To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Thursday, August 10, 2006

I'm Little



There are some advantages to being little. I love the hug that lifts me off the ground. I am a confessed lap-sitter. Clothing in my size is always on the clearance rack. When I pretend that I can't lift something heavy, generally someone will come to my rescue. And when I get locked out, it's really handy to be able to slip my arm in through the mail slot and unlock the door. Especially when it's not my house.

One thing bothers me. The piggy back ride. I hate the piggy back ride. People always want me to hop on their backs. They think it's cute, but it's just not as adorable as it used to be.

I look like a burden up there. A burden with a g-string sticking out of my jeans.

Please, stop with the piggy back rides. Here's what will happen:

I will choke you as you navigate through narrow doorways. Your eyes will bulge. Your lips will turn blue. You will bump my knees into walls and parking meters and I will scream obscenities into your ear.

It gets really ugly when I start to slide down your back. My shirt will ride up. My jeans will sink down even further. Inevitably, my shoe will fall off and you will not notice. I will scream, "Stop! My shoe! You big oaf!" I will begin to beat you with my (green faux croc) handbag. When you bend over to retrieve my shoe, I will almost fall off your back, causing me to tighten my choke hold on your neck.

Now if you have a pony...that's different. Just once, I wish someone would say, "Mist, you're little. Wanna ride my pony?"

Wait, that's not so great either.

Mist 1


31 Comments:

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

are you a little person literally? or are you just small boned?

Oh and please don't fart in my face like the dog did. That was funny what you said.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

I will not try to give you a piggy back then...I will however, spin you in a circle while holding one arm and leg and giggling wildly!

 
At 10:41 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL Noted: No piggy back rides for Mist. Are indian rub burns and head nuggers still a go? ;)

 
At 2:04 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Can't say I ever enjoyed getting or giving piggy back rides either. Only did them out of necessity. Like when I broke my foot and couldn't walk to the hospital.

Hey I never broke my foot.

O well.

 
At 5:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

srg,

I am heads and shoulders taller than a midget. Okay, a head and shoulders.

nihilistic,

I will feel like I am on Dancing With The Stars.

nerd,

I believe we should really call them "Native American Rub Burns."

icl,

I never broke my foot either. But I have broken a nail. Almost as traumatic.

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

How about Mist-tossing? Is that allowed? In some countries tossing little people is a competitive sport.

 
At 6:38 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

HA....that's kind of...well, the pony thing I mean. I won't go there.

Just tell'em you're not a hood ornament...yet.

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

no piggyback rides eh? So you're Big girl Cute and everyone wants to take you home to be their personal little doll. Does that ever get old?? Mebbe a makeover is in order to keep the cute in a more alluring way but get rid of the 'lil girl' aura.

What the hell - get a sign and hang it round your neck on a chain saying ANTI- Piggyback.

heheh or not

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

avitable,

I am a fan of Mist-tossing...

mindless,

I think I might like to be a hood ornament. Except that my hair would always be a mess.

 
At 8:12 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

I so cannot identify with this! I'm average in every single way possible. My sisters are tall, I have some petite friends, I feel so cheated!

KristynMarie

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I was having bad day until I saw how traumatized you were from piggy back rides. What has this world come to? Thanks for sharing... and if you ever need to talk- remember you have a therapist.

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristynmarie,

You may be average. But I'm only mediocre. Sigh.

dallas,

Thank you for understanding. No therapy until next week. Apparently my shrink has other people to cure.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger kuri said...

"I will choke you as you navigate through narrow doorways. Your eyes will bulge. Your lips will turn blue. You will bump my knees into walls and parking meters and I will scream obscenities into your ear."

I think maybe I used to date you. Did you ever live in San Diego?

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger K said...

you find shit in your size? do tell. anytime i tell people that i wear a 0-2, that shit is either not there or alllllll the way in the back, located where small people can not reach.

you have to do the bonaparte bit. people already know not ask me for any fucking piggyback rides. see? like that.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. What I hate is when someone goes to give you a hug and they feel they have to pick you up off your feet. I prefer my feet to stay on the ground, especially when its just one of those cordial hugs. Hello, if I wanted to be picked up I would have jumped into your arms....

oh, and your g-string comment - ha ha - yeah, some people don't realize that when the shirt goes up and jeans go down those stay in place - right where you put them in the morning...... :)

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuri,

Those were the good ol' days. By the way, I still want my CDs back.

k,

Clearly the women in your region are thin. I get all the discounts.

meg,

I feel like running and jumping up into people's arms now.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger jali said...

I
Love
Your Blog.

Damn good writing and funny as hell (note to the goddess:it's just a f***in expression goddess stop sending me signs to make me change my behavior - no I don't want to go to hell)

Sorry to interrupt my note to you, but the goddess keeps doing this omnipresent thing and it's distracting. This time she made me bite my tongue and it hurts!

I might wear a g-string for a little while during a romantic interlude, but I couldn't deal with the wedgie feeling for a whole day. I'd probably keep trying to dig it out of my butt since I would forget I was wearing it and get busted by someone quietly watching me.


Great blog!

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Dusty Admin said...

Let me get this right.... your jeans coming down and showing your g string is a bad thing?

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

Thanks.

By the way, I hear Them too. Since you don't appear to be taking your meds, can I have them?

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

dusty,

Good point. It all depends on the situation, I guess.

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Ahh yes.... riding the ol baloney pony....

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Saddle up.

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

I love the piggy back rides.."Gitty Up!!" I hate it when the shoe falls off... More so when he won't stop to pick it up.

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

Heads would roll if he didn't stop to pick up the shoe.

 
At 4:36 AM, Blogger Dusty Admin said...

Well, show a pic of your g-string being exposed by your gravity-affected jeans and I'm sure we'll be able to help you think of situations when it's okay for them to drop.

We of the blogosphere are helpful like that.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

dusty,

Thank you for your kind offer. I am glad that you are here to help.

http://www.tblog.com/user_images/chellie34_482932241.jpg

 
At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Paul said...

Being little has it pros and its cons. :)

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

paul,

Written like someone of average height. Very diplomatic.

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger old lady said...

omg. I beg my husband to give me piggy back rides. I am only a couple of inches shorter than he is so he's not usually into it. If I were short, I'd never walk. He'd be piggy backing me all friggin day. Maybe I'd even make him buy one of those baby carriers...no choking, and I'd wear crocs. They don't fall off.

 
At 4:36 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

karen,

I think it's great that we can get along so well despite the fact that you are clearly an alien. Piggy backs and Crocs?

Which planet are you from? Did you come in peace?

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger old lady said...

Total peace, Mist1. See the pic

 

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