Dude, Where's My Boyfriend?
My car's name is "My Boyfriend." This name is very practical. Consider the following scenarios:
#1: At the mall. Eddie (entire mouth of gold teeth) wants my phone number. I simply say, "I'm sorry, I'd love to talk to you, but My Boyfriend is in the parking lot waiting for me."
#2: At a dull work related event. Everyone wants to hear me tell the story about the time I ________ (fill in the blank) again. I simply say, "Oh, it's really not that interesting the 40th time. I really should be going. My Boyfriend is ready to take me home."
Yes, I am always thinking.
He's very special to me. He takes me everywhere and he's very dependable. He could bathe more, but I won't hold that against him.
Last night, I lost My Boyfriend. I left him outside and told him that I was only going to run in for a second, say hi to a few people, play a game or two of Golden Tee golf and then we could go home. Apparently, I took too long.
When I walked out, I went to the place where My Boyfriend is usually waiting. He was not there. I walked up the parking lot, down the sidewalk, and through an alley. Nothing. I began to ask people, "have you seen My Boyfriend? He was just here a minute ago." Nobody had seen My Boyfriend.
Not one to panic, I decided that the best thing to do would be to sit down and think (drink). In a bar. For several hours. Sometimes thinking (drinking) makes me have to pee. I wobbled down the hall to the restroom when it hit me. I remembered where I left My Boyfriend.
Sure enough, there he was. He was parked on the street. Directly in front of me. I had probably walked by him two or three times earlier that evening.
Clearly, I needed a ride home.
I went back to the bar and announced, "I'm leaving My Boyfriend tonight. Does anyone want to take me home?"