Setting Civil Rights Back
My mother isn't much fun when it comes to board games, unless she is winning. When I win, she gets angry and calls me her sister's name. When I keep winning, she calls me by Dad's name and then it starts to get really uncomfortable.
I say stuff like, "Mom, when you called me Dad's name and said that I was a cheater, what did you mean?" Then, the game stops and we start drinking in earnest. I call Dad when she's in the bathroom and tell him that he still has a shot. He acts confused, but I know that it means a lot to him.
Last weekend, we played competitive Scrabble. It wasn't full contact Scrabble, but still many people came away with mild injuries. You do not mess with Mom and me. We have big vocabularies. Super big vocabularies. I can't think of a word better than super, but trust me, we are totally good with words.
We challenged a family staying in the bed and breakfast to a Scrabble match. They went home crying. Super hard. Like, totally super hard from our incredible vocabularies.
The couple was from Coon Rapids, Minnesota. Being from Minnesota, we were thrilled to be challenging fellow Minnesotans. Also, we really enjoyed calling them The Coons. We had breakfast with The Coons. We played Scrabble with The Coons. We even stole The Coons' parking space.
Now, maybe in the North it's not as funny to talk about The Coons, but here in the South, the word Coons carries some heavy implications. Mom and I enjoyed nothing more than telling the other guests of the b & b that they would have to move because The Coons were going to need those seats. We felt Rosa Parks smile down on us as we told people, "I'm sorry, those seats are reserved for The Coons."
The Coons were really bad Scrabble players. They were the kind of people who believed that everyone is a winner. They opened up triples and tried to use unique words to score points. We defeated The Coons. We even exploited The Coons. The Coons sucked at Scrabble even before we started drinking. Then, The Coons really sucked.
I like The Coons. They are decent folks. They just have limited vocabularies. Still, I can't hold that against them. I would totally hang out with The Coons again.
After last weekend, I feel that I can safely say that some of my best friends are The Coons.