To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Pubic Library

I can always find something to do when I need to kill some time. It's harder to find time to kill.

I had some free time before therapy last night. I made a mental list of ways to waste an hour and a half:

1. Drink beer.
2. Take a walk.

Showing up at a shrink's office smelling like a bar is generally frowned upon. Going anywhere smelling like a locker room is also frowned upon. I needed more options. I made a new list:

1. Work in a quicky.
2. Go to the library.

Showing up at a shrink's office smelling like sex is generally frowned upon. Plus, after the quicky, I would still have to figure out what to do with the remaining one hour and 28 minutes. I decided to go to the library.

I selected several books from the young adult section because if Homeland Security pulls my library records, I want them to think that I'm much younger than I really am.

I sat down and paged through them. The man next to me was completely engrossed in what he was doing. I wish the library would post a sign that reads, "Please refrain from scratching yourself in the library."

Scratching yourself in the public library is not okay. You will look like a pervert. Even if it's a legitimate itch.

I couldn't concentrate. I could hear the steady rasping of his fingernails. I cleared my throat. No reaction. I slammed a book shut and sighed heavily. Still no reaction. Finally, I whipped my head around, ready to confront the Pubic Library Scratcher (PLS). Usually, I like to have something clever to say. Something more clever than, "Do you mind?" but I couldn't think of anything else. Just as I opened my mouth to chastise PLS, he withdrew his hand from his pants...

...and sniffed his fingers.

True to form, I retched.

I hurried to the check out and after writing a check for a $2.72 fine, I walked out with four books. I went to therapy early to sit in the lobby and read. I flipped open the cover of a book. Inside, was a feathery mustard colored stain.

Mist 1


At 10:35 PM, Blogger Echo Mouse said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. lol Good Lord, that's enough to put me off the public library forever. And I love the library.

At 4:36 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

oh hell no! that is nasty. you shoulda threw something at him. And why'd you write a bad check for $2? LOL

At 5:14 AM, Blogger Schell said...

Yuck. I must say, good choice though, in the library. I'm due for a visit myself. We had a bum sleeping in ours one time when I was there, they just told him to sit up and not lay down. Ha. He was cozy though, laying there by the fire, God love him.

At 5:40 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LMAO I would've asked him if it smelled good. May be he had a quickie before he came in. Sounds like he got a case of crotch crikets for his effort. :P

At 6:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Maybe your library is classier than mine. Maybe it has a VIP room.


I should have thrown my checkbook at him. It would have bounced.


I admit that I have slept in the library. I have also drooled in the library. They go hand in hand for me.

At 6:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't know whether to laugh or take a shower after your comment.

At 6:21 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

I seem to be seeing a pattern emerging around you Mist...seems that you are a magnet for the sick, strange and maladujusted.

Damn it's good to be home....

At 6:31 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

lol..damn girl, you have an uncanny ability to make me look like an idiot while staring at the computer. Laughing my ass off.

Men are so disgusting.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mr. g,

Crazy is my general theme. Stick around, I love company.


Men ARE disgusting. I mean, I scratch myself, but I don't smell my public.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

What is really nasty is not only did he SMELL them but I bet he has nasty crotch germs all over the books in the library....ewww.....

At 7:35 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Maybe he was just petting his crabs...Mine get lonely so every now and then I am forced to get them a good petting....

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats wrong....sick and wrong! And gross on top of it. You gotta watch out for those Public Libraries, a lot of pervs hang out there. I swear I heard someone getting off one time - on the otherside of some shelving that had periodicals on it....I wanted to look - I couldn't...I was afraid I might know them...hahaha

At 9:55 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Gawd only knows what else he touched.


I love crabs! I love them with garlic butter and lemon. Yum!

At 10:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Could have been me. Ever since I got that card, I feel like I own the place.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger jali said...

I can't borrow books anymore - the stains are just too scary for me.

So if the guy didn't sniff, how would he know if he was ripe? (Ewwwww)

At 1:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Why is it that the word "ripe" in other contexts makes me pleased, but in this case, I want to puke again?

At 2:59 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

What a dirty *ucker.... I would of walked right up to him, said out loud, "take your *ucking hands out of your pants you nasty bastard" (of course I would of been telling him this while I was yahking him by the elbow. Wow.... ewwwwww!!! I guess you see all kinds at the library.

At 3:31 PM, Blogger C said...

Hmmm mustard colored stain.....scratch and sniff man. mustard stain + stinky pants = no more late fees.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

jesus - what was making him scratch so bad? Crabs? Umm..crotch itch is just something that should never, ever be relieved in public. dance your way to a goddamn bathroom. And then to smell it?? Oh. My. God. When you retched, you should have retched on him.

At 5:03 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Ewwwwww! I went to the library Sunday and took two books out. Suddenly I don't feel motivated to read them anymore. Some things we are better off not knowing.

At 5:27 PM, Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Yuck!! I so don't do public libraries. I don't like to have to take the books back when I'm done reading them --which is why my friends don't lend me books anymore. Not to mention, everyone in the entire library is weird, except for me.

Bars would be preferable to public libraries; at least you leave the bar feeling happy.


At 8:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I wish you had been there with me. You would have set him in his place.


That's what I'm sayin'...


Can't you get some of your Canadian Mounties to kick his *ss for me?


Meet me at the bar.

At 1:38 AM, Blogger mAn[S]o0r said...


At 5:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Yup. That about sums up my feelings.


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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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