It's no secret that I am a little obsessive about my oral hygiene.
Last night, I ran my tongue over my teeth as I was reading my email. They were wearing little fuzzy woolen sweaters. Sweater season is over, I needed to brush my teeth. I scoured my mouth with my toothbrush. Little circles to the left. Little circles to the right. Not feeling satisfied with my manual toothbrush, I brushed again with the electric toothbrush.
I own several toothbrushes. I have two in one bathroom. I have two in the other. I have one in the car. I have one in my overnight bag. I have a drawer full of brand new toothbrushes in case I am ever stuck in my home due to a mudslide or alien invasion. The aliens could occupy the Earth for close to 32.5 months before I ran out of toothbrushes (assuming that I changed toothbrushes every 180 uses). I buy toothbrushes compulsively. If I cannot find the kind of toothbrush that I like, I feel panicky. I have this little nervous tic that starts to come out. It's the same tic I get when I walk by bathroom scales and bars and shoe stores. I hate it when my tic comes out in public places.
When it comes to toothpaste, I am a spitter. Some people wait until they are finished brushing before they spit out the toothpaste. I don't. I spit when I have to. I don't like to hold all that frothy spit and stuff in my mouth. I think swirling all that debris and residue around my mouth is counterproductive when I am trying to clean my teeth. It's like taking a bath when you are dirty. It just doesn't make sense. If I need to reapply toothpaste and start again, I do so. Last night, I leaned over the toilet (I spit toothpaste into the toilet, that's just me) and spat my toothpaste into my hair. I cursed. I had just contaminated one of my bouncy curls with particles of dinner and plaque and cheek dander and DNA and whatever else had been removed from my teeth.
I imagined the nasty germs that cause gingivitis swimming around in my hair. Surely, they would find their way to my scalp where they would reproduce and cause skull cavities.
I had no choice but to take a shower and wash my hair. I rinsed my scalp with mouthwash, just to be safe.
PS: Thank you to everyone (Avitable, Michael, Madkane, Kiyotoe, Fairmaiden) who has already submitted something to me for the Carnival of the Mundane. To those of you who have promised me something (Fringes, Dallas, Matt, Valerie, Puss, Mystic), thanks in advance. For all of you who know you want to participate, email me. Send me anything that you think is mundane (you know, like about brushing your teeth or something).