To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Friday, April 27, 2007

Blogger Endorsements


Earlier this week, I mentioned the names of some of my favorite hotels on this blog. As a result, an employee of one of the hotels sent me an email to thank me for the good PR. She invited me to meet her at the hotel for a gift of appreciation. I thanked her, but told her how much I hate trying to find parking downtown. She said, "valet park, I'll take care of it." I cannot resist anything as long as someone will "take care of it." I would probably have a root canal if my dentist said, "I'll take care of it."

I met her at the full-service Starbucks (Dear Starbucks, I really, really like green tea lattes with soy milk). She bought me a latte and handed me a box of hotel soaps and a little green notebook with a pen, "keep writing," she encouraged me. I wish that I had written about how much I like those little tiny bottles of vodka in the wet bar in the room. Then, maybe she would have given me the notebook and pen as well as a box of tiny vodkas as a token of appreciation (Dear Ketel One, I really, really like your vodka). Regardless, I am pretty happy with the gift because I love free stuff and the pen even works. I am pretty sure that she skimmed the soaps off the little housekeeping cart or from a storage room, which makes me like it even more. If anyone who works at the Doubletree hotel is reading this, I really, really like the fresh baked cookies, especially when they are still warm.

Another place that I really like is Target. There is nothing in Target that I don't need. Even if I don't think that I need an item, if I don't buy it, I am sure that I will need it in under a week (Dear Target, I really, really like your gift certificates. They are the gift that always fits).

I went to Target and had a blue Icee. I don't know what flavor blue is, but I like how my tongue changes color when I drink them. I was in the specialty light bulb aisle when I suddenly had to pee. I detest public restrooms. I can pretty much determine my emotional state by my reaction to public restrooms. When I am living in a state of denial, I will wait until I am home to pee. When I am feeling obsessive compulsive, I will refuse to touch anything and wait for someone else to open the door to avoid touching anything. When I am feeling ADD, I will apply a fresh coat of lipstick and make a phone call and test out all the soap dispensers. Public restrooms are a good gauge of mental health.

The restroom was spotless and as I am apparently feeling disabled, I choose the handicapped stall near the wall. I love the big stall. I especially love it when there is a sink of my own in the stall. I make a big production of washing my hands in there in the event that someone else in the restroom thinks that I didn't wash my hands after using the bathroom. I always announce something over the stall door like, "hey, there is really great water pressure in the sink in here. I bet you wish that you had a sink in your stall." I don't want anyone thinking that I am a disgusting individual.

The handicapped stall at Target is right next to the diaper changing station. There is a friendly reminder to never, ever leave your baby unattended while using the diaper changing station. It is very polite and does not seem like nagging at all. Does the men's room have diaper changing stations?

As I was splashing about loudly in the private and yet, accessible sink, a woman entered the restroom to change her baby's diaper. She let down the changing table and spread out a changing pad and lovingly laid the baby on it. Through the stall door, I could hear her pull open the little adhesive tabs on the disposable diaper. I turned the lock and opened the stall door to exit. I couldn't get out. I was trapped by the woman who could not leave her baby unattended. The table blocked me from exiting the stall. I made awkward smalltalk. "There is a sink in here," I said. She gave me a look of pity as though she could tell that I was retarded and that was the reason that I was using the handicapped stall. "No really, want to see?" I gestured to the sink. She gave me the same look. I was making things worse.

She was a doting mother and even warmed the wipes in her hands before wiping the baby's pink a$$ which was pointed directly at me. I fumbled in my purse for something to entertain myself with so that I wouldn't be forced to watch the procedure. I didn't want her to think that I was a perverted retard.

Finding nothing, I went back to my private sink and washed my hands 26 more times.

Maybe I am feeling obsessive compulsive after all.

Mist 1


130 Comments:

At 9:14 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Yes there are those koala diaper changing stations in men's restrooms. I usually open it up to set my cellphone on so the changing table doesn't get neglected.

In a future blog, please mention Old Navy...I need some new shorts. Thanks!

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

I like the blue Icees too. I like to pretend that I'm one of those poor schlebs in the water at the end of the movie Titanic, once my lips and tongue turn all blue.

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger Not a Cookie Cutter said...

I use tissue to turn the faucets on and off as well as when dispensing the soap...let alone I never touch anything in the bathroom with my bare hand. After I leave the restroom I also use the hand sanitizer I keep in my purse to ensure cleanliness.
~GINA

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I thought it was for my laptop.

churlita,

You have a flair for the dramatic. I respect that.

cookie,

What did I do before hand sanitizer? I am afraid that I will drink it one night when I run out of tiny bottles of vodka.

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
While the men's room does have a changer for babies, the handicapped stall does NOT have its own sink. We have to use the same sinks as everyone else. When in places such as Target, I generally go to the small appliance dept. and sterilize my hands after washing in the toaster ovens. Otherwise, there's the old trick of always carrying surgical gloves for just such a purpose.

 
At 10:42 PM, Anonymous Natalie said...

I can't believe you forgot to mention how much you really, really like Tiffany diamonds.

 
At 12:22 AM, Blogger Jim said...

There is one in the men's room around here too.
The universal family/handicapped restroom generally has them too.
See one of mine here:
http://bp1.blogger.com/_aOZEGRAw2Q8/RjGgHd5djgI/AAAAAAAAADM/32_6SwHaVUg/s1600-h/100_4827[a].JPG
..
You might have to cut and paste that link. I have a little post with it made up for next week.
..
You showed me yours, I'm trying to show you mine.
..

 
At 12:45 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

You seem to have an excellent idea there. Maybe I should blog something along the lines of 'Dear Starbucks. I really like your hot baristas.' I could so use a free sample of that.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger AmyTree said...

I prefer the sinks with push-button taps, so I can turn them on with my elbow...

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Why do you put dollar signs on ass instead of the letters? Is that because you have to pay for it?

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger Rhian / Crowwoman said...

no telling what Target will decide to gift you with now. Got use for lifetime supply of diapers?

 
At 3:14 AM, Blogger Rhian / Crowwoman said...

PS - Mr. Fab's comment: bwwahahaha. that was damn funny.

 
At 3:21 AM, Anonymous pete said...

'good pr' looks like your plan worked flawlessly....mwaaa ha ha ha ha

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger melodyann said...

Hahaha, I would have taken out my phone and texted someone. I LOVE the handicapped stalls. One thing I hate about public bathrooms is that it seems like EVERY woman dribbles on the seat now. Is that like, a new thing? What the hell is wrong with wiping off your dribble after you pee?

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger EsLocura said...

when all the freebies start rolling in, are you going to share or hoard?

 
At 3:30 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

Mist are you pimping your blog?

 
At 3:34 AM, Blogger Love Monkey said...

I am proud of my ability to touch almost nothing in a public restroom. I taught all my kids this very very valuable skill. It's obvious we are highly intelligent individuals, and not as you claim mildly retarded.

 
At 4:55 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I always pick that stall, too - there's something about the space that feels luxurious and I like not having to run the risk of dropping my hadbag down the pan as I try to turn around to pee. The sink is generally a little low, though - they really should fix that.

Puss

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I see diaper changing stations in a lot more men's rooms nowadays, but there's never what I call the "lounging station"...women's rooms get a couch, a couple chairs, sometimes an extra mirror.

No wonder the lines are so long. It's quite comfortable in there!

Not that I would know. I'm just sayin'...

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Lonie Polony said...

When I'm out by myself with two children and a pram, the disabled toilet is usually the best option. Once someone was yanking on the door before we were ready to leave, and I got all annoyed, only to discover it was some poor man on a mobility scooter dying for the loo...

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger Lee said...

If I'm forced to use a public restroom, it means I'm in such a state of distress (read drunk) that I never notice anything.

All I've ever been offered thru my blog is a pre-viewing of some sniper documentary on Discovery Channel. Clearly I need to rethink this.

 
At 5:56 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

dear ketel one, maker's mark and don julio,

i love you. you make me smile. and not care about public restrooms.

hellohahanarf

 
At 5:59 AM, Blogger MJ said...

Handicap stall is my favorite also.. but only on an emergency basis..I am all for the automated bathrooms .. with auto flushers, auto sinks.. just need auto doors
I also LOVE Starbucks green tea late .. and vodka.. maybe you could send me a care package…??...

 
At 6:17 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Crikey! What a biotch. I love the Target but hate the public.

 
At 6:19 AM, Blogger Susan said...

Absolutely wonderful choice of vodka. Things I love:

Roundtrip first class tickets on British Airways to Italy. Everyone is always so happy in first class. It's so clean. The seats fully recline into a bed of sorts. The food is better. You get on and off the plane first.

I love Old Navy gift certificates also. I've never seen anyone unhappy in Old Navy. I've never even had a bad run-in with an angry child in there.

Free samples from Sephora. Nothing is ever wrong in sephora. It's clean. It's shiny. Everything is pretty. They'll put on my makeup for me for free.

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

People look at you funny if you wear surgical gloves around.

natalie,

I am starting small. Next week, I am planning to talk about yachts.

jim,

I like the picture of the baby touching the fire in a trash can.

phishez,

I want to live where you do, the baristas here are dirty, not hot.

amy,

Those never stay on long enough. They cut off as soon as it's time to rinse.

Thanks for coming by.

fab,

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

rhian,

I am sure that I will need diapers again at some point in my life.

pete,

Except for the absence of vodka, yes.

melodyann,

I dribble on the seat. When I walk out I warn other women, "Careful, someone totally messed up the seat."

es,

Did you just call me a whore?

akelamalu,

It ain't easy.

monkey,

It is amazing the things that you can use to open the door other than your hand.

puss,

You must be taller than I am.

nwjr,

I love the couch. There's no place that I'd rather sit and relax than a public restroom.

lonie,

Did you walk out with a limp and give him a dirty look?

lee,

What you need is a PR plan.

hello,

I rarely use the word love. It gives me a facial tic. Can we replace it with adore?

mj,

I like the auto stuff too, but sometimes, I have to wave my hands back and forth for a moment for it to recognize me. Sometimes, I feel invisible.

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I've got to start saying crikey.

susan,

Oh, Sephora. Sweet, sweet Sephora. If I was pregnant, I would name the child Sephora.

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Some logos would have been nice to drop in here, along with links to the various corporate sites. If you're going to whore yourself out, do it right. I should know - I'm an excellent pimp.

 
At 7:13 AM, Anonymous andy said...

M,

You know how i usually think of something clever to say about what you wrote or a story i have that relates to what you said or how damn much i love gin, but....

I work in a very quiet place. Usually I keep my laughing to myself and not disrupt anything. I don't wanna be overcomplementary, but when I read the part where you said "I made awkward small talk. 'There is a sink in here.'", I made a VERY strange loud snorting noise that drew LOTS of attention. In my attempt to diffuse the situation, I waved around like I was choking on something, and knocked over my soda. Right on my lap. It looked like i had wet myself, which, thank gods I had a reason, because I actually, in all the hubbub, actually wet myself. Just thought you should know.

It's like, you get me.

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

Dear BMW,

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I adore the M3 series. (Note: favorite color of gargantuan bow to go on top = Red.)

With love, LCG

 
At 7:22 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

Oh, I love the big stall. I think there's less a chance I'll drop anything in the toilet. I'm always dipping my scarf or coat sleeve in the toilet situating myself in the small stalls.

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

oooh, the handicapped stalls are THE BEST! handicapped people have all the luck, man....

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

No logos and links until I see some damn gifts. I am the star of this show.

andy,

Did you imagine me standing there motioning in the general direction of the sink? Did you imagine that mildly retarded look on my face?

lcg,

You should have asked them to throw in a key fob.

debbie,

I used to own a shirt that was delicately laced up the back. Then, I dipped it in the toilet. I had to wear it for the rest of the day.

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

miztris,

I know. The parking spaces, the bathroom stalls, the way people avoid them like a wheelchair is contagious...

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

hey you perverted retard-stay out of those stalls and quite looking at babies.
I am always thinking that people are thinking just the same thing when I am around young kids. I always feel the need to tell them that I am not some pedo freak.

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

I'm pretty sure the blue icees are blue raspberry. They're my favorite too but I bought a bottle of water last week at Target instead of the icee because I was trying to be healthy. I hate being healthy.

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

I don't like the big stalls because newcomers can't see my shoes and know I'm in there. Then I have to do the whole clear my throat deal so they know I'm there and don't let loose like it's their home field.

 
At 7:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

wreck,

I was not looking at that baby. I think the mother is at fault. She should have turned the baby the other way. Of course, then I'd be able to see it in the mirror.

yvonne,

Raspberries are healthy. Therefore blue Icees are healthy.

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

blitz,

I don't mind if people can't see my shoes in the stall. Every time I am in a little stall next to another woman, I get asked where I got my shoes.

I'm not telling. Especially not when I'm peeing. I just want to be left alone for a few minutes.

 
At 7:50 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

you lucky wench!

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Target is EVIL. I cannot leave there without spending way too much...

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

That was very nice of the Doubletree woman, but it's clear you're setting your sites too low. As long as the stuff's just pilfered off the carts? The Paris Ritz. Unlike joints that pretend to be appalled, they help load you up.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Riss said...

My favorite blog freebies are books. Oh an porn. But so far I haven't managed to score any of that, it's like the porn people are stingy with their marketing handouts.

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Wavemancali said...

Dear California Lotto Commission,

If you read Mist's blog and think the comments are good advertising too, I think you're the greatest and that your cash is wonderful too! Please don't send my free samples of bricks of money to Mist, but instead directly e-mail me for contact details. Thanks.

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger Julie_Gong said...

How good are those warm cookies from the Double Tree. Makes me want to always stay there. Esp after a long night of drinking.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

(Dear Mist1, I really, really like your prose). Of course, all this can get me for free is more of it, but that's all right.

There are NOT, btw, diaper changing stations in the men's rooms, which is suckage. My husband is a stay-at-home father, so what's a guy to do? You'll find him in that specialty light bulb aisle, wiping our kid's a$$, thanks to the assumption that a dad can't change a diaper.

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mayren,

I love it when you use affectionate nicknames for me.

tug,

I think I'll go to Target again today. I'm sure I forgot something.

booda,

I don't want to get ahead of myself.

riss,

I think the porn industry needs to give it up for free.

wave,

I will of course charge you a small fee for hosting this comment.

julie,

I adore that hotel. I will stay there anytime.

Thanks for coming by.

jocelyn,

I have contradicting information in the comments. I think that your husband just prefers to wipe the baby's a$$ in the specialty light bulb aisle.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Did I miss it or were there no endorsements for shoes?

Public restrooms are really gross. They're one of the reasons that I carry hand cleaner.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

I don't want to alienate any shoe companies. I can't limit my feet to just one label.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

McDonalds bathrooms is always nasty.
It smells like rooty poops.

The clean bathrooms are at downtown hotels.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I've always wondered if there were baby changing stations in mens' rooms. I'm glad we cleared that up.

I avoid public restrooms unless I'm desperate. I would rather gauge my mental health in better-smelling settings.

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nolff,

You are such a classy guy.

hearts,

Me too, but sometimes, you need to know.

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Diesel said...

Blue tastes like heaven.

Except when it's the blue in the toilet. I think that's a different flavor.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Tera said...

OMG! I can't stand to be in a public restroom and see someone not wash their hands NOR use a paper towel to touch the door handle upon exiting. I also LOATHE those restrooms which only have the blower-dryer-do-hickie and NO paper towels!!! Those places can expect me to don their restrooms with annoying, crubled up wet toilet paper (which obviously I had to use to dry my hands and get out the door) all over the place!

LMAO at the woman thinking you were "mentally challenged," and even harder at the fact that you derailed by actually pointing to the sink! LOL!

And for the record, if anyone from Bacardi is reading this...

 
At 10:35 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Warming the wipes for the baby's bottom? Wow.

That's the motherly equivilent of spitting on a dick before ramming it in.

Very considerate.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Yo, Target is the spot! If they send you anything from the DVD section.....

can i have it? We can trade.

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger melanie said...

maybe you should have offered her some of the hotel loot!

i love babies... especially when they are someone elses.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

What sort of dumbass designer planned that "restroom" so that the changing area blocks the stall? Like, go back to school. Or maybe s/he should be using your favoured cubicle.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Kara said...

I hate those changing tables that block the stalls! As a mother they drive me nuts cuz I'm always afraid of getting in someone's way, I prefer when they have the changing table in the handicap stall, then I can clean up my baby in peace without worrying who's looking at my baby's butt.

LOL at all the plugs. Maybe you'll get some more free stuff ;)

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Natalia said...

You can advertise for me any day.

-N

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Sebastien said...

I always think of Seinfeld when I hear about the handicap stall... some episode where George has people thinking he's handicapped and he gets his own bathroom and he says he loves it because he feels like an eagle perched high above the world or something of that nature.

I'm done now.

Oh, if you ever mention an art supply store and get a gift certificate, I would be very interested in that...

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger ~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

There's a movie theater in town that has a sink in every stall. Comes in handy when you are stuck at Rocky Horror Picture Show and your former best friend who is how a RHPS freak is yelling at you that you aren't allowed to use the PUBLIC bathrooms or some shit like that.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Nance said...

As a rule, I don't drink anything blue. Makes it too easy for them to slip Windex in there.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Uncivil said...

I puked my guts out the last time I drank something blue. It was some chics drink at a titty bar.
I asked her if I could try her drink, thinking it was some sissy drink and did a big gulp? Damn......I was the sissy after that. She still gave me a lap dance and she didn't even work there!

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

diesel,

Blue with vodka is divine. Toilet or not.

tera,

I hate the air dryer.

123,

I was thinking more along the lines of chewing your food for your offspring, but spitting on a dick is good too.

kiyotoe,

Make an offer.

melanie,

Even when they are someone else's babies...I'm still a little afraid of them.

*,

Clearly, there is no test to pass before you design a restroom.

kara,

Handicapped babies...oh, that's so sad.

natalia,

I charge a small negotiable fee.

seb,

I will sell it for just under fair market value.

silver,

Am I retarded for not knowing what RHPS is?

nance,

Windex isn't good, but antifreeze is tasty.

uncivil,

I believe that was Hypnotic.

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Never used a change room for any of my kids, cannot trust that they are clean enough, even the supermarket trolleys have bugs on their handles when swabbed and sent to the lab!!!
In most shopping centres here, there is a Baby Change and feed room that also has a loo in it. If ever I would use it, I would de-bug the area first..but, I don;t have to worry now as my baby is now 4yrs old (sigh..I feel old)

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cazzie,

It seems wrong that a changing station and a feeding station are combined.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
Given the state of some men's rooms, do you really think people would look strangely at me for wearing surgical gloves? I would think the machete on my belt would be of greater interest. No cause for strange looks. Not like spitting on guys named dick in public.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger MXI said...

I was going to pimp for a car in the comments too, but someone beat me to it.

Why when I mention brand names in my blog all I get are nice letters saying STOP.

 
At 12:28 AM, Blogger Killer said...

I always thought the changing stations were perfect FOR leaving your baby unattended. They usually come with straps to hold the bugger down and everything.
Plus, the next person using the potty, and have something to play with while they do their business.

 
At 12:47 AM, Blogger Kentucky Girl said...

My mom left me unattended the other day when she was changing me. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to tell.

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger lettuce said...

you'll be needing some good hand-cream after all those ablutions.

I do really really like Clarins hand cream.

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Janet said...

So you're saying the seeds of OCD are born out of people who are trapped with nothing better to do? Interesting.:)

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Mist, could you please mention in a future post that Stacy,(who hardly has any readership at all b/c she's just tragically not funny) really loves red wine (all) and shoes from Richey & Co.?
I'd appreciate that more than anything in the whole world.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

Children should be born potty trained. And older. And productive members of society. Bottom line -- I shouldn't have to listen to them whine.

And there is NO reason you should have gotten the ass end view of that situation.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I can't speak for the state of most men's rooms. No really, I can't. I don't care what you saw written about me on the wall in there.

mxi,

Hey, at least they notice.

killer,

Straps? I've got to get one of those things installed in my house.

kentucky,

My mom has left me unattended for years. She's waiting for me to change.

lettuce,

I love being single, because I am the only one who uses my hand cream.

janet,

Is that what I said? Maybe that's where my OCD comes from. I've been blaming my parents.

stacy,

Pinot Noir? Cab Sav? I need more to go on. Also, please specify shoe size.

legal,

I am like an a$$ magnet.

 
At 2:43 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Dear Mist,

Don't ever change. Stay exactly as you are.

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Mist , I agree it is wrongfor the feeding and changing station to be together. So, I used to feed my babies wherever I liked, where I drank my beverages, and everyone else did too. I had some people come up and go crook at me for it, but I like I said,"You go eat in the change room and I will feed my baby out here in cleanliness..get my drift?" They racked off real quick then I can tell you!!!

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

Yes we do have changing stations in the mens' changing rooms but I've never seen them being used to be honest.

What a cool spongeing idea? I am dead impressed and would like to mention my keen interest in Bombay Sapphire if anyone is listening...

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

You're not referring to my hair color, are you? Because I change that seasonally.

cazzie,

The world would be a better place if everyone could just learn to mind their own business. Except for me. I should be able to say whatever I want.

grunt,

I will happily send any Bombay Sapphire to you. It's not my personal preference.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

okay if you washed your hands 24 times I might not think that you were obsessive, but 26 I think you might be just a wee bit obsessive... not that that is a bad thing...

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

nice....umm...i need a jet plane and a rich husband and a small island in the south pacific... :-D

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tellin',

Just a wee bit.

nofear,

Can I go with you? I don't want the husband, just the benefits.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger Todd said...

I didn't realize this was an option that worked!

(Dear Mist1, I really, really like drunken naked time with you.)

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Can you please do something about Jeff Gordon? I'm not sure what would happen if you mentioned him in your blog, but maybe you could get him to disappear for a few months?? I'd be most grateful.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

todd,

Almost every time with me involved alcohol and a certain amount of nudity.

michael,

I'll see what I can do, but what if I mention him and he calls me to meet him at one of my favorite hotels? How do you propose that I get rid of him?

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Thanks Mist! As long as he is locked in that hotel room until Sunday night, I'd be a happy, happy man. I'm sure you're much better with details than I am.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I'll have to find my furry cuffs.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

It is so admirable how you sacrifice yourself for the better good. If only I could be as thoughtful as you. I am eternally indebted. If I can ever repay the favor, just let me know. If it helps, Jeff will be in Virginia next weekend.

 
At 6:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I have to pack the trunk of my car. I will need duct tape, adult diapers, rope, a Taser, vodka, and the new shoes that I just bought.

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Todd said...

You're right. We need to meet up.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger Williebee said...

Yeah, they have those changing stations in the guy's restroom, too. Last week I sat on it with my pants down and, when anyone came in, shouted Change me! Change MEEEE!

And that is why I'll not be allowed into Target again. They may have cool stuff, but no sense of humor.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Just send me the bill. Oh yeah, take pictures. I can use the blackmail money, he's a pretty rich guy.

I'd ask to come along, but the word 'implicated' has always scared me.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

todd,

I keep pushing back my NY trip because I can't expense it.

willie,

Whole Foods doesn't have a sense of humor either. When they say "no tasting" at the olive bar, they mean it.

michael,

I share my blackmail money with no one. That would cut into my shoe budget.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

That's too bad, I was hoping to put in a pool this summer. I guess you earned the money though.

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger STAK said...

at which point do i fall down and lick all 7798 pairs of your whack ass shoes...............i'll buy you a cocktail afterwards........

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Jay said...

That's really great.

Rockin the freebies!

Dear Mist: I really like when you post about beer and bumper cars. Perhaps you'd like to throw a little freebie my way?

 
At 8:15 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Hmmm, your hands are probably clean enough to eat off of now.

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

You can use my pool. I am not heartless.

stak,

That sounds like a pretty good evening.

jay,

I think we should start a competitive league.

james,

You don't want to know where my hands just were.

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Ok, just don't laugh when I put my floaties on my arms. I'm a little self conscious about them.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I hope your floaties match your swim trunks.

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Crap, is that a requirement?

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I have new neighbors. I'm trying to impress them.

 
At 12:20 AM, Blogger Leese said...

I always just leave the stall and wash my hands on the outside. I'm also paranoid that someone will think I didn't wash my hands. I would hate to get the same look that I give people when they don't wash.

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

leese,

That's why I announced the sink. I'm not disgusting and I need people to know.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

Heck, I can help with the neighbors. I do a great one man synchronized swim routine to KC and the Sunshine Band's Boogie Shoes. I call it the 'monoswim.' Oh wait, you said impress your neighbors, didn't you. Nevermind.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

No, that sounds just about right. I'm in. We should get matching swimcaps to go with our floaties.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

Sounds like a great idea. I hope it doesn't throw me off having a partner for synchronized swimming. I hope it doesn't throw you off hearing my heart tick under water. It can really mess up the beat.

(Remind me to tell you about a Saturday Night Live synchronized swimming sketch from years ago.)

Have a great week. I now have to go to work as I was supposed to be there a few minutes ago. I'm sure they won't notice...

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Can we set your heartbeat to keep the beat while we are underwater and can't hear the music?

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

Yeah, do you have a wire with plenty of electrical current flowing through it? I'm sure that'll work and I promise not to hold you responsible ;-)

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I'm not supposed to play with electricity.

 
At 2:43 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Either am I, but I've got medication to counter act my 'shocking' behavior. What's your reason?
;-)

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I am a danger to myself and others. I am also not supposed to play with fire. That's why I don't cook.

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Well that's not good. I just about burned off my left hand guaging the readiness of my charcoal yesterday (it was hard to see the flames until my hand was practically over them). I looked quickly to make sure no one was looking so I Think I got away with it.

I've always been a danger to myself. In fact, somehow I cut my eye near the pupil this morning and it's completely blood shot. Because of the blood thinners, I now have to keep an eye on it, pardon the pun.

We might have to form a danger to one's self support group.

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Wow, this is a great way to pad your comment count, by the way ;-)

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I am always looking for a new support group.

 
At 5:51 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Well you can join mine. I'm not really sure how support groups go, but I'm serving lobster and key lime pie. They usually have snacks at support groups, right?

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Your support group must be catered. Mine just serves bad coffee.

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

We can do that. The only caterer I know though does BBQ. You say bad coffee like it's a bad thing ;-)

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Not only is the coffee bad, but if you have ever seen junkies freak out over coffee creamer, well...it's a bad experience all around.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I'll take your word for it. Actually I think I do need a don't hurt yourself support group. I just swallowed a gnat outside while playing catch. Sadly, I thought they'd taste much better.

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Gnats aren't bad with BBQ and beer. Or, at least beer.

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I'm just worried about dropping them through the grill grates. Although, I have been known to dust stuff off that's fallen through. I swear I've never served it to others though.

I think I will have to drink vicariously through you. What's the fee for that?

 
At 7:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

The fee varies depending on my bar tab. As does the headache that you may have the day after.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Can we work out some type of prepaid plan? I misplaced my last paycheck.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I hate when I do that. I have misplaced every paycheck that I've ever earned. Usually, I misplace them on shoes.

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Mine get misplaced on cd's and toys. I actually used to have a Homer Simpson on my desk. Then someone made a remark about it not being professional or something like that. I really wasn't paying attention. I just hope no one ever asks me to account for where all my money gets spent.

We might be able to push your comment count towards 150, but people will say it was falsely inflated.

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Homer is totally professional. I have fish on my desk. They are professional too.

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger ZenDenizen said...

You are a riot, no wonder you're bringing 100+ comments a post. I'm in awe.

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

zen,

Sometimes, I am in awe too. You all are the best.

 

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Name: Mist1
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