|
|
Friday, August 11, 2006
 My appetite has been voracious. Generally, a meal looks something like this: 1. Popsicle 2. Cigarette 3. Water Last night, I needed a cake. Not a slice of cake. A cake. I went to the bakery at my local grocery store. The problem with buying a cake in the middle of the night is that everyone knows that you are going to go home and eat the entire cake yourself. I had to throw the Bakery Lady off. I am pretty clever sometimes. Mist 1: I'd like to order a sheet cake, please. Marble. No purple frosting.* *Purple frosting tastes like cancer. Bakery Lady: (Adjusting hairnet) What would you like it to say? Mist 1: Happy birthday Christopher.** **It was the longest name I could think of. Eleven letters. That's a lot of frosting. Not Chris. C-H-R-I-S-T-O-P-H-E-R. Bakery Lady: (Motions toward book on counter) Do you want a theme cake? Mist 1: It's. Not. For. Me. It's for Christopher. And yes, he'd like an Incredible Hulk cake. Bakery Lady: Ma'am, that cake has purple frosting. See, his pants are... Mist 1: (Getting nervous) F*ck the theme. Just a sheet cake. Nothing fancy. No purple frosting. Bakery Lady: (Raising eyebrows) Okay... Mist 1: I gotta pick up some balloons and sh*t. I'll be back in 30 minutes. I sat in my living room, licking frosting off my fingers all night. Tomorrow, I will suck the helium out of the balloons. Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut |
Name: Mist1 Location: Dirty South, USA Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.
123 Valerie Strikes Again
I'm Little
Header image photo by Alison.
|
21 Comments:
nerd,
Great minds think alike. Caller ID is a pain in my *ss.
Mist -
Now I want cake...no...cookies - yup dozens of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and a gallon of chocolate milk.
FYI - you can make the prank calls from your cell phone - you can turn off the outgoing caller id information.
mr. g,
Cookies sound good. No milk. Ever. That's for calves.
I will be keeping my cell phone out of this thank you very much.
If you want some numbers to call - I have a few from telemarketers that I got yesterday.....
cheeky,
Funny. Please email list in preferred calling order.
Lol...too funny. Sheesh why do we always need to feel we have to justify our lil indulgences?
mindless,
You are a romantic.
Thanks for the add.
miranda,
I'm not sure that an entire sheet cake counts as a little indulgence. Strangely, I feel better.
anastasia,
I love whipped cream frosting. The other stuff tastes like Crisco. Not that I've tried Crisco...
Good idea with the ballons line. That would throw her off.
Perhaps the most satisfying part of any cake is licking the frosting off something. Whether it be fingers, or the bottom of that cardboard thing they come on.
Or maybe that's just me.
anon,
Had to read that one twice. It was that whole licking the frosting off the bottom part that threw me off.
Mist: you are awesome.
All should hail you.
The end.
LOL - I think I find this so funny because I've been there. You know, I'm not an insane lover of cheesecake, but I craved one, years back - Like you, not a piece but a whole cheesecake..(it was during the OJ Simpson trial and I was glued to the TV)..>Anyway, a few bites lead to the whole thing. The next morning the bathroom became my home for 3 1/2 days.
sabilak,
You are so wise. Is anyone listening to sabilak?
darlene,
Mmmmm, cheesecake...mango cheesecake. Gawd, how can I even think of cake at a time like this?
White frosting tastes like toilet that has been filled with 7-Up! Therefore I secretly crave it!
Chocolate is the only way to go!
nihilistic,
So what you're saying is...the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice...right?
Cool.
That is exactly what I was saying! Nice to know someone gets me!
Hmmmm, now I'm wanting me a big slice of that sheet cake. The corner please, ya the one with the big hulks big biceps sticking up. I heart frosting (I think others do too they just say they don't). I'm not too proud to beg.
nihilistic,
I am very intuitive. It's a curse, not a gift.
icl,
That is exactly why I like you so much.
LOLOL I need you to come live with me for a while and teach me how to enjoy life more. That was too priceless!!
echo,
When can I move in? I could use a change of scenery.
When I was just out of college, I ate a pint of ice cream a day. I would buy it on my break and then sit behind the counter in the women's clothing store where I worked while I calmly worked my way through the entire thing. Every customer in the store would stare at me in shock in disgust. (I weighed about 108 pounds.)
veronica,
You are lucky those women didn't jump over the counter and attack you.
Post a Comment