My Left Eye
I keep four things of value in my car. There is a bottle of perfume in the glove box so that I don't smell like a bar when I get to the bar. I think it covers up the smell nicely, if only for a minute. I keep flossers in easy reach because I abhor stuff in between my teeth. I have a tweezer in the car for those pesky stray brows that pop up in between threading appointments and for that one hair on my chin that will not die (I blame the pill because, clearly, I am much too adorable to be growing a chin hair without the influence of hormones). Most importantly, I keep a lighter in my car. I use my lighter to sterilize the tweezers to prevent any hideous eye infection which could render me blind or horribly disfigured.
I have learned a valuable lesson. Apparently, over the weekend, it was very, very hot here in the Dirty South. I left my car parked in full sun while I escaped to the lake. Yesterday, when I got in the car, I noticed my tweezers were on the driver's seat. Fragments of green plastic were scattered throughout the vehicle. Because I completed a correspondence course in forensics and also, sometimes I watch crime shows on A & E, I was able to put the clues together. My lighter exploded in the heat, sending my tweezers sailing out of their place in the pocket in the driver's side door. I am fortunate that no one was hurt.
I was in the right place at the right time. I'm not sure where I was or what time it was when I got there, but I narrowly avoided tragedy. I could have died. Even worse, I could have been maimed.
From the trajectory path of the tweezers, I was able to determine that I would have possibly lost my left eye. I am predominantly left eyed and this would have been disastrous for me. I rely on my left eye when I am drunk and I see two of everything. I simply close the offending right eye and all of a sudden, the world is back to normal. My left eye is the eye of reason.
Still, I think I would be sexy in an eye patch. I will not remove the matches from my car. There may or may not be bottle rockets in the trunk.