To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Crazy Quilt Lady



I have a friend who loves The Brown people. Cannot get enough of The Browns. Dates The Browns. Reads The Browns' literature. Hangs out with The Browns.

We went to the Heritage Arts Festival together. I knew when she said "heritage" it meant "ethnic" or "urban" or whatever The Browns prefer to be called. I also knew, that due to my affiliation with The Browns that I would be required to answer any questions that she may have.

We stopped to see a booth of quilts and textiles. A lovely lady was displaying seven generations of her family quilts. She instructed us to look closely. We would be able to see the code that guided the slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad.

We looked closely. I saw thumb tacks holding a presumably 100+ year old textile to the wall. I saw a perfect machined edge on the fabric. I saw a price tag of $400 stuck directly onto the fabric. $400 is a reasonable price for an item of such personal and historical significance.

I mentioned these things to the lovely quilt lady. Suddenly, she morphed into the Crazy Quilt Lady. She began rattling off names of all of the people that are really black. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln (duh), and Andrew Jackson. I nodded and started to glaze over. My friend began taking notes.

The Crazy Quilt Lady, looked me over. Her eyes stopped on my hair (pigtails!). She sneered at me and said, "The Indians had slaves too." My friend was scribbling furiously trying to keep up.

I wrapped my arm around my friends waist, brushed her hair aside and whispered, "It's time to go."

Crazy Quilt Lady made a noise in the back of her mouth. We exited briskly before she could say, "The interracial lesbians had slaves too."

Mist 1


17 Comments:

At 6:40 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

LOL!! It's so much fun messing with the little minds of The Stupids....and The Stupids do come in every color and creed these days.

Have a great day!!

 
At 6:42 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Some people are so touchy! :P

KristynMarie

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

I love The Stupids. They make me laugh.

kristynmarie,

Seriously. You'd think I had called her a liar or something.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

I would have asked "The Idiot" to prove it......cause I am part of The Indians and damnit if I am entitled to slaves ....then I want one....would certainly make my life a hell of a lot easier and it would make me stop procrastinating and trace back my heritage to prove it just so I could get the benes!

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Real snot flew out of my left nostril because I am laughing so hard right now. Thanks.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

Maybe The Black lady should have used some common sense when she hung up The Quilt with The Tacks. Just because we're not a member of The Blacks doesn't make us retarded. Amazing how The Crazy went ape-shit when you called her bluff & backed her into a corner. The Indians had slaves? Were they the blacks too, or the whites?

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

Note for clarification: The Retards come in all colors.

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger Schell said...

Oh you guys are too funny, I am thouroughly enjoying this blog.

 
At 1:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

schell,

We are hysterical, aren't we?

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

The Crazy Quilt Ladies. Could be the name of a band if it weren't already reserved for this 'ethnic' group.

ha ha what does 'pcn' stand for? Cause my word verification is suxpcn! I love interpreting THE Word Verifications!

I'll start...
pcn = pretty cool nerds

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I am also amused by word verification...unless I can't make it work.

By the way, pcn = poorly cleaned nipples.

 
At 11:38 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LMAO - Mental illness is everywhere. :)

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

I am like a magnet.

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

LOLOL It took me 2/3 into this to realize The Browns were not Mennonites.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

I suppose some of The Mennonites are The Browns...and vice versa.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

hey!

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

Hay is for horses.

 

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