Boa and Heels
I want a new pet.
I'm not responsible enough for a dog. Dog's expectations are too high. I need something that doesn't really give a sh*t about me, and yet something that is somewhat dependant on me. Something that I don't have to feed all that often.
I need a snake.
It's not that I don't love Wiggy, the guinea pig. It's just that...well, she's a rodent. And she bugs the crap out of me.
A snake could help me get out of this whole guinea pig ownership problem. Plus, I wouldn't have to worry about the first month's food.
I went to the pet store today to find the perfect pet for me. Fish are too complicated. I can't have a pet that requires pH strips. That's like science. I like science, but it usually ends up working against me (i.e. gravity). Birds are too nervous. Birds always seem to be on the edge of some kind of emotional break down. Plus, if one got out, I'd have to smash it on the wall with a fly swatter. I don't want to have to clean up all those feathers. Rodents are out of the question. I am over living with vermin. Lizards carry salmonela and eat crickets. Turtles smell badly. But a snake...a snake is the perfect accessory for me.
I asked to hold the cutest baby boa constrictor that I have ever laid eyes on. It wrapped itself around my wrist like a living snakeskin bracelet. It looked really good with my shoes. Also, it was on sale.
The pet store guy (Neil), answered all my questions.
- Yes, it does look good with your shoes.
- I think it likes your body heat, but I suppose it could also like you.
- We recommend frozen food. It's convenient and economical.
- No, I don't think it's a good idea to introduce it to your guinea pig.
- Well in that case, I guess it is a good idea to introduce it to your guinea pig.
- Probably about eight feet. No more than 100 pounds.
I can't get a snake.
Next to a snake, I would look fat.