To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

No Way Out



It was like being in a movie. Only without the all-star cast.

I walked out of my therapist's office and greeted the child (crazier than me, based on appearance alone)and his dad waiting in the lobby. The fact that my therapists sees children is something that I am trying very hard not to think about. Although it does explain all the crayon drawings taped to her walls.

I thanked her and headed to the elevators. I pushed the down button and made a phone call. Ten minutes later, the elevator had not come. I decided to take the stairs. I walked down four flights of stairs and encountered an Emergency Exit Only Alarm Will Sound if Door is Opened sign. And a large, looming camera.

I walked back up to the second floor and headed to the elevators. I pushed the button and made a phone call. Five minutes later, the elevator had not come. I walked to the south exit and went down two flights of stairs and encountered an Emergency Exit Only Alarm Will Sound if Door is Opened sign. And a large, looming camera.

I am stuck in the building.

Third floor. Elevators do not respond. Fifth floor, same story. Trying not to panic. Deep breathing. Talking to my inner child to calm her down.

This is not a crisis, I remind myself. If I freak out, I can always go back to my therapist's office and curl up in fetal position outside of her door. She will understand.

I make a phone call. "Just go back to her office," S says. "I can't," I tell her "the kid up there looks really crazy. I would hate to interrupt. He really needs the full hour."

I run up and down the stairs. North exit. South exit. Third floor. Sixth floor. I am not going to freak out just because I am locked in a building. Then I see the strange man hiding in the corner of the stairwell. Okay, it's a pipe. Not a killer. I laugh at myself. I sound a little like a hyena.

I go back to her office where the kid's dad is in the hallway talking on the phone. I blurt out, "I can't get out of the building." I realize then that I am sweaty from the stairs and slightly hysterical.

He points me in the direction of the elevators (genius). I explain that the elevators won't come. Have I pushed the button? Of f*cking course I've pushed the f*cking button you f*cking moron. He tells me that they always exit the building via the elevators and shrugs. He returns to his phone call, "sorry about that..."

As if I'm the idiot. Okay, so I still can't figure out how to exit the building. But I'm no idiot.

I hear a noise on the fifth floor. I run up the stairs and open a door. The janitor is in the closet muttering to himself. He looks a little homicidal. But I am desparate. "The elevators..." I say. "They don't work," he says.

He walks me down to the emergency exit doors and opens them. No alarm. I am an idiot.

I hope the large, looming cameras had a good angle of the look on the face of the dad trapped in the stairwell with the lunatic kid when he realized that they were trapped in the building.

Mist 1


31 Comments:

At 10:14 PM, Blogger Greg said...

That does sound like an exciting little adventure you three had there! Still, I would have been hysterical too. That's creepy as hell. Hope that today works a little better for you. :)

 
At 2:12 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Alarm and camera to hell, I'd have been busting through that exit door. I hate small places and being enclosed, trapped. I got stuck on an elevator once alone when I was young for about 10 minutes. So if the elevator don't come when I push that button I'm outta there just as fast as my feet can carry me. See what happens when you watch the Towering Inferno at a youg age. Maybe I need a therapist? :P

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

The Dad just has an excuse...he can make the kid push the door without worry of the looming camera..."The kid just went Ape Shit, what do you want me to do?"

Damn crazy homicidal paranoid skitzo kids!!

 
At 4:24 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I always want to say Foist Biotch! but with your comment moderation I know I could be lying!

Ahem...on to the subject at hand. Give me a sec.....

hahahahahahlolololololLOLOLOLLMAOLMAOLMAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAOROFLROFLROFLROFLMFAOROFLMFAOROFLMFAO

ok i'm back...I'm not laughing at you (o yes I was) I'm laughing at him! Karma's a biotch!

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

greg,

I was very convincing in my role in my own little horror movie.

Thanks for coming by.

nerd,

A therapist will do you no good. I now have a fear of being enclosed.

nihilistic,

Still...you gotta think that crazy homicidal paranoid schizo kid and I see the same doctor.

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I bet his dad is going to need a therapist...if he made it out alive.

 
At 5:30 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

ROFLMAO! Screw the camera - its there for show - and besides what are they gonna do mess with a chick that just came from a therapists office? I think not!

 
At 6:04 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

I think I probably would have gone a little off the deep end as well.. My colorful imagination is visualizing the crazy kid, you sweating and laughing like a wild animal and once again, you've made my day...Sorry about that...You need to write a book - it would be a best seller...And because it was my idea, I want credit & gratuities....

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist,

After encountering the camera above the first door why didn't you just hold your purse between yourself and the camera and walk thru the second door??? Just a thought...

 
At 6:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

But it was such a big camera. It was so Cold War, you know?

 
At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

You know the owners of that building tape everyone looking slightly hysterical and trapped and spend their weekends laughing while watching them. :P One of these days it's going to backfire, the crazy kid is going to eat his cell phone talking father and break the door down and then he'll be alone and crazy in a big city. It'll be all the owners fault. They should fix the elevators.

But,look at it this way, you got your exercise. :P

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

You've been here long enough to know that crisis management is not my strong suit. I had one of two options:

1. Retch
2. Freak out

I try to alternate days.

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

You should've seen the kid's eyes. They were all over the place and set too far back in his head.

All I could hear as I ran up & down the stairs was, "one flew east, one flew west, one flew over the cuckoo's nest."

 
At 7:36 AM, Blogger Schell said...

Not a good way to finish off your session, big brother watching you through the camera and all, then the dad on the phone helping you, oh yeah thanks dip wad. (Retard) What a sucky experience. Good thing you can share your misfortune's with us eh? Life and times of Mist. Hope the rest of the day is a good one, til tomorrow.

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist -

Something that just occurred to my fevered little mind....you should write a thank you note to the building management...after all they provided you with a quality workout by forcing you to run all those stairs....

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

*comforts Mist*

It's like they wanna punish you for being literate and actually reading the signs most people ignore. ("They" being the ominous They of course)

That would have screwed my whole day up. I admit i laughed at first then totally felt like it would be hell and likely to happen to me. *note to self - just open the emergency door - run like hell when the alarm does sound*

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristyn,

Good point about the fitness factor. I was sweaty, hysterical, and laughing like a hyena...but my thighs have never looked fitter.

I would pay real $$ to see that kid eat his dad.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger jali said...

The camera would have stopped me too! I like to be known as a good girl, and good girls don't set off alarms.

I'm glad you made it out of the building from hell.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Thumper da Champ said...

Hey Mist1 (I believe it was R when I first came across you) It's DaChamp, and the kid wanna holla at cha'. Don't like the bullshit I'm seeing, just would like to chat wit cha. Get at me.

TdC

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

schell,

At least (mental) help wasn't far away.

mr. g,

I needed those calories. I am stocking up for winter.

mayren,

I don't tear the tags off my mattress either. I follow rules. Especially when I'm on camera.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

It's like a Japanese horror movie. Eruvatero!

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger C said...

This must be how they keep people in therapy. They boobie trap the place and make you feel crazy.

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

Exactly my point. I try not to be caught on camera.

If I make this into a cheesy horror film, I intend on calling it, "Building From Hell."

I will give you credit for the title. I probably will not pay you handsomely. Sorry, I'm an a**hole.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

F*uck the alarm, I would of busted through them doors like gang busters. I'm sure the panic they would have caught on tape with me, would have made them laugh for hours!!!

 
At 8:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

avitable,

I wanna be an animated character in a Japanamation flick. I also want an action figure of me.

c,

You know, I think you may be onto something.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Holy crap that would just end my week. LOL It's not at all funny I know. Just reading it, I was impressed that you kept trying different options. After the first door I'd have hauled into that office and told the therapist to get me out of the f'n building or move the office for next time!

I am a good girl. But damn, when I get trapped like that, I WILL rant and rave if need be. LOL Probably looking like that little kid you saw in the office too. Gah!

 
At 4:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

It seems that you would have busted through the doors like door busters. There were no gangs. That's a different story.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Yeah, but I always told myself that I was my doctors most sane person he saw. I told myself that over and over and over every single day as I washed my hands every 90.7 minutes while tapping my left foot 7 times!

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

echo,

I hope you don't look like that kid. I'd hate to think of you in a puddle of your own drool.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger kuri said...

I know what the problem was. That sign doesn't mean "Emergency exit." It means "This way to Hell."

 
At 5:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuri,

Hell wasn't so bad. My car was parked in Hell.

 

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