I didn't have a cell phone for a long time. Everyone, seriously, everyone had a cell phone before I had one. Now, I'm not quite sure how I lived without one. It's not that I didn't want the convenience of talking about the intimate details of my life to my mother while filling my prescription for birth control, it's just that she always told me that if a man wanted me badly enough, he would pay for my expenses. I never questioned her reasoning. I didn't even bring up that 15 year period in which Dad was a stay at home dad.
I got my first cell phone when I was in a long distance relationship. After a few weeks of being apart, he sent me a cell phone. I bought a furry case for it. I was in love. Of course, now that adorable furry cell phone case would be large enough to hold my laptop, but back then, it was divine.
I was responsible with my phone as He was paying all of my bills. I only used it in emergencies, like when I needed a tow truck or a weather/time report or needed the input of a friend about whether my toe nails should be pained Rich Girl Red or Merlot.
He broke up with me years ago. We had a big blow up about whether or not living hundreds of miles away from one another meant that I could sleep with the DJ in the bar that I frequented or not. It was complicated. I felt that it was only natural that I should sleep with him and He felt that it was only natural that He should call the DJ (since He got the phone bills) and curse him out. Turns out, I was wrong and He was right and so, He dumped me.
For four years, I have been living without a cell phone bill. Then, unexpectedly and without notice, my phone was cut off yesterday. I called the customer care line at Sprint because it was the only number that I could still call and asked just what the Hell was going on here. The customer care agent informed me that my contract had terminated and that all services had been discontinued.
At first, I was shocked that He thought that we had the potential to last four more years. A four year contract with a cell phone company is almost like a proposal for crap's sake. I almost teared up because it was the sweetest thing that He had ever done for me, unless you count the time that He violated the terms of his parole to see me. That was pretty sweet too. Suddenly, I wanted to call Him and tell Him how much I had been thinking about Him since my cell phone was cut off. I would be sure to mention that I hoped that He was doing well in all of His endeavors and maybe we could have dinner and maybe He could call me sometime. But, of course, that would require reactivating my account.
So, I called Him from my home phone. Okay, in truth I called one of His friends because He has changed His number in the past four years (Mom always said that He was unstable and couldn't provide for me). When I finally reached Him, we talked. We caught up. He is doing better than when He left me (read: not on parole). He has a girlfriend and so I backed down. I have had enough of complicated relationships.
Finally, the conversation turned to my cell phone. I played nice. Then, I argued. Finally, I begged. I am not proud. He told me that He doesn't feel that He should continue to pay for my phone bill as I am The Queen of Text Messaging and also a b*tch.
Still, I feel like I have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Surely, any judge can see that.
I am suing for cell phone alimony. At least until I get on my feet.