To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Thursday, September 07, 2006

Goals/Objections


I've had this blog for awhile now and it seems that I have not actually gotten a hobby yet. I have been flossing daily. Meeting only half my goal is not acceptable. Must Get Hobby.

With hunting season right around the corner, it seemed like a good idea to go to my local hunting supply shop.

I have been hunting only once. I was vegetarian at the time and I guess the guys thought that I was a downer (plus, I made a lot of noise when we spotted the quail), so I have not been invited on another hunting trip to date.

I want to be clear that I am not actually interested in hunting, but rather, I am interested in shopping for sh*t that I really don't want or need. That seems like a hobby that I can keep up.

I browsed every aisle. I had a lot of fun in the camping section. The sales associate (Earl) cringed when I climbed into the tent in my heels. He reminded me how much I love Not Camping.

In the apparel section, Earl gently reminded me that I had to wear 500 square inches of hunter orange as an outer garment above the waist. I informed Earl that I never wear 500 square inches of any material. Ever.

We moved on to accessories and hunting aides. There is a product called "Buck Licker." That's all I have to say about that.

At the rifle counter, Earl let me hold a Savage. "I believe the preferred term is 'indigenous,' Earl." Earl stared at me blankly. Then Earl's assistant came out to help. Earl's Retarded Assistant. Three levels of sporting goods and the cross-eyed kid works with rifles.

At the counter, I browsed through a free copy of the 2006-2007 Hunting Seasons & Regulations publication. I had no idea that the fine state that I live in has a Wheelchair Hunt. I cannot condone hunting people in wheelchairs. Sure, I want a good parking space, but still, it seems wrong.

Disappointed, I left without a single purchase.

Mist 1


37 Comments:

At 9:49 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

I am fresh out of buck licker! I went to my neighbors just yesterday and asked if I could borrow a cup of buck licker - stingy as ever he refused! Seems he wants to keep his buck licker all to himself! I can't wait till this weekend to get me some more buck licker either! I NEED my buck licker!

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

I believe they also had "Doe Jam," but some how that wasn't as funny.

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Butt Licker, are you sure you weren't confusing that with Ahole Liquer? I've had some of that and literally shot my mouth off.

JB

 
At 4:54 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

omg - you didn't even manage to get a smart little camo outfit? Well, we do have one thing in common - I'm allergic to camping/hunting as well...Hey, maybe you could have gotten some animal pee perfume. I think I need to throw up now.

 
At 5:13 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

At least people in wheelchairs can fire back. Most deer have trouble with the safeties on automatic weapons and can't lay down covering fire very well.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

jb,

I've shot my mouth off a couple of times. Luckily, it keeps growing back.

Thanks for coming by.

darlene,

I actually did look for pee perfume. Turns out, the gear is odor-resistant. Why don't they make all clothing like that?

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I once killed a deer in Athens with my car. It was a total wreck, but atleast the deer died.

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Wait a minute...is this some joke?

A woman left a store without a purchase?

Were you not ashamed? Where are your morals?

"Buck Licker"....looks like I might have me a date tonight. Yeah, after I stop by my local hunting store.

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

"At the rifle counter, Earl let me hold a Savage. "I believe the preferred term is 'indigenous,' Earl." Earl stared at me blankly. Then Earl's assistant came out to help. Earl's Retarded Assistant. Three levels of sporting goods and the cross-eyed kid works with rifles."

Oh, how I hate you! As it is, yours is one of the few blogs that I am usually completely incapable of coming up with a witty, snarky comment worthy of the post...

... and now you post THIS. and I'm sitting in the office snorting and laughing and crying, and when they ask me what the hell I am laughing at the only thing I can manage to get out is

"the cross-eyed Retards! Oh man, the retards!"

Now they are making me take a sensitivity training class.

 
At 7:47 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

They let blind people hunt in Michigan.
That's all I'm sayin'.

 
At 7:53 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Hunting for more than air riffles these days, are we? ;)

Kristyn

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nolff,

They have deer in Greece?

mindless,

I am ashamed of myself. Visa called me to ask if my card had been stolen because no purchases had been made in 24 hours.

britt,

You should have seen his handwritten nametag. It was huge. His name had three letters.

alison,

They have heighted senses.

kristyn,

Imagine my delight when I noticed that air rifles are sold with whip-its.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

"Buck Licker" Sounds fun.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

dallas,

I read the label. No nutritional info. It may not fit into your new diet. Try low fat cottage cheese instead.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger Gambo said...

I got hunted by a police dog once. My advice is if you're being chased by a dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, or jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger Curmudgeonly Yours said...

I wasn't ready for the "Wheelchair Hunt" bit. I nearly choked on my Diet Coke.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

gambo,

That's some really funny sh*t. I have nothing witty to say. I am laughing too hard.

curmy,

I bet the people in wheelchairs weren't ready either.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger C said...

Good heavens...I could see buyinga camo thong but camo jumpers - gack. I would find you a new hobby.

 
At 1:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

I already own a camo thong. Coveralls are a hunting necessity.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger jali said...

You are hi-la-ri-ous.

"Sure, I want a good parking space, but still, it seems wrong."

I'm at my desk crying - fucking crying over that line.

" Earl let me hold a Savage. "I believe the preferred term is 'indigenous,' Earl."

OMG - I can hardly breath - funny as shit!

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

Earl was crying too, but I think it was for another reason.

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger K said...

i am so mature. buck licker. heh.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

Clearly, we have not evolved since seventh grade. At all.

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

call me. I wanna go shoot some game.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stilt,

I already have game.

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I'm really surprised you didn't pick up something a little khaki? It's back in vogue now that Steve's not around anymore. RIP

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Matt said...

that's very funny about visa. They called to tell me they couldn't believe I bought a black leather living room set.

Is it a couch or a crocadile? Visa, who are you to judge?

 
At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Meloncutter said...

Well hell. As an avid bonerfied redneck with a strong hunting background. I feel I just gotta jump in here. First of all, Yall gots to have guns. Lots of em. Bigguns and liluns. Then yall gots to gets you a big ass 4 wheel drive truck with big ass tires and a rebel flag bumper sticker on it. The gun rack in the back winder is optional. Camo paint on the truck is quite the trend in hunting fashion.

Now Yall don't be awastin yer money on that there buck licker stuff. The most important item you needs is beer. Lots of beer in a big ass cooler in the back of your big ass 4 wheel drive with the big ass tires.

Now afore the hunt ya gots to start drinkin beer. Most of the time, by the time you gets to the huntin site, yall are good and drunk. Then you start shootin at shit with yer guns. while drinkin more beer.

Most often a good successful hunt will end with hittin a deer with yer big ass 4 wheel drive on yer way home from the hunt. Then you strap the dead ass deer over the hood of yer big ass truck, and go home and skin the sucker.

That is a hunt.

Later Yall.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger ~TVS said...

So this deer walks out of the woods and says, "That's the last time I do THAT for two bucks!"

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I think it's a little too soon to start wearing khaki. The man just died after all.

matt,

You should have acted shocked. "A what?! Hell no I didn't buy a couch!" They maybe you wouldn't have had to pay for it.

melon,

I have so much to learn. I also have to buy a truck. And big ass tires. And a rebel flag. And I'm almost out of beer.

I already have chrome gun racks on my Nissan.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tvs,

Funny. I like that one.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger C said...

huntings not that important - that's why we have Walmart. Save hunting for finding the right man in your camo thong.

 
At 10:18 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

If I find a man in my camo thong, I'll be really pissed. I don't want him to stretch it out.

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL Somehow I just can't picture you out on the hunt Mist. Well not the in the woods kind of hunting anyway. :P

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

The element of surprise is important. The deer would be confused too, I think.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger anastasia said...

Wow, wheelchair hunt.....I bet that's the event of the year...my husband used to hunt, he had some pretty weird shit, I have to say that the doe pee was the weirdest. I mean, come on, they actually use doe pee.....Ewwwwww!!!!

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

Isn't Doe Pee one of the Seven Dwarfs?

 

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