To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Setting Civil Rights Back

My mother isn't much fun when it comes to board games, unless she is winning. When I win, she gets angry and calls me her sister's name. When I keep winning, she calls me by Dad's name and then it starts to get really uncomfortable.

I say stuff like, "Mom, when you called me Dad's name and said that I was a cheater, what did you mean?" Then, the game stops and we start drinking in earnest. I call Dad when she's in the bathroom and tell him that he still has a shot. He acts confused, but I know that it means a lot to him.

Last weekend, we played competitive Scrabble. It wasn't full contact Scrabble, but still many people came away with mild injuries. You do not mess with Mom and me. We have big vocabularies. Super big vocabularies. I can't think of a word better than super, but trust me, we are totally good with words.

We challenged a family staying in the bed and breakfast to a Scrabble match. They went home crying. Super hard. Like, totally super hard from our incredible vocabularies.

The couple was from Coon Rapids, Minnesota. Being from Minnesota, we were thrilled to be challenging fellow Minnesotans. Also, we really enjoyed calling them The Coons. We had breakfast with The Coons. We played Scrabble with The Coons. We even stole The Coons' parking space.

Now, maybe in the North it's not as funny to talk about The Coons, but here in the South, the word Coons carries some heavy implications. Mom and I enjoyed nothing more than telling the other guests of the b & b that they would have to move because The Coons were going to need those seats. We felt Rosa Parks smile down on us as we told people, "I'm sorry, those seats are reserved for The Coons."

The Coons were really bad Scrabble players. They were the kind of people who believed that everyone is a winner. They opened up triples and tried to use unique words to score points. We defeated The Coons. We even exploited The Coons. The Coons sucked at Scrabble even before we started drinking. Then, The Coons really sucked.

I like The Coons. They are decent folks. They just have limited vocabularies. Still, I can't hold that against them. I would totally hang out with The Coons again.

After last weekend, I feel that I can safely say that some of my best friends are The Coons.

Mist 1


At 9:28 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Welcome back Mist... In all your politically incorrect glory!

At 9:30 PM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

I grew up next to the Blacks. Bill, Sadie, James and Missy. They were the only Blacks in our entire town.

At 9:37 PM, Blogger Jim said...

Misty, I won't go there about your new found friends. I'm glad you and Mom had fun with them.
I'm really glad too that you are 'totally good with words.' That makes you feel good playing Scrabble.
Do you work the Jumble? I'm a little dyslectic and that helps tremendously with working the Jumble.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am horrible, aren't I? I can't help it. I don't want to be like this.


Lovely folks, aren't they?


I sometimes do the Jumble. I am also really good, like totally good at the Cryptoquip.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger Airam said...

This was a super funny post. I mean ... a ... super .. post. Is everybody from Coon Rapids nicknamed the Coons?

At 9:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I hope The Coons didn't mind. I think I'll call them all The Coons, unless they object.

At 10:18 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

High Larry Us.

I dated a guy who was really into cutthroat Scrabble playing. My hippie parents never prepared me for that kind of competition.

At 10:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You didn't have the everyone's-a-winner kind of parents, did you?

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Flenker said...

My family has been known to get into mean games of Scrabble. My brother used to play online and got rather good, which made it frustrating for me to play him. I'm more a Trivial Pursuit/Crossword Puzzle kind of dude.

At 11:57 PM, Blogger Kentucky Girl said...

izzit bad that I knew as soon as I read "The Coons" what this was going to be about? I totally don't feel ashamed though. :P

At 12:04 AM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

Your scrabble games sound like our family's UNO games. There were always casualties. And strangely, our super great vocabularies always seemed limited to four letter words when we played that game.

At 12:27 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I have a better word than 'super'. 'Like, really'. Ok, so its two words. But it uses more letter and is thus worth more points. Its win-win!

At 12:33 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

I feel guilty posting a comment before happened to him and his stealth Mist1 posting anyway? :) lucy & ethel must be keeping him busy. PLUS! WTF am I doing up early enough to post a comment at number 13? Oh yeah, drinking.

ANYWHO... Scrabble! See this post made me misty because (HA! misty) my mom(godresthersoul) taught me this game and kicked my ass at it for 30 years. Now I have the pleasure of kicking everyoneelseinthenaturalfreebornuniverse'sass at it. Including but not limited to "the Prince" who actually won't play with me anymore. er, Scrabble that is.

hhhmm this might be the longest comment evah!


At 12:43 AM, Blogger Pie said...

I once played scrabble against a person who was so desperate to win they forged a letter using correction fluid. Luckily their stomach acid had removed it all once we recovered the pieces at the hospital.

At 1:01 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

At a school concert, the daughters of some good friends of ours, The Blacks, came into our row and attempted to sit down. My wife jokingly said, "Sorry. No Blacks allowed." Not even thinking of how it might sound. A black woman in the row in front of us turned around and said, "Excuse me?" I stepped right up and said, "Their last name is Black. It was a joke." The woman said to me, "Well, it's not a funny one." I then said, "Get over it. If their name was Smith and I had said, 'No Smiths allowed' you wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Just get ready to enjoy the concert." She moved away from us and my wife smacked me for being rude.

Fucking world.

At 1:50 AM, Blogger Sockpuppet said...

To restore Southern Traditions, vote for UK News and Politics in the Blogpower Awards.

God bless America and the KKK

At 2:14 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

You know, if you sand down one of those letter racks just right you can stab people with it.

At 3:17 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

We're not allowed to say the "C" word here. I remember, on holiday one time, our son at 14 beating two solicitors at Trivial Pursuit. They didn't speak to us again.

At 4:08 AM, Blogger Lonie Polony said...

Maybe next holiday you'll meet the Dykes, or the Dicks.

At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear god, that's funny.

At 5:27 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

I have never played scrabble or been to Minnesota. I feel so lost. I do however have an Uncle Dick, so maybe I do fit in after all??

At 5:45 AM, Blogger Jazz said...

Snorting tea out of one's nose is not a super way to start the morning. Just sayin'

At 5:54 AM, Blogger tammy said...

Sounds to me like you're looking for a challenger. I offer husband, who beats me every goddamned time. I'm not so good with the words. I had to look up coon.

At 5:56 AM, Blogger WNG said...

My mom went deep sea fishing with the Kykes yesterday. Hiram Kyke and his wife.
Our moms should totally hang out- it would be super fabulous!

At 6:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I beat my mother in law once at Scrabble and since that's all she does, play scrabble, I never played her again. Now, I get drunk while she kicks my ass in Boggle. The Coons sound lovely.

At 6:20 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

Once again, I can't think of anything to say because I'm giggling here.

Wanna play Scrabble with me?

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

We should play Scrabble - I'm super killer lethal at it. And my vocabularly is, like, waaaay big.


At 6:33 AM, Blogger Gordita said... never fail to make me laugh my ass off.

I like that about you.

At 6:33 AM, Blogger choochoo said...

I was going to post something really clever, but then I sneezed and forgot what I was going to say...

At 6:36 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I miss playing chess. A lot.


At 6:43 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Reminds me of my best friend from Darkie, Colorado.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger Jim said...

Lots of ideas here in these comments for future posts, aren't there.
I never use the word Coon as descriptive. I won't.
Mrs. Jim is a Coon-ass [ some use Coonass] Cajun from Louisiana.
That really bothers some of the Cajuns, Mrs. Jim accepts it but we don't use the word around the house.
But let there be derogatory talk about Coonasses and this Jim sounds off loud and clear!

My granddaughters won't play Monopoly with me, I play for keeps. I usually win games with adults too, mostly because I concentrate, contemplate, and calculate about winning all the time. That's why I play.
I drive that way too!

At 7:25 AM, Anonymous hellohahanarf said...

my family is vicious at scrabble. i refuse to play.
(although spoons is a mean, full contact game that we enjoy!)

i bet the coons were glad you & your momma were on vacation with them.

At 7:37 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm not good at Trivial Pursuit. I like games where I can make stuff up.


I don't feel ashamed that I wrote it either.


I am the UNO champion. I will totally take you on. Totally.


You have to have a lot of l's to make like, really.


Lots of people refuse to play games with me. It seems that I can be annoying.


Gawd, that's funny.


I am super offended right now. Super. What do you have against the Smiths?


I'm not sure that I can thank you for coming by.


How long were you in jail?


Not even when discussing raccoons?


I would love to play word games with the Dykes and Dicks.


Mom and I thought so too.


Uncle Dick fits in nicely here.


Was it hot tea?


You can come over on puzzle night. You don't need words.


I can't see my mom deep sea fishing, but if the Kykes are doing it, I bet Mom would give it a shot.


I haven't played Boggle in years. I wish we had beat them at that too.


I am afraid of your tremendous vocabulary, but I will play with you. The Coons are on my team.


I think we should form an online Scrabble challenge. It would be really, really awesome.


I'm glad it makes you laugh. Sometimes, I can piss people off. That's what I like about me.


That must have been a powerful sneeze.


I have been losing games of chess since 4th grade.


Is that in White County?


I cheat when I play Monopoly. I like to be banker.


I'm pretty sure The Coons were thrilled when we checked out.

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Wavemancali said...

Coming from a scrabble family I'd chew my arm off before opening up a triple.

At 8:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


The Coons were into the experience of Scrabble. They opened up triples just to see where we'd go with them.

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Yup - White County. It's right next to Hymietown and Wopville. The Negro River goes right through there, too.

At 8:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You're so well traveled. I need to get out more.

At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Oh my god I am totally embarrassed. Because I totally use totally to describe fucking everything.

I write like a fucking 13 year old girl.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger mindy said...

I like making fun of people from Coon Rapids. It's a Minneapolis tradition, I think.

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I would like to hear a bunch of people from Minnesota say "toner". I would get a little laugh from that.

At 8:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I totally enjoy your reading because I can like, relate and stuff, you know?


It's a rich tradition. My family prepares a special meal when we make fun of The Coons.

At 8:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


The word "toner" is the only way that you can tell that I'm Midwestern. I don't even say "pop" any more. Unless I am referencing pop and lock.

At 8:31 AM, Blogger Tera said...

I've been to Minnesota. I love Scrabble. What race were the...C's? Hmmm...still trying to decide if I'm offended by this. Any racists, feel free to hold your breath (literally) until I'm finished

At 8:42 AM, Anonymous themuttprincess said...

Not all Minnesotans are smart.

Shocking, I know.

At 8:44 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I've had an epiphany just now...I think my neighbors have neem mispronouncing my last name...that explains the "Hey Asshole keep your kids quiet!"

At 8:47 AM, Blogger Uncivil said...

I grew up next to the Schitt's!
Jack, Noe, Giva, and Loda!

At 8:49 AM, Blogger Uncivil said...

Oh, and I almost forgot their cousin Coon Schitt!

At 8:49 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


The Coons were totally pale. Mom and I are totally brown. Somehow, we figure that makes it okay.


I'm sure you don't mean my family. Clearly, we're super smart.


Mind if I ask the origins of that last name?


Hey, I know Jack Schitt!

At 9:02 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

Okay, I will not play puns with you because I don't want my head to get smushed, but I WILL play Scrabble. Just saying, if we're ever in the same B & B with nothing else to do which, frankly, I'm counting on never being the case. But. If we are. Game's on.

Ping pong. Pool. Scrabble. The only games I'm good at, I guess.

At 9:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


If we are ever in the same b & b, I promise not to call you names.

At 9:44 AM, Blogger Tera said...

I knew you were not totally pale...wasn't sure about mom...just checking to see what the family was. You are Super okay...the post is too. Just wasn't sure about the comments...racists can stop holding their breath now if they're not dead yet

At 9:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I seem to have dredged up one KKK comment today. I thought about deleting it, but then I stopped and asked myself what The Coons would do. I think they'd believe that all comments are created equal.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Tera said...


At 10:03 AM, Blogger ScHmOe said...

kinda reminds me of a Seinfeld Episode...only no post from kramer yet :P

At 10:23 AM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

I suck at Literati, what more Scrabble? Can you introduce The Coons to me so that I may finally have a chance to win?


At 10:43 AM, Blogger jennifer starfall said...

like, totally super, mist. i'm really good with words, too.

At 10:46 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


The Coons are very understanding.


I think Kramer might have left the KKK comment.

Thanks for coming by.


I'm happy to make formal introductions, although, why are you so bent on defeating The Coons?


Some of us are just like naturally more better at word stuff, you know?

At 10:56 AM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

funny the other night at dinner we we talking about the time my father made coon chilli, I couldn't bring myself to eat it, but when I lived in La. Our neighbors were coon asses and had no problem eating racoon chilli..
Go figure?

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Tiggerlane said...

I am sooooo laughing over here. And hoping no one can see the screen here in the South - I felt guilty just reading along!

And to think, THIS is the post that gives me guilt - not the ones about vibrators. I must be sick.

At 11:23 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am going to pretend that I never read anything about the chili.


I suppose Mom and I should be ashamed of ourselves, but it was too much for us. Especially when The Coons went for a bike ride. We could not control ourselves.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger Winter said...

I'm dead from laughing so hard.

At 12:48 PM, Anonymous andy said...


I live in the north, and I know lots of Coon's, only they go with "Kuhn" as a safer, less racist spelling. Isn't it strange that even THOSE Kuhn's/Coon's cant spell?

At 1:01 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

How you come up with this stuff is amazing. Politically correct my a$$! Bwahahahah. You are a hoot Mist. :)

At 1:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I cannot be sued by your next of kin. Incidentally, you type well for being dead. I bet you were a really great Scrabble player when you were alive.


Their poor spelling hurts their Scrabble game.


I didn't come up with this one. The Coons are real.

At 1:34 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

The only thing that sucks worse than my vocabulary while playing Scrabble is my luck at getting decent letters. I think I'll stick to backgammon.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger melanie said...

challenges her to dirty scrabble... only using cuss words and terms involving sexual acts...


"Coons? When raccoons tried getting on our back porch, Mama just chased them off with a broom."


At 2:23 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

My whole family LOVES Scrabble.
I have been playing since I was...8? I think...My Great Grandmother and I would play it at our lake cabin.

My grandparents even made up new rules and such to create more challenges [[[gasp]]] as if Scrabble needed more!!! ~shakes head~
My gram is the same as your Mom! She gets all butt hurt when I win, especially after not playing for awhile.
I did get my students to play it on "open" Friday's. ;o)

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Captain Smack said...

But.. b b b but I thought everyone WAS a winner! That's what my mom told me. She also told me I was very handsome (well, she actually worded it "totally hawt"), and now I wonder what else she lied about...

By the way, a more powerful word for super is "super-duper". Or you can just capitalize all the letters, like "SUPER", that works too.

At 3:00 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

We know all the two letter 'q' words that don't need a 'u'. Watch out.

At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Girl, Dislocated said...


I've never played scrabble before, but I've decided I'm going to tell anyone who asks me to play that I'm saving myself. I want my first time to be with you. Even if you do end up injuring people. Just be a little gentle with me my first time, and I'll bring duct tape just in case.

At 3:20 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

Follicle! Follicle, I tell you!

At 3:24 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

and let me guess, they were even wearing coonskin caps; right?

At 5:23 PM, Blogger Nance said...

Scrabble is mean. It makes you spell and do math. I automatically want a partner who can take the math part.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger eric313 said...

My momma used to chase them off our back porch with a broom...

Sorry. Someone probably already had a lame forrest gump joke all staked out.

Hi Mist! Thanks for your comment on that most manic of nights. I'm new and it shows, but I want to get better! I try!

You are hillarious. I bet nobody has ever said that before. No if you'll excuse me, the mother ship is almost here.

(tralfmadorian characters)

At 6:01 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...


At 6:25 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Man, I have to comment earlier. All the good jokes are taken! Crap.

At 6:29 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

I think I've almost figgured out her schedule, now... She seems to be a fairly consistent creature of habit.

At 6:37 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

Just being from Coon Rapids makes them deserve to be made fun of.

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Remind me to tell you about the time I played Monopoly with a couple from Spicertown. I can't tell you how much fun it was to watch those Spics lose their hotels and go to jail.

At 7:58 PM, Anonymous tom said...

We got people from Athol, Ma we play scrabble with, we call them Ath-holes!! Love to see the coons vs the Ath-holes .

At 9:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


That is the second reference to backgammon I've heard today. I think it's a sign.


I would never do that to The Coons.


I think you should try out for the Olympic Scrabble team. They are down one player due to injury.

capt. smack,

You are totally hawt. You are also totally a winner.


Crossing you off my Scrabble buddy list.


Are we talking about Scrabble?


You are as passionate about your follicles as I am about my pores.


I don't get it.


I try to be the banker.


A Tralfmadorian reference will get you everywhere.


Don't laugh at The Coons.


There's no law that says you have to leave a brand new joke. Just tell it better.


Did you just call me a creature? That sounds sexy.


Somehow, they don't realize that.


I liked the episode of The Sopranos when Tony got a Monopoly house stuck in his face.


I am related to the Ath-holes.

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

Coon Rapids? I can hear the banjos now.

At 10:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You really must visit. Super town.

At 3:07 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

We don't have racoons here!

At 5:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


What about possums?

At 8:13 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

drat, i'm a day late here! sorry... i once had a son in law that was good with wood. he played cutthroat scrabble. but we finally figured out he memorized the patterns in the tiles of wood and drew which ones he wanted. i'm not that smart! ha ha

smiles, bee

At 8:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I could have told you that the marriage wasn't going to work out. It's the whole he's good with wood part. Red flag.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Sebastien said...

I challenge you to a scrabble duel. To the death. I'll give you the choice in the location of the fight.

And I must admit, I hate those people who think everyone is a winner. Too many goddamn optimists, they're everywhere, they should just go to hell. Why can't they see the darkness and evilness that lurk around everywhere? Life is so much cooler when you focus on the scary things.

At 12:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Scrabble really brings out your philosophical side.

At 3:23 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

alrighty Dave Chappelle! And i know you know what I'm referring to.

don't you?

At 4:21 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I miss Dave.

At 2:47 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

It wasn't full contact Scrabble, but still many people came away with mild injuries.

Oh, my.

At 7:02 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I believe in stretching thoroughly before playing.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger ~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Hm, I would love Scrabble, except for the fact that I can't spell.

At 12:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Hmmm is spelled with three m's.

At 4:52 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

I love Scrabble, and here in the UK our official rules allow the use of racially offensive words, which apparently are outlawed in US Scrabble. Isn't that absurd?

At 12:15 PM, Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

During the Watts riots in LA, a friend of mine found himself just moved there with his sister and hill-billy father.

The father got his gun out one day and shot a raccoon off of their front porch.

The kids, shocked, told their pops that you can't shoot off a gun in the city like that, and that he had better call the police and let them know what just happened.

He did--

"I was just calling n to let you know that I just shot a coon off of my front porch..."

Eight cop cars arrived at their houses a few minutes later...

I am still known to this day as "Crusader Man" for playing the word crusader on a triple word score as my final play of the game, (playing teams) catching my two opponents with copious big time left over points nd scoring a whopping 157 points to come back and win from WAY behind.

My partner still buys me beers on anniversaries...

At 4:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I didn't even know that Scrabble has official rules. I play Scrabble just like everything else in my life. I make up rules as I go along.


That is hysterical. I've never shot a raccoon, but I have taken shots at the local peeping Tom.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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