To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why You Got a Sh*tty Tip


I didn't have an appointment. Anticipated Wait Time for eyebrow wax/shaping: ten minutes. Everything was going so well.

I found the only magazine that I hadn't read and got comfortable. G smoked outside. I'd be nervous too, if I had G's eyebrows.

Five minutes pass. I still can't find the "How Nice Girls Have Naughty Sex" article. Perhaps it's for the best. Still, I have always been curious about nice girls.

Seven minutes pass. G is huffing nail polish fumes.

Ten minutes pass. Eyebrows growing ever-thicker. They will take over my face. I try not to look anxious. I will remain calm for G (wax virgin).

G is reading an article about the re-emergence of the "strong" (read: manly) eyebrow for fall. I look away in disgust. "Go ahead, join your Cro-Magnon brethren." If nothing else, I want to be supportive.

I go first. Her hands are soft. Her ponytail flops onto my chest when she leans over my face. Her breath is warm on my cheek. I think I am falling in Like with her. Then she says, "Wanna do the lip too?"

Murderous rage.

I do not have a mustache. I am covered all over with fine, downy hair. Soft. Like an apricot. It keeps me warm. Crumbs do not stick in the hair above my lip. It does not tickle Him when I kiss Him (ohmyg*d what if if does?).

I decline and mentally subtract cost of insult from her tip.

G and I leave. Brows perfectly shaped and a little red. G leans over and says, "mustaches are also in for fall."

Mist 1


27 Comments:

At 10:35 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Lets see...20% from (Guessing the cost) $20.00 would be $4.00. The going rate for insults are $7.50 a piece...She owes you $3.50.

 
At 4:32 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

So, from what I can gather, you're a mustachioed midget who drives a Nissan? But you have fabulous eyebrows.

 
At 4:58 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

I hate it when they do that - I don't have one either but they always ask.....my answer...Hell NO!!! (they just love me for my $$ anyway)

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

Pehaps you could get some of that grease stuff and get the ends to curl up like a magician's moustace.

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger Gambo said...

There's nothing wrong with a bit of bodily hair on a lady M1. (Especially around the armpits).

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

That is hilarious! :) The one and only time I had my eyebrows waxed was when a friend of mine was in cosmetology school and she did it for me. It was disastrous.

 
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous laurzeilei said...

Mist 1,

For next time:

"Wanna do the lip too?"

"Oh, no thanks. I save that for the Mach 3 razor."


Love this blog. So glad I found it. I have been catching up on old reads and you have provided me with much needed laughter. Bad week.

Thanks!

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

ROTFLMAO - he he he he... anyone who expects a tip, and has a vagina, should know that you do not offer to wax another woman's lip unless SHE suggests it.

And, I think I like G. ;-)

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger jali said...

Fine, downy hair...

Oh-tay.

(snicker)

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Mustaches are hot....

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I don't have a mustache but I have a 3 hair beard which I keep nicely trimmed.

I keep tweezers and a mirror in my drawer at work.

There's nothing worse than putting your hand on your chin in contemplative thought and then stabbing yourself with a hair.

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

nihilistic,

I'm going back for a refund.

avitable,

If you see me somewhere, pretend you don't know me.

cheeky,

Maybe they have some kind of ultra violet vision or something and can see hair that is not visible to the naked eye.

lori,

My forehead is greasy enough. Why didn't I think of that?

gambo,

Rethinking my hair removal strategies.

karma,

I wanted to go to cosmetology school too. I've always loved the stars and planets.

laurzeilei,

Mach 3? Does it remove lip hair at the speed of light?

britt,

Exactly. G is awesome.

jali,

Seriously. I feel like suede. All over.

dallas,

Are you hitting on me?

icl,

I have one chin hair. It is my future. I keep tweezers in my car (red lights only!).

 
At 7:11 PM, Anonymous odat said...

ohhh i want all my hair waxed! cept me head!

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

are you a little mexican?

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

odat,

I think you will find that you enjoy the sleek, aerodynamic feel of being hairless.

darlene,

Avoiding the obvious little Mexican in me joke.

 
At 7:49 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

I'm afraid I might have had to leave G on the side of the road. :P

Kristyn

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristyn,

G has very compelling eyes. I wouln't want those eyes to haunt me as I drove away.

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Oh! Who's the little mustache man?! She might as well have said, "How 'bout your back? You want that shaved after we hose you down. Damn, who sharted?"

Oh, my goodness.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I have never seen my back. Now I am starting to worry.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger K said...

don't get upset. i had the same thing happen to me too. i asked that bitch if those were her real tits and if her job offered a dental plan.

clearly her priorities were not in order.

all of a sudden she only knew vietnamese.

i kill me, lol.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

Mind what you say to ladies with hot wax.

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger Matt said...

K,

I'm learning Chinese just so I can yell at Chinese people in... Chinese....

Hahahaha!

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I'm guessing there's a story here somewhere.

 
At 3:15 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Hey, they're missing the Hitler kind in that photo! ;)

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

Is the Hitler look coming back?

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger anastasia said...

First off...I've missed your wise words of wisdom...it' good to be back, now, as for the lip comment? Since I'm so touchy about my looks, I would of had to either slap her or take an eye out!!! Wow, I just read my comment and I think I have an anger problem.

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

Problem? I didn't notice.

 

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