|
Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Wildlife
 Sometimes, I watch porn. I like the dialog and the intricacies of the plot and the shoes that the girls wear in interesting positions.
Until recently, I was ignorant to the bestiality genre of pornography. Fortunately, Avitable has opened my eyes to a whole new world; a freakishly horrific, and probably illegal new world.
When Av shared his porn collection with me, I expected an artsy film, something that juxtaposed the allure of midgets with the complex anatomy of horses. Instead, he surprised me with a nauseating flick involving a man wearing animal print and a snake. After watching it once (and once again in slow motion), I knew that I would never be the same. I thought I could handle seeing a snake make tender, passionate love to a man. Unfortunately, I was not prepared to see the man make tender, passionate love (in several disturbing , passionate ways) to the snake. I had lived my entire life without ever considering that snakes have vaginas.
My therapist recommends that I limit my contact with Av, but did not say anything about contact with snakes.
Mist 1
PS: Melodyann told me not to write about fat people on her blog today. Have you ever noticed how hard it is not to write about fat people when someone tells you not to write about fat people? Me too.
PPS: At Av's suggestion, here's the link. If you are at work and want to keep your job, maybe you should wait until you get home to click this link. If you don't like your job, what are you waiting for?
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
|
Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.
123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head
Over Draft Beer Protection
On the Clock
100
My Left Eye
Stages of Grief
Empty Cage Syndrome
'Stache Stash
$0.32
Who Shot John, GA
Herbalist
Header image photo by Alison.
 Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to comments
|
Sometimes, I watch porn. I like the dialog and the intricacies of the plot and the shoes that the girls wear in interesting positions.
90 Comments:
Everyone's therapist recommends that about Av. He is on several government watchlists.
I'm not accustomed to seeing snakes with teeth in my porn. In fact. I've never seen a snake with more than one eye.
In porn. I should clarify that.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who watches porn for the shoes.
Puss
You should have given the direct link so that everyone can experience such wonders.
http://www.avitable.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/snaked_fucker.wmv
I'm glad that I've made such an impact on your life. Now, when I show you my snake, you won't be so horrified.
What is attracting about a snake?
Even any animal?
pie,
Sometimes, I lie about how much porn I take in.
fab,
At least I got some good meds out of it.
phishez,
I didn't notice the teeth on the snake. I wasn't really looking at that end of the snake.
puss,
Seriously, what else would you watch it for? The quality acting?
av,
I'm adding the link. Now, I will be responsible for disturbing people with snake porn.
wreck,
Koalas are pretty hot. I think it's the pouch.
Welcome to the club.
What took you so long to post today? Michael C is probably calling every emergency room in the country looking for you.
I'm afraid to look even when I'm off work..
av,
There'd better be perks.
fringes,
It turns out that the county jail does not have a computer lab.
susan,
You are a wise, wise woman.
Imagine one of those spiked heels puncturing a water bed....I'm just waiting for that to happen!! I know it will so I'm gonna keep watching!!
I don't watch porn for the shoes, I watch it for the balls. I like to compare them in size and texture to my own to see if I need to upgrade. I am thinking of trading in my brass ones for platinum.
tom,
Does anyone still have a water bed?
adw,
Platinum is nice, but the Franklin Mint offers a lovely commemorative pair cast in fine pewter.
hello,
You will never be able to look me in the blog again.
o.m.g. I thought I had better control of my gag reflex than I actually do.
Well I'd leave a more charming (crap that makes me think of snake charmers) comment, but I need to slither (crap, did it again) to my therapist after reading this. She'll probably hiss (damnit!) at me for not being there since March...
Okay.
I'm gonna go watch it now.
If I don't come back....you'll know why.
wg,
There's nothing that you could have done to prevent that reaction. It's perfectly natural.
michael,
March?! If I was AWOL from therapy for that long, they'd send out a search party.
pissy,
I'm so sorry. I thought you knew that when I say that something is disturbing, I mean it.
I guess they don't care much about or for me. Time to seek a new therapist you think??
Ew, perv.
That video is exactly the kind of pervery I would expect when you and Avitable join forces.
If I ever question the working order of my gag reflex i know I can come to this blog and have it tested.
*shudders* I don't even want to click the link.
wait a minute...snakes have VAGINAS?!! who knew?
i'm stunned. gobsmacked, even.
GOBSMACKED! God I love that word.
um...ok. Yeah. That's all I got.
Except that I cannot see the word "snakes" without uttering the immortal words of Samuel L Jackson....
YOu know the ones.
michael,
No. The therapist is fine. You're not crazy enough. Keep practicing.
nolff,
Do you think less of me?
b. port,
That sort of makes me feel like we're some kind of evil degenerate super heroes. Cool. Av likes wearing tights.
mayren,
Av makes you that nauseous?
beth,
I know. I guess I should have figured that out. Where did I think the eggs came out?
maximo,
So was the snake.
scotts,
That was an excellent word. Bonus points to Maximo. And that phrase just sounds nasty to me right now.
Um, what's wrong w/ having sex with animals?
man, i haven't even had coffee yet. I am not ready for "wildlife". Much less sex with a snake.
now i have images in my head. Thanks for nothin.
Not one bit, baby.
Even though you properly warned me of the disturbing images I was about to see... I wasn't prepared. I just wasn't ready for snake lady bits.
i didn't watch the entire video. but i have a few questions.
1. if a man were to perform a porno, wouldn't it make more sense to be reasonably well hung?
2. aren't people afraid of who will see these videos?
3. did they do something with the other end of the snake while he had his pee-pee up the snake's hoo-hah? ('cos that might make it sorta more ok for me but not really.)
matt,
Oh, Matt...you don't have any pets, right?
melanie,
Coffee will not get you ready for that.
nolff,
I have always admired how nonjudgmental you are.
chef,
I think the only person prepared was the guy.
maximo,
1. Perhaps the snake's definition of "reasonably" differs from yours.
2. No. They are not afraid of us. We are afraid of them.
3. Clearly, you have never watched Animal Planet. Snake jaws can unhinge to allow them to consume an entire water buffalo in one swallow. You don't want to be on the other end of a snake swallowing.
Just read CEO's report.
Mist: Marriage In Serious Trouble? There sure are a lot of Mists out there.
matt,
I'm pretty sure that any marriage of mine would be in serious trouble. Or at least in court.
And yes, Mist 1 has incorporated. I have a staff to read and comment on blogs for me. There are entry level positions open if you're interested, Matt.
I know i dont want to click on the link.... but i probably will... what to do, what to do....
*braces self and clicks on link*
I am disturbed beyond all reason. That is so wrong.
snakes smell. Like bad. EW.
I return from a technology forced hiatus and I get to read about snake porn. Ah, it's good to be back. ;)
The thought of snake porn is making my skin crawl more than any snake alone could.
pigeon,
If I warn you that cutting off your own hand is going to be followed by intense pain, will you only hold out for a minute before you have to test it out for yourself?
mood,
So do turtles. Av probably has some good turtle porn.
velvet,
Welcome back to technology. Enjoy the extreme disgust.
You can teach facts, but you can never teach taste.
I just don't get it... who thought of that the first time? It's like the guy who found out that licking certain frogs or toads will get you high... how'd they figure that out? Is snake fucking a common practice? Too - Many - Questions...
I want to be apart of a Mist Inc!!!
Gross...okay what enjoyment was the woman getting out of that? And how in the hell does that poor snake feel about that? Utterly disgusting!!!!
I am a little less upset with my family memeber's friend from back in the day who used to have sex with sheep...
I am doing this sex thing all wrong. Where were you all my life, girly?
So now that the video has established that snakes have vaginas, do the male species have penises? I don't watch Discovery.
I bet those snakes were the rejects from Snakes On A Plane...they were embarrased by their lack of talent and had to resort to porn!
I'm still traumatized from the last time I viewed that video. I gotta remember to show that one to my husband so we can share the trauma. Because I love him that much, ya know? :)
"They are not afraid of us. We are afraid of them."
oh you're right. why do i question the wisdom of the mist? (though... i might be more afraid of their offspring. call me a bigot if you must, but i'm viscerally opposed to the existence of mutant snake-human half-breeds.)
fyi, i believe it's a cloeca, not a vagina. (see? i do too watch animal planet--although i suppose that bit of info could also be construed as evidence that i watch animal porn.)
larry,
I heard that snake tastes like chicken.
condo,
I think that was a video of the guy who thought of that for the first time. Most people have more sense.
mayren,
Fill out an application and submit a writing sample. Please attach a picture of your shoes.
tera,
Somehow, it doesn't seem as wrong to screw sheep. Good point.
misstress,
I have an ear to the street. His name is Avitable.
venge,
I'm going to do my best to never know the answer to that question.
jenny,
That is so sad. She was probably all strung out too.
miztris,
I'm glad that I can help you and your husband share some special time together.
maximo,
Cloeca. That's the second time you've had a great word here today. I must try to work this one into my vocabulary. I have to see my accountant this week, I think that's an appropriate time to demo my new word.
This post just scared me and I've seen alien porn. Also I can't believe the thugs made you watch that Paula Abdul show as well. I would've drawn the line there!
Wow. Talk about being resourceful. You and the porn directors. I will skip that link, but check on fat people and their feelings about being documented.
PS-I tried to get you a hundred on the guinea pig tribute as well. Just a nice gesture.
And licorice is abane, but as with may rules of mine, I do like Jager and redbull. I can put up with that taste then. Sambuca or however you spell it is the clear super licorice liquor and tha's basty, too. Absinthe should be legalized and that stuff outlawed. That and ouzo. My god, as if licorice was appealing ever. I guess alcoholics like it.
That is just wrong...even in my curiously warped mind I can not even conceive this type of behavor..great now I think I need therapy...ohhh wait I probably always needed therapy but now I have a good excuse it was all...ummm AV's fault...at least my mother would be happy it was someone elses fault..
Oh, I won't be watching whatever that link leads to... I'm almost positive it would give me nightmares...
Did you ever see the one where the guy was 'with' a horse and died? Talk about disturbing.
Personally I think 90% of what gets these guys off is knowing just how taboo their activities are. So by glorifying it you are, in a peripheral way, participating in it.
Now I feel gross.
That is truly disgusting. Methinks I need to Clorox my laptop. Ughhhhh!
ahhhhh too much information!
No. No. No.
And No.
Yes, I am really gonna start sending my shrink's bills to you...
I... that is, I... um... but how do... er...
I have absolutely no words to describe how this post makes me feel.
Mist 1, I am almost extremely terrified to watch the damn thing!
- Ask Trew Life
Ditto what Winter said.
OMG..the best looking critter in the room was the snake..ugh...I need more wine...sh** I have to go to the store..maybe they will deliver. OMG is all I can keep thinking...
Paddle faster. I think I hear a banjo
---
hey karma lennon I think I've seen that same alien sex film! Wow, we're like. Bonding. Green foamy stuff all over, right? Sort of looks like St. Patrick's day cool whip? Or cheese whiz?
r.o.fl.mao.
(tears in eyes)
arg. can't breathe...
uh oh.
... a light inthe sky...
what do they want wwith me?
Truly horrifying. Tormenting dumb animals is right up there with child molestation in my book—but that's probably on the ticket for Tuesdays and Thursdays for this fun couple.
The good news is that oral contact with uncooked reptiles often leads to salmonella poisoning. We can only hope....
WTF??? That poor snake. WTF???
I think the snake (I did not watch) probably felt short changed - He has only one?
"The male snake has two separate intromittent organs, the hemipenes."
Thanks for posting on my blog! I loved it!!!
Oh. My. GAWD.
I have never seen anything like that before in my life.
I'm not sure I should thank you for the education.
Shoe-shopping, anyone?
Mist, you and I are not speaking for a while.
The entire time I was thinking, "how does he know the snake likes it? Does the snake like it? How would one know!? When it doesn't bite your cock off?"
Ugh.
-AD
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Oh gag. he ate the snake out. Gag spit gross.
I can see lonely guys rushing to the pet shop right now.
karma,
The one with Paula and the snake is pretty good.
eric,
I don't do licorice. I can't even eat fennel or anise.
tellin,
We all need therapy.
tammie,
It won't just mess up your nights. It will also mess up Animal Planet specials.
ros,
Your academic approach to the subject matter frightens me.
edgy,
I think the man should have to drink Chlorox.
shadow,
I don't think he had nearly enough information. He didn't have a brain to store information.
winter,
That's what the snake said.
silver,
I have already pawned my car title for my own sanity. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do for you now.
tim,
Give me a hint. Is it warm and good or is it dirty and bad?
lee,
Ditto what I said to Winter.
granny,
I kept thinking that the snake would make good shoes. In this case, the snake probably would have preferred to die.
turner,
I've got to get that alien movie.
mystic,
Well said. Cheers to salmonella.
lex,
My poor eyes.
archie,
Remind me not to date a snake.
melodyann,
I was afraid that you were going to be angry.
tigger,
If you had, would you admit it?
amber,
Stop it. I am trying not to remember the details.
c,
I don't know how some of these people get released to the wild.
dan,
I demand a portion of snake sales.
You were very kind not to include the cockroach porn I sent you the other day. I'm not that nice.
It makes me feel warm and dirty. As long as I let it lie on a rock in the sun for a hour or so.
I like my porn without scales, fur or anything that had more than two legs and two arms.. so that doesn't totally rule you out, Mist ;)
OMG, SNAKES!! my life will never be the same..
hedgehog,
Stuff like that is how I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I am just fine.
tim,
I prefer cold and dirty. Like a martini.
orhan,
If I admit that last winter I had a tiny scaly patch of dry skin on my arm, does that rule me out?
cg,
I'm glad that I could help.
Re; cutting off my hand
Nah, i probably wouldn't even wait the minute. Tho it depends which hand.
pidge,
I couldn't cut off my hands. They are one of my best features. After my shoes and hair and eyelashes and neck, but before my shoulders and calves. That's my daily affirmation.
jen,
Ew, Jen. Ew.
I have just found a line I would not cross for man, woman, or animal. Lord, Mist, and I say this in a very non judgmental way, listen to your therapist.
Like, I'm so hot right now.
how the heck did i miss out on this post??!!!
ok uhh.. i click on the link, i seen the....ohh fuckery.. i'm lost for words.
that's nasty!!! nassssteeee!!!
=:O@
theshygiraffe
spell,
This is a line that I didn't even know existed.
uncivil,
No prison system is prepared to rehabilitate that man.
tallulah,
I can probably get Avitable to hook you up with the snake.
anon,
Don't you sort of wish that you had missed this post?
uncivil,
That reminds me of prom.
kewl one... i hope its a real python...its a new thing to learn...suggest some more websites where we can see snake sex with gay men...you can email at sourendra.das@gmail.com
Post a Comment