To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Kiss Like A Sailor


Yesterday, I was reminded of my one-and-only blind date. My friend thought that we would get along smashingly. Also, the guy was "taking a break" from his girlfriend. There is nothing better than a date with me to remind a man of all the reasons he really, really loves his girlfriend.

We met for bloody Mary's which is an excellent start to a date. If it is a good date, it is an excellent way to end the date. I didn't mind that he was shorter than I am. I liked that I could rest my drink on his head. Nor did I mind that he was about the age of my father.

We went to a Braves game. I don't understand baseball. It just doesn't make sense to me. One team is always young and athletic while the other team always looks like my dad and his buddies. Also, I have been over stirrup pants for ages. I decided that it was best for me to sit quietly and drink $14 Bud Lites.

He was a gentleman. He didn't even punch the guy that asked him if he could take his daughter out after the game. "Thanks, Daddy" I said when he passed me another beer.

After the game, we decided that more drinks were in order. We found a quiet bar. Over vodka, he told me about his adventures in the Navy. I was on my best behavior. I asked pertinent questions and never once mentioned that I like seamen. I still thought it in my head, though. Which is probably why I decided to stick my tongue down his throat.

And this is right about when the date started to go wrong.

"You're not like most women I've dated. All my Naval stories seem to bore them."

"You're not like most men. You're different." I fluttered my eyelashes and tried not to laugh about his navel stories.

"I know," he said. "I've been circumcised twice."

Curiosity and vodka got the better of me.

Mist 1

Thanks, 123Valerie for stirring up the past.


59 Comments:

At 8:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ewwww Mist! You deserve some sort of philanthropy prize or something.

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger STAK said...

you are one hot mess............the last time i went to a Braves game, i ended up highly intoxicated off 24oz beers and sunlight,pissing in the post-game parking lot traffic jam and later pledging my love to some heinous skank stripper at some club........i thought i was in buckhead and that she was a japanese accupunturist(is that a word?).........turns out she was just cross-eyed..........and my friends told me later that she was hideously ugly but had great tits...........the ghouls..........

 
At 9:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

Please nominate me. I am to modest to do it myself.

stak,

For a second I thought it might have been me. I am a little cross-eyed, but I have tiny tits.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Tug said...

Expensive Bud Lights can do things to you. Glad you got to be "Brave" for a minute anyway. Or see them. Or something....

I'm on cheap wine instead of expensive beer, please forgive.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger fringes said...

I don't have that much curiosity left in me. Ew.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I seem to recall a previous blind date post. Are you repeating yourself already? And at your young age and beauty?

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tug,

Cheap wine works for me.

fringes,

Have some vodka.

av,

That was an ambush date. They are different.

 
At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh, the stories you tell. They make me wince, then laugh! Didn't it hurt your back to bend down and shove your tongue down his throat?

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lizza,

I have a rather long tongue.

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

I'm always glad to be of service, Mist, just like our fine naval brigade.

Circumcised twice, you say? Was there anything left? If vodka and curosity got the best of you, curiosity got the cat, then did your cat get vodka? Wait ...

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger spoon said...

You need to get a hobby to keep you away from geriatric semen!!! The only bonus being they're not as good swimmers! I gotta say that you have an extraordinarily strong sense of curiosity, I would've been quite happy to get pictures instead!

 
At 11:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

123,

Twice. He appears to have the Amazing Powers of Regeneration.

spoon,

Pictures would have been a better idea. And you're right, I could use a hobby.

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

What does a double circumcision look like? With pictures, please.

You have a real chance to educate here. Don't blow it.

 
At 11:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
I have a huge supply of vodka, and since you have this philanthropic bent, I am available to you as a hobby.

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger STAK said...

i'm personally considering a hobby of having mist send me pictures of her unusually long tongue....................

 
At 12:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NO NO Tell me you didn't! Please say you didn't!

 
At 3:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do wish you'd share more of your life with us, Mist, and stop being so shy about it all. ;)

 
At 3:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That kind of curiosity is definitely above and beyond the call of duty.

Are you after some kind of medal or was the search for truth its own reward?

 
At 4:17 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I didn't mind that he was shorter than I am. I liked that I could rest my drink on his head.

Absolute classic.

 
At 4:51 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Once was enough for me. Although there are times when I'd like that 5% back...

 
At 5:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh, that's twice too many....

or

You mean to tell me that not only was your date old, short and mutilated that that he was also blind? That beggars belief!

 
At 6:10 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

Please tell me you were at least considerate to place a coaster on his head first?

And Mist? Atlanta does offer single men above 5'5".

Clarification of yesterday's comment- Sorry, I forgot that every county in GA has at least 5 roads named Peachtree Street

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

But did he have $$$$???

 
At 7:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

REGENERATION!? Oh my god.

 
At 7:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did he have 2 to circumsise?

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

Okay, imagine a bellybutton...

0,

Finally, a hobby.

stak,

It runs in the family. My sister actually can't close her mouth because of hers.

shadow,

Didn't what? Have a one-night stand? Of course not, I called him two days later.

skittles,

One time, when I was four...

vince,

I was hoping for another patch to sew on my vest.

orhan,

I like useful men.

nwjr,

I'm sure you make up for it in personality.

matt,

I am still recovering from my passionate affair with a blind man. Please check the archives.

slick,

That would have decent of me. He just kept blotting his head with a cocktail napkin. I thought he was sweating.

cheeky,

I forgot to check his pockets.

bird,

Kind of incredible, huh?

 
At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet the doc who performed the second one is still talking about it. Or drinking heavily!

 
At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

twice?? ouch.

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

At the very least I hope you got a pair of shoes out of it.

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

margaret,

Two is too much of a commitment for me.

michael,

It was a woman doctor. I'm thinking she hated him.

dallas,

After the surgery, he had to wear a litle tent in his pants to keep them from sticking to it. I din't make that part up.

pissy,

I know, because I totally threw up on the shoes I was wearing.

 
At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm in agreement. If I found out a guy had to be circumcised twice i'm Totally going to feed my curiosity. I mean honestly. How many men could really make that claim?
I was sorta waiting for more details but i guess you're holding out for a good reason.... mebbe....

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mayren,

Exactly my point. There was really nothing I could do. I needed to know.

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger Kelley said...

Never a good indication when someone mistakes you for father and daughter. A waiter once mistakenly assumed that my father and I were a couple. He said, "You kids behave now", when we left. I was too traumatized to be insulted.

 
At 8:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How could navel stories be boring?

And if they were, how could they be any more boring than your dad's buddies in stirruped pants? ;)

Steve~

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait...you had a date with that Bobbitt dude? ;)

 
At 9:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Circumcised twice, huh? I get what they cut off the first time, but what did they snipp the second time?

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Deezee said...

simply too amusing...

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

He bought you alcohol and told you you're not like other girls?

Sounds like marriage material to me...

Puss

 
At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good usage on "snatch" by the way. That's one of those words that's good every once in a while...

 
At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On a scale from 1 to 10, how bad was he? I gotta know. I won't sleep tonight.


Seen my life anywhere?

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kelley,

I've never been the kind of girl who can call her date "Daddy" and be serious.

steven,

My dad and his buddies are a riot. Especially in stirrup pants.

miztris,

I didn't want to name any names...

choo,

I think the medical term is penis. I thought you'd know this stuff.

deezee,

Amusement is sort of my thing.

Thanks for coming by.

puss,

I know, I know. No one has ever told me that before.

matt,

Snatch is one of my all time favorite words. It is difficult for me not to use it in every post.

ctw,

Do you want his technical score or the score for creative merit?

Your life is over at my place. I think it drank the last beer. Can you pick it up tonight?

 
At 1:43 PM, Blogger Meg said...

WHAT NO VISUAL AIDS??? TAKE A DAMN PICTURE NEXT TIME.....

 
At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have been TAGGED with the "Six Weird Things About Me" MeMe. (Cringe)

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger othur-me said...

I just found my new opening pick up line: "I've been circumcised twice, want to feed your curiousity?"

It's bound to have a higher success rate that what I've been using,which is: "Fuck me?!?? NO, FUCK YOU!"

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

lol....yo, forget about it, I don't even know what to say.

Mist got my tongue.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

meg,

I am afraid of the comments that I would get if I started posting photos like that.

skittles,

I'm not weird though.

othur,

That should work. I prefer to use, "It's not Ramadan, we can f*ck."

kiyotoe,

Watch out. I can do that. I've got a patented move.

 
At 4:21 PM, Anonymous odat said...

So? What did it look like??????
LOL
Peace

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger melanie said...

Interesting. I like baseball, and seamen, but stories involving both?

damn that curiousity. twice.

word verification: ontlart HA!

 
At 5:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

odat,

It was tied like a pretzel. Okay, it wasn't.

melanie,

I couldn't help myself.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

twice, huh? ummm...I am speechless...Okay, maybe not - did you see it? How does the Dr. screw up the first time?

 
At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh...wow...I bet he waited for a special girl to use that line...

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

Circumcised twice?

That's nuts.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

Twice. I wish I had before and after pictures. Or even just after photos.

claudia,

I am special. Thanks for noticing.

crank,

Maybe you were the original doctor. You see, it's not actually the nuts.

 
At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You thought -I'd- know? Oh, but I'm as pure as the driven snow *innocent look*

*snicker*

 
At 7:52 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

choo,

Me too. Me too.

 
At 2:03 PM, Anonymous catnapping said...

oh god, i'm laughing so hard i honked!

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

catnap,

Sometimes, I snort when I laugh.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay,

"I've been circumcised twice" is a spray the computer monitor with pop moment. Great great line.

I'm going to put it on a t-shirt

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stewart,

If it had been on his tee shirt, we might not have gone to his place. Message tees are so 2005.

 

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