To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Oral Hygiene


It's no secret that I am a little obsessive about my oral hygiene.

Last night, I ran my tongue over my teeth as I was reading my email. They were wearing little fuzzy woolen sweaters. Sweater season is over, I needed to brush my teeth. I scoured my mouth with my toothbrush. Little circles to the left. Little circles to the right. Not feeling satisfied with my manual toothbrush, I brushed again with the electric toothbrush.

I own several toothbrushes. I have two in one bathroom. I have two in the other. I have one in the car. I have one in my overnight bag. I have a drawer full of brand new toothbrushes in case I am ever stuck in my home due to a mudslide or alien invasion. The aliens could occupy the Earth for close to 32.5 months before I ran out of toothbrushes (assuming that I changed toothbrushes every 180 uses). I buy toothbrushes compulsively. If I cannot find the kind of toothbrush that I like, I feel panicky. I have this little nervous tic that starts to come out. It's the same tic I get when I walk by bathroom scales and bars and shoe stores. I hate it when my tic comes out in public places.

When it comes to toothpaste, I am a spitter. Some people wait until they are finished brushing before they spit out the toothpaste. I don't. I spit when I have to. I don't like to hold all that frothy spit and stuff in my mouth. I think swirling all that debris and residue around my mouth is counterproductive when I am trying to clean my teeth. It's like taking a bath when you are dirty. It just doesn't make sense. If I need to reapply toothpaste and start again, I do so. Last night, I leaned over the toilet (I spit toothpaste into the toilet, that's just me) and spat my toothpaste into my hair. I cursed. I had just contaminated one of my bouncy curls with particles of dinner and plaque and cheek dander and DNA and whatever else had been removed from my teeth.

I imagined the nasty germs that cause gingivitis swimming around in my hair. Surely, they would find their way to my scalp where they would reproduce and cause skull cavities.

I had no choice but to take a shower and wash my hair. I rinsed my scalp with mouthwash, just to be safe.

Mist 1

PS: Thank you to everyone (Avitable, Michael, Madkane, Kiyotoe, Fairmaiden) who has already submitted something to me for the Carnival of the Mundane. To those of you who have promised me something (Fringes, Dallas, Matt, Valerie, Puss, Mystic), thanks in advance. For all of you who know you want to participate, email me. Send me anything that you think is mundane (you know, like about brushing your teeth or something).


80 Comments:

At 9:12 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I was doing OK until that next to last paragraph, now I'm too afraid to sleep tonight. I keep thinking about those ear bugs from Star Trek 2.

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

Does your scalp smell minty fresh now?

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

sorry, I just hate leaving typos on other peoples blogs (though mine is loaded with them). To begin again:

"DNA and whatever else had been removed from my teeth"

THAT was the part that got me laughing.... I have got to either quit teaching high school or somehow drag my mind out of the gutter.

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

We have a bazillion toothbrushes because of The Mister's job. As a matter of fact, you can't swing a dead tube of toothpaste in this house without hitting a toothbrush. I suspect that they're breeding when we're not looking.

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

That's a lot of toothbrushes.

I have over 20 new toothpastes in my cupboards just in case I ever run out of food -- I heard the sugar supplements in the toothpastes can keep you alive.

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger Yas said...

carnival of the mundane? yanno i cant vacation from your blog in any way or even work because i come back and feel lost.

NOt only lost... but lost alone and out of the loop. not only out of the loop but uncool unpopular and unloved.

remind me to never leave this place again.

ps. nice teeth.

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger tAnYeTTa said...

stopping by to say hello :)

 
At 11:48 PM, Blogger The Freelance Cynic said...

Toothpaste hair! Your sure to be a hit at the nightclub with all of the dentists

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Its coming up to sweater season here. Should I stop brushing my teeth at night so they can stay warm?

Or should I invest in teeth-jammies?

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

It could have been worse. You could have spat a little on your top, not noticed (ok, so its more like an accidental offspray) and wandered around all day with a white spot on your chest.

Provided you wear a shirt when you brush.

 
At 2:19 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

Ever tried that mouthwash that when you spit it out it leaves little strands in the bowl that look like DNA? It's cool!

 
At 2:42 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

That's why I shave my head.

Well, that and the fact that chicks dig it.

 
At 4:07 AM, Blogger Nina said...

I'm an obsessive tooth brusher/toothbush buyer/toothbrush stocker as well. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the world. One of the best gifts my husband ever bought me was the SoniCare Elite. Everyone should have one. Or two.

 
At 4:42 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

I love brushing my teeth. I have lots of toothpaste at home because I love stocking up when they're on sale.

I'm off to chant, "I'm not my mother." because she does the same thing.

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Cheek dander. Now there's a term you don't hear every day. Reminds me of Iain Banks's The Wasp Factory - cult novel about compulsive hoarding of bodily products.

Not that I'm suggesting anything...

Puss

 
At 5:26 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

You could even make the mundane fun and exciting Mist.

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Is that why guys say to you, "Mist, you have the whitest teeth I've ever come across!"

:-)

 
At 5:44 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

i'm so thankful that i am not the only one with at least one toothbrush in my vehicle. whew.

i've never seen nor heard of anyone spitting into the toilet, though. gotta ask...why? what do you have against the sink?

thanks in advance for the enlightenment.

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Gucci Muse said...

Your smile must be bedazzling, your hair glistening,and your toothbrush, just plain worn.

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Don't you hate when you something that should be going in your mouth gets in your hair instead?

 
At 6:15 AM, Blogger MJ said...

There is nothing worse than when you see someone else’s teeth sweaters.. looks like toilet fungus on their teeth . ewwww

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

All the toothbrushes in the world won't help you if you don't have a stockpile of toothpaste, too.

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

How cool to have a scalp that sparkles. Glints. Twinkles.

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

my issues begin with other peoples dry skin flaking off and getting into my personal space. It only goes downhill from there.

 
At 6:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Don't blame your insomnia on me.

churlita,

It tingles.

arthur,

Well, I didn't say that it was my DNA.

velvet,

Did you know that the male toothbrush sits on the eggs?

yas,

Promise you'll never leave me.

tanyetta,

Well...hello.

Thanks for coming by.

cynic,

I am looking for a new dentist.

phishez,

People expect me to have unidentifiable white splotches on my clothing.

akelamalu,

What kind is that?

fab,

Chicks do dig bald heads.

nina,

Is there a name for our problem?

debbie,

My grandpa was the same way about toilet paper.

puss,

I'm not hoarding...I'm just prepared.

wreck,

I am thinking about changing my name to Mundane 1.

nwjr,

Seriously, that's not far from the truth.

hello,

I gag when I brush my teeth. I spit into the toilet in the event that I make myself puke.

gucci,

I just switched to the most gum stimulating toothbrush ever. It's not worn at all.

av,

It always looks so hot in the movies, but in real life, it's just not as exciting.

mj,

I try not to look. I don't want to judge people by their teeth. I want to judge them by their shoes.

mal,

You should see the third drawer. It's the toothpaste drawer. It's between the floss and mouthwash drawers.

 
At 6:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

booda,

It does feel pretty good.

pool,

Please don't run away from me, but this morning, after I washed my face, I noticed that my left eyebrow is a little dry and flaky.

 
At 6:39 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I'm with you, I spit constantly whilst brushing. I don't like the aquamarine colored frothy mad dog look that some go for whilst brushin. I used the word whilst a lot there.

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

when we bought this condo we had it gutted and redone. the bathroom sinks are now higher. the first morning i ever used it i brushed, bent over to spit, and got surprisingly stopped by the higher sink, spit right on my tits. then got to laughing so hard sarge came in to see. he said one word. "idiot".

smiles, bee

 
At 6:53 AM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

You should consider conditioning your teeth with cream rinse every once and a while...even they like feeling silky smooth.

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I try not to think about oral hygiene when I kiss someone. Otherwise, there would be no kissing.

-N

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

It's called Dentyl over here.

see

http://www.dentylph.com/

I think you'd like it!

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Mist1:

I just sent you my contribution and posted it to my site.

 
At 8:03 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Did you use SCOPE? Because then you could say you scoped yourslef. or yourself. Whichever.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

furious,

Whilst I appreciate your support of spitting, I would like to mention that sometimes swallowing is preferable, especially whilst in the act of...

bee,

If I tried to spit on my tits, my toes would get wet.

lcg,

It would probably prevent fly-aways too.

natalia,

I stopped seeing a man based on his teeth alone. Beautiful eyes, smart, great shoulders, but needed some dental work. I couldn't kiss him.

akelamalu,

I've got to get some Dentyl.

matt,

Thanks, Matty.

andy,

I am always scoping on myself.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Yeeeah I read every comment to see if anyone did the spitting/swallowing schtick before I did it and damn if you didn't allude to it JUST BEFORE I was to comment Mist1.

OH well.

 
At 8:23 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'll bet even you dear Mist, doesn't have a wardrobe or a pair of shoes that would match skull cavities.

I'm glad you diverted this situation with some old fashioned hygeine.

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

scotts,

I'm sorry, I thought someone would have beaten me to it. I was impatient.

slick,

I have big hair to cover my cranial cavities.

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

Knew you would! That'd be a whole new post.

Try Walmart that's Asda over here!

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger Kara said...

This reminds me that I need a new toothbrush. I'd prefer an electric one but just can't bring myself to spend the money lol. LOL at all your toothbrushes. Do you store extras at other people's houses too in case you ever need one while out visiting?

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I swear my husband uses as much toothpaste as is shown in that picture as evidenced by the amount of it I find on the inside of the sink every freakin morning. argh!!

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

I love to brush my teeth but hate, absolutely hate, toothpaste. I gag two or three times every time I brush my teeth. I've thrown up twice. I get the shakes every time I load up the brush.

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

I fear the repercussions if I were to try and blame a sleepless night on you.

I did brush extra carefully last night though. I found a great new fumigating toothpaste.

 
At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Paul said...

I never throw out toothbrushes because they have so many uses. The trick is to keep them from finding their way back into the bathroom.

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger Fab said...

I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one with multiple tooth brushes. Reading the comments here, makes me feel less like a tooth brush freak. So thank you for that!

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

akelamalu,

I just went to the local drugstore to look for it. I feel like an addict.

kara,

I have one at my best friend's house. I have placed an order for one at His house.

miztris,

Ewww, I hate toothpaste scum in the sink. Tell him to spit in the toilet.

blitz,

Maybe you should change flavors.

michael,

Delousing Gel? Is it minty?

paul,

I can usually tell which toothbrush I cleaned the edge of the sink with.

fab,

You are not a freak. Everyone here is perfectly normal in every single way.

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger tammy said...

When I was a kid, I thought Aquafresh was the epitomy of oral hygiene because: a) it had multi-colored stripes; and b) you had to pile it onto your toothbrush in that stacked, S-shape. I know you know what I'm talking about.

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tammy,

My parents wouldn't buy Aquafresh. I was more jealous of my friends who had tubes of the stuff in the bathroom than I was jealous of my friends who got Twinkies in their lunches.

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

But of course. I think it's called Colgate InsectaGel. It also has flouride and a whitening ingredient.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Comedy + said...

You really have some issues...teeth, shoes, bars, underware... Do you see a shrink? Or are you the shrink? I'll figure this out eventually. You sure can spin a tale Mist. Ever thought of writing a book? You should!

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

It's only good if you're in a cheesy hotel room with music from the '70s playing.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

That's not a Colgate product. That's Tom's of Maine or Burt's Bees or something natural like that.

comedy,

Do I see a shrink? Of course I see a shrink. In fact, I have a staff. If I didn't see a shrink, do you what this blog would be like? I hate to think of the stories that my other personalities would write here.

av,

Is there any other kind of hotel room?

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger Thy Goddess said...

Mundane yet educational. I was on the fence about whether or not I should buy my own toothbrush. I sincerely believe it finally pushed me over the edge. I should buy a toothbrush.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Tera said...

LMAO!!!

I am glad that someone else has broken the news that being dirty and taking a bath is absolutely pointless and utterly ridiculous!!! Way to go! Basking in your own bacteria, germs, and microbes...what fun!

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger tammy said...

My parents never would buy Aquafresh for me, either. Crest only. I had to save up my milk money for a week and choose between secret ice cream or funky toothpaste. I think you can tell from my blog which obsession won out.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Jonas said...

My daily doings don't even rise to the level of mundane. Sigh.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

thy,

Buy several.

tera,

I've just never understood that.

tammy,

What's the opposition to Aquafresh? I'm going to ask my parents. I think they were the kind of people that believed that toothpaste had to hurt your mouth to be effective.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jonas,

I'm sure you can get yourself into a mundane situation. All you have to do is not apply yourself.

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I am a spitter too... wait? We still talking about toothpaste? Check your inbox...there's something for you inside. wink wink

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Alicia said...

Don't forget to floss.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Susan said...

I need to buy a new toothbrush. Mine got something on it over the weekend and I was forced to use one of the multiple toothbrushes I bought purely for cleaning purposes in my bathroom. Suggested brand?

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Tera said...

I sure wish I had a piece of floss...there is a bastard ass seed (tomato? sesame?) stuck in my teeth (left over from lunch) that even the sharpest edge of the various artifacts I've used can't extract!

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Nance said...

What I find irritating is how ridiculously large they make the toothbrush handles now. None of them will fit into the nice decorative toothbrush holder I have that matches my bathroom.

 
At 1:41 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I have a very exciting mundane post for you.

Wait. That doesn't sound right. I mean, it's not as exciting as Listerine, but it's close.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger melanie said...

floss, brush, spit. I have two mouths to do that too now. will this work ever end?

and whats up with the mundane... :ask:

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

Wash, rinse, repeat...not just for shampoo bottles....LOL ;o)

~shivers~
I hate when I get a toothbrish that isn't "right"...

Sincerly,
Previous "brace face"

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i remember being a kid and just not being mtivated to brush at all.

now?

If i go too long without brushing, I feel so naaaaaasty...

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Tug said...

I find that if you eat a fabric softener after every meal, the sweaters don't cling.

And why am I lost on the mundane thingie, too? I'm nothing if not mundane.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger Tug said...

ok, I meant if you eat a fabric softener SHEET.

AND, I clicked on the Mundane link below & figured it out. phew. time to rest.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger Jim said...

I think you are forgetting to floss regularly. Not flossing often enough will make your teeth feel fuzzy.
..

 
At 6:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to try the Oral B Triumph...it is the best brush there is. Not cheap...about 130 bucks...but worth it....Maybe for a chance to talk and possibly meet one day it won't cost you anything.
You intrigue me.

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

dallas,

You're not a spitter. At least, that's not what I heard.

alicia,

I never forget to floss.

susan,

I love the Oral-B one that stimulates the gums.

tera,

Always, always, always keep floss within reach.

nance,

I know. I hate that. I bought myself the cutest lefthanded toothbrush, but it wouldn't fit in my holder.

123,

Its hard to be more exciting than Listerine.

melanie,

You have two mouths? Honey, I don't think that's your mouth.

Go ahead, post something mundane. You know you want to.

super,

I hate toothbrushes that are too big.

kiyotoe,

Define "too long."

tug,

I like the Spring Breeze flavored softener sheets.

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jim,

You mean that I should floss more? I wonder if that's even possible.

anon,

I am totally worth a Triumph.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Uncivil said...

I'm sittin here grinnin' like a cat eatin' sh*t out of a hairbrush...... I mean toothbrush.....no.....I mean wiffle brush!

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

uncivil,

My cat and I share a hairbrush. Neither of us use it much.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger Robin said...

brand of toothpaste?
do you floss?

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

robin,

I use several brands of toothpaste. In the mornings, I am currently in love with some kind of orange/minty thing? I also have a formula for dry mouth for those times when I feel a little less than hydrated. I could go on.

Do I floss?

Obsessively.

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger Joanna said...

wow... what random internet searching leads you to...

Mist1, you seem like quite a character. This blog definitly made me laugh.

I love oddness.

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

joanna,

I love oddness too. I am dying to know what you randomly searched for.

 
At 10:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since I found a group of people caring about oral hygiene, I thought I mention Flosspop.com which is a floss, toothpick and treat (sugar-free of course) all in one.

 

Post a Comment

"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

ABOUT ME
ABOUT ME
Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.

BLOGROLL

123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head

NEWEST POSTS

Three Men and a Truck
Moving Day
Warning Signs
Care Packages
Respecting My Elders
I Will Not Be Ignored
Blogger Endorsements
There Will Be No 2nd Date
CH2-OH-CH-OH-CH2-OH+3 R-CO2-Na
Extreme Bumper Cars

ARCHIVES

Credits

Header image photo by Alison.

 Subscribe in a reader

 Subscribe to comments

RFS Blog Awards Winner