I have a good relationship with my hp 3 in 1. I click print and he prints. I click scan and he scans. I click fax and he faxes. He even copies. It is beautiful. Really, we couldn't be happier unless he had a button for car detailing.
My 3 in 1 and I hit it off from the very beginning. I remember the day we met. I was in Office Depot. I was wearing blue suede platforms with tiny studs. He was on sale and I had a coupon. The sales associate was trying to set me up with a laser printer, but the 3 in 1 had already stolen my heart. He had all these little ports for my cables and chips. I don't know. I can't explain it. I had to have him.
We decided to move in together immediately. I never move this fast. Usually, I am more of a stick my tongue down your throat in the parking lot kind of girl, but I knew from the beginning, that this was no ordinary relationship.
I set him up and we networked. Installation was so simple. It was like he got me, you know? I still have the first test sheet that he ever printed. I bought him a few extra ink cartridges (name brand) so that he would be comfortable and put all his stuff in his own drawer. He suggested that I register him online and let everyone know that we were official. I agreed, without hesitation. When he recommended that I complete and return his warranty card, I balked. We didn't need a warranty to sully our relationship. That seemed like gambling against what we had. I told him that I believed in Us and threw away the card. It was a statement. Actions speak louder than words.
But now, we are having problems. I admit, there were signs. I had to reinstall his software once. But, everyone makes mistakes. We talked about it and he printed another test sheet for me and I forgave him. I told my girlfriends that if it ever happened again, he would be on eBay. Yesterday, I caught him in a lie. He told me that he was scanning to Word, but the document never popped up. I clicked and clicked and clicked. Each time, he looked me in the eyes and lied. Finally, I caught him in my email. He was all flustered and garbled and I couldn't understand him. If he wanted to read my email, all he needed to do was ask. I have nothing to hide.
I stopped talking to him and shut him down for a few minutes. He needed to align his cartridges and think it over. Finally, when I was ready, I asked him to print some directions for me. He thought about it. He placed them in queue, but he refused to print. He demanded that I check his connections or insert the CD that he came with.
I did what every girlfriend would do. I clicked print again and again thinking that he couldn't ignore me for long. I yelled. I withheld pdfs. Finally, I cried.
He has agreed to couples therapy. My therapist thinks that I am repressing my feelings and once I learn to appropriately express myself, he will print again. He just sits there silently.
I have given him an ultimatum. If he doesn't print, I will never put my a$$ on the platen glass for him to copy again.
I confess that I went Office Depot yesterday evening. We are not married, I can still look. I only hope that he didn't smell another printer's toner on me.