To Do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss: Why You Got a Sh*tty Tip

I didn't have an appointment. Anticipated Wait Time for eyebrow wax/shaping: ten minutes. Everything was going so well.

I found the only magazine that I hadn't read and got comfortable. G smoked outside. I'd be nervous too, if I had G's eyebrows.

Five minutes pass. I still can't find the "How Nice Girls Have Naughty Sex" article. Perhaps it's for the best. Still, I have always been curious about nice girls.

Seven minutes pass. G is huffing nail polish fumes.

Ten minutes pass. Eyebrows growing ever-thicker. They will take over my face. I try not to look anxious. I will remain calm for G (wax virgin).

G is reading an article about the re-emergence of the "strong" (read: manly) eyebrow for fall. I look away in disgust. "Go ahead, join your Cro-Magnon brethren." If nothing else, I want to be supportive.

I go first. Her hands are soft. Her ponytail flops onto my chest when she leans over my face. Her breath is warm on my cheek. I think I am falling in Like with her. Then she says, "Wanna do the lip too?"

Murderous rage.

I do not have a mustache. I am covered all over with fine, downy hair. Soft. Like an apricot. It keeps me warm. Crumbs do not stick in the hair above my lip. It does not tickle Him when I kiss Him (ohmyg*d what if if does?).

I decline and mentally subtract cost of insult from her tip.

G and I leave. Brows perfectly shaped and a little red. G leans over and says, "mustaches are also in for fall."

Mist 1

21 Comments:

At 10:35 PM, Nihilistic said...: Lets see...20% from (Guessing the cost) $20.00 would be $4.00. The going rate for insults are $7.50 a piece...She owes you $3.50.
At 4:32 AM, Avitable said...: So, from what I can gather, you're a mustachioed midget who drives a Nissan? But you have fabulous eyebrows.
At 4:58 AM, Wendy aka Cheeky said...: I hate it when they do that - I don't have one either but they always ask.....my answer...Hell NO!!! (they just love me for my $$ anyway)
At 5:27 AM, LoRi~fLoWer said...: Pehaps you could get some of that grease stuff and get the ends to curl up like a magician's moustace.
At 6:03 AM, Gamb0 said...: There's nothing wrong with a bit of bodily hair on a lady M1. (Especially around the armpits).
At 7:02 AM, Lola Starr said...: That is hilarious! :) The one and only time I had my eyebrows waxed was when a friend of mine was in cosmetology school and she did it for me. It was disastrous.
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous said...: Mist 1,

For next time:

"Wanna do the lip too?"

"Oh, no thanks. I save that for the Mach 3 razor."

Love this blog. So glad I found it. I have been catching up on old reads and you have provided me with much needed laughter. Bad week.

Thanks!
At 12:44 PM, jali said...: Fine, downy hair...

Oh-tay.

(snicker)
At 12:54 PM, Dallas DYSfunction said...: Mustaches are hot....
At 5:07 PM, Irish Church Lady :) said...: I don't have a mustache but I have a 3 hair beard which I keep nicely trimmed.

I keep tweezers and a mirror in my drawer at work.

There's nothing worse than putting your hand on your chin in contemplative thought and then stabbing yourself with a hair.
At 5:53 PM, mist1 said...: nihilistic,

I'm going back for a refund.

avitable,

If you see me somewhere, pretend you don't know me.

cheeky,

Maybe they have some kind of ultra violet vision or something and can see hair that is not visible to the naked eye.

lori,

My forehead is greasy enough. Why didn't I think of that?

gambo,

Rethinking my hair removal strategies.

karma,

I wanted to go to cosmetology school too. I've always loved the stars and planets.

laurzeilei,

Mach 3? Does it remove lip hair at the speed of light?

britt,

Exactly. G is awesome.

jali,

Seriously. I feel like suede. All over.

dallas,

Are you hitting on me?

icl,

I have one chin hair. It is my future. I keep tweezers in my car (red lights only!).
At 7:11 PM, Anonymous said...: ohhh i want all my hair waxed! cept me head!
At 7:41 PM, mist1 said...: odat,

I think you will find that you enjoy the sleek, aerodynamic feel of being hairless.

darlene,

Avoiding the obvious little Mexican in me joke.
At 7:49 AM, Anonymous said...: I'm afraid I might have had to leave G on the side of the road. :P

Kristyn
At 8:58 AM, mist1 said...: kristyn,

G has very compelling eyes. I wouln't want those eyes to haunt me as I drove away.
At 10:23 AM, M@ said...: Oh! Who's the little mustache man?! She might as well have said, "How 'bout your back? You want that shaved after we hose you down. Damn, who sharted?"

Oh, my goodness.
At 10:47 AM, mist1 said...: matt,

I have never seen my back. Now I am starting to worry.
At 6:29 PM, mist1 said...: k,

Mind what you say to ladies with hot wax.
At 7:16 PM, M@ said...: K,

I'm learning Chinese just so I can yell at Chinese people in... Chinese....

Hahahaha!
At 7:32 PM, mist1 said...: matt,

I'm guessing there's a story here somewhere.
At 11:10 AM, mist1 said...: anastasia,

Problem? I didn't notice.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why You Got a Sh*tty Tip

21 Comments: