To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Friday, August 18, 2006

I Swear, I am Not Making this Up



It happened again.

I went to the doctor yesterday. It was a simple heart check up. While I was waiting, Mom called. I left the office to take the call. I didn't want to stand in front of the door to have my conversation so I walked through a second door and stood in the hallway.

Mom wished me a happy birthday and remarked that if I am getting old then she is really old. We decided to coordinate our stories. We are both now rounding our ages up to the next decade and telling people that we are older than we really are. That way, people will think that we look really great for our ages.

When I got off the phone, I tried to open the door to get back to the entry of my doctor's office. The door was locked. I giggled nervously and tried the door again. Still locked. What are the chances that I could get locked in two doctor's offices in a week?

I knew the drill. I headed for the stairs. They were roped off due to repairs. I thought about jumping over the edge and risking them anyway. At the bottom of the stairwell was a large black iron gate. It was chained and locked.

I headed for a door at the other end of the hallway. Surely, it would be open. Defeat. Must remain calm. Have heart check up. Cannot get blood pressure up. Say the mantra. What is that f*cking mantra again? Must remain calm.

I did the only thing I could do. I called the doctor's office. The receptionist who checked me in answered. "Um, this is Mist, Mist 1. I'm um, locked in the hallway."

She came out and opened the door for me. I avoided eye contact. When we walked into the waiting room she said (a little too loudly), "We don't use that door because of the stairs." The other patients nodded their heads behind their People magazines from December 2001 as if they were aware of the stair situation.

I think getting this must be a sign. I feel a little like David Blaine, except for the part where he escapes on his own.

Mist 1


33 Comments:

At 4:32 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

O poor Mist!

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I am completely entertained. This could only happen to me.

 
At 5:26 AM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

I can't believe you didn't know about the stairs. Everyone knows about the stairs.

 
At 5:31 AM, Blogger C said...

I have this thing where when I walk past street light they shut off. Lights in hallways have blown before and the light bulbs in my place are constanly in need to be changed. Sometimes lights just dim as I pass them - is that weird?

 
At 5:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lori,

Of course everyone knows about the stairs. I was just testing them. You know, to see if they were good citizens and would warn me. Bastards. All of them.

c,

Happens to me too. I also stop watches. Seriously. It's a body chemistry thing. Or maybe has something to do with witchcraft. Speak to your doctor. Don't get locked in.

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Next time when you check in anywhere - just go ahead and ask for a key.....then problem solved (plus you can always sneak in at night and read what's in your chart LOL)

 
At 5:49 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Oh, for cripse freakin sakes, one day I don't get out to blogland - yesterday - and I miss your birthday....damn it. Ok, so I'll wish you the perverbial Belated Happy Birthday!!!!! hope it was smashing :) BTW, I like the rounding up to the next decade that you talked about too - your perspective on things sure is amusing.

Anyway, the stair thing - see thats a test, you do realize that that is now noted in your chart and I am willing to bet receptionist Sally was snickering all the way as she won another bet that someone would try that...ha ha

have a great weekend!

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

At least you weren't the last patient of the day...

'Mist??....Mist1???...No-one's here...guess we shut down a little early today....no, ignore the phone it's just gonna' be trouble... have a great weekend!'

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Gambo said...

We all know doctors receptionists are strange people - best just to give broad sarcastic smile and say nothing.

What we don't know is how badly you failed your heart test. Will we be entertained for much longer???

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

I remember saying "Mist1, don't go out that door"... I said it like 3 times and what did you do?

Chicks, I swear...

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger jali said...

I didn't know about the stairs, so I'm glad I stopped here before going to my doctor's office.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I got locked in the closet once...but then I came out.


Mist: Every Gay man can look like Cher...it's part of being gay.

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Schell said...

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Ok, I thought I was the only one who stopped clocks! I quit wearing watches because they just stop or I just seem to always get the bum batteries! Plus all clocks in rooms that I spend a significant amount of time in seem to lose time. WTF???

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

I am going to learn how to pick locks.

meg,

I hate the damn chart. I also hate Sally now.

mr. g,

Sh*t that nightmares are made of.

gambo,

Of course my blood pressure was high after that. I hope my arteries don't harden too much.

Thanks for coming by.

mindless,

I didn't hear you. I was on the phone with Mom.

jali,

Please, learn from my mistakes.

dallas,

We have so much in common. I sometimes have black, curly hair. Does that make me gay?

schell,

I try to use my powers for good. But the dark side is so alluring.

nihilistic,

Even my biological clock is slowing down.

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

Good Lord woman - from now on, only go out the way you come in!

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

miss britt,

Now you tell me.

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Maybe you should consider house calls. Or at least always carry a door stopper with you. :) Those people in the waiting room. Did you happen to catch any signs of a smugness cloud in there?

 
At 6:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

I am going to put a door stopper on my keychain. Brilliant idea.

The smugness cloud blanketed the lobby.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Kuan Gung said...

Too funny...hee...hee

 
At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

It's a conspiracy. Maybe your therapist called and they all decided it would be a good prank. ;)

Kristyn

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger ~TVS said...

mist1 & c, I didn't know that thing with the street lights going dark happens to anyone else but me. Honestly, I thought someone had put a curse on me. Maybe I owe her an apology....

 
At 3:39 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

I've heard that anti-BS spray works wonders on smugness clouds also. Or you could visit this website.
http://www.liquidass.com/
This stuff really works, they tested it on CFOX. A few drops on the floor as you leave should hook them up.

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kuan,

Thanks for coming by. I'm usually good for a laugh.

krisyn,

You are confirming my worst fears.

tvs,

Must have someething to do with our electro-magnetic fields.

nerd,

You are a wealth of information.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger White Forest said...

lolz..twice in a week?

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Stuff like this...makes a person wonder what the lesson is eh? Don't use stairs? Don't use doors that lock? It's baffling.

Rounding up your ages...lol...only you :) Too good. I may try that soon.

And I can't remember if I made it in time for your birthday but if not, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope this year does not involve anymore stairs or locked doors. Hmmm...that'd sort of leave you stuck, which isn't what I'm trying to say. Maybe just avoid doctors :) {hug}

 
At 5:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

white forest,

Seriously. Twice. What are the chances?

Thanks for coming by.

mouse,

It's so hard to avoid doctor's with my hypochondria.

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

I have to say Mist, I don't know about anyone else, but I think you come up with some pretty smart shit, since I feel old, everyone seems to think I'm about 2 yrs older then I really am, I'm going to start telling everyone I'm 45, instead of 35, woo hoo, I'm gonna be feeling great instead of totally aggravated next time I'm asked my age!!!

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

I do have some good ideas.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

absolutely hilarious :D

I've been reading some of your posts - and they are just great!!! Quite refreshing - and a joy to read - keep up the great work :)

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nattie,

No one has ever called me refreshing before. Annoying. Yes. Irritating. Yup. Criminially insane. Maybe. But never refreshing.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 2:19 AM, Anonymous Veronica said...

I also round my age up just so I can hear people tell me how young I look. I started rounding up to thirty when I turned 27 and I've been that old for the last year and a half. It beats pretending to be younger and then having the other person look at you with a strained smile.

In Korea people think you're one year old when you're born, and then on New Years the whole country collectively turns one year older. So your Korean age is either one or two years older than your western age. Koreans who want to seem younger use their western age, but I use the Korean age. It really confuses people.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

veronica,

I am not that good at math.

 

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