To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Thursday, August 17, 2006

Yo, I'm Ill



I think I'm sick.

My hypochrondria is flaring up again. I was on placebos for a long time. But I got hooked on them. I've done some things that I'm not proud of for those damn placebo pills. I've been through treatment and I think I've worked through my placebo addiction. At first, detox is painful. Sweating, crying, convulsing, indecently soliciting pills from the nursing staff...the usual. But now I know that I can beat this hypochondria thing without drugs.

If only Mom hadn't given me that book. 101 Diseases You Don't Want to Get. I've had almost all of them. And I've never even been to Africa. I guess I'm just sensitive to mutant viral strains.

I went to the pet store last night to buy guinea pig food. (I don't want to talk about the part where I picked up a peanut butter doggy snack that was in a bowl on the counter and...yes, I ate it. Thank you.) I always play with the critters in the store. I love to play with the ferrets. If they can put a man on the moon, I don't understand why they can't make a ferret odor-free. The ferrets were happy to see me and they jumped up my arms and climbed over my shoulders and down my back in that happy-to-see-you ferret way.

One ferret left several scratches on my arm. Scratches that broke the surface.

I am certain that I have some sort of zoonotic disease from this. It's a million times worse than Cat-Scratch Fever. I always thought that Mom made up Cat-Scratch Fever to keep me in line. Turns out it's a real problem. But what I've got is way worse. I am dizzy and confused and irrational and irritable and off-balance and have double vision and selective deafness and excessive thirst. Also, I am overly confident in my abilities to dance, I am talking loudly and I am forgetting things (like did I pay my tab?). I have made a doctor's appointment. I may have to take a cab to get there.

I hope I'm not dying because it's my birthday. It's not a good day to die.

There's got to be an easier way to take a day off of work.

Mist 1


37 Comments:

At 7:58 PM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

ROTFLMAO - oh please God tell me you are kidding because I would feel horrible laughing this hard at someone with a real problem!

And... Happy Birthday!

 
At 10:48 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wouldn't worry too much about the scratches. Unless you start to get any red streaks running away from the wound. If they turn black then you should seek a doctors help. Opps may I shouldn't have told you that. Here's a link that may help.
http://www.rarediseases.org/search/rdbdetail_abstract.html?disname=Bubonic%20Plague

:P

 
At 3:47 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist -

Sorry in advance if this is too loud....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Now...you know the drill...assume the position for your birthday spankings.

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

O O
Happy Birthday. Here's your prezzie.

http://www.ilovewavs.com/Holidays/Bday/bday11.wav

Sorry your not feeling well. I kinda feel like I should be saying *wink* *wink* after that.

 
At 5:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

miss britt,

I have several real problems. They even funnier than my made up problems.

nerd,

The funny thing is that I checked this website last night right after I got home.

mr. g,

Oooooh, a spanking! I thought you'd never ask.

icl,

Cough, cough. Sniff, sniff. Checking out your link now.

 
At 5:18 AM, Anonymous Allan said...

8D

Happy Birthday!

 
At 5:25 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

allan,

Thanks!

 
At 6:13 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

1st thing you have to do, is get someone to go buy you another big-ass birthday cake! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My husband is very similar to you - I've always said, if some sneezes 10 miles down the road, and he hears about it, my husband has the plague the next day. And you know that "possible side effects" that you read on the prescription bottles? Well, he reads them & gets every damn side effect...Happy thoughts to you today - feel better ;o)

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger Thumper da Champ said...

Happy Birthday woman!!! It's daChamp! Damn ferret, I hope he didn't scratch himself first...you never know, but have fun and have a shot of Henney on me!!!

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Happy Birthday!!!!

I dearly hope you are not seriously ill. Feel better soon and then when you do feel better, let us know you're okay. {hug}

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

Happy Birthday Mist!

Your one helluva Gal so i hope you get all your wishes to come true. We only celebrate the anniversary of our 21st birthday every year ya know....

So drinka frozen Melon margarita for me and party down.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I love ferrets....oh and Happy Birthday!

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I guess today's your birthday. I have no idea how anyone knows that. I'd wish you a happy birthday but I suspect it's all a trick.

If you own ferrets, you get used to their musk very quickly, and then it's just awesome having them. We had ferrets for many years before they died, which was heartbreaking.

Now I will only get animals with lifespans longer than mine. Turtle, here I come!

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

First HAPPY B-DAY!

Secondly - didn't you know that you can catch things just by reading about them....this is why I have made it my mission in life to remain ignorant about certain things.....

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

No more cake. I will have a seizure.

thump,

I've never done body shots before.

echo,

Sniffle...hey, I think I'm starting to recover!

mayren,

I have been 21 for more years than I care to admit.

dallas,

Thanks. I heart ferrets too. But not in that way.

avitable,

Read closely.

Ferret musk sounds like a new Axe body spray.

cheeky,

You are so smart.

**Thanks all for the birthday wishes! Makin' my day!

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger kuri said...

Happy birthday!

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Christie said...

I am a horrible hypochondriac.
When I was 10 I thought I had AIDs.... lol

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Schell said...

Okay, I have some of these symptoms and havn't seen a ferret in a long time????????? Irritable, dizzy, confused, irrational, definite selective deafness. What the hell. I need a cake. Ha.

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger desperate housewife said...

I know just how you feel. I just recently got a nasty Chapstick monkey off my back. Or lips.
And happy birthday!

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger old lady said...

Happy, happy birthday!!
And, no, you can't die.
You won't die.
No one dies on their birthday, silly.

(Good Lord,I can't believe how much you sound like me...)

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger Cynnie said...

what is beriberi?

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger old lady said...

don't post this, k.
Sorry about all the comments. Please delete. I forgot that they didn't show up right away so I kept doing it.
I'm dizzy and confused, too.

Well, shit. now maybe I didn't post a billion times. Just forget it.
I'm going to get a beer...

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuri,

Thanks!

christie,

How'd you recover? From the hypochondria, I mean.

schell,

Have my cake. For some reason, I'm sick of cake.

desperate,

Monkey's used to scare me. A Chapstick monkey is still kinda scary.

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

karen,

Sorry, I couldn't resist posting that second one. It was too cute.

I'm just like that.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Holy shit Mist...I have all those symptoms...and I haven't even come near a ferret. I did however help this little old lady into the car, and since I haven't gotten a manicure, my cuticles aren't the greatest. Hmmmmmm...now my hypochondria is in high gear!!! See, that's what I get for trying to be nice to the elderly.

 
At 6:15 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

One more thing....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! If you could hear me...I would sing it to you. That's one of my favorites to sing.

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger C said...

You are hooked on sugar pills....hmmm. The other day I went to a fast food restaurant and ordered at the drive-thru and had to back up to the mic after pulling forward to make sure I ordered my meal and not just the drink. The guy in the mic said "uh yeah." I have this OCD thing where I have to check things over several times, like when they give me the total at the cash register I write it down in my check register but then I have to look at the digital display on the total thingy to write it on my check. Weird huh?

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

OMFG my blog only comes up as a white page??? Now what am I to do?

 
At 4:08 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

Stay away from the elderly; aging is viral.

c,

Nothing wrong with a little OCD...if you're a stock clerk at Wal-Mart.

nerd,

WHAT??? Checking you out now.

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger C said...

No - wal-Mart is to crazy for me to work at. My OCD would freak me out.

 
At 5:45 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

You gotta do things in life that work with the OCD. Do you own a cleaning company?

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I was being sarcastic. Sigh. Damned unemoting toneless typed words can't convey my snark.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

avitable,

No sarcasm on my birthday. It's a rule.

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

I think I got scratched by a ferret too. coincidence? hmmm. I think no.

 
At 3:51 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

srg,

Was it a little sable colored one?

 
At 2:22 AM, Anonymous Veronica said...

Happy Belated Birthday!
Sorry I missed it =(

(I was catching up on your blog.)

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

veronica,

You are in a different time zone. It's probably still August there.

 

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