To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, July 31, 2006

AARP



After Grandpa died, Grandma moved into a lovely retirement community. There is a pool for aqua aerobics. A peaceful chapel for meditation. A computer lab with high-speed internet. Once a week, they have game night (Scrabble, bridge, Twister). There are social clubs and committees.

Grandma doesn't want to put together puzzles or take a horticulture class.

I called Grandma this weekend. She's not the woman I remember. Talking to Grandma is a little like talking to Michael Moore. She ran a Kerry campaign from her tiny apartment (with a great view of the manicured grounds). When did Grandma get political?

We talked about Hezbollah. Hybrid vehicles (she never learned to drive). Condoleeza. Social Security. Abortion. Ozone. Saddam's hunger strike.

We also talked about "The Gays." Grandma thinks it's just awful that The Gays can't get married. The Gays are people too, she tells me. "You know," Grandma says lowering her voice, "I know two of The Gays." I am shocked. My Grandma? The Gays? Yes, it's true. She knows some of The Gays. And they are lovely folks. Grandma thinks that if everyone would just get to know one or two of The Gays, we wouldn't treat them so badly.

My Grandma. Revolutionary. Friend of The Gays.

Mist 1

P.S. I intend on referring to all groups of people now as The _______ (i.e. The Shiites, The Disabled, The Marrieds). It makes me smile.


17 Comments:

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist - Thank you for this brief glimpse of what you will be like as a Grandma. ;)

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

Whitney Houston (in her infinite wisdom) once said, "Whitney will never be fat!" In that light...

Mist 1 will never be old!

Not that I have anything against The Elderly. I like The Elderly.

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

The Gays comment cracks me up - yep I will be joining you and calling groups of people "The...." so not PC but still fun...lol

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Imagine Grandma's Minnesota accent when she says "The Gays." It's even funnier.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

My great-grandfather lived until he was 98. When he died a few years ago, we liked to remember some of the hilarious one-liners he had.

One was: "I think it's awful sad that the darkies don't get as many rights as the rest of us."

Between peals of laughter we tried to explain the irony of the situation to him, but to no avail.

My great-grandfather, the conflicted racist.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

The Grandma likes The Gays. Go Grandma!

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Twister huh? God bless her, I think if I tried to play Twister now, I'd put my hip out of place!!

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

It elevates them to a level of importance. All groups should be prefaced with "The". It's kind of like a title of Mr., Ms., Mrs. for individuals. Don't you agree?

I want to start a group for The Mist1 Groupies. There's no membership fee and anyone can join as long as you know the secret confidential password. (It's mistyfit) Who said that? The group will be called THE Mistyfits.

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger K said...

are you sure grandma is not mommy in disguise? she has been really political too lately.

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

She sounds like a sweet old lady. My grandmother turned into mr.Burns from the Simpsons black heart and all. As far as The Gays go. I fear that she might suggest another unhealthy activity. ;)

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

avitable,

I want to be just like Great-Grandpa.

darlene,

I am so proud of her.

anastasia,

Twister and Ben-Gay. It's a great game.

icl,

Please pay dues.

k,

I am worried that you know my mother. Reveal your true self.

nerd,

I once dated Mr. Burns. He was a great spooner in bed.

 
At 6:39 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

lol. They have twister at a retirement community? I'm 28 and barely flexible enough to play twister, those are some in shape old people.

I've always been a little afraid of talking to my grandma. She's two generations ahead of me and she makes no bones about the fact that she's older and wiser and more in touch with God. Bah! My grandma is scary, so to avoid find out weather she's also political, I just don't call or visit her. :P

KristynMarie

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristynmarie,

Good plan. I am afraid that if I stop calling Grandma, she will show up at my door with John Kerry and they will test my car emissions and chastise me.

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

LOLOL Grandma sounds like a cross between my Mom ("I don't want anything to do with those old people") and my Father (political junkie, even now, despite being nearly void of mental faculties).

My little bro is gay. When he told us, Mom waited years to tell Dad. When she finally did, Dad paused for a second, then looked right at her and said "you know, I think he gets it from me". LOLOL We still laugh about that to this day!

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

That is ridiculously funny. I don't even know what to say.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Nomes said...

The nature and the history are also funny. Coming from an expat in a country where 'the gays' is exactly how they're still referred to. By politicians.

We love the English definite article.

Going to the home now.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nomes,

The politicians?

Thanks for coming by.

 

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