To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, August 28, 2006

This Has Never Happened Before



I've reached the point in my life where I have finally said the following phrase:

"Dammit. I forgot the Cialis at home."

I never thought I'd hear myself say this. Mostly because I'm a woman.

Naturally, I said this in public. Loudly. It would have been different if it had been in intimate setting. Then, it could have been romantic. I could have leaned over and said something like this:

"Dammit. I forgot the Cialis at home. I guess I'll have to resort to other tactics." (Followed by much winking and purring, etc.)

No. I said it in public. Realizing what I had said, I blurted out:

"I can explain. It's not for me. I mean, of course it's not for me. We've never done this before."

There was nothing I could say to undo the damage. I wanted to explain. It really wasn't for us. There isn't even any damn us. It's for someone else. Honestly.

See, there's this guy who likes to play practical jokes on his coworkers. Last week, he chose the wrong person for one of his pranks. Because the prank involved putting cosmetics on a man in his sleep (violation of Man Code 60.154.22.1), retaliation is necessary.

Always one to be helpful, I offered a Cialis that I have been saving for an opportunity like this. What sweeter revenge is there than a Cialis in a cup of coffee? Poor bastard.

As for how I acquired the Cialis...a friend swiped it from her (elderly, obese, sweaty) dad. It grosses me out to think about her dad taking Cialis. Ugh. I wonder what her mom has to take to get aroused. There's not enough vodka in the world.


Mist 1


27 Comments:

At 10:49 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

One question Mist. What the hell is Cialis. Is it anything like Zoloft, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro, Celexa, Prozac? :P

 
At 3:20 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT A VIAGRA TYPE OF MED??? ENZYTE WOULD BE A GOOD ONE TOO!

 
At 4:33 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

While I can guess from the context, I honestly had no idea what Cialis does. I only watch TV shows that I've recorded, and I skip commercials, so I get to miss all the fulfilling pharmaceutical ads that sprout up all day long.

 
At 5:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd, srg, avitable,

Cialis is like Viagra. Honestly. Where have you people been?

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

LOL No wonder I diddn't know what it was. I don't need meds like that, not yet anyways. :P

 
At 6:19 AM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

Cialis is the one where the commerical has two people in two bathtubs on a cliff holding hands like they are about to commit some sort of sexually charged suicide, right?

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

Sure you don't. If you should ever need one, you know where to find me.

lori,

Sexually charged suicide? My mind is racing with the possibilities here. Too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger jali said...

Funnier to me would be to ask him if the Cialis in his coffee worked (even though you didn't touch it) and see if he can imagine himself drugged for 4 hours.

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist -

Why were you the one that felt the need to rationalize the need for Cialis?? If anything it should have been the guy you were giving it to that should have said something....

Out of curiousity...where did you learn enough Guy Code to get chapter and verse referenced correctly????

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Ellie said...

OH NOOO!!! To funny....I think I would die!

Although...my younger brother once got ahold of my edible warming lotion...and used it as lotion..then went to my mother..."look mom..you can eat it!"

Yeah didn't go over well.

Thanks for the visit!

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Miss Britt said...

RTOFLOL - Oh Lord. I can't wait to read the post on the day that you DO remember it!

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Brilliant. Simply Brilliant! BTW... you made my latest blog. Thank you for stepping up and being the friend! I knew I could never count on you to hide my porn!

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger anastasia said...

Ooooh, I feel sorry for that wife, big, sweaty, moaning and groaning man, ewwww!!! I would have to say that I would be out on the street trying to score a couple of roofie's for myself, that way, I would have no idea what happend.

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

I do hope that the man doesn't have a heart condition. Will keep your suggestion in mind.

mr. g,

I rationalize everything.

Guy codes are available online. I had to answer a few questions about football to get through the female blocking firewall.

ellie,

What flavor was it?

Thanks for coming by.

miss britt,

Stay tuned. Unless he reads my blog. Then, I'll deny everything.

dallas,

I'm glad to know that my honesty and immorality are appreciated.

anastasia,

I'm thinking she must have had a lobotomy.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger C said...

hey that's some scarry revenge tactic. maybe laxatives are a more mild alternative.

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

Being aroused for hours is scarier than sh*tting your brains out?

Really?

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

OK call me retarded but I didn't know what cialis was either (although I have heard of it). Is there a feminine version? I'd like to put some in my coffee.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

It might react badly with all the liquor in your coffee.

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger SabilaK said...

If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, go to the emergency room.
Remember that episode of Grey's Anatomy last year?

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger SabilaK said...

If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, go to the emergency room.
Remember that episode of Grey's Anatomy last year?

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

omg - his poor wife. ROFL

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sabilak,

If I ever have any kind of erection, I am going straight to the MD.

darlene,

That's what I'm sayin'.

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sabilak,

If I ever have any kind of erection, I am going straight to the MD.

darlene,

That's what I'm sayin'.

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

You have to tell me when you do this and the results - my mind is racing here.....

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Everyone freaked out here. Maybe this isn't one of my better ideas.

 
At 6:06 AM, Blogger Ellie said...

rasberry...mmmmm.

yeah..it mysteriously disappeared. I think my older brother, who knew what it was, got ahold of it!

 
At 6:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

ellie,

I love raspberry. Do they make mango? I really love mango.

And you can't steal your parent's lube. It's wrong in too many ways to list here.

 

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