Single Life
My sister and I never really bonded. Our parents split up when she was young. I lived with Dad, while she lived with Mom. Dad also got custody of the cat because the judge found him to be a Highly Responsible Individual. A year later, I went to college (read: moved far, far away from those lunatics).Now that she's all grown up, I've been trying to bond with her. The problem is that we really don't share any common interests. I like shoes, she wears combat boots. With everything. I like men, she likes women who look like men. I like pinot, she likes Smirnoff Ice.
I love the kid. I really do. Sure, I was a bad babysitter. And sure, I scammed her out of her birthday money and inheritance, but that's all water under the bridge. We are grown ups now. It's time for us to bond.
Recently, she mentioned to me that Dad writes personal ads. Writes and responds to personal ads. I know myself. I cannot let an opportunity like this slip away. We settled down to our laptops and searched for his ad. He's pretty easy to identify. Bob Dylan, former smoker, Socialist, dog lover. We had him.
Y'all without sin can cast the first stone.
We posted an ad. "Barbara" is 50, looks 49. Loves comedy and Dylan. Finds men with grown, yet immature children irresistably sexy. Loves dogs.
We left him a message. I did the talking because I am the one who can alter my voice without giggling. I mentioned that I look like Betty Aberlin (Dad made me watch "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" because he had a crush on Lady Aberlin).
Thus far, has worked like magic. Barbara and Dad have date this weekend.
He better not try anything funny.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:17 AM
57 Comments:
Hire the biggest woman you can find to pretend to be her! PLEASE!!!!!!!
1
Bob Dylan here, can we double date with you two?
Hehe - decided you didn't want that inheritance after all, with other words? lol
My alternate telephone voice is a seventy year old geezer named Mr. McGillicutty. I turn him loose on telemarketers mostly. McGillicutty only remembers the first few digits of his credit card number and always either dies of a heart attack or is killed by his worthless son. So far McGillicutty has died well over 30 times and while several telemarketers have voiced their intention to call 911, so far, nothing but the crickets.
pranks is there any better way to bond? Me and my sister do not get along but we did seem to but aside our difference whenever we were up to no good.
That's just so...wrong.
And, of course, completely freakin' hilarious.
Poor DAD...thats no way to get back at him...
Whos going to barbara, decided yet?
That's some Electra complex you have there, Mist. Mind you, your dad sounds awfully like my dad, and I've just had my hair cut really short. I think we might share DNA...
Puss
hahaha sounds like something I did....
except it was 6 months into my first relationship and I saw that my then boyfriend had posted a profile on a dating website...so I made up a profile and asked him out on a date. Boy was he surprised when he showed up at the coffee house and I was sitting there......oh la la....
the look on his face was priceless
we didn't last long after that one.
nihilistic,
Where can I rent a big woman?
0,
Mr. Dylan, while I am flattered, Dad and his "date" will need some quality time to themselves.
choo,
I would have squandered that money on shoes anyway.
slag,
McGillicutty is really fun to say.
Thanks for coming by.
ibtp,
I hate to do this...you are wrong. Combat boots were over years ago. Trust me. I know a lot about shoes.
Thanks for coming by.
nerd,
I am almost ashamed to admit that I looked for Lady Aberlin porn last night while I was posting this. I knew you'd understand.
shadow,
I am feeling closer to her already.
nwjr,
Am hoping that Dad thinks it's completely freakin' hilarious as well.
umar,
We haven't thought that far in advance. Any suggestions?
puss,
Sister? Is that you?
nattie,
I'm not worthy.
Maybe you could spend some of your inheritance and hire Babwa Walters to on the date with him. That'll really f with his head.
Love the ad picture BTW!
Hi, Sis'. How else was I going to accumulate enough dirt on you to blackmail my inheritance back?
Puss
Ouch! And also ouch to what Nattie said. Online dating sites have made it so easy for those with the wrong idea. *sigh*
You should have your own show. It would sorta be like Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd but more cruel. I'd so be a fan.
-N
Well, you are in the south. Fathers and daughters dating isn't too far-fetched.
How many other dates do you girls have lined up?
OMG. HAHAHAHA. Please don't look down on me, I am not a fancy drinker. I heart Smirnoff. Yeah I know, I'm cheap.
You're a very funny woman. Glad I stumbled on this site. I'll be back regularly.
Excellent! that sounds like it could be a scene in a movie...
Excellent! that sounds like it could be a scene in a movie...
"50...looks 49" OMG - funny!
Buy that man a pina collada!
Yeah, I have a gay sister, too. But funny thing in a big family... I'm closest to the one with the best weed connections.
OMG i love the ad in the pic! Super hella funny -
Next: Poor Barbara - growing up in Arkansas... loving her family a lil' too much...
Finally: Honestly it's a totally genius way to bond with your sis. Perfecto! I would probably pull that prank on my mom with my Brother as my partner in crime.
Thanks for the prank idea.
Um, who didn't have a crush on Lady Aberlin?
Go Papa Mist! Jam out with your clam out.
My brother and I have nothing in common either. So we don't really talk. But then no one in my family talks. We're a very quiet family.
Letting Dad get stood up would be anticlimactic. Maybe you and your sister could both be there, dressed for a sack race. (In great shoes and combat boots, respectively, of course.)
I would hope he'd at least buy you a pinot and Smirnoff, respectively.
Yes!! Another Mist Porn Post on Monday!!
How are you going to disguise your voice in person?
i hope this is real, you out your dad, and all have a great time laughing and bonding.
stay away from discussing religion or politics. Stick with family issues! Ha!
we are family...I've got all my sisters with me...I just type the first things that went through my head
My dad also is on a couple of Internet dating sites. I about passed out when I realized this and have NEVER had the interest in seeing my dad working his online mojo... Ewwww....
Haha, that is one cool pic of an ad. I'd love to see the look on your dad's face once he realizes he's been had.
Damn, did I miss a memo on combat boots? They are still making us wear them to work ;)
This story reminds me of "Must Love Dogs."
I have a better idea, hire a cross-dresser!
my bro and i have the same type of relationship.
What are you going to do when he sends you nudie pics?
What shoes are you wearing?
Peace
icl,
I am a little mean, but not that mean.
ctw,
I love bonding.
puss,
With your photos, you're going to have to dig really deep.
natalia,
Why don't I have my own show? How come no one has discovered me.
av,
My dad and I ended our relationship years ago. We are still friends.
margaret,
Just the one. My dad's no slut.
maiden,
I will turn a blind eye.
mystic,
I amuse myself too.
Thanks for coming by.
claudia,
But who would play me in the movie?
jali,
I thought it was one of my better moments. Thanks for noticing.
matt,
No one in my family has a good weed connection.
mayren,
Let me know how that prank works for you.
123,
Since you mentioned it...I did have a tiny crush on her.
karma,
You all would hate me.
hearts,
I gotta take my sister shoe shopping before we go anywhere.
britt,
I'll try not to disappoint.
melanie,
I haven't gotten that far in the plan yet.
major,
I type the things that go through my head too. Also, I say them without thinking first.
Thanks for coming by.
violet,
You don't know how much fun you are missing. You must have a hobby.
lizza,
I'll try to get some pictures of Dad's face.
victoria,
There is enough drama in my family without throwing a cross-dresser in the mix.
brooklyn,
Which one of you wears the combat boots?
miztris,
First he'll have to catch me.
tug,
Vomit. And then vomit some more.
odat,
Red. Square to. To die for. Thanks for asking.
Yeah I love talking about people. Pickle and Pnut butter sangies, really?
You are too funny!!!!
as many,
Yes. Love them.
Thanks for coming by.
lindsey,
I hope Dad thinks it's funny.
If you want I can show up in a wig. If I shave my goatee just right I could look like Lady Aberlin, if she was a 350 pound man.
WHAT YOU DID IS SO FUNNY, A LITTLE MEAN AND A TAD PHSYCOTIC! I CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE I'VE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING TO MY EX-BOYFRIEND (AFTER WE BROKE UP BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON ME)... lET'S JUST SAY, "THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS" STOOD HIM UP AFTER HE SPENT $300 ON TICKETS TO SEE HER FAVORITE BAND...
You know, in Southwest Virginia, good girls only let daddy get to second base on the first date.
Less'n he kicks in for the Skoal.
Glad to see that you guys found a way to bond.
I, um, had a crush on Lady Aberlin, too.
*looks around the room*
girlie,
Who's psycho now?
crank,
I like the mango flavored Skoal.
anastasia,
You're so sympathetic to Dad. What are you doing this weekend?
bird,
She's a great kid.
alison,
You're in good company. Lady Aberlin had it going on.
I hear Sasquatch is available.
Oh no, no, that's too good... I have nothing to say, no snarky comment, nothing. That's simply too good!
Kristyn
pissy,
I love my father. I also love my life.
kristyn,
Don't you just feel like bonding with someone now?
AT least you and your sis have one thing in common!! Torturing parents. hee hee
As always, I await the update to this :)
Oh boy.....rofl.....at least you found a way to bond with G.I. Sis - there's nothing like some good, clean fun...try to draw the line when it comes to cyber-sex, though. THere's just some shit you don't want to hear from your dad.
My older brother and I are like that. I actually had the nerve to be born and he's never forgiven me. Apparently, he wanted a puppy instead.
karmyn,
We had no idea how much we had in common.
barb,
I'll let you know how the date goes.
darlene,
Good point. I will limit our online correspondence.
velvet,
I never had a puppy.
There is no taboo with you. For shame!
Still, I like your style.
orhan,
No, I have a tattoo. See?
I think that's hilarious. YOu should totally do what Niles suggested. HIre a big fatty to show up and make sure she has a beard and carries a puppet.
srg,
If I ever have a good fatty, I'm not sharing with Dad.
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