Goals/Objections
I've had this blog for awhile now and it seems that I have not actually gotten a hobby yet. I have been flossing daily. Meeting only half my goal is not acceptable. Must Get Hobby.With hunting season right around the corner, it seemed like a good idea to go to my local hunting supply shop.
I have been hunting only once. I was vegetarian at the time and I guess the guys thought that I was a downer (plus, I made a lot of noise when we spotted the quail), so I have not been invited on another hunting trip to date.
I want to be clear that I am not actually interested in hunting, but rather, I am interested in shopping for sh*t that I really don't want or need. That seems like a hobby that I can keep up.
I browsed every aisle. I had a lot of fun in the camping section. The sales associate (Earl) cringed when I climbed into the tent in my heels. He reminded me how much I love Not Camping.
In the apparel section, Earl gently reminded me that I had to wear 500 square inches of hunter orange as an outer garment above the waist. I informed Earl that I never wear 500 square inches of any material. Ever.
We moved on to accessories and hunting aides. There is a product called "Buck Licker." That's all I have to say about that.
At the rifle counter, Earl let me hold a Savage. "I believe the preferred term is 'indigenous,' Earl." Earl stared at me blankly. Then Earl's assistant came out to help. Earl's Retarded Assistant. Three levels of sporting goods and the cross-eyed kid works with rifles.
At the counter, I browsed through a free copy of the 2006-2007 Hunting Seasons & Regulations publication. I had no idea that the fine state that I live in has a Wheelchair Hunt. I cannot condone hunting people in wheelchairs. Sure, I want a good parking space, but still, it seems wrong.
Disappointed, I left without a single purchase.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:34 AM
29 Comments:
I am fresh out of buck licker! I went to my neighbors just yesterday and asked if I could borrow a cup of buck licker - stingy as ever he refused! Seems he wants to keep his buck licker all to himself! I can't wait till this weekend to get me some more buck licker either! I NEED my buck licker!
I believe they also had "Doe Jam," but some how that wasn't as funny.
Butt Licker, are you sure you weren't confusing that with Ahole Liquer? I've had some of that and literally shot my mouth off.
JB
omg - you didn't even manage to get a smart little camo outfit? Well, we do have one thing in common - I'm allergic to camping/hunting as well...Hey, maybe you could have gotten some animal pee perfume. I think I need to throw up now.
At least people in wheelchairs can fire back. Most deer have trouble with the safeties on automatic weapons and can't lay down covering fire very well.
jb,
I've shot my mouth off a couple of times. Luckily, it keeps growing back.
Thanks for coming by.
darlene,
I actually did look for pee perfume. Turns out, the gear is odor-resistant. Why don't they make all clothing like that?
I once killed a deer in Athens with my car. It was a total wreck, but atleast the deer died.
They let blind people hunt in Michigan.
That's all I'm sayin'.
Hunting for more than air riffles these days, are we? ;)
Kristyn
nolff,
They have deer in Greece?
mindless,
I am ashamed of myself. Visa called me to ask if my card had been stolen because no purchases had been made in 24 hours.
britt,
You should have seen his handwritten nametag. It was huge. His name had three letters.
alison,
They have heighted senses.
kristyn,
Imagine my delight when I noticed that air rifles are sold with whip-its.
dallas,
I read the label. No nutritional info. It may not fit into your new diet. Try low fat cottage cheese instead.
I got hunted by a police dog once. My advice is if you're being chased by a dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, or jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
gambo,
That's some really funny sh*t. I have nothing witty to say. I am laughing too hard.
curmy,
I bet the people in wheelchairs weren't ready either.
Good heavens...I could see buyinga camo thong but camo jumpers - gack. I would find you a new hobby.
c,
I already own a camo thong. Coveralls are a hunting necessity.
jali,
Earl was crying too, but I think it was for another reason.
i am so mature. buck licker. heh.
k,
Clearly, we have not evolved since seventh grade. At all.
call me. I wanna go shoot some game.
stilt,
I already have game.
I'm really surprised you didn't pick up something a little khaki? It's back in vogue now that Steve's not around anymore. RIP
that's very funny about visa. They called to tell me they couldn't believe I bought a black leather living room set.
Is it a couch or a crocadile? Visa, who are you to judge?
So this deer walks out of the woods and says, "That's the last time I do THAT for two bucks!"
icl,
I think it's a little too soon to start wearing khaki. The man just died after all.
matt,
You should have acted shocked. "A what?! Hell no I didn't buy a couch!" They maybe you wouldn't have had to pay for it.
melon,
I have so much to learn. I also have to buy a truck. And big ass tires. And a rebel flag. And I'm almost out of beer.
I already have chrome gun racks on my Nissan.
tvs,
Funny. I like that one.
huntings not that important - that's why we have Walmart. Save hunting for finding the right man in your camo thong.
c,
If I find a man in my camo thong, I'll be really pissed. I don't want him to stretch it out.
nerd,
The element of surprise is important. The deer would be confused too, I think.
anastasia,
Isn't Doe Pee one of the Seven Dwarfs?
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