To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Unenjoyment



I'm thinking about a career change. The phrase "career change" here means "getting a job." This whole in-between-paychecks thing has lost the novelty it once had.

My days consist largely of sitting in the coffee shop eyeballing the cakes and emailing people who actually work. Sometimes, I feed the geese and I have the occasional beer. The word "occasional" here means "for breakfast I have a..."

It's not that I crave order and discipline in my life. I satisfy that by showering at 3pm (discipline) and shopping online (ordering). But, I have tired of daytime TV. Unless I am living in the Dr. Phil House, it seems that I am just not interested in it.

The problem is that work involves, well, work. Something, that I am not suited for. At least, not on a regular basis.

Contractual work is okay. I like walking in at five minutes to 5pm and dropping off my latest assignment. I relish the envious looks of the full time employees who wish that they could do the same and in jeans with a large, gaping hole no less. But truthfully, I envy them. They know what they will be avoiding working on tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that...

I don't gamble, so I have no chance of winning the lottery. If I did win the lottery, I would still get a job. It's just that I would arrive late and leave early. I also might curse people out at random. And, I would probably steal my stapler and order another one from Office Depot.

The problem is that I need the right career. Rating hotels in exotic cities would be okay with me, unless the accommodations weren't up to my standards. Signing autographs would also be alright, but I suppose that celebrity status is a prerequisite. I would also really enjoy being First Lady, but I don't have a platform yet, nor am I married to the president.

Unenjoyment would be so much more fun if everyone I knew would just resign and we could hang out all day. We would sleep in, have beer for brunch, play darts, get pedicures, take a walk, dye our hair, take naps, and email the people who still actually had jobs.

As it stands everyone I know without gainful employment is either a.) awaiting trial, or b.) driving the kids to soccer.

If only I could run for First Lady.


Mist 1


69 Comments:

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I think there's an opening at Dundler-Mifflin paper company in Scranton.

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Meredith said...

Perhaps you should consider becoming a motivational speaker? ;)

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

I am good at origami. I hope they are hiring an origamist.

meredith,

I can hardly motivate myself to get a job. Perhaps I can motivate people to quit and hang out with me. How do you like you job?

 
At 11:19 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Funny you should mention jobs. If I could do it all over. I'd go for the male porn star. Having sex with some of the best looking ladies out there, and making money doing it! You get to work at about 7am, do the horizontal bop for about 3 hours, and the rest of the day is yours. Oh I hope the Hindus are right. :P

 
At 11:20 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

If I quit and hang out with you, will you buy me Diet Dr. Pepper and sing to me?

 
At 1:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every 8 years, the government runs a future First Lady training program. This involves a short period in the white house for training. The next class is about to start and I hear they have a few openings. Monica Lewinsky was in the last class.

Hope this helps. It's a little known program that they started in 1958. Most first ladies since then have been in the program.

Later yall.....

 
At 1:43 AM, Blogger spoon said...

You've nearly convinced me!!!

 
At 4:52 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

What Avitable said. I noticed in the premiere last week that they're adding some new characters. Maybe you should audition?

I don't think they would let you take over the role of chilling people's office supplies in jello though. It looks like Jim is up to his usual tricks at the new branch.

O I'm sure they'll create a character for ya or just let you be you.

I'm talking about THE OFFICE for those that don't know. Writing this post reply has given me the idea of starting a Thursday night / Friday chat on my blog so we can review our favourite parts of each episode after it airs. Any takers?

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nerd,

It is never too late for a second career.

nihilistic,

Is that it? Man, you're easy.

melon,

I have nothing to wear. Gotta go to the Gap.

spoon,

I have the Awesome Powers of Persuation.

icl,

The set looks too much like a real office. It would just be depressing.

 
At 5:02 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

LMAO. It. Must. Be. Nice. I think. LOL.

 
At 5:03 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

LMAO. It. Must. Be. Nice. I think. LOL.

 
At 5:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

stilt,

Am. Bored. To. Tears.

 
At 5:50 AM, Anonymous Lisa said...

I came by via Irish Church Lady- now I see why you crack her up!

As flossing is on your to-do list, you could go into the field of dentistry perhaps? LOL

 
At 5:59 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist, move to Blighty and join The Idler. These people live to loaf. As an inveterate potterer myself, I can vouch that gainful employment just gets in the way of real life.

GP

 
At 6:29 AM, Anonymous Odat said...

Would you like fries with that?

Peace

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lisa,

I floss my own teeth and support and encourage others to do the same. However, I cannot put my hands into the mouths of others. I do not have a problem with biting the hand that feeds me.

Thaks for coming by.

puss,

At last! A community. I soooo wanna be an idler.

odat,

Why do guys always say that to me as I walk by?

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

Maybe you could have a torrid affair with someone famous & then write a book about it.
I agree with you about the working thing, though. The novelty wears off so quick for me that I find myself becoming bored. I, however, DO have a plan. I buy lottery tickets & some day I will be rich. I will wear a tiara everyday - royalty or not.

 
At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

i work "on commission" - so I'm constantly "between paychecks" as well. And sometimes I actually wish I had some kind of system to rebel against.

I've been trying to run for Lottery Winner. So far, God does not seem to be swayed by my platform.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

I will consider any suggestions you may have about who to have this torrid affair with.

You should wear a tiara every day already so that you are accustomed to it. You don't want to look like it's new lottery $$.

 
At 7:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

britt,

Have missed you.

G*d is a tough nut to crack. Try a hunger strike or wear a belt with spikes in it in His honor. That should get His attention.

 
At 7:52 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

Hey, I am neither awaiting trial nor driving anyone to soccer.

Then again, next week I join the ranks of the underemployed, so that changes everything. I'll actually have some structure to my day. I hope I can handle it.

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

alison,

As if you'd admit to being either of those things here.

Good luck with your trial.

 
At 7:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try Stripping. It worked for me...oh and so did Hooked-on-Phonics.

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

dallas,

I just got off phonics. Dr. Phil got me the help I needed. The First Step is to admit that you are powerless to phonics.

 
At 8:10 AM, Anonymous kristynmarie said...

I sympatize. I don't work, ironically neither does hubby, we just sit around and annoy one another all day. It sounds like more fun than it is. Thank goodness for the escape to school every few hours.

Kristyn

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

kristyn,

I am qualified to sit round and annoy people if you want a break in the monotony. References available upon request.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger K said...

um, last time i checked, you had plenty of platforms in your closet.

i am selling my position at the company for five bucks if you want it.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Gambo said...

Dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The owner says: "We don't hire dogs, go join the circus". Dog replies: "What would a circus want with a plumber"?

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

Yes, but what I really need are boots for fall.

Does the $5 include cubicle rental fees?

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

gambo,

I am not a dog, but I have been called a b*tch. I am not sure that I have the required training to check pipes although I have checked my own.

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger PhoenixHearse said...

I hate beer (gasp!), but I do like the way you think.

 
At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a company in Northern Virginia that is looking for a very few special women who can model in camoglage short shorts and matching bra, and theigh length boots for the generals at the Pentagon's Back to School Fall Extravaganza. They wanted to know if you could field strip an M-16 on the wing of an F-18, blindfolded, and reassemble it, in 180 seconds. Alternatively on a tank. Also, do you look good with 'other shoulder mounted weapons'. I told them I'd ask and get back to them. Security issues, you know.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I totally sympathize. Most types of ostensibly gainful employment I've had were useless, as far as I could see, and a waste of my precious time. Yet I have boundless energy for things that interest me, and don't consider them work.

You are a talented writer. Have you considered doing features for a newspaper, or submitting short pieces to magazines? It would be a start. I suspect that you're too creative for most standard jobs, so you should invent your own, doing whatever you love to do, until somebody is willing to PAY you for it. Maybe goose feeder? I'm just saying.

Good luck!

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger old lady said...

Mist!!!
You are a writer! Holy shit, didn't you know that?!

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger princessdominique said...

I vote for First Lady!

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Meg said...

I wouldn't change a thing. Heck, if I had enough body parts I'd quit my job and just become a donor......and hang out with you and drink beer!

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

phoenix,

Suit yourself. More beer for me.

ceo,

Can you work in the cover of Guns & Ammo for me?

hearts,

I am putting Goose Feeder on my resume.

kare,

Right, I'll just send the link to the blog to all my local papers. They will probably want to hire me based on all my fabulous attributes.

princess,

Thank you for your vote of support. I have already picked out my White House china.

Thanks for coming by.

meg,

Eggs are going for $3,000 a pop...so I've heard.

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Dude,

You spelled unemployment as "unenJOYment." There I think you have it. Very good. I am now working for pretty decent money (by my standards) on a contractual basis, which means I don't yet get vacation or sick time so it's the same thing day in and day out....

I want to play hooky.

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

Let's play hooky and go to Oktoberfest (which by the way, you spelled "Octoberfest" on your blog today).

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Oh, touche. (I think that's how it's spelled.) It's only oKtoberfest if you go to the real thing in Germany and buxom Bavarian women serve you beer in giant mugs and you're wearing a feather in your cap.....

I too am looking for the right career for me. Gynecologist is waaaay too much commitment.... Horticulturalist is waaaay to risky.... Pimping is waaaay too hard to break into....

Maybe crisis negotiator?

I dunno.

 
At 5:46 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Ya know, I've heard of people that travel to differant brewrey's, (hope I spelled that right) tasting beer. What a life, travel, beer drinking for free, what more could you want!!! I would certainly write you a letter of recomondation.

Or, you could put out a diet book, I mean you do have some awsome ideas!!!

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

You'll need a bullhorn if you're going to be a negotiator.

anastasia,

I think I'd like to be the Devil's Advocate. I wonder if he's hiring.

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger C said...

I a have two words for you:

Mystery shopping

Except they might make you shop somewhere you don't want and report on your findings.

Hey thanks for the goat's milk soap and the cute curlies. I am so in LIKE with you! You rock. Do you mind if I mail you a thank you note or make you some soap ha ha - just teasing about the soap but be glad to mail you a little thank you note.

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

I already mystery shop. I leave the house and mysteriously I come back with all kinds of stuff.

Glad you got the package. I do rock. Thanks for noticing. You can send me a thank you if you make it. I like your stuff.

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger C said...

Mist1
Cool beans - I would be glad to make you something.

 
At 4:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

Fantastic! Now I have a reason to check my mailbox (besides all my many, many magazines).

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

If I didn't have a mortgage, I'd so join you in unenjoyment. Your days sound divine. But I work from home, so I do know that feeling when you're emailing friends who actually do work and they claim to be busy working. That's bull. All working people should do what I'm doing right now: sitting in bed in nothing but my T-shirt and spanks, depressing myself with country music.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheet,

Exactly, they all act like what they do is deeply important and meaningful. I mean, would the economy crash if they quit and spent some quality time with me?

You are invited to spend every divine day with me right here on this blog.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheet,

Also, what you are wearing fine. No need to dress up for little ol' me.

 
At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do that already. Do I get soap? No, In fact, you never asked what I was wearing. Snif, I can't handle this kind of rejection. I need a drink. And play some other kind of music, that country music just makes me cry

 
At 6:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

o,

I had no idea you were so sensitive. Perhaps you should listen to R&B music.

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Thebodytalk said...

Career Change...it's a big phrase to make a big move...Actually, don't know what to say about it.So Good luck!

I don't gamble, either. So no hope for winning lottery. In fact, I just don't believe in playing lottery. It's full of drama.

The BodyTalk

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

body,

I am perfectly happy to gamble with other people's money. A friend suggested that I move to Vegas, but I'm not ready to be a whore just yet.

 
At 11:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Sorry, I got lost looking for a sandwich, this isn't the Hyatt.

Of course I'm sensitive. I couldn't sleep last night, There was this pea, over-cooked.

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Poor thing. I tossed and turned all night too. Something under my pillow kept buzzing and vibrating. Drove me crazy.

 
At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1,
I am so glad that you found my vibrator. I almost went crazy looking for it.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

You probably want to add AA batteries to your shopping list.

 
At 8:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
What do you think, add a blue or pink double headed dildo to that? Expanding the horizons, you know

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

How are your horizons? Still searching to expand?

I saw a green one at a "specialty" shop a few weeks ago that could crawl across the floor by itself. I wanted it, bad.

I wanted to recline and say, "Come here, Lover" and make it crawl to me. Then I realized that a virator that drags itself across the floor is not the level of cleanliness that I am comfortable with.

 
At 8:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
But, if you say, "Come here, Lover" and it's hanging out of his ass..... that's like operating room safe, untouched by human hands, at the moment

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Not real good at sharing my stuff. Only child syndrome. Yes, I realize that I have a sister.

 
At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Would it be better hanging out of his mouth? Or you prefer a vertical drop approach, onto the face, without the dildo. Then you can play bucking bronco, and you don't need a dildo at all. Wow, the variations are coming a mile a minute here. And to think that they were talking about mystery shopping, go figure.

And my word verification: wvmen

is that well vacuumed men? Or what?

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Don't need a dildo?! What a strange world you live in.

 
At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
I'm new to this lesbian thing, I again humbly request training ith some insight, please Mist-ress.

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I love to take credit for things I haven't done. But I've only kissed one girl. No tongue. Large quantity of alcohol.

 
At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Well, I'm way ahead of you here. I have kissed more than one girl, with intent!
and a simulated dildo.

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I feel like such a novice.

*sigh*

More field research necessary.

 
At 11:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
There's no time like the present to grab one and get started. It's a real aid to you acne situation too. And it'll help your calcium levels too. If you can't find one, grab some guy, they substitute well

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I take a calcium supplement. It's good for my bones.

I totally dare you to go to the doctor and ask for a bone density test. When they get you in the paper "gown", giggle like you are in seventh grade every time they say "bone."

If I was a guy I would ask all the girls for bone density tests.

 

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Name: Mist1
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