To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Stuff On My Mom

Mom and I come up with really good ideas. I like most of her ideas. Originally, I didn't think my sister was the best idea, but she has really grown on me. Still, I prefer when she consults with me.

A few months ago, Mom decided that we should write a book of letters. The letters would be based on those irritating letters that people send around the holidays to catch people up on all the activities of the ______ family. Our book of letters would be dysfunctional family letters. Letters home from rehab or catchinf friends in family up after relocating due to "Jimmy" being convicted of child porn crimes. We have had lots of fun with this idea. She writes the letters at work because she does deeply important work and also apparently, some of her co-workers are inspirational.

Last week, I sent Mom a link for Stuff On My Cat. Her cat, Vinnie is large and moves slowly. I thought that she could put lots of stuff on him for fun. She needs a hobby. She took this in an unexpected direction. Here is an actual exerpt from her email to me yesterday.

"I liked that site. We need to discuss my idea for "Stuff on my Mom" inspired by Stuff on my Cat. Has anyone done that? I want to put stuff on my mom and take pictures. I think it would be so funny. Wouldn't Dad's collection of little plastic airplanes look great on my mom? And my collection of shoes from the 80s. And like maybe some muffins. What do you think? I want to put lightbulbs on my mom. And maybe some Meow Mix. And I don't want this to turn into some elder abuse thing, but how about a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica. And those little wedge shaped sponges you use for makeup."

I can't wait to see Grandma for Christmas. I have already started thinking of things I'd like to put on her. Rubber gloves, Legos, My Little Ponies...

It looks like I finally have a hobby. I hope this doesn't interfere with my blogging.

Mist 1

PS: Fringes was lovely enough to let me take over her blog for the day. Read here.


At 8:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't blogging a hobby in itself?

At 8:53 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Oh, Misty 1, Misty 1. Stuff on your Mom? I would feel so much better if it were Stuff on Your Boyfriend.

Or Stuff On Your Best Friend.

Or Stuff On Your Republican Senator.

Or stiff on your naked mom. CORRECTION: Stuff on your NAKED Mom.

I'm not judging. Just speaking from experinece, mon petit choux.

At 9:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sir dj,

You mean I've had a hobby all this time and didn't know it?


My car is My Boyfriend. The only stuff on him is bird crap and leaves. My best friends hate me. I will not promote my Republican senator. My mom has never been naked. Never.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Well, Kiddo, there is an astrological weirdness with Venus and Mercury, and it makes it hard for some of us to fully express ourselves. (Ahem. Such as me).

I am sorry I didn't mind that better. I am equaly sorry I forgot about your Boyfriend. My bad. He deserves a power wash and gentle wax.

Your best friends suck. I have lots of cool peeps that would be honored to know you.

By "stuff" on your Republican Senator I meant human feces, so I think we're okay there.

God bless your Mama. Naked or clothed. Preferrably clothed.

Are we okay? I would like a big cyper smooshy hug, if I could. Would you mind?

At 10:20 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Hugs accepted. Again, my mom has never been naked.

At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope Grandma has the same sense of humor that you and your mom seem to share. :-)

At 10:44 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wow! And all this time I thought MY mother was unique. She once bought me a doll whose clothes wouldn't come off. This shouldn't have surprised me because hers didn't either.

I was the product of immaculate deception.

At 10:54 PM, Blogger cinders said...

I'm slightly disturbed by sir dirty joke's avatar.

At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, randomly found your blog! Love it!

I think you could be my long lost evil twin. I am the mistI. Its all about me, myself, and I. And hell, that's my name.

At 10:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


We will alter her meds if she doesn't comply.


My mom was a hippie. I know that she spent a few decades naked. I am in deep denial.


You should see the blog. It's really hard to leave a valuable comment.

At 10:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


All this time I thought I was my evil twin. See you at the family reunion. Please make a list of stuff you'd like to see on Grandma.

Thanks for coming by.

At 12:02 AM, Blogger spoon said...

Sounds like a hobby I could enjoy! And not mutually exclusive to your blogging, infact quite'll never want for some good material.

At 12:38 AM, Blogger Umar Pirzada said...

hopefully it doesnt interfere with bloggin...I love coming here and reading your FUNNY stuff (on your mom or not...)

At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok I have to see a stuff on Mum site when you've made it cos the stuff on my cat site is fantastic.

At 1:52 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You may have found your hobby, alls I'm saying is I better get a big hug before you leav the blogosphere!

At 2:55 AM, Blogger kris said...


i'm worried

At 3:37 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Grandma must sit very still!

At 5:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You are so right.


I will have to manage my time.


I am taking suggestions of stuff to put on Grandma.


I thought you'd never ask. Meet me outside.


So is Grandma.


She is kind of shaky. But I have one of those image stabilizing cameras.

At 6:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is a fabulous idea for a book! Can I contribute?

At 6:11 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Wow - a new family tradition... instead of decorating the tree - decorating Grandma... I am so depressed that I didn't think of it first....

At 6:15 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

I can't wait to see the expressions of Grandma's face when you take the pictures. 'Cause some of those cats sure do make some funny faces.

At 6:29 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

Now I see where the weirdo-ness comes from, lol.

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

As you are putting things on Grandma just be sure not to use super glue....

At 7:28 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

What if the picture of "Stuff on your Mom" comes back with a photo of her and your boyfriend?

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

If you do that, I'll have to take it a step further and do Stuff on Stuff on my Mom. I can imagine the possibilities.

At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sigh, now I have another reason to feel deprived. Both grandmothers died before any of this fun stuff came out...I think they knew what was coming and decided to hightail it before I could really torture them...apparently the arm flab flapping was enough for them.

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Tug said...

My mom, after a couple white russians (her new fave) would be quite fun to put stuff on - let me know if you need pics - I'll be back up there for Christmas. And really, it can only enhance blogging with all the creativity.

At 7:35 AM, Blogger Killer said...

How about Grandpa on Grandma?

At 7:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's time to play Stuff on Mist!

A. Another boyfriend besides her car
2. Jell-O shots (sorry forgot that was last weekend)

3. Figurines...

4. Covered in Hello Kitty memoribilia

5. every pair of shoes she owns

6. Something lacey and black

E. All of the above.

At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm.. speechless...

But with a smile on my face.

At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I summarize, please. NO. Thank you, I feel so much better now. Growth is fine, moving on is fine, but removing my addiction, that's a no no. I'm glad we had this little talk.

At 7:59 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

I adore this idea.

Especially the "My Little Ponies".

p.s. I have some Barbie dolls you could use.

At 8:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All kinds of things you can put on grandma.

A hat. A curse. A lawsuit. A smile.

At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

Actually, I think it could serve a useful purpose for the blogging hobby anyway.

Can I subscribe to the letters?

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god. your mom's a gem! that's so cute! and yet... disturbing.

At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mom is always giving me fabulous book ideas. She claims that all I need to do is publish one of them and we'll split the millions and live on easy street.

My mom is an idiot. ;)


At 9:04 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Please submit a sample of stuff you would like to put on your mom. All serious inquiries accepted.

mr. g,

You are always invited. We'll drink eggnog (I actually prefer martinis) and string popcorn and then drape it over Grandma.


We are going to have to work on her emoting abilities. She has probably always wanted to be an actress.


I'm not sure what you mean. Who's a weirdo?


You always think things through. Thanks.


My Boyfriend is my car. I hope she doesn't get smashed under him.


Why do you always have to one-up me?


You can use my grandma if you would like. There are a couple of different packages and price ranges that you can choose from. Of course, I'll need to check your references.


I will accept submissions gladly.


This will be a family site.


Not the figurines. What is this? Some kind of immersion therapy?


I think that's how Grandma is going to look.


The first step is to admit that you are powerless to my blog. Please see sample letter below. Thanks.


I just really enjoyed the Ponies too. Could I just borrow the Barbie heads, or do I have to use the entire Barbie?


I try not to mess with Voodoo or lawyers.


Here is a sample letter for your reading pleasure:

Hi y'all,

I know I've been emailing a lot of these letters lately, but there's not much to do here in rehab, and since most of you aren't taking my collect calls anymore...

I know the gals on my unit aren't exactly my family (Auntie Ida is in Unit B), but we've really formed a bond. I hope you will come to feel as close to them as I do.

There's a new girl. Came in tonight. She's kinda mousey and quiet. Apparently she's in here for smoking weed. None of us really like her. I mean, since when is smoking weed a problem? Sure, it's illegal and all, but really. Anyhoo, I guess I hope that she turns herself over to her Higher Power and accepts that she is powerless to weed.

Art therpay is going really well. Today we fingerpainted. I made a picture of Mom. I put horns on it for emphasis, but the counsellor in charge didn't seem to care. Anna painted her dad coming into her room at night. She always has to be the center of attention. I guess I hope that she also turns herself over to her Higher Power and stuff too.

In other news the shaking has really gotten a lot better (I'm sure you can tell by my typing!). We'll just have to wait and see if my paranoia goes away. On that note, have any of you been talking to my treatment team? It just seemed like maybe they had been in contact with some of you, that's all.

Well, "light's out" is in ten minutes and I want to make sure that I can smoke a last cigarette before turning in for the night, so I'll have to cut this short.

Serenity now,


Welcome back to blogging, Slick. I was worried about you.


I can't believe I spent all those years screaming at her. She's really much cooler than I ever knew.

At 9:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Are you implying that we won't be millionaires from this idea?

At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm scared to go to sir dirty joke's blog now.

At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you just KNOW someone is going to start a "Stuff On My Penis" site any day now. :D

At 10:46 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Close the door and make sure no one is looking. Be sure to erase your internet history. That's what I did. Not that I left a comment or anything.


I want a piece of that.

At 11:04 AM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

I like Killer's avatar. Tres appropos.

Book of Letters - I was thinking Chapter 1 - A, Chapter 2 - F, Chapter 3 - Q & X

re. comment, so you look like a cute version of Vick in a jersey? hmmm, color me intrigued ...(some sort of sky blue I think)

At 11:06 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am working on my cursive. So my letters will look better.

I am irresistable in my Vick jersey. With or without helmet.

At 11:10 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I wrote a song about cats. Check it out:
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Are you the genius behind the Meow Mix commercials?

I love your work, especially the part that goes, meow meow...that's dope.

At 11:25 AM, Blogger andrea said...

You're way too popular for me to comment, but just had to share with you the traditional holiday letter I posted last year:

(I'm too stpd to hotlink it.)

At 11:45 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Don't worry. I'm stupid too. I can't figure out how to make links either.

No one has ever called me popular. I am basking in this moment. Where's the yearbook committee now? I need a picture of this.

Thanks for coming by.

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it would be a useful blog hobby at the least, very funny and entertaining.. :)

At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny its almost as sad as getting letters from prison bitches. oops i mean locked up friends. lol

At 12:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I hope Grandma takes it seriously because my mom is ready to go.

Thanks for coming by.


Am liking you better and better by the comment.

At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You and your mom should get into the holiday greeting card business too....I bet you'd sell a truck load full. At least.

At 12:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I will send this suggestion to Mom right now. I'll let you know what she thinks. Clearly, she is the brains of this operation.

At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do not walk, run to the patent office with this now!!! Brilliant.

At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do not walk, run to the patent office withthis!!! You and mom are brilliant!

At 12:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I expect to be highly paid and personally rewarded from this venture. Also, I will write Grandma a thank you letter.

At 2:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just found my way to you via your guest starring on Fringes blog. Great job over there and from what I can see here as well. I will have to pass on the 'stuff on mom' idea because it would surely be soon followed by a 'stuff I beat the chit out of my son with' idea of her own.


At 2:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


That sounds like a good blog idea too. I see bars of soap wrapped in hand towels. Very crisp. Something from the Martha Stewart line.

Thanks for coming by.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger Steph said...

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Your mum is cool.

At 5:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Mom is the best.

At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The letter book is a great idea! We always have a good laugh when reading the ones we get annually. Especially the ones that serve no point other than plain ole bragging!

At 7:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is there another point to those letters?

At 7:45 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

Now I know where you get your humor!!!

At 7:47 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I got Dad's chin. Minus all the hair. Except for that one that keeps growing back.

At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to think they were to catch up with old relatives and friends...and then I really took the time to read each line of one that was sent to us. You can imagine my surprise!

At 7:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


That is so endearing. You are a rare breed. Domestic shorthair? Is that too personal?

At 8:15 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Poor grandma......
Put some comic books on her, and some G.I. Joe figures. OH, I have an old Decepticon Transformer you can use too.

And that's it. lol.

At 8:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Decepticon Transformer? I am so enthralled right now.

At 9:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist: the breed is more like scruffy idiot, but it's not too's pretty obvious to those who know me.

At 9:47 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Scruffy Idiot...I remember you from Best in Show.

At 9:03 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Oooh, Stuff on my Cat - love that site. Did you ever see Cat Scan where people scanned their cats? Very funny, although there are only so many cat anuses you can look at before feeling queasy...


At 10:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


How many exactly? Like one?

At 6:25 PM, Blogger Crack La Rock said...

Dear Friends the______ Family has had the best year ever! We celebrate with you the release of our first book ever, Putting cats on my mom!", written by our 18th duaghter_____! We could not be MORE proud!

At 6:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Damn. Are we related?

At 11:21 AM, Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Hey why not have your mom decorate her mom like a christmas tree? That would be a riot...

At 3:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Why stop there? Why not Easter and Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's too?


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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