To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Must Not Sleep

I have nightmares. I've had them since I was a kid. Most recently, it's the dream about the beautiful butterfly in the street that I try to rescue. When I bend over to pick it up, I can see that it is feasting on a bloody bandage. I wake up sweaty.

Sometimes, I run out of things to have nightmares about. When that happens, I feel fortunate to have days like yesterday. It was the most disgusting day on record, and my nightmare material is renewed.

I sat in the park to feed the geese. Geese scare me a little, but I have a technique for when they get too aggressive. I threw the bag of seeds and ran, screaming loudly and flailing my arms. Eventually, they backed down.

After my brief run, I strolled over to the bridge overlooking an absolutely repulsive pond. I gazed down into the bubbling muck and rested my elbows on the bridge with a crunch. When I looked down, half of a crayfish was stuck to my sleeve. Paralysis. I gaped at my elbow for a second and then the antennae began to fish around.

I handled this the same way I handle every disgusting experience. I retched. I shook my arm frantically. The geese laughed and laughed.

I went to J's house to sit on the porch and drink homemade sangria (Directions: 1. Open box, 2. Pour over cut fruit). I rolled a giant log over so that I could sit more comfortably. Ants ran from every direction. Millions of ants. More ants than I have ever seen. All carrying tiny, white, maggoty larvae. One was on my arm. Another on my big left toe. I'm not sure, but I think they were on my neck and in my hair.

Again, I retched. Then, I danced around like a crackhead. I'm glad the geese didn't see me.

Mist 1


At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

You kill me.

At 8:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


See, there's another nightmare.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

Geese are evil.

At 9:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I suffered a childhood goose trauma. My mother loved that cute look of desparation in my eyes. "Oh look, Mist REALLY NEEDS ME!"

I feel better now. Thanks.

At 9:58 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

A bloody bandage...GAG!!

The fear of all fears you ask?
A band-aid in the swimming pool!!! BLAH!!!!

At 11:04 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Lots of whisky before you go to bed. See when you're in an alcohol coma you don't get any nightmares. In fact you don't get any dreams that you remember. You don't even remember going to bed. Give it a try, and have a great weekend Mist. :P

At 11:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor Hank.


At 2:55 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

MENTAL NOTE: Must not read when stoned or otherwise buzzed.

I'm going on the assumption that these are all fractured fairy tales. If I'm wrong, you my love, have neverending bad luck.

BTW, morning and have a great weekend.

At 5:02 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Ewwwww. Makes my short list too.


Wine is like magic. I did have an interesting rum dream this week.


Your post creeped me out. Did the geese talk to you?


Bad luck, maybe. I've always just thought that the forces of nature hate me.

At 5:26 AM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

friggin' nature.

At 5:30 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

It's a sad day when your nightmares pour over into your everyday life....Your dream actually sounded pretty tame campared to the day you had yesterday...

At 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see that you would be a blast to take on a fishing trip. Remind me that if we should someday perchance to meet, just to take you to dinner and not fishing or hunting. Just for your own health. Although the fishing trip video would probably be a hit on AFV or Youtube.

Later Yall..

At 6:01 AM, Blogger jali said...


You just gave my dream machine new material. I swear if I dream about ANY of these things...

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Good afternoon, Mist

Anything with more than four legs is an aberration and should be removed from the planet. This includes sports teams. Eeuw!

I wouldn't go out any more if I were you. Stay in bed and eat cheese. It will give you bad dreams - one step down from nightmares so an improvement in my book. One step at a time...


At 6:45 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

I have nightmares about the apocalypse. At my apartment there's actually a group of ducks that are basically the duck mafia. People run back to their apartments when they see them. And I'm terrified of ants. I would've passed out cold.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Alright, the crayfish is definately Kafkaesque.

And now that I know you can make homemade sangria.... I once knew a guy who brewed his own beer and then once invited everyone over to sample it. When they arrived, the man was passed out on his front (overgrown) lawn.

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

you made me giggle. I hate that.

At 7:53 AM, Blogger anastasia said...

Well, I'll have you know that tonight, I'll be having nightmares about ants right along with take comfort that that your not alone.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

I agree with Nerd - drunken stupor sleeping works wonders.

I used to have a recuring nightmare about a werewolf and dracula - but I can't talk about it - if I do it will come back - I may have already said too much....

At 8:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the story of Hank creeped you out, just wait until I post about his pet named Sassy.


At 8:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, no, no. This is truly creative writing. I don't do that. I read this, and I am crying so hard now. I am just going to go home, and I'll come back tomorrow when you're all better. i can't stand it when bad things happen to you. Get better soon.

At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your lucky, actually - I wish my yucky dreams just involved little creatures....mine are always about my teeth falling out (and my mouth is full of blood and loose teeth), or that I have to pee really bad and the only places I can find are disgusting gross places that are overflowing, or lastly involve little men in white coats - but I think that one has something to do with smoking some bad dope many, many years ago.

Consider yourself lucky!!
have a great weekend Mist

At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your lucky, actually - I wish my yucky dreams just involved little creatures....mine are always about my teeth falling out (and my mouth is full of blood and loose teeth), or that I have to pee really bad and the only places I can find are disgusting gross places that are overflowing, or lastly involve little men in white coats - but I think that one has something to do with smoking some bad dope many, many years ago.

Consider yourself lucky!!
have a great weekend Mist

At 9:36 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Luckily your retch reflex is as highly developed as your attraction for nasty creatures.

Why do you feed geese if you fear them? For the challenge? I always try to do things I'm afraid of, which usually doesn't work out too well.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger PhoenixHearse said...

OMG, I would die!

The other day I saw the most strange, disgusting bug on my arm. And when I tried to flick it off, I realized it was stuck to me because it was feasting on my blood.

I turned to The Husband and screamed, GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

I feel sorry for him.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Amen. Somebody oughtta get nature under control.


Are you kidding? I will take E. coli over half a crayfish stuck to my elbow any day.


I am totally the outdoorsey type. The Four Seasons is my favorite hotel.


As always, read at your own risk. Have you learned nothing here?


Cheese in bed? I'd have to use my lemongrass linen spray to keep my sheets from smelling sour. Maybe Cheez-Whiz.


Last summer I befriended a duck that used to chase me. I ffed him right out of my hand. Then the dingo got him.


It felt sort of Dali-esque. Thanks for noticing how handy I am in the kitchen.


I bet you are adorable when you giggle. Just like Extreme Tickle Me Elmo.


If you're awake, maybe we can IM each other into the wee hours of the morning.


Dreaming about monsters is a rational thing to dream about.


Why am I strangely looking forward to this?


I have witnesses. They can't stand when sh*t happens to me either because I never stop talking about it. Although my crackhead dance did get a few laughs.


You have the teeth falling out dream too? I am so sorry. I hate that one. Mine crack and crumble and then I spit them out in fragments. Shudder.


I feed the geese to that they'll be too fat to chase me. Then I can laugh at them. Duh. What else to people feed geese for?

At 10:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


That's why he married you. You make him feel like a hero. Lucky, lucky man.

At 11:48 AM, Blogger old lady said...

I am so sorry that my dream interpretation skills have left me. My god, I could have changed your life!
Can you just stay awake?

At 12:04 PM, Blogger desiree said...

Geese tried to carry off my two year old niece once, no joke. They are evil. A day like that merits drinking all the sangria, looking at your companion, and demanding that they find you more sangria.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

The geese had every right to laugh at looked like an idiot. ;)


At 3:33 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

A (cray)fish out of water? WTF!

At 3:44 PM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I am afraid of birds. And rabbits. And rodents. And pigs. Really, need I go on?

At 5:04 PM, Blogger photo blog girl said...

I love your blog, I'm linking it to my blog. My nightmare is that I'm in middle school again on a field trip watching a rocket ship do an air show -- then it crashes and all the children burn. Bloody butterflies and maggoty ants? Also would give me the sleepy-cold-sweats.

Glamourpuss, I love your idea about sports teams. If you ever assemble a special op force, count me in.

At 6:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


This is all pretty much your fault then. I knew someone was to blame.


Geese are awful creatures. Why can't we just deport them?


You should have seen me in action. It was all very graceful.


Being that you live in Canada, can you do something about the geese?


What about monkeys?


Glad you like it here. Your nightmare reminds me a little bit of something that really did happen. You may have heard of it. The Challenger. Talk to your shrink.

Thanks for coming by.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger C said...

Man, it's a sign. First potential E. Coli and now nature turns against you. Watch out - the climate might be next.

At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please do NOT deport the geese. When life hands you geese, make goose liver pate instead.

Took all day to come up with that. Don't ,ake me do that again. I am severely limited, you know.

At 8:56 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

l'm glad we cleared that up. I'll never question your motives again.

At 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

SO sorry to hear about the bad dreams. When I first started reading your post today, I felt lucky my nightmares pale in comparison.

As I read on however, I now have every light in the house on and am afraid to get up from my computer. I definitely won't be sleeping tonight!!

At 6:01 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Ants love to eat retch.

Really. I read it in "National Geographic" or something.

At 6:10 PM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

monkeys are funny... until they throw feces at you. but if they throe feces at your brother, still funny.

At 9:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Oh c'mon. The climate? Get real. How can the climate turn on me? It's not like it's gonna warm up and hurricanes will get more intense or anything. Where do you come up with this sh*t?


Love pate. Isn't it banned in Chicago?


I am brilliant in my own little way.


Am here to help.


Well, if you read it in Nat. Geo. it must be true.


I had a friend who had a monkey who threw feces at him. It sorta turned me off of monkeys for awhile.

At 9:16 PM, Blogger C said...

It was rather warm today and lightning in my area - did you get some bad weather? Hey I heard this winter is going to be bad per the farmers almanac but you can't believe everything you read though.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Nothing here. Perfect evening. I never trust farmers. Never trust a man in coveralls.

At 2:05 AM, Blogger doctor chip said...

got shtein?

dreams are scary. the ones I remember are things that will happen to me at some point in my life, good and bad. the alcohol coma sounds like maybe a way to deal with it...



At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The @nd Volstead Act, this one banning goose liver pate in Chicago, was rescinded by their Mayor ith unanimity in 2002 after his landslide re-election. Reinstating pate was one of his platfoem planks.

"I am brilliant in my own little way."

An aside, I am loath to take umbrage with your obvious brilliance, I will stipulate to that. But after you experience on August 30th wouldn't it be better to go with your own average way, and avoid that mess again?

At 9:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Perhaps you are psychic. I used to think I was psychic, but not I'm thinking I'm just psycho.

Thanks for coming by.


There you go, bringing up the past...but, thanks for noticing my brilliance. Very few people do.

At 9:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd take my hat off but i'd blind you.

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, I'll come clean, I'm not stalking you. My therapist says I need a life, and frankly, this is too much fun to give so easily. Can I keep playing. I'll take Dazzling for $200 please.

At 10:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You should see my therapist. We're trying hypnosis later this evening. I should have plenty to blog about. Who needs a life, when you can blog.

The entire Dazzling category is about me. Humble for $200 is also about me.

At 8:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew it. You are a legal drug! Finally! Where have you been all these years. I just love that feel I get when I take you really, the buzz, and the giggling. The way music sounds, and the way food tastes. And the beer, oh my god, the beer. Don't ask about the sex, I want to wallow in it.

And listen, i am soooooooo glad i can take you orally. I just hate going to the hospital and getting needles, so alternate drugs, not a chance. But you, you're so addictive, and you go down so easy. And you are so fast acting.

Alex, I'll take Analgesics for $200

At 9:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I prefer to be called the "barely legal" drug. That makes me feel younger.

As for the analgesics, I thought you were going to take me orally.

At 9:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I prefer to be called the "barely legal" drug. That makes me feel younger.

As for the analgesics, I thought you were going to take me orally.

At 7:01 PM, Blogger C said...


especially in coveralls - just the name of these pants tells that much is to be hidden - well on a man much to be covered can be good thing for a woman to uncover.

At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did take you orally, three times. You were perfectly matched with the 18 year old scotch, you were magnificent with the 145 proof Slivovitz plum brandy, but we broke the bank at Double Jeopardy when we took you with the 190 proof home distilled grain alcohol. I'm talkin' Tasty.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am irresistable in coveralls. But that's just because you never know what's underneath. It's different for guys. You already know it's boxers or briefs, but probably nothing.

At 8:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Careful. I may be falling deeply in Like with you. The words "home distilled" get me every time. Because really, what is the point of my bathtub if not for grain alcohol?

At 10:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes indeed DIY (that's do-it-yourself) grain alcohol in the bathtub, the john if you need it because you can't hold your alcohol. and you can pass out right there by the tub. We're talking efficiency here!

At 2:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


The bathroom is the best place to pass out. The tile is so cool on my cheek.

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With all that grain sitting there in the bathroom, I could take you orally again. Are you as potent when you're passed out as you are when you're cheering me on?

At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And, it's OK to be a little less formal. There is someone else named C here, so why not just call me O!

At 8:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Omnipotent even. When I pass out, I get the cutest little pool of drool in the corners of my adorable lips. I am such an angel when I'm passed out.

I was never a cheerleader, but I was a gymnast. Does that count?

At 8:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I've always loved nicknames. They are so intimate. I have a post in my head all about nicknames. Maybe I'll write it later this week.

At 8:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who doesn't drool, but a gymnast. Now I can put that chalky stuff on my hands and get a better grip before I take you orally, and I would tend to not spill a drop of that ever-precious grain. Priorities you know.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Priorities are foreign and scary to me.

That chalky stuf really dries your skin out. Be sure to have some moisturizer on hand.

At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right again, of course. Hit the grain and then choose. Run and go naked or skip and go naked. And in this bathroom, we may have to skip the running and skipping.

At 1:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I find that I look a little goofy when I am skipping. Unless my hair is in pigtails. Then it is adorable.

At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wuz thinking, with all this running and skipping, we need some sustainance. And since this started with a goose, and we're making the grain alcohol *and* the goose liver pate, maybe we could have some goose breast sandwiches. Just a hint of mayo, on some toast? What do you think? One needn't dress for that.

At 6:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I love mayo. I grew up on Miracle Whip (shudder). I left for college and I've been eating mayo ever since.

At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going to treat my earlier posts as gone.

Of course you love mayo, you bastion of excellence, it's one of the six mother sauces in French cooking. But you know that, didn't you.

At 8:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


That's why mayo is so good with French fries.

Send me your email address. Promise not to post it. Pinkie swear.

At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do understand,
I worship near your waist

At 9:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is it very crowded down there?

At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's this one guy, he's trying too hard. Followed me to another blog. I'm turning the other cheek, temporarily. I'll be good. Pinky swear, as long as i can. But if he moves around to the front, I'll have to bare my teeth. I'm not always submissive ya know.

At 6:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Stick around. Anon likes to stir up trouble from time to time. I think it's sad. I would spend a little more time pitying Anon, but I have to remove my nail polish now.

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Franco said...

Good work, very nice blog. Seems you enjoy working with/ on the internet. And
if something like that even pays off well, it would be even better, woulnd't it?

I chose you because you convinced meby all the effort you put into it. That
really convinced me.
For further information please look up my site Please get more information
on....see the video!

At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back to the fun stuff
Nah, it's not crowded, it's intoxicating, heady, tasty. I also fall in love at sushi bars. Really, I'm a slut, and I love it. That's why I need a firm hand, training, direction, feminization, a little decorum, and perhaps a garter belt. What do you think? Seams or seamless?

At 9:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Seams are ridiculously sexy. I prefer them.

At 8:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was thinking of starting with an array of colors, such as a light powdery grey, and a soft, sensual pink for the hose. Any insight for the knees on the hose? For worshipping purposes, naturally.

And panty styles and colors certainly need to be considered, particularly in light of strap-on training. The things a lesbian-trainee needs to consider just never end. Thank you in advance for the help, ma'am. The help in stores today is just so, incompetent.

At 10:27 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Last month's W (the fashion magazine, not the Prez) recommended vinyl. It comes in all sorts of vibrant colors. I have reservations about the amount of sweating that vinyl could create. Cannot afford weight loss through dehydration.

At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear, vinyl would never do, and I doubt it comes in pastels

At 9:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is shockingly sexy. Comes in a variety of colors. Don't you get high fashion magazines where you live?

At 5:10 AM, Anonymous twila said...

"The geese laughed and laughed" So simple, yet SO effin' hilarious!

At 9:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


They did laugh. I swear.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head


Spinach & My Russian Lover
I Prefer to Live Alone
Meat Market
In b.e.d. with a Little Man
My Brother Vinnie
I'm No Dummy
Bacon Safety
I Do
Boa and Heels



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