximately 5 cents worth of booze?

Would you think differently of me if I just said that whenever I drink, I just ask for vodka? Very little ice.

Because sometimes they mix up the ice in the trashcans.

Am I a bad person because I would never drink just to be social but rather drink simply to get totally hammered?

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger TOM said...

I've been visualizing a beer all day whilst standing on a ladder scrapping the house...it was right in the fridge when I came in...the lime I slipped into it has little bubbles around it.....OK now I'm drinking it.. visualize that!!

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger melanie said...

wonder what Chris's aura said about him? visualizing himself as a delivery man! :giggles:

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger Spellbound said...

Your fifth grade teacher obviously had just been to the same high school production of The Music Man that I was obligated to sit through because my son and all his friends were into drama that year. The music man taught music by visualization. By the time 76 trombones finished I was visualizing my children all grown and gone and myself able to go out and drink on weekends. Hey, it worked!

 
At 5:03 PM, Blogger Rosanna said...

I suppose that's the idea behind the all famous 'The Secret' - if you can visualise it, it's bound to happen. I'm yet to prove that yet.

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger ~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

And how did Chris get a job?

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Sometimes your brief adventures remind me of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. As usual, I approve :)

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Sornie said...

I've been visualizing a new job for 'bout a year but I think I need to revisit the visualization techniques.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Just promise me that'll be a post someday!!

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

Maybe there were assigned seats.

miztris,

Surely, he read the manual.

natalia,

That's the spirit.

nolff,

I've heard that.

tellin,

I make up for my shortcomings with slutty clothing too.

wng,

Stooping every now and then builds character.

comedy,

I haven't taken the pictures off my camera yet. Just wait. You'll see them.

turner,

We didn't re-beer the keg. We ate beer on cereal the next morning.

misstress,

I get like that when I'm not fed a constant line of alcohol.

legal,

He's still working on it. It's those damn fractions.

turner,

I don't judge how people drink or don't drink. However, if you're trying to be financially responsible, you should really consider switching to mouthwash.

tom,

I love the bubbles on the lime part. Nicely done.

melanie,

His aura said that his boss and I were going to have a few drinks and talk about him later.

spell,

When you wrote 76 trombones, I visualized a rusty trombone.

rosanna,

I try not to think about stuff that I don't want to happen.

silver,

I think his boss visualized Chris in a much different way when he was hired.

orhan,

I approve of the book. I am tolerant of the movie.

sornie,

Take an aptitude test. You do know the correct way to fill out the bubble sheet, don't you?

michael,

I am torn between telling you what happened and retaining what little dignity I have.

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Does he treat the attractive women that way, Mist1?

That's so descriminatory.

 
At 9:08 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Ok, you save your dignity. I am definitely not worth losing your dignity over.

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger Todd said...

That's like "The Secret" but better! Teach me! I'll pay $29.99 for your book!

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

I used visualize a certain girl all the time, but the court called it "stalking" and made me stop. Stupid laws.

 
At 1:54 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Chris sounded special. Did you visualise him extracting your foot from his arse?

I'm visualising sex withing three weeks - will let you know if it happens. Maybe

 
At 2:47 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Can blind people visualize?

 
At 5:45 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I hate it for me.

michael,

I can't seem to find it anywhere. Have you seen it?

todd,

I have no secrets.

his sin,

She wasn't the right one for you.

phishez,

I would never put my foot in his arse. I like my shoes.

fab,

Not if their mind's eye is blind too.

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger velvet said...

I wonder if Chris can visualize finding a job that he can actually do?

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Shitty service.

I wonder if he'll see it coming when they fire him.

Puss

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

Taking pictures of your shoes... what a fabulous way to spend while waiting for your drink to be served.

Even though you didn't get served, at least you have the pictures.

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

I can't even visualize that.

puss,

I wonder if he'll visualize me?

curiosity,

I've always got the pictures. It's helps with my lack of memories.

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Sara said...

I am visualizing a far, far away place right now. Oh wait, actually, thats just the TV screen. I love Sundays.

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sara,

What happened to Sunday? I must have visualized myself too far.

 

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