To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

I'm No Dummy

I'm not known for my intelligence. That's why I like to be in the company of idiots (no offense). It might be wrong, but it makes me feel good about myself. And really what's more important than making yourself feel good? Ahem...

S is not brilliant. She is stunningly gorgeous and remarkably conniving. The combination is why I love her. She is the type of girl who could be the Evil Emperor's Wicked (Yet Beautiful) Daughter. Also, she makes me look sharp.

We have nicknames for each other. She calls me "The Retardedest of the Smart." I call her, "The Smartest of the Retarded." Isn't that just the cutest?

She has been my best friend since we had SkyPagers. Once, I left mine in her Suzuki Sidekick (ragtop). She paged me to let me know that I had left it behind. When I didn't return her page, she figured out the flaw in her logic.

Last week she told me that she knew me like she knows the back of her ass. We deliberated this phrase for over an hour. If your ass is your backside, then is the back of your ass internal? We were both confused.

Last night she called me. She is getting married. She explained carefully that it is not a marriage of love. He needs citizenship. He is from Hawaii.

I didn't have the heart to tell her. Plus, I'm going to be Maid of Honor. The ceremony will be in Hawaii. Crap, my passport has expired.

Mist 1


At 5:20 AM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

Maybe the back of your ass is your belly button?

At 6:07 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Well, hopefully the trip to hawaii is free, right?

I mean, gas is going to be expensive getting there. Make sure to get your oil changed before you leave, ok?

At 7:36 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL I had a friend with a wife that sounds just like your friend. As I recall she couldn't cook. She could burn water. Of course he didn't marry her for her smarts or cooking skills. :P

At 7:58 AM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

LOL - what I want to know is... do you REALLY get to be the Maid of Honor in a wedding in Hawaii?

And if so...

how much time do I have to get uncomfortably close to you in an effort to have you invite me?

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

Mist - no matter what anyone tells you should always remember that you ARE the brightest crayon in the box.

I hope your friend doesn't get hit by INS, since she may fail their tests they put couples thru *wink*

Mebbe you can tutor her (giggles)

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Just make sure you convert all your money to Hawaiian before you go - they'll cheat you on the exchange rate every chance they get....Bastards.

At 8:12 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

You never fail to crack me up.

At 8:14 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

LMAO!!! My best friend is getting married too! :P


At 9:22 AM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

You sure have high tolerance for that kinda level of intelligence.

I've to say I'm allergic to stupid people. I'm not very smart either, but stupid people just piss me off most times.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

You are freakin' funny! That made me smile. Which, when reading blogs is hard to do.

At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Kristy said...

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Every paragraph is hysterical. But if I had to chose, it'd either be her paging you to tell you that you left your pager behind or the nicknames.

At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shit don't you dare set her straight...its just a silly marriage anyway, but a trip to Hawaii....woohoo!!! Ha ha about the passport (I actually had to think about that one for a second) LOL

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous jali said...

How much is your friend paying the guy from Hawaii for doing this?

At 2:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You must have taken anatomy classes.


To Do: 1. Get Oil Change


Hey, there's nothing wrong with not being able to cook.


We are already uncomfortably close. Just from reading your blog, I feel like I know you like the back of my ass.


I can't tell her there's a test. She still needs her GED. She'll panic.

mr. g,

A little carrot apple ginger juice just came out of my nose. Thanks.


Cracked up is better than cracked out.


What are you going to wear?


I am practically a saint.


My world is a funny place. I like it here.


S & I are tons of fun, aren't we?


My lips are sealed.


He should pay me to keep quiet.

At 4:22 PM, Anonymous odat said...

I need a lei!

At 4:41 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


As do do I.

At 5:36 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

Don't forget to get your shots before you know how it is in those foreign lands...all those strange diseases & such...Learn to say a few phrases in Hawaiian as well, just to help you out, like, "I got Hep C from the ice cube in my tropical drink"....that would be a good one to learn.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I think "aloha" covers just about everything from "is this an open bar?" to "have you had those lesions treated?"

At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Meloncutter said...

(To steal a line from one of my favorite movies....) Which island are you going to... Kamoniwannaleiya or Yawannapekapipi?

Just curious.

Later Yall

At 7:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm popculture retarded. What's the movie?

At 8:14 PM, Blogger C said...

I work on computers and other computer related stuff. I opened a computer to change the network card only to put the broken one back in. My co-workers - are convinced my fake blonde hair is growing from the wrong end.

At 8:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I once had my fake blonde hair (on the other end) grow back in. We have so much in common.

At 1:40 AM, Anonymous Meloncutter said...

And the winner is..... Grumpier Old Men ... Starring Walter Matthau and ..... crap.... dang it... "whats his name". The lines I speak of are said by... well ... poopstick... I can't remember his name either... the little old fart. jeez.... Every time I think of that movie I think of Sophia Loren in that red dress and my little train of thought derails. If you haven't seen it tho, it's a funny movie.

Later Yall......

At 4:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Oh ya sure, that movie. Aren't they from Minnesota? I love ice fishing.

At 11:22 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

It sounds as if your friend has met her equal, but hey, a marriage of convenience in Hawaii -- It could be worse. I wonder if they'll have to have children as a condition of his citizenship. And if so, will they have dual citizenship?

At 11:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Pregnancy would change her life from comedy to tragedy in nine short months. Let's offer thanks to the Birth Control Gods.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger curmudgeon said...

BWAH! Passport!
Gave me a giggle.

Thanks for stopping by my blog though!

At 11:35 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm usually good for a giggle. Sometimes at my expense, sometimes at others.

Thanks for coming by.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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