Who Shot John, GA
I live in the city. I like my urban lifestyle. I lock my doors even when I am home. I think about leaving them unlocked when I take a shower because I saw a really hot porn about a woman who had a naughty encounter with 34 sexy men when she left her door unlocked while showering. Still, I err on the side of caution. The chances are too great that all 34 of the men that would burst through my door wouldn't be hot.Every once in awhile, I have reason to travel outside of the metro area. Last weekend, I was invited to a pool party requiring me to drive for an hour on unpaved roads to Who Shot John, GA, a sleepy country town. I stepped out of the car and breathed the fresh country air. I lit a cigarette and changed out of my heels into flip flops.
The picture above is what I almost stepped when I got out of the car. In my neighborhood, if you have something like this in your yard, the neighbors call the police. In Who Shot John, GA, an animal carcass in the yard is customary. In fact, it is expected. When you live in Who Shot John, you had better have a half decomposed animal carcass complete with flies or your neighbors will think that you think that you are better than them. No one wants to look like a city slicker when you live in the sticks.
I have no idea what kind of animal I photographed. I compared the teeth to the photos of my host's children and although I never saw the children, they appeared to have very different bite patterns. I wondered if it was the hostess because she was no where to be found. Her husband kept mentioning that she was passed out in bed, but still, I was suspicious. Clearly, it had been there for awhile and I decided not to ask too many questions, lest I be the next in line to rot on his property.
I also had no idea what kind of animal the skeletal foot I found near the pool belonged to. I saw the dog pick it up in her mouth. She trotted around with the bony metatarsals hanging from her chops. Every once in awhile on the evening news, there will be a story about a body that was discovered because a dog came trotting home with a femur in it's mouth. I like stories like this. The reporter always interviews the dog owner, who inevitably only has a smattering of teeth. Looking directly into the camera, the dog owner will be asked to speak about his reactions upon discovering a human femur in his dog's mouth. The man will say something like, "well, you just never expect something like this."
I thought about calling 911 when I saw the dog with the foot bones in her mouth. I wanted the local news to come out and interview me. I would relish the opportunity to stand in front of the camera and say, "well, when you live out here in Who Shot John, you sorta expect to find dead bodies and stuff." Then, I would probably plug my blog and give a shot out to all my peeps.
Gawd, I want to be on the evening news.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:44 AM
108 Comments:
You want to be one of those people on the evening news?
I'd rather see you as one of those people in Girls Gone Wild.
sounds like you were hoggin' all them teeth to yourself that day. if you quit flossing now, you would fit in better next time.
Hell with the evening news, you got National Geographic potential with that shot.
av,
I want people to take me seriously. The news is the way to go. Plus, I'm involved in that lawsuit against Girls Gone Wild.
jen,
I had more teeth than everyone playing volleyball put together. It made me feel special. Like a model.
michael,
Nat Geo only accepts photos of topless women.
I have a feeling you will be. It's just a matter of time.
Yeah, but what shoes would you wear while you were being interviewed?
monkey,
Thank you for believing in me.
churlita,
OMG! I have nothing to wear. Let's go shopping.
I've been to Who Shot John, GA - only it was called Altamahaw-Ossipee, NC. I spent a week there one night...
I'm sure whatever shoes you choose for the news will be fabulous!
his sin,
I can't even say the name of that NC town.
1,
I just took my temperature and it was 99.3 degrees. Can I be one of the 34 men, please? And would it be OK if I start practicing now?
And the pool?
A crumbling ce-ment pond?
With what kinds of carcasses floating in it?
0,
You're in.
jocelyn,
The pool, strangely enough, was beautiful. It was a salt water pool, which keeps my highlights from turning greenish. No carcasses, just watermelon seeds from the spiked watermelon.
i find it difficult to take the new truely seriously. i mean the other night they had a whole 3 minute section on some blond going to jail. i'm sure lots of blonds go to jail, just because they put another one in doesn't qualify serious news to me. i think i'm losing a lot of respect for the evening news...sigh...
but if you want to be taken seriously, try the Wiggles show...
kris,
What the Hell is the Wiggles show? I do the wiggles when I have to pee. Are you telling me that I can be on TV for that?
That's either an opossum (southern chicken) or an extremely ugly cat.
Either way, the fur will look great with your new pumps.
jester,
If your whole blogging/music venture doesn't work out, you should really consider a career working on solving animal cold case files.
Well its not a cat. I'm not sure what your opossums look like. Its definitely a carnivore. From the teeth and the nose I'd say it might be a canid. But I can't be totally sure without seeing the rest of it. And no. I don't want to see the rest of it.
You don't need the evening news you've already got a captive audience right here...and aweeeeeee about the dead creature
I'm highly suspicious on why you would be invited to a town like Who Shot John that has unidentified carcasses swarming with flies when other normal city slickers aren't.
Or they just think you have the potential to fit in. :D
phishez,
That was quite an analysis. I didn't give it that much thought.
shadow,
I suppose this is better than being on the news. I don't have to do my hair.
venge,
I was invited because I look amazing in my bikini, of course.
Last time I was in a town like that there was moonshine. I got completely snockered and it didn't seem so strange. I may have even made an appearance on the evening news, but I'm not sure.
The Legal Eagle
Why would anyone ever want to sue Girls Gone Wild? It's one of the cornerstones of America right now!
You are so twisted. lolol
Wait! I meant that in a great way!!!
Damn publish button. And damn early mornings with not enough coffee.
You weren't exactly in the sticks. You were close, but not quite. In the real "sticks," they would have made a stew with that critter right there.
Then, I would probably plug my blog and give a shot out to all my peeps.
That would have been awesome. You know, I've never gotten a shout-out before. I got big-upped once, but it was not at all what I was expecting.
legal,
I try to avoid moonshine.
av,
I guess that whole underage thing is illegal.
echo,
Me? I don't have a carcass outside of my door.
peter,
Big-ups are cool too.
If you're going to be on the evening news, you should at least aim to be the perpetrator, or possibly the victim - who remembers the name of the dentally-challenged dog lover who discovered the crime?
Puss
very smart to wear flip flops in the country. How many times did you hear: you aint from round here, are ya?
Why do they always ask "are ya" when they know you are not???
i think i saw the same porn about that woman in the shower. thinking about it had me smile and not close the bathroom door. unfortunately my german shepherd waltzed right in and stared at me through the glass shower doors, which is so not conmfortable. finally he got bored and flopped down on the bathroom rug. now i can't keep him out of the bathroom when i shower...he loves that rug and apparently doesn't mind that my tiny bathroom gets to a hundred degrees. but what hot guy is going to want to challenge a 90+ pound dog to get to me in the shower? sigh.
for the record, there is not enough money in the world to get me on the evening news. in my city or in some podunk town. no way.
It amazes me how the evening news stalkishly seeks out that person with one or two teeth and poor grammar.
That photo is morbid
That's almost enough to make me turn vegetarian. If I didn't like meat so much...
The news scare me.
-N
34 men, hot or not still seems a bit excessive at one time.
I'm going with large dog.
I want to say that's a possum...but it may be bigger than I am thinking.
(And I would so plug my blog too if I was on the news.)
Egad! Whatever that was, I hope it was far more attractive alive than it is now!
There's a reason James Dickey set the novel "Deliverance" in rural Georgia.
Remind me to never stray out of Atlanta.
I don't like the movies with the lesbians. In real life, I wouldn't be welcome.
Oh boo! :P We've got to drive 2 hours on dirt road to get to the nearest city, which by most people's standards is a small town :P
I'm sure you can find another way to get on the evening news. You could jump nude into a public fountain, but first dumping several bottles of bubble bath into it. No? Well, just an idea ;)
I watch a LOT of Paleoworld. I'm pretty sure that's a t-rex.
Metatarsals and femurs and flip-flops, oh my!
This post scores a reading level of 12.4 on the Frye Readability Analysis. The vocabulary is truly impressive.
But I'm worried about the bacterial analysis of that pool.
That carcass was once a dog. I'm sure of it.
Desperate ambitions take desperate measures. Or maybe that's just me, thinking that even going to a pool party in that pastoral little suburb is a desperate way to get socializing.
Oh, I'm feeling a mixture of laughter and nausea.
You never disappoint, Mist1.
I wanna laugh and on the other hand I wanna throw up. I'll let you know which side wins later.
I kinda doubt you have few enough teef to be on the nightly news. Sorry to disappoint.
puss,
I want to be the neighbor who says, "They were always real decent folks. Strange, but decent."
pool,
They knew I wasn't from around there when I asked where they bought pigs with the heads on them.
hello,
I didn't see the porn with the dog.
tera,
I also like it when they interview the family member who hasn't spoken to the victim/suspect in years.
nwjr,
You don't eat what ever kind of animal that is, do you?
natalia,
How about the olds? Do those scare you too?
yvonne,
Of course it's excessive. It's porn.
dirk,
Possums down here grow to be very large.
amy,
It's hard to tell without a witness.
mystic,
I do enjoy the banjo, don't you?
nolff,
Reality really puts a damper on porn.
you'll,
I don't really like bubble baths.
lee,
Damn. I knew that I should have roped the area off and called someone.
nance,
I get extra points for knowing names of bones I've nearly broken?
rachel,
Small breed.
furious,
I must learn to moonwalk.
booda,
I had no idea what I was in for.
alicia,
Laughter and nausea. That pretty much sums me up.
choo,
I'm feeling vomity. How about you?
mel,
That is discrimination.
cheeky,
I'm going to make a disguise.
Pimping your blog on TV starts with removing "blogspot" from your URL. The average viewing person won't remember it and they'll spend all day looking for you at Mist1.com.
Mist, you lead SUCH an interesting life......
....and that carcass looks more like a cow to me.
I've been to Who Shot John, it's call Douglas Wy, and it is the single crappiest place ever... Seriously, should you find yourself passing through, don't stop. Even if it's like 1 in the morning. Don't stop!
I don't know if they would talk to you though hun, in order to get on the news in places like that you have to have 5 or 6 poorly dressed filthy children clinging to you and a small patch of missing hair...
what is that horrible chomping dead dinosaur thing up top? is it a formerly live thing or an artistic sculpture by a modern artist? I don't get it....
anyway just passing ... v "different" blog u got here.
I'm here via your acquaintance "sqt" ... thought I would say hi while I was dropping thru
I'm at gledwood2.blogspot if you ever wanna call round you're most welcome
all the best 2u
from
gledwood
vol 2 ...
Just don't rob a 7-11 to get on the news mmkay?
fringes,
That domain name is gone.
pissy,
Jell-O shots and carcasses make everything more interesting.
flynn,
Crossing it off my list of places to go for fun.
gledwood,
What a lovely way to meet me. I'm glad you waited until the day that I post the most repulsive photo that I have ever taken.
scotts,
Everyone out there is armed. I'll find another way.
I always miss out on the excitement...sigh.
I'm just glad you made it out alive.
jali,
I forgot how much you like dead animals. Next time, I'll call you.
susan,
How do you know that picture isn't of me?
Sounds like a fun weekend. And you can make the evening news. Just be standing around looking really really country next time there's a tornado or a robbery in your neighborhood. They'll have to include you in the interview process.
You wore heels just for the car ride?
If you're gonna be on the news you need new shoes Mist!
GROSS! Was this next to the tractor tire that doubles as a flower box or the refrigerator on the front lawn that doubles as a mail box?
Maybe not in Who Shot Johns, GA, though.
Mae West once said when she was told ten handsome men were waiting at her door, "Send one away, I am tired"
That swimming pool was probably a septic tank with the cover off.
I was near that town once, you might have heard it in that Mel Brooks movie, wasnt it near Wherethefuckarwee?
Are you sure that wasnt the childhood home of Hannibal Lecter?
I'm confident that you'll find a way to get on the evening news. Winners never quit.
I think it was a dog too. What kind of people don't bury their frickin' dog? Jesus.
i was interviewed on the news once. I was so excited about it I babbled on like a freakin retard.
"No one wants to look like a city slicker when you live in the sticks."
Actually I kind of glory in looking like a city-slicker in the sticks. Why shun the extra attention?
karma,
I'm not really that into standing around during a tornado. My hair would look crazy.
girl,
Of course. What if I had to make an emergency stop?
akelamalu,
I know. I can hardly wait to shop.
pookie,
There was an upside down boat that doubled as an upside down boat.
av,
Not if they're kin.
larry,
The pool was lovely. Salt water, even.
tammy,
Will you record it for me?
mindy,
What kind of people don't know that it's dead until I show them the picture?
miztris,
That's exactly how I want my interview to go.
p of u,
I can only take so much attention. and sometimes, I just like to wear coveralls.
Jesus Christ, I live in the swampy sticks of hell, but even I don't have decomposing animals on my lawn!
It's definitely a dinosaur...probably a new species. You could have named it after yourself. Or after someone who makes great footwear. Potentially footwear made from the hide of a whatever-it-was.
I was interviewed on the evening news last year when the city attempted to charge for grocery bags. (I was against it.) The reporter wore great shoes.
I have all my teeth. That is not uncommon in these parts.
I think your carcass is a bear or a very large dog.
I'm more enthralled by the city's name than anything else. Who Shot John? Awesome! The most exciting name we have for a city here in Iowa is What Cheer. Or my personal favorite, Cumming. I love Cumming, IA.
Well Mist, you have outdone yourself again. What in the heck did you go to this whole in the wall for? Some how a pool party doesn't quite sound right here. You mean someone really has a pool in this town? I liked your story about the 34 sexy men though, but then I'm just that kind of girl. You need to check out my Manic Monday today. I think I have 15 really hot men to choose from. Which on do you want? Have a great day Mist. :)
weather,
Would you like one? Email me your mailing address.
constance,
I don't think anyone would take a Mistasaurus seriously.
hearts,
If I am ever interviewed about grocery bags the questioning will be more along the lines of, "Didn't you read the warning about not using the bag as a toy?"
flenker,
We have a Cumming, GA.
comedy,
I had a perfectly good reason for venturing so far from home. It involves water games, Jell-O shooters, wild boar, and firefighters.
Oooh! Firefighters! yumm....
Are you trying to trick me again? I haven't believed a picture you sent me of yourself since the size 11 clear heeled jellies.
wng,
I will brave zombie animals for that kind of pool party.
susan,
You're right. My teeth are much better than that.
Your goldfish monika is well funky , btw ~!!
Mist1, I feel sorry for the animal carcass.
And it IS true. You never expect something like that.
Funny thing, I recently saw the damndest thing on CNN. An African American journalist visits the Vermontiest part of Vermont and interviews a local, a scruffy oil-stained man in coveralls at a local garage.
Damned if that journalist hadn't found the smartest redneck within 200 miles to give a really intelligent and thought-provoking interview.
You just don't expect something like that.
If you ever get a chance to give me a shout out on TV Mist, please just use my first name.
The loving wife would never understand how I know a woman, wearing an unbelievable pair of pumps, that is on TV splainin' how her hound found a human femur.
She Mist, I was so worried I even used Anonymous instead of Blitz.
Oops.
gled,
It's a koi. Which is very different than a goldfish...in that it's overgrown or something. I think.
matt,
You're right. I never would have expected you to watch CNN.
anon,
You didn't tell me that you had a wife.
blitz,
Is Anonymous your pen name? Because, if it is, I have beef with you from some crazy crap you left in the comments a few months ago.
i THOUGHT that was you! that party was next door to me in podunk! i had a snake in my front yard but it got away. and it did not have on any shoes either so you wouldn't have liked it. and there is never any cake in here...
smiles, bee
I don't know what kind of animal that is either, but whatever it is, I'm glad it's dead.
Congratulations...you have totally succeeded in freaking and grossing me out. Both are very difficult to do.
I will be sending my shrink's bill to you.
tag your it!
I'm amazed you aren't on the evening news - national edition.
I suspect that was the land version of the coelocanth that's been happily living in the depth of GA for millenia. Until you showed up.
Call me old fashioned, but a yard's not a yard unless it has a rotting carcass...
bee,
I would have worn that snake as a belt.
capt. smack,
I'm not sure it's all the way dead. I think it's undead.
silver,
Forward them to my parents.
gale,
Huh? Oh, you didn't, did you?
grunt,
I want to be on the internation version.
jonas,
Amen.
Yeeeesh.
I tried to get on the news, but I ended up on Cops.
um...usually you make me laugh - this one wanted to make me puke. That's SO gross. And! You wore flipflops? not full protection footwear?! Mist!
Hey, you found my ex-wife...go back and bury her!!
That is one large detailed photo.
By the way, my idea of dieing and going to heaven is of course being inside the sexual-fantastical part of your head.
Hope the pool party was worth it the horrible welcome. Again, no pictures of you (in a bikini or less).
condo,
Next time, I am totally calling you.
todd,
I only watch that show when it's filmed in my hometown.
nofear,
I don't think I own anything that qualifies as full protection footwear.
tom,
She wanted me to tell you that she still thinks about you all the time.
orhan,
Did you note that there wasn't even a single maggot on the critter?
But think of the novelty of saying that as the perpetrator of a quadruple homicide - ironic, huh?
Puss
Thirty four hot men, all at once?
I wish I had seen your reply earlier. We could have started a whole new round of redneck haiku!
puss,
I think OJ already used that line.
stacy,
When's the last time you saw 34 hot men all in one room?
av,
Stop it. You know what your poetry does to me.
Makes you swoon and projectile vomit?
Aww, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me who wasn't already related to me and sleeping with me.
If you were on the news, I'll bet that they would run you as one of the headline stories.
av,
Jealous. Damn your cousins.
velvet,
Oh, that would be the best. I would be happy being the weather or traffic bunny for a day too.
"I'd rather see you as one of those people in Girls Gone Wild." -
Amen.
kiyotoe,
I love it when you get all gospel on me.
A good frind of mine had a job interview in a VA city so small they didn't have a sophisticated name like Who Shot John. He was given good directions to find the store. He was told to turn right off the main and drive about 10 mile or so until he came to the dead deer, and then turn left. I don't know if they kept a dead deer there year round for a landmark or not.
we had a decaying dog carcass in our back yard for a couple of weeks once......i kept smelling it and thinking how badly it stinks....but i don't set foot in my backyard unless i have to........
indeed, we live out in the sticks......our dogs are constantly bringing home bones from the horse farm next door or roadkill tortoise shells......i don't touch the dogs anymore.....
Mist, that sounds like a scary place, and I couldn't take my eyes off that freaky picture - ew!
LOL at Spellbound: "turn left at the dead deer."
spell,
I've been there. Super town.
stak,
You do know that the city is a perfectly lovely place to live, right?
tammie,
I know, that cracked me up too.
Post a Comment