To Do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss: AARP

After Grandpa died, Grandma moved into a lovely retirement community. There is a pool for aqua aerobics. A peaceful chapel for meditation. A computer lab with high-speed internet. Once a week, they have game night (Scrabble, bridge, Twister). There are social clubs and committees.

Grandma doesn't want to put together puzzles or take a horticulture class.

I called Grandma this weekend. She's not the woman I remember. Talking to Grandma is a little like talking to Michael Moore. She ran a Kerry campaign from her tiny apartment (with a great view of the manicured grounds). When did Grandma get political?

We talked about Hezbollah. Hybrid vehicles (she never learned to drive). Condoleeza. Social Security. Abortion. Ozone. Saddam's hunger strike.

We also talked about "The Gays." Grandma thinks it's just awful that The Gays can't get married. The Gays are people too, she tells me. "You know," Grandma says lowering her voice, "I know two of The Gays." I am shocked. My Grandma? The Gays? Yes, it's true. She knows some of The Gays. And they are lovely folks. Grandma thinks that if everyone would just get to know one or two of The Gays, we wouldn't treat them so badly.

My Grandma. Revolutionary. Friend of The Gays.

Mist 1

P.S. I intend on referring to all groups of people now as The _______ (i.e. The Shiites, The Disabled, The Marrieds). It makes me smile.

14 Comments:

At 7:53 AM, Mr. G said...: Mist - Thank you for this brief glimpse of what you will be like as a Grandma. ;)
At 7:59 AM, mist1 said...: mr. g,

Whitney Houston (in her infinite wisdom) once said, "Whitney will never be fat!" In that light...

Mist 1 will never be old!

Not that I have anything against The Elderly. I like The Elderly.
At 9:17 AM, Wendy aka Cheeky said...: The Gays comment cracks me up - yep I will be joining you and calling groups of people "The...." so not PC but still fun...lol
At 9:24 AM, mist1 said...: cheeky,

Imagine Grandma's Minnesota accent when she says "The Gays." It's even funnier.
At 1:47 PM, Darlene said...: The Grandma likes The Gays. Go Grandma!
At 8:34 PM, Irish Church Lady :) said...: It elevates them to a level of importance. All groups should be prefaced with "The". It's kind of like a title of Mr., Ms., Mrs. for individuals. Don't you agree?

I want to start a group for The Mist1 Groupies. There's no membership fee and anyone can join as long as you know the secret confidential password. (It's mistyfit) Who said that? The group will be called THE Mistyfits.
At 9:35 PM, winterssoulstyce said...: are you sure grandma is not mommy in disguise? she has been really political too lately.
At 6:20 AM, mist1 said...: avitable,

I want to be just like Great-Grandpa.

darlene,

I am so proud of her.

anastasia,

Twister and Ben-Gay. It's a great game.

icl,

Please pay dues.

k,

I am worried that you know my mother. Reveal your true self.

nerd,

I once dated Mr. Burns. He was a great spooner in bed.
At 6:39 AM, Anonymous said...: lol. They have twister at a retirement community? I'm 28 and barely flexible enough to play twister, those are some in shape old people.

I've always been a little afraid of talking to my grandma. She's two generations ahead of me and she makes no bones about the fact that she's older and wiser and more in touch with God. Bah! My grandma is scary, so to avoid find out weather she's also political, I just don't call or visit her. :P

KristynMarie
At 9:51 AM, mist1 said...: kristynmarie,

Good plan. I am afraid that if I stop calling Grandma, she will show up at my door with John Kerry and they will test my car emissions and chastise me.
At 8:51 AM, Echomouse said...: LOLOL Grandma sounds like a cross between my Mom ("I don't want anything to do with those old people") and my Father (political junkie, even now, despite being nearly void of mental faculties).

My little bro is gay. When he told us, Mom waited years to tell Dad. When she finally did, Dad paused for a second, then looked right at her and said "you know, I think he gets it from me". LOLOL We still laugh about that to this day!
At 10:37 AM, mist1 said...: mouse,

That is ridiculously funny. I don't even know what to say.
At 8:47 AM, Nomes said...: The nature and the history are also funny. Coming from an expat in a country where 'the gays' is exactly how they're still referred to. By politicians.

We love the English definite article.

Going to the home now.
At 10:39 AM, mist1 said...: nomes,

The politicians?

Thanks for coming by.

Monday, July 31, 2006

AARP

14 Comments: