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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Couch Time



1st appointment with my new shrink. The first appointment is not a good time to tell me that I may be a teeny bit autistic. I am trying to keep an open mind. But some sh*t just tests my limits.

I have headphones on and I'm lying on the couch. She's asking me to remember my cat, Baker. I got Baker when I was five. He died a decade ago. I have grieved and I am over it. Or am I? The headphones are buzzing in my left ear, then right, left, right. What do you remember about Baker?

I was so afraid that I was going to conjure up his zombie feline ass in that office that I almost didn't want to open my eyes.

That was so much fun that we decided to try another exercise. This time when I closed my eyes, I pictured myself at five years old. I was supposed to talk to five year old me. Here's how the conversation in my head went:

Mist 1: Hey, Mini Me. I'm sorry that I haven't spent much time with you since I grew up and sh*t. Oh, sorry about my language. Don't ever say that okay? Your mom will kill me.

Inner Child: This shi*t is retarded. Mom doesn't care if I curse, you know that.

Mist 1: Right. Well, I am supposed to ask you if we can spend some time together. Wanna play?


Inner Child: Damn, you haven't changed at all. You still don't have any friends, huh?

Mist 1: I have friends...they just don't like me right now, that's all. Look, I have a $500 deductible, so can we just play with your little worm farm?

Inner Child: Just sit there and try to look like you're having an out of body experience. This sh*t is too weird for me. Go spend some quality time with another imaginary kid. Pervert.

I miss Baker.

Mist 1


19 Comments:

At 8:39 PM, Blogger SabilaK said...

I need to talk to my inner child and figure life out. No shit. Can I have your therapist's number?

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sabila,

Sorry, my inner child and I are having a hard enough time sharing our therapist already.

Get some fingerpaints.

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

LOL Funny comments :)

Are you doing EMDR therapy along with the cognitive stuff? Cuzz the earphone thing sounded like that to me.

Inner child work is not easy but at this point, I feel half comfortable saying all you need to do is write letters and talk and care for your inner child. Picture yourself back at those various ages you need to and talk to your little kid. That about sums it up. Amazingly, it actually works.

Fingerpaints are fun too LOL

 
At 4:43 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I think your therapist needs help or he's laughing all the way to the bank! Whatever werks for ya kiddo! :)

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

Write letters? We gotta start slower than that. Maybe a postcard. What's wrong with a simple phone call to my inner child?

icl,

Am I a victim of the Inner Child Hustle? I think I saw that on 20/20.

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

The inner-child therapy may sound odd..but go with it. I gotta say, I'm one of the most balanced people that I know and I hang out with my inner child at least once a week...he's fun (even when he's having a temper tantrum) and I get to stop dealing with the 'real' world while we catch up on our cartoons and chocolate chip cookies (or whatever else he craves at that moment).

You might however want to find a new therapist...buzzing headphones and telling you that you might be autistic???? WTF is that all about???

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

My inner child wants to go to Six Flags. I am hoping to get a discount on the ticket due to the fact that my inner child is a minor.

I'm loving this whole autistic thing. It's the best part.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Your therapist sounds like a quack! Ha ha, actually mine is too damn nice most of the time...sometimes I want to shake her just to see if she would bitch! Thankfully I don't really see her too often anymore, but maybe the next time I should see if my inner-child can get a rise out of her :)

 
At 10:04 AM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Hmm, zombie feline; sounds like something that happened to my favorite fictional character when she was a child...but I digress...

I don't talk much to my inner child, I'm afraid to hear what she'd have to say! :P

KristynMarie

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL Maybe your dead cat would be easier to get along with. I never understood how therapists like to link all our problems, to our youth. When I was 5 I never wanted to take a baseball bat to work with me. ;)

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous PCS said...

What would our inner childs say to each other?

Inner Child (mist 1): You're gay.

Inner Child (PCS): How do you know?

Inner Child (mist 1): You gave my Barbie a makeover.

Inner Child (PCS): My parents are gonna kill me.

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

pcs,

I know you...

I would like to correct one small detail. YOU gave MY Barbie a makeover.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

The thought of conversations with my inner child just freak me the hell out....I don't want to have to compete with an inner child....I have enough issues with the outer one

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Sounds like you need a babysitter. Someone to watch the inner child and outer child for a bit. Someone with references, of course.

 
At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Veronica said...

My inner child and I are not on speaking terms. Probably because I ignored her for so long =(

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

veronica,

Buy the kid an ice cream cone. If that fails, make idle threats to ground her.

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

I am soooo tempted to print this out for my therapist. She'd love it! Too funny.

Postcards work. Graffiti would too I imagine. LOL A phone call...that's sorta Mork&Mindyish..not sure how that one would work. But I bet the Scientologists would know a way around it! lol

The autistic bit...I agree WTF? So, if you're half or partially autistic (rolling my eyes here) how is it that you got through life so far? What's the answer for that? Weird.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mouse,

Be careful. The next thing you know, your therapist will put your inner child on time out.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger K said...

hey mist, i just got a new shrink. i start seeing her next week. tell you how it goes.

 

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