Over Draft Beer Protection
I went to the bank yesterday. I had to actually get out of my car and physically walk into the facility and wait in line with old people and non-account holders. As I waited for the one employee who knew how to handle my transaction, I had plenty of time to think.
I like the bank. I don't know why I don't go there more often. They have a water cooler that has both hot and cold water with corresponding red and blue spouts. They actually have lollipops inside the bank. I thought that was a myth, like how doctor's are supposed to have lollipops. My doctor doesn't have lollipops, but I don't complain because he is pretty loose with the drug samples. I had four lollipops while I sat and waited for my name to be called. I liked the green and yellow flavored ones best. The purple tasted like kid's cold medicine and the flavor of the red lollipops reminded me of huffing gold paint. Not that I've tried gold. Bronze is pretty good though.
My bank has a lot in common with a bar. I get carded at the counter. I get VIP status which includes free hot or cold water. They know me by name. Sometimes, I lose interest at the bar and likewise, at the bank. At the end of my visit, I get an itemized statement. Most similarly, when I walk out, I either feel really good or like I'm going to puke.
I wish that my favorite bar would merge with my bank. That would make my experience even better. Tellers would dance seductively on the counter while helping me refinance my bar tab. I would steal the lighters dangling from the counter by a chain as the banktender accessed my account and served me a cocktail.
I would be admitted to the VIP section based on my previous tip history. A good tip rating would secure preferential treatment. No more of my precious time would be wasted standing in front of staff members performing other duties as signs reading, "Next Barteller Please" would be clearly posted.
Occasionally, there would even be clerical errors in my favor and I would get an extra shot.
Of course, the business hours need to be addressed.