To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Friday, September 14, 2007

Steph's Brothers


I became friends with Stephanie because she is a gentle and warm person. She is caring and considerate and always has a smile on her face. Also, she lives with her four incredibly hot brothers. Stephanie spends most of her time at home taking care of her brothers. They show their appreciation by opening stubborn jar lids and leaving toilet seats up.

I love going to Stephanie's house. I try to get there just before her brothers get home from work. I never have enough time to remove their bedroom doors from the hinges but, I can usually remove all the towels from the bathrooms before they get home. The words, "Steph, where are the f*cking towels?" are magical. I am always happy to bring a freshly folded towel into the steamy bathroom.

Walking into Stephanie's house, the aroma of Hamburger Helper is overpowering. Stephanie is a culinary genius. She can turn a box of noodles and a flavor packet into a meal by just adding water.

Her brothers are hard working men and sometimes, her home smells like sweat. Stephanie relies on air freshener to make her home smell less offensive. The result is usually a nauseating combination of vanilla or cinnamon and work boots.

Last night, I walked through Stephanie's back door and was assaulted by the smell of old lady. I crinkled my nose and looked around to see where the elderly woman was hiding. Stephanie was glowing with pride over her latest purchase. She ordered a case of scented candles from a catalog. The old lady scented candle was her favorite.

Smiling, she put the box of assorted candles in front of me. I closed my eyes and sniffed each candle. I liked the one that smelled like sex the best but, the one that smelled like wino was nice too.

As we scattered the candles tastefully throughout the house, I casually asked when the boys would be home. Stephanie informed me that she was tired of cleaning up after grown men and had kicked her brothers out. Maintaining my cool, I asked if she had lost her f*cking mind and demanded to know why she would foolishly jeopardize our friendship.

Stephanie ignored my hysterics and asked if I'd like some Hamburger Helper. I can't eat Hamburger Helper if I'm not surrounded by four delicious men. I thanked her and declined. I wished her all the best with her smelly candles and left abruptly.

I'll miss Stephanie. It's hard to find a good friend with four attractive brothers.

Mist 1


215 Comments:

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Echomouse said...

LOL I needed this laugh. Thank you!

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

Friends with hot brothers are always useful. As a matter of fact, I can think of six different uses off the top of my head.

 
At 1:47 AM, Blogger RKM said...

Don't you just hate smelly candles? They remind me of the 1990s, a time when peasant tops and puffy shirts ruled the world.

 
At 2:37 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 2:38 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

You have put up alot just to be hanging around with her. The smelly candles would have driven me out of her house ages ago.

Before you walked out, you should've asked her where the boys had went and you can invite them over to your place for hamburger helpers. I'm sure you can master the hamburger helpers.

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

Really, some friends can be so inconsiderate sometimes. She should've at least give you a few sex-scented candles to smooth your ruffled feathers...er, scales.

 
At 3:57 AM, Blogger Airam said...

Sounds similar to Snow White and her dwarfs. Maybe you should take a walk in an enchanted forest to see if you run into her ...

 
At 4:25 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

This is all a question of perspective; there are four hot guys out there, used to the ministrations of a sister, needing female company; go find them Mist. Take your screwdriver.

Puss

 
At 4:54 AM, Blogger Yvonne said...

Perhaps you can invite them to move in with you. If there's not enough space, they can all share the bed with you. You can see everything in your chair-mirror.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger Pie said...

My wife has a very large candle that smells of sex, I'm sure it didn't when we bought it. Anyway, she hasn't complained.

Your friend is being quite selfish, you should yell at her some more until she feels inclined to call several burly police-men.

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger WNG said...

You didn't find out where they moved??? Mist, did they leave the towels with her? They might not have taken any...think about it...

 
At 6:08 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

those boys will need you now more than ever. which can be both good & bad.

oh how i hate that old lady perfume smell. gags me. and if i am gagging on anything i would prefer it to not be a smell.

great post, mist. your steph will miss you, but we are all here for you. i know a few hot guys i could bring your way if you are going through withdrawl and need to towel someone off...

 
At 6:11 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

that should have said "withdrawal"

sheesh. bet i have a few other mistakes in my comment. screw it. it's friday and i am happy anyhow!

hope your weekend's spectacular

 
At 6:32 AM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

That was terribly shortsighted of your friend...but surely there's an opportunity lurking? Those four boys need a mama figure! Go get 'em!

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger puppylander said...

nice. i especially like how you drop leave out the "u" from "fuck". it makes you seem ladylike, if a bit selfish. or is it selfless?

anyhow... you could always crash at my place if you like the smell of sweaty men. just watch out for the grill. she gets jealous.

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

Well, this might be exciting news for you, I hear Yankee Candle is going to be offering a new scent, "Work boots and Jizz"

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

I'm glad you're laughing. I'm out a friend. Do you have any brothers?

legal,

Only six? We're talking four brothers.

rkm,

Long live puffy shirts.

curiosity,

I think they went back to their parent's home. I'm looking them up in the phone book today.

lizza,

Rubbing scales the wrong way is very painful.

airam,

I swore of dwarfs a long time ago. I think I wrote a post about it.

puss,

A screwdriver does sound good right now. So does a mimosa.

yvonne,

I don't live with men. I'm not good at it. But, they can stay for a few hours.

pie,

I fulfilled my police fantasy in 2005. It cost me $2,000 and several hours in a holding cell.

wng,

I'm buying new towels today. I'm so thoughtful.

hello,

I am the best hot boy towel-offer ever. Bring them.

lcg,

I saw opportunity lurking by my screen door last night. Creep.

puppy,

I fear the grill.

furious,

I'd buy that candle. I'd buy the entire stock of them.

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous franki said...

What an inconsiderate friend you had there. So where, pray tell, did the 4 brothers move?

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

Have you considered offering them a place to live?

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger Susan said...

How absolutely inconsiderate of her!

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I'm the size of four attractive men. Wanna come hang out here?

 
At 8:28 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

I have a candle that smells like sex.

The label says it's "Jewelry and Money scented".

 
At 9:02 AM, Anonymous archie FCD said...

I have two brothers. And I'm a brother as well. If it is summer, we are definitely hot. Could we help make it up to you? Just keep the A/C off.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger LeSombre said...

Just got here through This Fare City, and I've been reading your stuff for an hour.

You're funny. I'll be back for sure.

Have a nice day!

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger MJ said...

What a lousy friend she was for kicking her hot brothers out!! She should be ashamed !!

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

franki,

I'm not telling you where they moved. I don't trust you.

peter,

I've considered giving them a place for recreational sex.

susan,

The nerve!

av,

Put on that cute little outfit I bought you, I'm coming over.

britt,

That candle gets me wet. So does the one that smells like new car.

archie,

I knew you were a brother.

lesombre,

Some days, I'm funny. The rest of the time, I'm just annoying.

mj,

Send her an anonymous email and tell her off.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger M@ said...

Yeah, but I think you can do better than to date some dwarf that lives in a shoe w/ his sister. Seriously, Mist1.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

m@,

Who said "date"?

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

She's going to be pretty hard to replace. I mean one or two hot brothers shouldn't be too hard to find, but 4? That's rare and special.

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger Tera said...

Mist yes, it's nice to have friends with hot brothers, but you totally cannot sleep with them!

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you used her! ;)

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

mmmm... sex.

Britt's comment was classic.

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

LOL!

Sounds like they might need a room mate...

:-)

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger LePhare said...

My mother moved in with us just before Xmas last year. Think how much we've saved on 'old lady candles'.

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
It's true, you have the milk of human kindness running by the quart through your veins. Take a pitcher of mimosas and a bottle of vodka with you as a house warming present when you visit the boys. You're a saint. They can buy their own towels at Bed, Bath and Beyond under your supervision if necessary. They should already have their own tools.

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Janna said...

I've never heard of a sex-scented candle before!
Apparently I have been shopping at the wrong stores.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

p of u,

I know. I hate to let her go but, she left me no choice.

tera,

I'm sure that she used me too. To get closer to her brothers and for my winning personality and stuff.

scotts,

That's exactly why I love Britt so much.

kelly,

Mate, yes. Roommate, no.

lephare,

Hundreds. Thousands even.

0,

Ah, tools.

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

janna,

You have to order them from a special catalog.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

You would have fit in really well on Bonanza. Wait, I think there were only 3 Cartrights...never mind.

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Try Utah.

Pretty much everyone has seven brothers.

And they all need towels.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Three is a good number too. I am rethinking my friendship requirements.

jocelyn,

If I buy any more towels, I'm going to end up on a Homeland Security list.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Echomouse said...

Mist, I do have brothers. But both are married and one is gay. The only single men I know are the kind to run away from unfortunately. lol But if I ever meet a good one, or even just a hot one, I'll send 'em your way!

 
At 10:46 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

My brother looks like Robert Redford used to. He's married, but I'm sure you can work something out.

 
At 4:46 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

echo,

How gay is your brother?

hearts,

I can't work out anything with a married man. Too complicated.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger TOM said...

I have three sister,make friends..they have a Hot brother!!

 
At 6:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

awwwriiteeeee i need to know where the hell can i get a candle that smells like sex cuz all i can find is one that smells like bubblegum.

maybe you should ask steph for his brother new addy.. and do a neighbourly stop over...

=:O)

shy giraffe

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tom,

Are your sisters manly? I mean, in a good way.

giraffe,

I came across sex candles at my local adult novelty store. Apparently, they are designed to burn the skin just enough but, not too much. She didn't know if the wax would wash out of my sheets. To my great disappointment, they don't smell much like any sex that I've ever had.

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Is the old lady candle more realistic?

Also, at what age do we start smelling old, and how can we tell?


Worried Reader

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger BottleBlonde said...

What a selfish bitch. She clearly ignored your needs. As the old sayng goes: with friends like that, who needs enemies?

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Mayren said...

you don't need the candle that smells like sex.. you need the candle that smells like sexual satisfaction... big difference sweets.

*hugs*

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

Taking all of the towels? You're a clever girl.

 
At 6:24 PM, Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Well, I guess, meat is meat; hamburgers or brothers.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Seems there are four hot guys out there that need a place to stay...

My couch is taken, but I'll volunteer my bed. I'm so selfless that way.

 
At 3:06 AM, Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

Silly Mist, Why didn't you get thier forwarding address?

 
At 4:15 AM, Blogger CG said...

I came here feeling depressed; as usual my face broke into a huge grin after reading your post!!

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

The problem with smelling like an old lady is that you never know when it happens to you. Chances are, when you become an old lady, all of your friends will be old ladies too and thus, will not be able to tell if you smell like an old lady.

I think the best way to test out if you smell like an old lady is to get out of an elevator and run either up or down to meet it on it's next stop. Watch the faces of the people getting on and off of the elevator.

bottle,

You're so right. I hate Stephanie. I think. Maybe I should call her to see if her brothers are back.

mayren,

I've never seen a candle scented like cigarettes and a dry towel.

debbie,

Well, I do have a liberal arts degree.

pawlie,

I like hamburgers. Somehow, I'm not as enthusiastic about them when they are helped.

phishez,

I think it's only fair to warn you that I can be vindictive.

pool,

I was dizzy from old lady smell.

cg,

When I feel depressed, I read a few pages from my journal (circa 2000). Then, I realize that my life is pretty good. I don't live with the delinquent boyfriend and my hair has grown out.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger A Million Paths said...

thanks for this. I could use a man. sigh.

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger c j. said...

i'm going to swim against the commentator's current in here. it is very different to visit with four men than to take them in altogether. very different.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger lala said...

Found your blog via Post of the Day-- this post was hilarious! Very funny =)

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Dear Ms. Mist,

Thank you for your well-considered response to my query.

Some of my friends are already old ladies, although they are in denial. I have not ridden on elevators with any of them recently, so am unable to determine whether they smell like Old Lady, which is the scent I have always associated with the Goodwill.

I do not believe your suggestion will work as people nearly always look dismayed when I appear, so I can only assume that I am roundly screwed.

DisHeartened

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger mindy said...

Clearly she brought this on herself. There's nothing else you could've done.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger C said...

What a bitch. No not you... her! Without consulting you first. Damn people.

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

amp,

I have three extra this week. Choices include: curly hair w/ blue eyes, curly hair w/ brown eyes, shaved head w/ brown eyes.

cj,

My thoughts exactly.

lala,

I'm post of the day? Do they know that I hardly post anymore?

hearts,

Just spray on another coat of your perfume. You'll be fine. Or, avoid elevators entirely.

mindy,

It's a total loss.

c,

I'm swearing off friends from here on out.

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger Heather B. said...

Where does one find a friend with four hot brothers??? I can't even find one. In fact I have exactly one friend with brothers and if I were to hit on them, I'd be in prison.

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger tim said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger tim said...

My fiancee's sister likes my twin hot cousins. She also met my (quite conservative) aunt for the first time last weekend. I casually dropped it into the conversation and watched the comprehension dawn on my aunt's face at exactly the same rate as my soon to be sister-in-law blushed. Fun times...

Good to see you back, O Misty One

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger tim said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger elizabeth said...

sex candles: melt down into massage oil. those rule. they're also sex scented. they totally exist. for a small fee, i can tell you where to find them.

as for hot brothers, i have none, but if i did, i would so hook you up. i highly recommend importing boys from the midwest.

 
At 12:34 AM, Anonymous Lisa said...

You're hilarious. I love you. If you were a man, I'd marry you.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger jennifer starfall said...

smelly candles make me think of the pot-heads i knew in high school who thought their moms couldn't smell the pot if there was an overlying stench of vanilla.

and if i had a brother you could totally come over and steal his towel.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger shoes said...

this is one funny post......

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

heather,

Prison isn't all bad.

tim,

Tell me more about your cousins.

elizabeth,

As a former Midwesterner, I am all in favor of Midwestern boys. If only they knew how to open doors.

lisa,

If I was a man, I would probably owe you alimony.

jennifer,

I am still angry with your parents for that whole not giving you a hot brother (or four).

shoes,

I think I'll shoot for another one this week. Thanks.

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger DatingTales said...

Smelly candles + food for 8-year-olds + mean sister = interesting no matter how you look at it.

 
At 6:32 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

I have that candle.

And Hamburger Helper--beef stroganoff.

I'm ready for a night of lurve.

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I found your blog through a friend of mine. She said "read this, it's funny as hell" She was right.

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger James Burnett said...

You can come to Miami and dine with me. I make a mean Hamburger Helper. But I don't have any brothers - only a sister my buddies say is hot.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger velvet said...

Wow, four hot brothers under one roof....





Oh, sorry, I drifted off there for a moment. Where was I?

 
At 12:08 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

I had no idea that one could buy a candle that could capture the essence of sex...What a clever idea!!
Oh I can picture the essence of old woman since half of my days I spend at the hospital trying to spray down my rooms so that I am not totally offended by the promise of the pungent feet smell, or the arroma of old dirty ball smell...
but that is just me...some of the other nurses don't really mind.

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger K said...

hamburger helper with 4 hotties is a delicacy in dc.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

dating,

She didn't always cook food for eight-year olds. Sometimes, she made chicken nuggets. That's four-year old food.

123,

You are a true romantic.

katie,

I like your friend.

james,

Okay, how hot is your sister?

velvet,

We never got the chance to play Twister.

tellin',

Old lady in a can is a popular fragrance. I like it better than baby in a can.

k,

I thought all the delicacies in DC required rolling papers.

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I'm starting to believe Stephanie isn't real and rather a result of wine, vodka, 'candles' and motion sickness drugs. I'm right, aren't I?

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger Blonde Ambition said...

I love this. You always make me laugh!

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Christine and FAZ said...

Have you thought of opening an orphanage for men over 18 and under 30? Obviously numbers could be restricted to ... say ... no more than a dozen at a time. Oh, and they would have to do their own cooking and cleaning.

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

You are back. Yaay. I was away, so I didn't know you were back from being away.

Anyway.

Yaay.

-N

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous e said...

Mist1 -

I miss your daily posts. It must be hard to be so funny, and down right obnoxious on such a consistent basis, but I sure wish you would pick up the slack. The world needs more run ins with curly haired chicks in slutty shorts and heels.

Thank you for your consideration.

e

 
At 12:08 PM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

I don't have any brothers, but I promise not to burn the old lady candles if you want to come visit. On a weekend you'll find any number of delicious men at my place - albeit about half of them are gay, but still...

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

Stephanie doesn't exist to me any more. She's nothing without the boys.

blonde,

I make some people laugh. I make others throw up.

c & f,

Will I have to dress like a nun?

natalia,

Hooray for me for being away without you even noticing!

e,

C'mon. I do this for free.

his sin,

Which half is gay? From the waist up or down?

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger karma lennon said...

Mist-so sorry for your loss. I have a brother but he`s kind of young. Also he lives in Japan. How do you feel about Japan?

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

It's not really a top/bottom split (see what I did there?). It's more a case of sober vs. drunk. As they say, the difference between a straight cowboy and a gay cowboy is just a sixpack...

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Uncivil said...

My girlfriend used to have a wiffle bat that smelled like sex?

 
At 5:47 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

they have candles that smell like sex??!!

I've missed you. Let's chalk it up to temporary insanity.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger Captain Smack said...

I have a brother, but I really couldn't tell you if he's hot or not. My sister, though, she has two brothers, but they don't take showers at her place.

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger K said...

You march right over there and beg her to let them back in. I will not lose another sister to the fight. You must be around hot men if I am not and that is FINAL.

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

Oh man, forget her Mist. Once that old lady smell gets into the carpets, you can't get it out...

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I have four brothers.

Attractive is in the eye of the beholder.

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Can you eat Hamburger Helper if it's ON one delicious man?

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I don't have 4 brothers but I do know 4 brothers that'll give us a good time. And, we'll have hamburger helper too.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

Maybe that's where I am going wrong. I should pick friends with cute men around them. Brilliant! I'll get right on that.

-N

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

lol his sinfulness that quote about cowboys is hilarious.

>:)

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Hey Mist 1. Did you notice that Amber Dalton has become the Mist 1.

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Some Goofy Woman said...

Hey! I'm 101! I'm soooo excited?

-AD

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger Echomouse said...

Darnit...where you be, Mist? I need a laugh! I miss you when you're not here :(

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

Time to get new friends with attractive brothers!

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Four is an important number here!
Four is my technical limit on pleasuring at once.

Never said anything about one after the other.

Mormons rule!!

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Four is an important number here!
Four is my technical limit on pleasuring at once.

Never said anything about one after the other.

Mormons rule!!

 
At 8:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

let's get together and hump

 
At 3:45 PM, Blogger Jay said...

Yeah, I'll have to take your word on that I guess.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger Toby said...

Do you like that Teflon floss?

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger CP said...

Isn't there a candle out there that smells like four sweaty brothers? You can light that and keep Steph as a friend.

see? disaster averted.

CP.

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger Grundir the Implacable said...

I happen to know that they make the old lady scented candles out of real old ladies.

 
At 3:11 PM, Blogger photo blog girl said...

OMG, this is such a great short story! Is this true? If not, I'll love it anyway.

p.s. sorry if you already answered this in the comments, but I didn't want to read all 100 :-)

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger melodyann said...

I hope you're not dead... Because I miss your funny stories.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

karma,

I like Japan. Curly haired girls are all the rage there.

his sin,

When sober and drunk face off, I have my money on drunk.

uncivil,

Was it battery operated?

kiyotoe,

Insanity is rarely temporary. It's a matter of how long you can hide it that's temporary.

capt. smack,

Is your sister hot?

k,

I do not beg. Sometimes, I do those adorable puppy eyes.

tammie,

Just like cat pee.

turner,

And seven dwarfs and Snow White...

scarlet,

I have exceptionally good vision. I also drink exceptionally strong drinks.

nwjr,

That's a flavor I've yet to try.

maiden,

I would date a man who's business card read: Hamburger Helper.

natalia,

What do you mean by "maybe"? Of course that's where you've gone wrong.

turner,

Cowboys are not to be mocked. I like men who know how to handle rope.

goofy,

You don't look a day over 100.

echo,

I've been on hiatus. Again.

nofear,

I've been looking.

turner,

I like four as well. Except when it comes to teeth. Then, I prefer more.

anon,

I could use a good humping. Dry or otherwise.

jay,

I don't even remember my word anymore.

toby,

It's for pussies.

cp,

I'd buy that candle.

grundir,

No wonder they smell so realistic.

pbg,

It's all mostly true.

melody,

I'm not dead. I just look that way.

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Captain Smack said...

She's alright, I guess. Not really my type, though.

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

The boys gotta grow up someday. Maybe you were too fast in abandoning Stephanie: surely they will visit her; surely at least one will fail at independent living; surely you can obtain their address(es) and visit them; surely not all is lost ‘cause boys seldom really grow up.

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger amisare waswerebeen said...

I don't know where you come up with these, but they always make my day.

I am starting a new blog, BookWise and Loving It. I hope you'll check it out. You can follow the BookWise link for info on conventions about writing, publishing and marketing your writing.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger CondoBlogger said...

I once found candles that smelled like wet asphalt... I wish I could find them again.

 
At 7:50 PM, Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

Mist I miss you.

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

lets play a game. who can guess where mist1 is, in second life?

 
At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rivers is a ho! She'll fuck anyone anytime. You losers are reading this whores blog???

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger CG said...

Anonymous comments are cowardly!

 
At 2:38 AM, Blogger Mr R Rabbit said...

I do have a friend with six brothers, would that be any help? They do all live together, and three of them are identical triplets.

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger marky said...

I hate houses that smell bad, especially those covered with air freshener. I might gag. Come visit me when you return.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

I'm sorry, Mist, but you've been on hiatus so long I've had to move you from my "Blog Stalking" list to my "Silence of the Lambs" list in my sidebar.

:( I'm sick to boot and could use some cheering up.

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Todd said...

"Friends with Hot Brothers" sounds like a porno.

 
At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Mist, it looks like you might be gone...for a while?forever? At any rate, I've loved reading your stuff.
You are one of a rare few that can make me laugh out loud. Hope your life is going just the way you want it to. Best of luck...

Michelle

If you come back in another form, could you email me???
miniowa@hotmail.com

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

capt. smack,

What is your type? Helvetica?

nick,

I am holding out for the holidays. Surely, they'll all get together then.

amisare,

I'll check you out.

condo,

Most of Midtown smells like that, doesn't it?

p of u,

Thanks. I miss it here too.

turner,

I'm Mist 2.0 now.

anon,

Why are you still reading?

cg,

Thanks for having my back.

mr. r. rabbit,

Send photos.

marky,

My second bathroom smells like kitty litter and a tropical breeze. You'd love it.

arthur,

Demotion. Sigh.

todd,

It's a good flick but, it has no plot.

anon,

Thanks. If I come back in another form, I hope that I still have great hair.

 
At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your weird. I am glad you stopped blogging the world is a better place.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Rhonda Leigh Jones said...

LOL. You ain't right.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger marky said...

I'm afraid that Mist must have a new love interest ... i.e.she got a hobby.

 
At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The other anonymous can't even spell "you're".

I think your sense of humor made you one sexy goddess. I hope you still write.

Yeah, I'm a blogger. I suck!


nips

 
At 9:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The other anon is very wrong. The world is a dark and humorless place without you. Can't wait until you are back!

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

Oh Mist - where have you gone? I guess I'll just have to go find a kid with black nail polish and cut him...

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger C said...

LOL! Ohhhhhh, Mist! I just love this post! I haven't been around much, but now that I'm back and am able to enjoy some of my favourite blogs, it looks like you're gone! Hope you return soon :) You are missed!

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Mia said...

oh HELLLL yes! :)

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger R2K said...

Huy

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Christine and FAZ said...

Right, this has gone on for long enough. TIME TO START BLOGGING AGAIN.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger karla said...

I'm not familiar with Old Lady smell, but I am acutely familiar with Old Lady Crotch smell. That's why each and every time I'm waiting in line for a public bathroom stall, and the door finally opens and I see an old lady emerge, I promptly squat and urinate in my purse rather than enter that stall and smell that vile smell.

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger karla said...

Why is everyone complaining that you haven't posted in awhile? You said you "must get hobby," and it looks like you finally did it. Good for you! I just hope the hobby doesn't involve a crack pipe. Oh, I'm kidding. I really don't care if it does involve a crack pipe.

 
At 4:50 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Missing you, muchly so.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Some Goofy Woman said...

Mist. I miss you. Hope all is well.

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

There was a fine blogger named Mist,
Who loved to blog and get pissed.
She left and we cried,
And we'd worried she'd died,
'Cause if she had she would be missed.

Come back soon sweetheart, I'll tell you all about my advenbtures with the Jaws of Life ;)

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

I'll miss mist1. Its hard to find a good friend with four attractive sisters.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

That is pretty funny...

I would prefer man sweat over old lady scent any day

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger M7-031y-125 said...

This is a great post, Mist. I was like lol wonderful. But for real, though...

I'm disappointed about your posting situation.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger Dazd said...

Dear Mist,

First and foremost, I hope that there is nothing seriously wrong. Life is not easy and can sometimes throw a real curve ball. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers in case this is the situation.

If you just got tired of blogging, I understand. I would go days - even weeks - without something of value to say - and often thought of just ripping this down.

Know that we (your audience) miss you. We miss your wit, your wisdom, your bad sense of humor, your criticisms, your heartfelt posts about life, and most of all we miss your life. I think the best part of blogging for me has been knowing that I am not alone in this struggle called life. Your experiences helped me see that I too can rise above.

Know that we will welcome you back with open arms if you decide to come back. (Of course, be prepared for some shit about why you didn’t tell us you were leaving).

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

I miss ya, Mist1. You better traveling the world of something to rejuvenate your materials. You bet we're all screaming for more.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger eric1313 said...

Missing the Misty 1 a whole lot.

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Thinking of you.

 
At 3:11 PM, Blogger CP said...

Where are yoooooooooooooo????

CP

 
At 12:03 AM, Blogger Neil said...

hey, mist! just saying hi!

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger SQT said...

~ Just want you to know you are missed (Mist)...

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i don't care how long you stay away, I'm not removing you from the "Beautiful People" list.

 
At 8:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist, you had better make a comment or people are gonna think you're....

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger STAK said...

hope your new hobby involves lots and lots of different positions.......and lube maybe......

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

there once was a blogger named mist
who oft wrote 'bout getting "pissed"
she found a new hubby
and made him her hobby
and now she is raising his kidz

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

We smoked the last one an hour ago.

So I looked at the scenery.
She read her magazine.

And the moon rose over an open field.

Kathy I'm lost, I said, though
I knew she was sleeping..

I'm empty and aching and I don't know why.

Counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike, they've all come

To Look for

America


(p. simon/garfunkel)

 
At 2:02 AM, Blogger Rachel Schell said...

I think the smell of roses is the old lady smell. not real roses though, the fake rose smell. is it some sort of talcum powder they put on themselves? my grandma smells like that.

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger C said...

When are you coming back!

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

Follow the chardonnay..


http://burtsstache.blogspot.com/

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

actually i think she's getting better. she's got a few blogs. check out this one.


http://burtsstache.blogspot.com/

 
At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog, and i'm totally in love with you!
that is, in fact, a little bit distturbing because i thought i was straight! anyway.. who cares?
please come back!
let's get married!
don't break my heart!!!!!!!


Jessy

 
At 3:52 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Miss you.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

where oh where did the little mist go?

 
At 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was she depressed? was she on the plane with steve fossett? wtf?

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger thomas madaki said...

was she excited or depressed?she must have had a word from the wall

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

Happy Holidays mylove! Miss you.

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

^

Ditto.

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Jim said...

Hi Misty,

........*
........♥
.......♥♥
.....~♥~♥~
.....♥~♥~♥
...~♥~♥♥~♥~
..♥~♥~♥♥~♥~♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
........[]

To you and your mom, Merry Christmas!
..

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger The Butterfly Bar said...

Happy New Year, Misty.

We love you still.

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Happy New Year, wherever you may be.

May the Lord keep you in his hand
and never close his fist too tight on you. And may the face of every good news and the back of every bad news be toward us in the New Year.

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I too want to wish you a great year ahead! I hope things are very well! It's just not the same for me getting to read your daily musings.

 
At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Elvis Presley said...

I think by now you all must have realized that Mist1 must have been killed in a car crash or jumped off a bridge.

 
At 7:28 PM, Anonymous swampwitch said...

Just flew by to wish you and yours and yours and yours a Happy New Year.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger Christie said...

The RFS Blog Awards are back! Go nominate!

 
At 7:15 PM, Blogger turnerBroadcasting said...

mist shut down the blog if you're not sharp enough to make it live.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

Hey stop with the negativity. Maybe mist1 ran away to a tropical island and is in love with handsome man that only speaks French. But it is the language of love and all he needs to do is spoil her and tell her how much he loves her shoe collection. Mist1 it‘s true that all of your readers miss your clever style of writing and your amazing talent at writing short stories and your dedication to you readers indescribable!!! So, for now you owe us nothing…sure we will come back at times to see if your back…never forget how much you truly meant to us all…and until the next time…take care..
Xoxo darn girl

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Liz said...

My God I miss you! Will you ever come back?!

 
At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

she's dead

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Maybe you and Steph can start eating Ramen noodles together, to avoid the painful memories that come with elbow noodles.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger daniel said...

I love your site. I think it has great content and information. I also think its original and cool. I was emailing you to let you know how much I like your site. I have a site of my own. Its dedicated to highly anticipated upcoming movies. Right now I am focused on The Dark Knight. I was wandering if it was possible to do a link exchange. I know my viewers would love a link to your site for all of your great content and I think your fans would love the additional information on The Dark Knight. I think it would benefit us both. I would really appreciate it. Thanks Daniel

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

I miss you Mist1.
Happy Valentine's Day 2008.
I hope you are happy and know you are loved. Drop by sometime and hang out.

*big huggles*

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

I miss you Mist1.
Happy Valentine's Day 2008.
I hope you are happy and know you are loved. Drop by sometime and hang out.

*big huggles*

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Man, I miss you! Come back soon!

 
At 6:31 AM, Blogger Winter said...

come back.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Robin said...

You don't know how bad I needed that good laugh! Thank you!

 
At 9:30 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

I hope you'll come back to us one day...

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

Why haven't I been reading this blog lately?

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

If you don't start blogging, I'm going to kill a kitten every day until you do.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Still no posts :(

I still remember that time we talked on the phone!

 
At 9:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

shes dead, jim

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger jennifer starfall said...

could really use a drunk-dial one of these days...

married bliss has withered and i've crawled into a bottle of wine. i think it's serious this time.

 
At 8:29 PM, Anonymous nadhira said...

That was a really good laugh. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends with hit brothers. That will be my new mission: Find friends with hot brothers, and get them away from all scented candles that might fiddle with their mind and make them kick their hot brothers out.

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

Four attractive brothers? Who all lived with your friend? Shit, that was like winning the friggin lottery.

 
At 5:19 PM, Blogger Rayne said...

hi mist - it's been awhile,(i haven't blogged in months, have just been lurking)... just thought i'd say hi, hope you're doing well...if you've started another blog, would love to find you again ;-)

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I just can't take you off my blog roll. I miss you!!!!!!

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger heather said...

just popped in to say hi.
hope life has been full of great wine and even better shoes for you. :)

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger briliantdonkey said...

Hey mist,

Just stopping in to say hello and hope all is well in the land of mistville. I took/am taking a pretty extended abscense from my blog as well so I get it believe me. My guess is that you have found where the four brothers live and now your to the point of 'who needs a puter?"
Anywhoo, hope all is well

BD

 
At 1:55 AM, Blogger Yas said...

darlin... it took me a year.

a year of letting shit go. growing older, wiser, idiotic and all that. human.

i had no idea that you'd left your body darlin.

i hope you one day come back.. you have talent that can't be ignored. love ya! from one disappeared writer to another...

 
At 4:19 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Thanks. If I come back in another form, I hope that I still have great hair.

And that was it. You were gone.

I still think of you now and then :)

 

Post a Comment

"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

ABOUT ME
ABOUT ME
Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.

BLOGROLL

123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head

NEWEST POSTS

The Cure
F*ck Shui
Purse Impressions
No Love, Courtney
Change of Pace
Pants and Entertaining
Wine Dog
Upside Down
Inner Ear/Alien Spawn
Amoxicillin Wars

ARCHIVES

Credits

Header image photo by Alison.

 Subscribe in a reader

 Subscribe to comments

RFS Blog Awards Winner