To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Jimmy


Mom sent me an email on Friday afternoon. "Jimmy's dead," she wrote. I'm not sure why she thinks it's okay to send this kind of news in an email.

I grew up next door to Jimmy. We raised worms in my backyard. We played Mad Libs in his tree house. Then, his family moved to a rural town to further Jimmy's career in vermiculture. We lost touch, but recently we've been able to reconnect through email.

Shocked from the email, I called Dad. He sounded awful. "Dad, I just heard the news," I said. "Which news?" Dad asked. I wondered how many people had died that day. Before I could clarify, Dad had to get off the phone. He was taking it pretty hard.

I read Mom's email again. She said that they were going to the "reviewal" on Sunday. I don't know what a reviewal is. Viewing, wake, review, and revival are all words that I know. But, a reviewal is new to me. Jimmy's family must be Lutheran.

At the reviewal, mom looked for Jimmy's mother, but couldn't find her anywhere. Instead, Mom told some of the ladies there a story about the time that Jimmy and I took a bath together after playing in the rain. The ladies gave her a strange look and backed away. Mom shrugged it off and went to pay her last respects to Jimmy. The man in the coffin was 90 years old and not at all how she remembered Jimmy. After having a few more cookies and a cup of coffee, Mom went home. She sent me an email:

"Okay, well James Broussard died, not James Braswell. I think that's sad, don't you? Good ole James Broussard--I kinda wish I had taken the time to get to know him, ya know? Anyway, yay for Jimmy who is probably still alive."

I wish I hadn't sent that sympathy card to Jimmy's mom.

Mist 1


95 Comments:

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Do you think the surviving Jimmy will consider this a near death experience? Maybe the prospect of almost dying (at least in your family's view) will change his life. Should you send a card for the deceased James??

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I'm pretty sure that the Broussards and the Braswells will think we're creeps regardless of the size of our memorial gifts.

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger CondoBlogger said...

YAY Jimmy!

This has nothing do do with your post... My friend is dating a guy named Tommy. At what age do we go from Jimmy and Tommy to Jim and Tom?

 
At 9:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

condo,

I love that my mom actually writes the word "yay" in her emails.

I think that some people are eternal Jimmies and Tommies.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger melodyann said...

Oh, man, I love your mom!! And I put yay in almost all of my emails. And no wonder those people backed away from your mom! They probably wondered why she let you bathe with a dirty ol' man!!

This is just too funny. I love it! *Ahem*, you know, except for poor James Broussard. That part's real sad...

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I actually know a family of Braswells and they own retirement homes and mortuaries. I guess they get 'em in the doors and help send 'em out (or under as the case may be).

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

I hope you disclosed, in the sympathy card to Jimmy's mom, that you once (recently?) took a bath with him.

That should give them something to talk about around the dinner table--at long last, getting them off the exhausted topic of vermiculture.

 
At 10:09 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

It's kind of like the man who was told he's dying, but then realized he's not.

Does your Jimmy Braswell feel renewed with another chance to live after receiving the sympathy card?

 
At 10:38 PM, Blogger Airam said...

Well look at it this way, at least you don't have to send a sympathy card again when Jimmy does actually die (knock on wood). Cross that off of your list of things to do.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger Sheila said...

I would feel a little akward if I ever saw Jimmy's mom again... or Jimmy for that matter!

 
At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

Your mom is a crack-up!!!!!

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

Mist1: Your mother is just so darn sensative..I hope she at least got to have some free food after the renewal...after all she did go to a funeral for someone she did not even know and then might have slightly traumatised the old women by telling them you took a shower with the old guy...hey it could happen to anyone...I vay

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Nothing like a funeral crasher spreading racy rumors about the deceased. And with your card to Jimmy's mom, there are two families confused for the price of one. What a deal!

Thanks for the laugh... I needed that!

 
At 12:33 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Since you played int he bath with an old guy can you answer me this -

What happens to their skin if they stay in a bit too long?

 
At 12:46 AM, Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

Well now you have another way to reconnect with the living Jimmy. An email with "yay you're alive" should do the trick.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

The news of Jimmy Braswell's death was greatly exagerated then?

 
At 2:21 AM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

Oh no! I think I'd die after that

 
At 3:18 AM, Blogger EsLocura said...

My first love was named Jimmy, I wonder if he's still alive.

 
At 3:40 AM, Blogger Uncivil said...

Oh nooooooo! My name is Jimmy.All this reading about dirt naps is making me tired! I had a girl help me raise my worm once! Then she hit with a wiffle bat.

 
At 4:16 AM, Blogger Love Monkey said...

I used to see nothing wrong with older people reading obituaries. I used to think it was harmless. Sad, but harmless.

I'm rethinking my earlier opinion on the subject.

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger Rhian / Crowwoman said...

sounds like perfect excuse for a Jimmy-REVIVED party. Those don't come 'round often, ya know.

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

I suppose there's always a chance that your Jimmy died too and therefore the card was appropriate.

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

My girls are into "fill ins" as they call them. We all know they are mad libs.
I was trying to work something clever either abour worms or death, but I got papers to grade and meetings to plan for :(

 
At 4:57 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

So now the friends and family of J. Broussard think he's a kiddy-fiddler? That's some memorial.

Your mother is extraordinary.

Puss

 
At 5:13 AM, Blogger Matt said...

My dad always gives me the obituaries and weather when I call.

He's like the crappy, less-interesting end of the newspaper.

Ahhh, I wonder how my kindergarten love, Caroline, made out. Probably a grandmother by now.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Matt said...

It's actually less of a reviewal than an evaluation.

Btw, a lot of african americans around here pronounce "memorial" as re-morial.

 
At 5:43 AM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

Braswell would be a great descriptive term for someone with a nice 34C.

 
At 6:06 AM, Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

i love how calm and collected your mom remained. Yay.

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I see that your mom didn't bother to call Jimmy's house before showing up to the reviewal. That one simple "I'm sorry to hear about Jimmy/Oh, well, thanks, but he's really looking forward to his new job in the city" conversation might have saved her the cost of a new black suit.

 
At 6:37 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

melody,

I know. Poor James Broussard. I hardly knew him.

michael,

That's a brilliant business plan.

jocelyn,

You can never exhaust the topic of vermiculture.

curiosity,

I'll know after his mom gets the card. I'm thinking that will be today.

airam,

That does save time, doesn't it? Now all I have to do is 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss.

Thanks for coming by.

sheila,

I plan on avoiding them both unless we have to attend a funeral or something.

karmyn,

The woman is really too much, isn't she? I love her.

tellin,

I just hope that the little old ladies don't go telling people that James used to bathe with kids.

velvet,

I didn't think about the fact that we got two families at once. Damn, we're good.

phishez,

The wrinkles plump up. It's kind of like when you soak a raisin in liquor (you know, for baking, not snacking).

s & d,

I am composing it now: Dear Jimmy, I am so happy to learn that you are not dead. Actually, I'm not sure that you are alive. Please reply to this email if you are. Thanks.

akelamalu,

Greatly. Mom is pretty good at exaggeration.

shadow,

I feel fine. A little awkward, but certainly not like I'm dying.

es,

Don't ask Mom.

uncivil,

In lieu of flowers, I will send wiffle bats.

monkey,

I like to see the ages of the oldest and youngest people who died. I try not to read them regularly.

rhian,

I'll need a DJ and a one bartender per 25 people.

yvonne,

Gawd, I hope he's alive. Maybe I should call.

wreck,

I need to start doing Mad Libs again. I don't know a noun from an adverb anymore.

puss,

You never know. Maybe he was. I'm just happy that Mom was there to expose the ugly truth.

matt,

Do you get to do a self-reviewal once a year before you die?

blitz,

Man, I wish mine would swell.

pool,

Mom is like the picture of calm and collected. It runs in the family.

fringes,

I hope she got a charcoal suit.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Tug said...

I'm Lutheran & have never been to a reviewal...am I going to Hell? Oh wait, I'm already here.

YAY Jimmy!

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tug,

Lutherans don't have reviewals? Okay, maybe they're Hindu.

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger lettuce said...

yay is such a good word. I am a little afraid of over-using it.

 
At 7:30 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

i'm so using the word reviewal today. in at least 4 conversations. because i can. yay!

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Look the the bright side. Maybe Jimmy will die before she gets the card.

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger The Curmudgeon said...

"Anyway, yay for Jimmy who is probably still alive."

Note the word "probably."

Maybe your sympathy card won't be wasted after all: You can always hope.

 
At 7:35 AM, Blogger Tera said...

Oh my goodness, for the first time in a long time, I don't know what to say! Am I supposed to be laughing about this? BECAUSE I AM! No wonder they found the bath you two took together less than amusing!!!

LMAO that your mom STILL indulged (refreshments)!!!

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger Constance said...

My first love was also named Jimmy. We had grand old times in preschool.

I think it would have been more awkward for your mom if people had just nodded sadly and with quiet understanding as she told them about how her daughter and the 90 year old took baths together.

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

Maybe it's a sign that you should reconnect with Jimmy. After all, you took a bath with him once.

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

vermiculture...
That sounds like some of the crap growing in my Mom's fridage.

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

I LOVE a funny funeral story but then, who doesn't?!

 
At 8:13 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Dude, I frequently host reviewals, but they usually involve much more alcohol and pornos.

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I think you should have bathed with dead 90 year old Jimmy too, just to further complete your quest to bathe with every Jimmy ever.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lettuce,

How can "yay" be overused?

hello,

I doubt that anyone will correct you.

fab,

His mother will think that I'm psychic.

curmudgeon,

Cross your fingers.

tera,

Mom and I laughed until I almost cried and ran my mascara. I would like James Broussard's family to know that we were not laughing at him, but rather with him.

constance,

Ewwww. That's all I have to say.

lizza,

I wonder if he still plays with worms.

alicia,

You can make good money selling worm crap.

booda,

I have yet to attend a funeral that didn't make me laugh. I laugh in the ER too.

andy,

No wonder Mom was in such a good mood after the reviewal.

furious,

Is that my quest? Crap. I've been wasting time.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger Susan said...

I know a guy named Jimmy. He told me this weekend that I was an idiot and wasting my life away with the wrong guy. Is it wrong that I smiled a little reading this pretending it was that Jimmy you are talking about?

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

susan,

Nothing is sacred here. Laugh and pretend it's which ever Jimmy you please.

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I wish my mom used email.

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I hope people are wrong when they say I died. That would be great.

-N

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

You should see my dad with email. He can only reply to me. It's sad, but I do enjoy having control in the situation.

natalia,

You should have a rehearsal death. Plan the finger foods and taste the coffee. Also, make sure that people mourn appropriately at the reviewal.

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

end sympathy cards pretty much for every occasion. They are nice and always in stock.

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

dallas,

I only had a sympathy card handy because last week, I went to CVS and stocked up on cards for all occasions. I didn't want to be caught off guard.

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I saw Jimmy last weekend. He still lives in Abbeville. He's balding and gaining weight.

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nolff,

Any chance he may be dying?

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Bwahahahah. Snort, cry, snort some more. Bwahahahahah. Wow, what a f***ed up family you have. It's wonderful. Bwahahahah.

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

comedy,

I think Mom handled the situation well, except for the whole emailing me notice of someone's death. Who does that?

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger The Curmudgeon said...

Uh, actually, I have.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

curmudgeon,

No word from Jimmy's mom yet. Perhaps your should cross the fingers on your other hand too.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger RT said...

I was drinking coffee, read the story, and snorted it in reverse. See what you done did?!?

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

rt,

Disclaimer: Mist 1 cannot be held liable for any injury or damage caused by reading her blog with hot beverages.

Thanks for stopping by...RT sounds familiar, have you been here before?

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger melanie said...

whew. at least we know that you know how to send cards now.

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger essa said...

Oh dear... you got an email that your friend was dead... she's getting a card that expresses sadness for her sons death! Oh dear oh dear.

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

Lutherans have coffee. Lots of coffee.

And jell-o salad, if you're in the Midwest. Which is where most of the Lutherans are, anyway.

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, my.

Thank God for open caskets and yay for everyone who is not dead yet.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger K said...

i see the apple doesn't fall far. lol.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

It's one of my skills.

essa,

I'm sure she'll be touched by my sentiment.

Thanks for coming by.

nwjr,

I grew up in the Midwest. I remember Jell-o salad. I am still trying to forget it.

hearts,

Yay for the living!

k,

Mom raised me right. Dad helped too.

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

there's still a chance the real Jimmy will die before the card gets there... i'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

miztris,

I hope that he doesn't suffer.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Maybe Jimmy's mom doesn't like Jimmy. Maybe she appreciated your card because Jimmy didn't send a card for Mother's Day.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Can you please provide more details about this bath you and Jimmy took together after playing in the rain.

 
At 7:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

todd,

That's it. I was picking sides.

dan,

I showed him how I can pee standing up.

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I swear I left a comment that said:

"It's never too early for a good April Fool's joke."

It was funnier when I wrote it this morning.

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

Gawd, I hope his mom doesn't think I'm late for April Fool's. Early is okay, but late is just tacky.

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

So, did your mom go to the reading of the Will? Even better, did she score anything?

 
At 7:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

arthur,

Why didn't I think to ask her that? Obviously, the fact that she didn't mention anything about the Will to me means that she scored big.

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Well at least your mum got some cookies and coffee out of the whole deal.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

steph,

She said the cookies were excellent, but the coffee was lackluster. People should really consider hiring a barista for reviewals.

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger Echomouse said...

LOLOLOL
That's too good.

 
At 5:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

Still no response from Jimmy's mom. I hope she think it's too good as well.

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

HAHAHAHHAHA!!! You and your mom are too funny :) What a great post, Mist!

I was thinking of your mom eating cookies and drinking coffee at the "reviewal" (LOL) of a Jimmy she didn't know and it made me think...Are there people out there who actually do crash funerals? I've heard of real life wedding crashers before...

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

chrissy,

People totally crash funerals. What are you doing this weekend? I have this new black dress that I am dying to wear.

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Lone Grey Squirrel said...

If Jimmy had died it would have been very sad. But since Jimmy is alive, this post is hilariously funny! :)

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

squirrel,

Maybe I should send Jimmy an email just to be safe.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

Shhesh, for a minute there I thought you were going to say you were in your nineties. Then I thought of the post about the blind date and the camel toe jeans(which I now know is not a color thanks to my 20 something son) and was about to become very concerned.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

LOL! Sounds like a plan, Mist! Get that little black dress of yours, I'll make some Bloody Mary's and we'll hit all the funerals this weekend ;)

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Nance said...

I hope the cookies were suitably sedate.

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger anyjazz said...

That's hilarious. I wasn't expecting the punch line.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stacy,

I'm not in my 90s, but I have been to the Gay 90s in Mpls. Good times.

chrissy,

Should we bring flowers?

nance,

Mom didn't complain about the cookies.

anyjazz,

Punchline? I'm pretty sure the punchline will come when Jimmy's mom gets the card.

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

I think the technical phrase is "Oh fuck"

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

grunt,

I usually say f*ck.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Fab said...

I know it's sad for James Broussard, may he rest in peace, but this post made me laugh so much my tummy hurts. I wonder (imagining anyway) what you put on that card to Jimmy's mom.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

fab,

I recounted one of my favorite memories with Jimmy and the worms.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Oh, my.

Your mother is losing it.

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

This is the best she's ever been.

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger Sebastien said...

Funny, I moved to Phoenix, in hopes of furthering my own vermiculture career. Unfortunately, I didn't find many worms, mostly snakes. And roadrunners. And coyotes. And quail. I like the desert.

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

seb,

Don't give up on vermiculture.

 

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