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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Tuck
 Last night, I told Lisa to get Tuck fixed. "I am tired of looking at his dangly pink balls all the time," I said. They are too big and too dangly and too pink. It seems more like she has a pair of pet balls with a dog attached than a pet dog with his balls still attached.
Tuck sat up and looked at me. He tilted his head to the side. I thought that look meant, "Lemme smell your butt again," but in hindsight, I know that it meant, "My doggie balls are as meaningful to me as your precious flip flops. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you talk about deez nutz."
This is no way to celebrate the 4th of July. You all go on. Enjoy yourselves. I'll just sit here with what's left of my flip flops.
Good thing I bought them in yellow too.
Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
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Last night, I told Lisa to get Tuck fixed. "I am tired of looking at his dangly pink balls all the time," I said. They are too big and too dangly and too pink. It seems more like she has a pair of pet balls with a dog attached than a pet dog with his balls still attached. 
52 Comments:
Hi! ;)
#1? ....
liliana,
Si. Uno. Mist Uno.
Y el comentario #1 también!
Ok, so chewing your flip flops is a castrating offense... what happens if he goes after a pair of nice pumps?
I enjoy reading your blog is funny.
Reminds me of the dog from "Van Wilder". If you haven't seen it, rent it if for nothing more than seeing the dog with the enormous droopy nuts.
Political candidates are always being lambasted for so-called flip-flopping. You're right. Flip-flop away. Celebrate your flip-flops!
I've got balls & flip flops. My balls aren't droopy, 'cause I am woman.
Best of both worlds.
oh dog balls are horrendous. Get them removed! I can't think straight when I see a great big hound walking past with a huge set of sack.
I know it isn't their fault and all, but really - dog balls are a freak of nature.
In a sad way, that photo will stand in my kind along side the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima...
I must go get tissue now...I'm sure it's just allergies.
Damnit, I meant in my 'mind.' Well, I blew that one...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Despite my much beloved and burgeoning shoe collection having within it several specimens of the strappy sandal and sexy high heels variety, I am nevertheless a dedicated flip-flop aficionado. So it is with no small delight that I bring you news of my latest footwear acquisition: crocs. Click on the yellow and the pale blue to see the colours I purchased, and be envious. They are slip resistant, supportive, weightless and bouncy. They also appear to be indestructible, which, at $40 Canadian including tax, they damn well ought to be. I have had them a week and won't take them off except for showering or bed. They are the tip-top of flip-flops. They are flip-flop heaven.
You should do to his balls what he did to your flip flops.
Just sayin.
CP
My little doggy is having his bits off this Monday. The poor blighter keeps bashing them on the step, besides which I'm tired of him humping my neighbours cat. The cat's not best pleased either. Still I can't help but feel a little sorry for him.
Oh, it's just plain wrong! Happy 4th to you.
Serves you right I suppose. My dog speaks English too. We have to spell certain words.
oh, LOL - btw, i thought you were kidding when you left a comment on my blog about the gazing upon the full moon in your ---> green jeweled flip-flops -...oh, mist, i shall never doubt you again... (and p.s. michael c's comment was hilarious)...
have a great 4th mist!
Don't do naughty things with the Roman Candle, k?
For the same reason, Mrs. Fab is always asking me to put on pants.
I concur. I also find those dogs with ouale mare to be a bit unnerving and certainly unsightly. I've seen sacks on a dog so large that a porno star proud to make a career out of.
Meh. At least your sandals were the Wallyworld cheapos instead of something designer. Come to think of it, I'm a little perturbed this lapse in your normally style of hottiedom.
I dreamed I was asked to be the spokesman for my grade school's reading campaign then Spike Lee showed up and I was no longer spokesman of anything.
that'll teach you to leave your shoes out where they are vulnerable to assassination. what if they had been Prada!! Protect your shoes.. for shame Mist. tsk tsk .
on a side note.... Have a fabu 4th love! *hug*
Oh dear...what a tragedy. I have some wine..
I say, if the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
Atleast ol' Tuck wasn't poking out his "lipstick" at you. That is so disgusting! Especially when they decide to give it a lick job right infront of you. Dogs sure know how to be classy...
On a side note, cute flip flops!
Happy 4th of July to you and your family! :) Hope you have a great day!
If he chewed your flip flops, you're allowed to go after his balls.
I wanted to solve your problem so I went quickly and googled "dog pants". Since a lot of them do not cover the offending area, I tried a number of other googles like "dog nuts", "dog balls" (that sure didn't work), and "dog naughty bits". Oddly enough most of the pictures only show the dog from the front, thus it is difficult to tell if they provide sufficient coverage. However, there were costumes so embarrassing that Tuck would beg for an operation rather than wear them. Happy 4th!
you have my permission to get some new flip-flops. (i suggest star-spangled, red, white and blue ones. gaudy or slightly more tasteful.) and a pedicure while you're at it.
leave the dog nuts alone.
I once had to decide between a dog and a pair of tan suede pumps. I hear the dog is doing well with his new family.
I think that all balls are distracting. It's a good thing that men wear pants or I'd never get anything done.
I thought having huge balls was looked upon favorably by all women? And what are the odds I'm not the first person to ask you this?
Let me see if I got this right. You left your flip flops somewhere available to a low to the ground male, though the fact that Tuck's a male is not relevant to your ire.
Said flip flops are now not in working order.
So you diss Tuck's identity. What else has he got? Think this through Mist. Up at dawn. Stretch. Lick. Gobble some kibble. Slurp water. Lick. There, in eyesight across the floor are the oddly attractive objects with a scent, gobble, slurp, lick.
Kismet, from Tuck's point of view.
I'm just happy you worked on the Holiday.
If not fixed, then at least tucked.
Ya know we have a lot in common...I too am tired of looking at pink dangling balls but mostly they are old balls..from the old men I see at work...don't think I can make a case for removing them...
Haha, you so deserved that!
hmmmm.
nuts vs. flip flops.
oh, man.
tough call....
yup.
B-D
----
That'll teach you!
the dog is still living!! wow! you're much nicer than i thought.
he's at least very sore right?
right???
I suggest you paint Tuck’s balls up to look like your green flip flops. Tuck gets to chew the flip flops, you get a dog with no balls. Problem solved.
You're such a liar. You're out having a liquid lunch with 10 hotties and deciding which throat to stick your tongue down.
Happy 4th, dear.
-AD
happy 4th hon
all,
It seems that fireworks and beer have made me feel much, much better. However, Tuck and I still remain at odds.
Gunpowder will do that, especially if taken intravenously.
Depriving Tuck of his doghood for cosmetic reasons seems a little callous to me. But if you make up a better reason you could tell everyone that instead.
1,
Happy 4th
You said deez nuts
I am totally feeling your pain...my new puppy ate a pair of mine....and then looked at me with the face..you know the one, so i couldnt be mad.
glad you were able to drown your sorrows. beer on the 4th of july has magical powers!
i hate it when you date a guy who is all balls.
hmmmmm....His name is Tuck. I wonder what that rhymes with?
I think you need to change his name to Phil.
You know Phil?
Phil deez nutz!LOL
Looks like everyone covered the castration over flipflops.
What the hell does someone have to say to get their comment deleted by you? My god of fire, maybe they need a fixin'...
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