I'm thinking about a career change. The phrase "career change" here means "getting a job." This whole in-between-paychecks thing has lost the novelty it once had.
My days consist largely of sitting in the coffee shop eyeballing the cakes and emailing people who actually work. Sometimes, I feed the geese and I have the occasional beer. The word "occasional" here means "for breakfast I have a..."
It's not that I crave order and discipline in my life. I satisfy that by showering at 3pm (discipline) and shopping online (ordering). But, I have tired of daytime TV. Unless I am living in the Dr. Phil House, it seems that I am just not interested in it.
The problem is that work involves, well, work. Something, that I am not suited for. At least, not on a regular basis.
Contractual work is okay. I like walking in at five minutes to 5pm and dropping off my latest assignment. I relish the envious looks of the full time employees who wish that they could do the same and in jeans with a large, gaping hole no less. But truthfully, I envy them. They know what they will be avoiding working on tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that...
I don't gamble, so I have no chance of winning the lottery. If I did win the lottery, I would still get a job. It's just that I would arrive late and leave early. I also might curse people out at random. And, I would probably steal my stapler and order another one from Office Depot.
The problem is that I need the right career. Rating hotels in exotic cities would be okay with me, unless the accommodations weren't up to my standards. Signing autographs would also be alright, but I suppose that celebrity status is a prerequisite. I would also really enjoy being First Lady, but I don't have a platform yet, nor am I married to the president.
Unenjoyment would be so much more fun if everyone I knew would just resign and we could hang out all day. We would sleep in, have beer for brunch, play darts, get pedicures, take a walk, dye our hair, take naps, and email the people who still actually had jobs.
As it stands everyone I know without gainful employment is either a.) awaiting trial, or b.) driving the kids to soccer.
If only I could run for First Lady.