Crazy Quilt Lady
I have a friend who loves The Brown people. Cannot get enough of The Browns. Dates The Browns. Reads The Browns' literature. Hangs out with The Browns.
We went to the Heritage Arts Festival together. I knew when she said "heritage" it meant "ethnic" or "urban" or whatever The Browns prefer to be called. I also knew, that due to my affiliation with The Browns that I would be required to answer any questions that she may have.
We stopped to see a booth of quilts and textiles. A lovely lady was displaying seven generations of her family quilts. She instructed us to look closely. We would be able to see the code that guided the slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad.
We looked closely. I saw thumb tacks holding a presumably 100+ year old textile to the wall. I saw a perfect machined edge on the fabric. I saw a price tag of $400 stuck directly onto the fabric. $400 is a reasonable price for an item of such personal and historical significance.
I mentioned these things to the lovely quilt lady. Suddenly, she morphed into the Crazy Quilt Lady. She began rattling off names of all of the people that are really black. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln (duh), and Andrew Jackson. I nodded and started to glaze over. My friend began taking notes.
The Crazy Quilt Lady, looked me over. Her eyes stopped on my hair (pigtails!). She sneered at me and said, "The Indians had slaves too." My friend was scribbling furiously trying to keep up.
I wrapped my arm around my friends waist, brushed her hair aside and whispered, "It's time to go."
Crazy Quilt Lady made a noise in the back of her mouth. We exited briskly before she could say, "The interracial lesbians had slaves too."