Yo, I'm Ill
I think I'm sick.
My hypochrondria is flaring up again. I was on placebos for a long time. But I got hooked on them. I've done some things that I'm not proud of for those damn placebo pills. I've been through treatment and I think I've worked through my placebo addiction. At first, detox is painful. Sweating, crying, convulsing, indecently soliciting pills from the nursing staff...the usual. But now I know that I can beat this hypochondria thing without drugs.
If only Mom hadn't given me that book. 101 Diseases You Don't Want to Get. I've had almost all of them. And I've never even been to Africa. I guess I'm just sensitive to mutant viral strains.
I went to the pet store last night to buy guinea pig food. (I don't want to talk about the part where I picked up a peanut butter doggy snack that was in a bowl on the counter and...yes, I ate it. Thank you.) I always play with the critters in the store. I love to play with the ferrets. If they can put a man on the moon, I don't understand why they can't make a ferret odor-free. The ferrets were happy to see me and they jumped up my arms and climbed over my shoulders and down my back in that happy-to-see-you ferret way.
One ferret left several scratches on my arm. Scratches that broke the surface.
I am certain that I have some sort of zoonotic disease from this. It's a million times worse than Cat-Scratch Fever. I always thought that Mom made up Cat-Scratch Fever to keep me in line. Turns out it's a real problem. But what I've got is way worse. I am dizzy and confused and irrational and irritable and off-balance and have double vision and selective deafness and excessive thirst. Also, I am overly confident in my abilities to dance, I am talking loudly and I am forgetting things (like did I pay my tab?). I have made a doctor's appointment. I may have to take a cab to get there.
I hope I'm not dying because it's my birthday. It's not a good day to die.
There's got to be an easier way to take a day off of work.