To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, August 14, 2006

I'm Repulsive


Every now and then, I am reminded that I am disgusting.

Some days, it's mild. As demonstrated by:

1. I have been out of dishwasher detergent for two weeks.
2. Collection of bug wings on my desk.
3. Failure to floss.

Other days, it's moderate. As demonstrated by:

1. The smell of death emanating from the drain in the kitchen sink.
2. Yesterday's underwear on the bathroom floor.
3. Toenail that's dangerously close to falling off.

Yesterday, it was extreme.

I paint on the weekends. I like to paint outside, there's less clean up that way. Last weekend, it started to rain on me as I was painting so I rushed everything inside. I set the painting aside to dry and I put my brushes in a jar of water on my desk. The brushes have been sitting in that jar for a week.

Sunday, I prepared to glue more bug wings onto the painting. I had everything ready. I peered into the jar of water to select the perfect brush. There was movement in the jar.

Clearly, sobriety was getting to me. I poured a glass of sangria and looked again.

Swimming and flitting about was a small community of parasitic larva. Yes, little worms. An entire colony in a jar. Just like in my high school biology class. Only this time, Mr. C. wasn't going to give me any extra credit points.

I did what I always do in these situations. I retched. Twice. Then I called people to tell them about my disgusting sea monkey pets.

I flushed the entire microcosm. As I watched them swirl around the bowl, I remembered that mysterious invasion of little flies that I had about a month ago. Mystery solved.


Mist 1


27 Comments:

At 4:11 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

But don't you need those flys to glue on the painting? Will the maggots work or do they wiggle off?

This reminds me of the Mel Brooks skit "The Artist" on the 2000 year old man CD. LMAO

I heart him and you too!

 
At 5:23 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

*Gagging*

The word maggot is just too much for me in the morning.

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist,

Ummm....how to be PC about this....screw it - don't have the time and you'll appreciate the bluntness here (I think)......I've got a spare 50 Gallon drum of Palmolive dish soap from the 2 pack I got at Costco last year if you want it....just let me know where to ship it.

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Ewww like gag a maggot.....hehe

sorry - couldn't resist....

But I do hear that the Orkin man is quite cute...might wanna give him a call just in case

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

Thank you for your offer. With 50 gallons, I can do my dishes and fill up a kiddie pool and host a Palmolive wrestling match!

cheeky,

Ewwww.

Orkin guys don't wear those cute shorts like the UPS guys do.

 
At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Allan said...

The failure to floss is what is ultimately going to get you.

 
At 7:13 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

The whole colony gone... You could have probably trained them to do tricks, but that won't be happening now. :P

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

I was hoping nobody would bring this up. Immediately after I flushed, I started to wonder, "what have I done?"

But it was too late.

There will be no swimming maggot circus. And it is all my fault.

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger kuri said...

Jackson Pollock used to dip maggots in paint and drop them on a canvas to create art through their wiggle patterns. I'm not making this up. Well, OK, maybe I am.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuri,

I wish you weren't making that up.

I am soooo avant garde.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger K said...

seems you leave maggots everywhere, mist. i had to get rid of a colony just this morning. poor you.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

If this whole top-secret KGB gig you have going on now doesn't work out for you, you should really think about going into pest control.

Thanks. A million.

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger saurabh said...

This is akin to that time when I created a fruit-fly trap (quite effective, don't you know) which consisted of a paper funnel with a tiny, fruit-fly sized hole at the tip taped into a mason jar with some yeasty water at the bottom. Sloth, which caused the fruit fly problem in the first place, prompted me to neglect daily changing of the jar, since I figured the flies were locked in there anyway - no harm. Result: in four days time, when I next checked, I had a jar full of maggots. I have seen few things in my life that are more grody grody grody than that. I thrashed around the kitchen moaning and retching for several minutes before I eventually worked up the guts to flush them out into the sink and run the garbage disposal for fifteen minutes straight.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

saurabh,

Thanks for coming by.

You are my disgusting (although much more scientific) twin.

I would gag from your story, but I am laughing too hard.

 
At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

Bug wings are really pretty.

 
At 12:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

alison,

Yes, they are. They are also really hard to glue to a painting. Turns out, they're waterproof.

 
At 2:10 PM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

LOL - I love people who go "oh my God I can't believe I did that... I have to go tell someone because it's hilarious!" ;-)

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

omg - that could easily be the grossest thing I've ever read. LOL
How is it that I'm finding all this humor in your misfortune?

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger kuri said...

I bet staples would work...

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

miss britt,

That is the general theme in my daily experiences. I am in a perpetual state of "OMG, I can't believe I did that."

Thanks for visiting.

darlene,

I told you, I'm repulsive.

My misfortune is here for your amusement.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuri,

I always wanted to be a surgeon.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger C said...

Major gross out. I once lived in a fly infested place because a bird died in this poorly built home. It met its fate between the roof and the ceiling and its rotting body became infested with larvae that fell through cracks in the ceiling and birthed many deformed - spasmodic flying flies. It was awful.

 
At 6:14 PM, Blogger miss celeste said...

i feel bad to laugh but it is funny...how did the painting turn out?

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

I find myself being quite gross myself, like the fridge, I hate to clean it, so after a few weeks, I find all kinds of differant kinds of stuff growing, hair, mold, and yes, one time, a cucumber that turned to just green water. I'm sooo disapointed in myself!!!! Some of the things do make for a good conversation piece though.

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

Blech. I cannot believe that really happened. I feel better about myself already.

Thanks for coming by.

miss celeste,

Laughing is the only thing that keeps me from calling the Board of Health. The painting is a work in progress. G found some incredible wings for me.

Thanks for coming by.

anastasia,

I once had yogurt turn red and purple. It was so pretty that I put it back in the fridge to see what would happen next.

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Hmmm and I NEED TO SHAVE??? or were you just talking about my Monkey?? *grin* I have a 5 gallon cooler that I made punch in and then left outside.... I'm so scared to open it...soooo scared

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

dallas,

You are so sensitive. Maybe you should get electrolysis.

For those of you who don't know dallas, he posted a pic of himself and a monkey. I don't know him IRL, so who's to say who is who?

Bring on the cooler.

 

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