Prom
My father is a sensible man. He doesn't give me unsolicited advice, he makes gentle suggestions. I'll never forget the time we went to Disney and he had to fish me out of the It's a Small World ride. He put his hands firmly on my shoulders and said, "Honey, I need to know which meds you forgot to pack so we can call your doctor." He has never needed my advice. Until now.Dad is going to prom. This would be worrisome in some families, but Dad teaches high school, and he volunteered, so it's okay. In fact, I am thrilled that he would ask me for prom fashion advice.
It's not that I want to relive prom. I don't. I would like to forget that my senior prom ever happened. Nothing went right in the days leading up to that magical evening.
Three days before the event, my hairstylist called me to tell me that he had unexpectedly decided that he was gay and would be leaving his wife to live with his lover in Miami. I pleaded Tommy to wait until after prom, but he informed me that his life had been on hold for long enough and nothing, not even my prom could keep him from his dream.
Two days before the event, a bleeding stomach ulcer landed me in the hospital overnight. I was released the next day doped up and dry heaving. On the plus side, I couldn't eat solid foods and therefore achieved the sallow gauntness that made my cheekbones pop and set off my earrings.
The day before the event, my date announced that in order to save money, we would be sharing a hotel room with a few of his buddies. I hung up on him and called my reserve date.
Perhaps the worst moment was arriving to prom in the identical dress as my high school nemesis. My girlfriends clustered around me in a show of support and told me that I pulled the dress off better than she had. She didn't know how to accessorize they assured me. They were right. She was in chunky sandals and was wearing a Wonder Woman-like cuff.
My best accessory was her ex-boyfriend on my arm. He looked great with my shoes.
I hope Dad's prom is better than mine was.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:41 AM
89 Comments:
That's a rough prom. However, I took the valedictorian to mine and as soon as we arrived, she decided that was the moment to realize she had overlooked the part where she thought she told me that she didn't like to dance and didn't like me for that matter.
I nursed a Shirley Temple all night -- that's not code for anything, by the way.
Man, what I wouldn't do for a reserve date now. How do we find those?
I got in early this time!!!
When I went to my prom (or at least our version of the prom), I can't remember a thing about it.
Must have meant that I had a really, really good time
Graffiti
Ah, prom...I don't miss high school one bit.
An ex-boyfriend of your nemisis who went great with your shoes? There's not a poker hand in the world that can beat that.
Ex-boyfriend is the perfect accessory, dahling... you sure showed her. The nerve of that girl, with chunky heels and cuffs? Blech~!
"the sallow gauntness that made my cheekbones pop and set off my earrings" A classic line in the history of American Literature.
Plus it reminds me of the loving wife.
Does Michael have a reservation here? He is always your first commenter.
He was your reserve prom date, wasn't he?
I'm pretty sure that if you lend your dad your old prom dress, he won't make the 'same dress as his nemesis' faux pas!
I do find it interesting that a close relative of yours is responsible for helping form the minds of young people - there is hope. FAZ
You didn't describe your shoes - I wanna know about your shoes!!!
I guess it all depends on how her ex-boyfriend looks on your dad's arm.
I like a gal who really knows how to accessorize ;-)
nice car.
Ugh. Prom night.
Rather than waxing unsentimental on the horrors of my prom (which were many), I would rather posit that no one ever has a good time at prom, and that the whole event exists solely to prepare high school seniors for the disappointments and angst that will continue to plague them for life.
(goes off to write a best-selling book on the topic)
That was just two years ago, right? I mean, aren't you 20?
Oh god. Senior Prom. I went with a "friend" who got hammered, tried to molest me and then threw up on his shoes. Which was lucky for him. Because if he had thrown up on MY shoes he'd be worm food right now.
I never went to any of my high school dances. I was too fat and too outcast. Besides, I had a social phobia I was dealing with, so I never even CONSIDERED going to the prom. Sometimes I wonder if I missed out on a good thing. Stories like this one, though, remind me that the only thing I missed out on was the shoes.
Too bad I never realized how self-affirming shoes can be until 3 months ago!
Ugh .. prom night …. The things that we try to forget.. I think that I have blocked out the entire evening .. or maybe I was drunk ? who knows …
is your dad taking a date?
nothing like " sallow gauntness" to help make accessories work for you!!!!
I went to senior prom with my boyfriend who was sporting a halo brace for his broken neck.
Yes, the photos are priceless.
I was 9 months pregnant at my senior prom. The food was the best part.
The key is, have a chick with sweet hooters to make out with during "I'm going to keep on loving you" by REO Speedwagon...they still play that at prom right? I mean it's only like the ultimate song for the make outs.
Within a few days of my prom, the GORGEOUS blonde guy who was my date ran away from home....his family thought maybe to Mexico.
Jeez! I didn't think the night had been THAT bad!
What you griping about? Sounds like a highly successful evening - all it needed was public vomiting, preferably in the punch or down your rival's no-longer-identical dress and you'd be laughing!
Puss
michael,
I've had my Shirley Temple nursed before.
churlita,
It involves a lot of eyelash batting coupled with a small amount of playing hard to get.
graffiti,
The less you remember, the better it was.
claudia,
No kidding, right?
velvet,
I know. It made me feel like a better person.
curiosity,
I wanted to shake her. Chunky heels to prom? Never.
blitz,
Anytime you can mention cheekbones and popping, it's bound to be good.
hearts,
He gets an alert on his cell phone. I'm sure of it.
spoon,
If Dad can fit one arm into that dress, I'm worried about him.
faz,
My dad makes up for my faults.
akelamalu,
The best word to describe the texture on top is caviar.
fab,
Dad and her ex-boyfriend don't get along. Long story. Involves many, many collect calls.
turnbaby,
It's what I do best.
maximo,
Nice back seat.
mike,
I thought prom night was like the prep course for the wedding night.
av,
It was three years ago. I graduated early.
chef,
Vomit and shoes never mix.
rachel,
If I was a hugging kind of girl, I would totally hug you right now. I am so proud of your self-discovery through shoes.
mj,
Either way, I'm sure it was magical. I just like the word magical to describe prom.
hello,
I was so wrapped up in my memories that I neglected to ask.
pool,
It's sort of my thing.
ctw,
You're kidding me, right?
yvonne,
Did you have to buy a ticket for your unborn child?
furious,
REO who?
pissy,
So, did he invite you to his Mexican prom?
puss,
My high school administrators knew better than to serve us punch. There's no telling what we would have put in it.
I didn't go to prom because I was kicked out of high school, but I always wanted to live in "it's a small world" too! Did you jump out of the cart? If you did, I understand.
My senior prom is a blur. I think we had fun... my girl and I double-dated with my best buddy and the girl who lived next door to me. Dinner was fine, the dance was ok, but it got awkward at picture time - because he wanted a picture of just me and him...
He lives in Oakland now with his boyfriend the lawyer.
stacy,
I have a history of inappropriate behavior at Disney theme parks.
his sin,
I bet that's the cutest picture ever. Did he order the wallet size or locket size shots?
Ahhhh...what every girl dreads at prom...the identical dress (and worn by the evil nemesis to boot!)!! Well, at least you know you pulled the dress off better than she did. You are a smart, smart girl, Mist! Great shoes and the ex bf...the perfect accessories!
Let me repeat here: the girl who stole my date at my prom is dead now. That almost kinda makes up for it.
Dude,
So you told your dad 'ascot', right? Or 'dickie'. I'm a teacher too and may have to go to the prom, but it's on a boat. Any ideas on garb? Should I go all nautical?
I, too, am curious about the fashion advice you gave your dad-- did you tell him to bring his nemesis's ex-wife?
chrissy,
Sometimes, when I go home to visit, I still see her. She pretends to like me. I don't know why she bothers.
fringes,
Note to self: Stay away from Q.
andy,
Searsucker tuxedo.
Things like this are what makes me really happy that I didn't go to either of my proms.
mystery,
I suggested that he steer away from the school colors in his tux (maroon and gold), which was his original thought.
karma,
I can't believe that you missed out on all the teen catastrophes of prom.
I'm sure the vomit looked lovely on the front of your dress, Mist.
i didn't go to my prom. after going to my boyfriend's prom two years prior, I knew I wouldn't be caught dead at my own. I hated it!
I love how your date matched your shoes.
matt,
Dry heaving, Matt. No vomit necessary.
miztris,
I did that too, but I didn't learn.
mutt,
So did I.
On the bright side, if you'd gone with your original date, it probably would've been a REALLY fun night!
mal,
It was a tough choice. He had a fake ID.
Ah ex boyfriends are so easily Poe-Dey-Swahed to match the shoes
Bwahahah. LMAO! Have got to go change my undies now. Bwahahaha!
I went to three different high schools and quite a few proms. I loved them. I still offer my services as a prom date.
I just watched a creepy Law and Order where a 28-year-old woman kept sneaking back into foster care and enrolling in high schools, then seduced the captain of the football teams.
I was so jeluz.
scotts,
I had to sound that out.
comedy,
Why? Didn't they coordinate with your shoes?
123,
How did she get caught? I want to know what not to do.
I was too non-conformist punk rock to go to prom back then. I can not relate.
There's a guy who cut's hair that hangs out in my social circle. Sometimes I wonder about him. He goes out with girls, but he talks with a lisp.
Speaking of hair, curly hair is the best.
And the theme of that prom...wait...let me guess...
"I Believe I Can Fly"
Tell me. I got it. Right?
I came of age in the Lionel Ritchie years of "Dancin'on the Ceiling" and/or "...All Night Long."
nolff,
Curly hair is absolutely my favorite kind of hair.
jocelyn,
Remind me to email Dad today and ask what the theme is. I hope it's This is Why I'm Hot.
As long as your dad avoids Wonder Woman like cuffs he should be okay.
sqt,
And the lasso too.
That date wouldn't happen to be the one that wants to also save money by not paying for your cell phone would it?
And with your nemesis' added atrocities...oops I mean accessories, you mean people weren't too distracted to notice she had the same dress?
tera,
Why yes, it was the same guy.
So what was that your dress?
How funny! I didn’t go to prom for that exact reason. It was easier to stay home eat popcorn and watch MTV. But on a flip side I don’t have a funny story like yours.
I knew you were a prodigy. At least you're legal now. I don't feel quite so dirty.
matt,
Clearly, that was someone else's vomit.
misstress,
You can go with my dad if you really want to have a prom story.
Thanks for coming by.
av,
I think you meant tragedy, not prodigy.
The only tragedy is that our clothes are still on.
Hm, that makes my prom seem like Cinderella's Ball without the lost slipper.
As long as the gym teacher's dress doesn't match your dad's, it's all good.
Another woman's ex-boyfriend is ALWAYS a good accessory. Well done!
OMG who wasn't sick at there prom..I mean I ended up holding the hair of my best friend as she vomitted in the toliet, as I assured her that no one would be able to tell that she had done so after walking out of the bathroom. She fluffed her permed hair out even more used some aqua net out of her purse. ( ohhh aqua net my best friend also at the time)
I told her just push up your boobs out a little more so that everyone would look at her boobs and not notice her bad breath... from all the alcohol and vomiting...
I'm almost positive that it worked or at least everyone else was so trashed they never even noticed including me...
Prom, 1977. Theme: A Night at the Round Table. Dress: Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax label crinkled muslin with wide lace off-shoulder band. Shoes: a tasteful off-white fabric sandal, mid-heel exactly matching dress. God help me, it was incredibly fashionable but I looked probably like a Little House on the Prairie Bride.
av,
Please. I know you better than that. You don't wear pants.
silver,
That part of the story was always so sad to me.
tug,
I'm sure the gym teacher doesn't wear a dress. She doesn't seem like the dress type.
alicia,
If only my hair had been better.
tellin,
How large was her purse that she could hold a can of Aqua Net in it?
nance,
My friend had the best J. McClintock dress. It was purple. It was to die for. She worked at Dairy Queen to buy it. I think it took ten years to have enough money.
I never heard from him again.
All I can say is that he must have been gay b/c I was VERY popular with the boys in high school. ;-)
chunky sandals -- ah, the humanity! Why oh why did anyone ever think chunky sandals was a good idea?
pissy,
I wasn't as popular as the girl with no teeth.
legal,
I admit that I had a pair. Or two. Or thirty.
My sister made my prom dress, strapless black. I wore it on the ship and then got sea sick the whole time. NICE PROM! NOT!
mogul,
But what did your shoes look like?
Had to come back to say I loved Yvonne's comment. I think she has a book there, and a movie. Especially if she delivered her baby to a great song.
Damn. You do know me too well!
Your hairstylist suddenly figured out that he was gay? What happened, he realized he was a hairstylist?
Ba-dom-PAH!
(that was supposed to be a rimshot)
hearts,
You are so right.
av,
It's okay. I rarely wear pants. I understand.
capt. smack,
One day, he was laying in some chocolate low lights and poof! It just dawned on him.
So did I baby..so.did.eye.
Couldn't bother to google it for the correct spelling
scotts,
I don't grade on spelling around here. No matter, as long as I get the meaning.
my nemesis showed up in the most tacky outfit, so i really didn't have to do anything to upstage her since she looked like a bag of shit to begin with.
i do have to admit that prom is one of those high school memories that actually do not cause violent urges in me. i had a good date, and i went with some friends.
Oh no! There's no comment link on your newest post. I think I'm going to hypervenhilate.
No comments on the new post?
My weekend is ruined. And it hasn't even started.
I like women that like married men.
I'm just too tired to read two posts and I don't think you've enabled comments on your new post. I will assure you will I will be back for Prom. In the meantime I just wanted to say:
I wanted to tell her that I am disgruntled too, but thus far I have kept up my normal toilet habits.
Something tells me we'll be the first to hear if your habits do change.
k,
I sort of dislike you right now. Your comments are supposed to be making me feel better about myself, not worse. I'll just sit here and wait for you to delete this comment and replace it with something more like, "Dude, you're awesome, LOL!!!"
sqt,
My apologies. Blogger made some changes and I don't know how to manage them yet.
phishez,
Comments are on!
nwjr,
The only people who don't like women who like married men are married women.
orhan,
You can be sure of it.
Hello!
You've a nice blogs! Keep it up and hope to read more from you.
;D
curry,
Thanks for noticing my blogs. They are nice, aren't they? So soft and supple.
Thanks for coming by.
after all of that, i don't blame you for blocking that out. My most memorable moment of prom was afterwards at the Embassy Suites when.......
umm...nevermind.
kiyotoe,
We are sharing such a 90210 moment right now. Thank you.
I think this post is hysterical!
kristin,
Most of my life is hysterical. Most of the time, I am hysterical. Sometimes, I am medicated for it.
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