To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


I met Jamie for cocktails yesterday. I owed her a round of drinks for telling her neighbor stop calling my number. She told him that I had died a horrible death and his calls were only adding to the tremendous grief of my next of kin who were keeping my phone in the event that I want to contact them from The Beyond.

Before arriving at the bar, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a salad. I had to have something to eat, because I am really, really b*tchy when I haven't eaten and it takes Jamie forever to order a cocktail. I didn't want to have to kill her and drink her blood from her skull while demanding Ketel One and extra olives from the petrified bar staff.

I chose the spinach salad with little grape tomatoes. I love those tiny tomatoes so much that I was able to overlook the hardboiled egg that was in the plastic container. I do not eat ova, because, it's just not natural. I selected a little packet of balsamic vinaigrette to go with my salad. The store even provided a handy packet of salt, pepper, a paper napkin and a plastic fork. The cashier rang up my salad and then scanned the packet of salad dressing. It was $0.32. At the time, that seemed like a ridiculous expense to me. When you buy a salad to go, it seems to me that the dressing ought to be free. I smiled as warmly as I could at the cashier and said, "Honey, you must be new." I told her about the free dressing with a to go salad store policy (that I had just invented).

The cashier coolly asked, "Ma'am, when you buy a head of lettuce, do you expect a free bottle of your favorite dressing? Do you expect a cheese plate when you buy a case of wine?"

Damn, my affinity for wine. Clearly, she wasn't new.

Mist 1


At 8:43 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

I hope she didn't expect a tip.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

32 cents? That's a bargain compared to out here! Heck, it's 75 cents to get an extra Ranch at my favorite burger joint.

I usually get a free bug or two when I buy a head of lettuce. Damn that organic movement!

At 9:14 PM, Blogger EE said...

They get you coming and going, don't they???

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Todd said...

I expect a cheese plate with every purchase. The guys at the oil change place still won't do it though. No class...

At 9:35 PM, Blogger Jonas said...

Granted, I don't expect a cheese plate with every oil change...but...I DO expect a cheese plate with every wine purchase. Oh, the humanity!

At 9:51 PM, Blogger eric313 said...

Ova... You know, I never thought about egg like that, even if that's the truth of it, long and short. Slap me spastic.

Greetings from the D to dirtysouth!

At 10:27 PM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

Next time put the dressing packet in the salad container.

I never pay for condiments.

At 10:46 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Eating eggs is not natural but raw steak is? Please explain.

I doubt that you are old enough to be called "Ma'am," Mist. You should have maced her. (It's natural.)

At 11:05 PM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

I like ova. I'm just not particularly fond of deviled ova. Sinful AND gross.

At 11:09 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

Did you tell her that yes, you do expect a cheese plate with a case of wine! Geeesssh!! Some people!

At 11:21 PM, Blogger Jonas said...

I love ova! Love to rub them on my forearms and roll them around on my tongue!

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i expect an oil change with every cheese plate...p.s. heartinsanfrancisco has a good point.

At 11:29 PM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

I'd gladly pay $.32 for a packet of balsamic vinaigrette. Around here, your choices are usually ranch, bleu cheese, and caesar... none of which meet my vegan requirements. You should see the looks on their faces when I tell the midwestern, "I'd-rather-blow-a-hobo-than-eat-seafood" coeds at the university cafeteria that caesar salad dressing contains anchovy paste, and the original recipe call for raw egg...

At 11:59 PM, Blogger Jester said...

I'm reminded of an argument I got into at a McDonald's drive thru one day. The cashier insisted that one barbecue sauce was sufficient for a 20 piece box of chicken nuggets.

Additional sauces were .50 each.

I held up the line behind me for 15 minutes while I waited for manager to attempt to explain to me how McDonald's could go bankrupt by giving me an extra sauce for free.

I still have some left overs from the big bag of sauces she gave me when I explained that losing customers over a stupid policy would do more to send McD's into bankruptcy.

I don't even like their barbecue sauce.

At 12:09 AM, Blogger Constance said...

Not much of a fan of salad dressing myself. I would have asked to trade that for the cheese plate.

At 12:16 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I once had a mate at uni who bit into a cherry tomato and a bug oozed out. Since then I've taken to cutting open my tiny tomatoes and examining them thoroughly on the inside.

Which is crap cuz all the fun of having cherry tomatoes is biting into them for the first time and having them pop.

At 12:42 AM, Blogger Pie said...

Mmmmmmm, not-quite-born-chicken, is there anything so sweet?

Thanks for the tip on getting rid of crazy phonecall stalkers, let's just hope they don't start sending out wreaths.

At 2:41 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i have to tell you i could not finish reading your raw meat post. i threw up and quietly left. and sadly now after reading this i don't think i can eat eggs again. please do not ruin cake for me. for the love of god.

smiles, bee

At 2:46 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...


At 2:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In this day and age (I love using that expression), is giving away a free dressing packet with a purchase of a salad really going to hurt the store's bottom line.

I think that if the salad is premade, you should get the dressing for free. Restaurants don't charge for the dressing when you get a salad.

At 3:02 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't tip at the grocery store unless they carry my bags to the car, drive me home, pour me a glass of wine, and cook dinner.


Extra ranch should have to be financed. I'm not a fan of ranch.


Highway robbery.


I find that the oil change guys are persuadable.


And fruit, dammit!


I am on a mission to turn people off of eggs.


You make the girls pay for condiments?


The term Ma'am is reserved for women you respect and women you want to piss off.


Deviled ova sounds just awful.


I'd prefer a carton of cigarettes.


You have a long tongue.


I expect bad coffee and tire magazines with every oil change. Hearts always has a good point.

his sin,

I'll sell you a case of those packets for a negotiable price.


I've heard that McDonald's is in a dire financial position due to the misuse of extra sauces by consumers.


I am not to be trusted with a cheese plate.


I have a great eye for detecting the nasty ones. Tomatoes, not mates.


Stalkers never send tasteful gifts.


I could never ruin cake. Although, I once had a bad cake experience. It was made without flour.


I'm still trying to decide how I feel about the whole situation. On one hand, she got me. On the other hand, she has to wear a polo shirt with her name on it and khakis.


I suppose the restaurants build the cost into their overhead.

At 3:06 AM, Blogger spoon said...

Sometimes at pizza places, they let you trade ingredients. you should've traded the ova or at least used it to show your disgust at her attitude somehow!

At 3:28 AM, Blogger Amy said...

Oh ho ho! She got you good. Still, one would think a little satchet of dressing should be complimentary with a salad.

At 3:45 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Trading Ova is a great reality TV show.


I'll get her back. Just wait.

At 4:03 AM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

$0.32??! What? You tried swindling them of 32 cents?!

Oh c'mon Mist! If you were going to swindle anyone, swindle big time, not for 32 cents. >_< Gotta be ambitious, you know?

At 4:15 AM, Blogger The CEO said...

Expectations is where everything always falls apart. Please explain to the cashier that I expect a lot more than a cheese plate from a bottle of wine. For a case of wine, we're talking a weekend.

At 4:33 AM, Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

Hmmph. I don't like that cashier's tone. Unless, of course, she was cute. Then it somehow becomes feisty. Weird how that works...

At 4:55 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Was she meaning literally or metaphorically?


At 5:12 AM, Blogger Todd said...

Well, you're still on my Bloggers I'd Like to Sleep With list.

At 5:15 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

i've never been a huge fan of eggs. unless they are deviled. something about the sin aspect makes me ravenous for those damn things.

i wouldn't have paid the $.32 for the stupid dressing. somethings you have to have principles about. she didn't charge you for the salt and pepper.

interesting that you thought you should eat before cocktails. yesterday i asked the bartender for a glass of olives beside my ketel one. called that glorious glass "dinner" and drank away. amazing that i am here at my desk today...

At 5:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always forget the dressing packet when I buy my salads at the store.

At 6:09 AM, Blogger Legaleagle said...


A girl's gotta have standards.

The Legal Eagle

At 6:42 AM, Blogger Jazz said...

It seems obvious to me, that if you buy even a bottle of wine you should get a free cheese plate...

At 7:09 AM, Blogger Susan said...

I carry around a bottle of the salad spritzer stuff in my purse now for such occassions. It also comes in handy to get men to leave me alone. Something about Vinegarette to the eyes makes them a bit shy.

At 7:15 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

I think a cheese plate should be a gift with every purchase.

At 7:20 AM, Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

I started having trouble with apples when I my Bio Prof pointed out that it was the sexual organs that you ate...I'm amazed that biologists can eat anything at all.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

Good job...and yes a cheese plate should come with the civilized.

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

You think it is unnatural to eat ova? Hmmn. I have heard it both ways, women should/should not eat eggs because they have their own. I can only eat them on certain days and never on others. That's my 10 cents or change for a penny.

At 8:29 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Love grape tomatoes and eggs. Not so much the spinach or balsamic.

And you are correct, SHE has to wear a namebadge *shudder*

At 8:32 AM, Blogger jali said...

she called you "ma'am".


At 8:42 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

What is this "salad" of which you speak?

At 10:29 AM, Anonymous themuttprincess said...

I thought that it was included with a to-go salad as well.


At 10:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't know why I reacted that way, but once, I start something, I can't just walk away from it.


Your case or mine?


She wasn't cute. She had a nasty tone and her makeup stopped in a sharp line at the jaw.


Damn. Now I have to sit down and think.


No cuddling. Trim your toe nails.


Once, a lifeguard had to rescue me from my martini. Now, I try to eat something first.


You are saving a fortune.


A girl should also have Spaniards.


That's a lot of cheese for just one bottle of wine.


I haven't tried the spritzer yet. It is too reminiscent of Chloraseptic.


I think that wine should be a gift with every purchase.

p of u,

Sometimes, oysters are too much for me because they look like me. I don't look like an apple.


Maybe I should get a designated driver with the wine too.


There's a fertility clinic near my home that pays women $15,000 for egg donation. How much for a dozen chicken eggs? Does that tell you anything about the quality of chicken eggs?


I will probably mispronounce her name if I see her again.


I'm going back there tonight. Are you with me?


Come closer and I'll show you.


I bet they have your picture on the wall in the produce department. They are just waiting until you've made off with a felony amount of salad dressing.

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Tera said...

Uh, I'm sure you brought along a rather stylish purse, with a convenient little compartment to slip said dressing in??? I wish I'd come along...I would have slapped that bitc* for thinking she was being a smart ass!

At 11:00 AM, Blogger eric313 said...

I think you convinced me on the ova issue. My friend lacy convinced me to not drink milk by saying "humans are the only animals outside the insect kingdom to live off of the mucus of another animal."

Oh my god, the wisdom, it was right in front of us all the whole time!

I still eat cheese, I don't freakin care that much! But the Ova thing. That is a thought and a possible philosophy at that.

Come make jokes about bad poetry if you like, Mist1!

At 11:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm not discrete. I'm not sure if I could pull that off. If you go with me, I'll create a distraction and you take the salad dressing.


I love cheese and abhor milk. I don't really like butter either. Just the name Sour Cream alone is enough to make me feel vomity. I am not a huge fan of the nipple/dairy products. But...oh, cheese.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger melanie said...

next time tell her yes. your name is paris hilton and you are wearing a disguise!

now where is MY martini? WAITER!!!!

At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

I expect cheese with my wine. Sheesh!

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Plump Pigeon said...

Eatin eggs is quite natural. Well for weasels and other such creatures, so im reliably informed by david attenborough.

Though i do wonder about the morals of eating an e and chicken sandwich. Im just obliterating the whole poulty cycle here!

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I won't! I'm skeered!

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...


For a little Latin lovin', right? I wonder...should I tip for that?

At 4:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm much too well mannered for that. My sex tapes aren't on the internet.


I like the word sheesh.


Eggs and chicken together are like when Donald Duck goes on a picnic and has a drumstick.


Skeered? Of me? I wouldn't hurt a fly.


I won't just tip for that. I'll do other things too.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Nance said...

I expect plenty with my whine, thank you very much.

At 6:46 PM, Blogger ADW said...

You don't expect a case of the clap to go along with a penis, but life is a crapshoot. What are you gonna do??

First time visitor. I like.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Damnit! When did cashiers get smart?

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

How about blue cheese? Or are you just wary of the family of dressings that look like milk?

And THAT is why I don't have a show interviewing people...

At 8:01 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

There are no free lunches.

At 8:02 PM, Blogger Sornie said...

What's even worse is the fact that McDonald's charges extra for a second cup of dipping sauce for whichever fried chicken delight you choose. Yea, it's just a dime but way back in high school when I still ate crap like that, a dime was alot of money to me.

At 8:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am with you. The prepackaged salad should include the dressing. I'm not a quick thinker but after a while I would have something witty to say about her "head of lettuce" retort.
I don't know how you make everything funny, but I am sure glad I found you in blogland. You can brighten a day Mist!

At 8:15 PM, Anonymous MisstressM said...

Why yes i do expect that. She must clearly be new.

At 8:42 PM, Blogger You'll Never Know said...

Haha oh dear, what wine will make us do... and make happen at 5:00 in the morning... :P

At 9:39 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Hmm, nice try. Too bad that she'd run into that one before.

At 10:10 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

You must be so thin eating only raw meat and vegetables. I don't know how you do it.

At 11:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Speaking of wine, I need another glass.


I expect other things that are much more enjoyable than the clap to go along with a penis. Of course, I don't buy penis.


I'm sure she was downsized from her cubicle job partly because of that attitude.


I like blue cheese. Sometimes, I worry that there will be something lethal in that blue vein, but I risk it.


If you don't want to take me out, just tell me straight up. I can take it.


How much is it if you just want the dipping sauce?


I don't brighten everyone's day. Just ask the cashier.




I try to finish drinking wine by 4:30 a.m. or so. Then, I have a few hours to check up on my favorite bloggers before I pick up the bottle again. It's a tough, regimented system.


I wanted to run into her in the parking lot, but I was already late.


I don't know how I do it either. It is only a matter of time before my metabolism figures it all out.

At 6:50 AM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i don't care if she was new or not, i bet she didn't have x-ray vision. Next time put the dressing somewhere she can't see it.

Umm....did I just say that out loud? Such a bad boy.


At 7:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't want to go to jail for that.

At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you didn't get free cheese to go with your whine.

... sorry, I just HAD to. My favourite devil made me do it. ;)

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

"Ma'am, when you buy a head of lettuce, do you expect a free bottle of your favorite dressing? Do you expect a cheese plate when you buy a case of wine?"

why, yes. yes, I do.

At 1:08 PM, Blogger Jenny! said...

Well, I did like egg until you nicely called it ova.

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

You are sick Mist...very, very sick and I really like that about you. Bwahahahah. :)

At 8:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I got a free receipt.


I can hear the inflection in the tone of that comment. Excellent.


It's time that people recognized eggs for what they really are.


I'm not sick. I'm cheap.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

LOL! Wow! 32 cents for a packet of dressing! That seems to me like highway robbery! LOL!

Seriously...that is nuckin' futs!!!

Hey, at least that feisty little cashier had a good point though! LOL! I'd love a free cheese plate with each purchase of wine!

At 12:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I would have more cheese than I knew what to do with.


Post a Comment

"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head


Who Shot John, GA
Baby, I Like it Raw
Setting Civil Rights Back
I Like Aquafresh
Sleeping it off...
She's Not His Type
Hefty Bags



Header image photo by Alison.

 Subscribe in a reader

 Subscribe to comments

RFS Blog Awards Winner