In the early 90s, I fell in love with a thug. He knew of all the best parties and I look cute in a bulletproof vest. We were meant to be. Also, he wanted to be a rapstar and I totally wanted to be a b*tch. I got my wish. He is still rocking open mic night.
We were inseparable. He used to say the sweetest things to me like, "Wait in the car, G" and "hold my heat, Money" I loved it when he talked to me like that. He needed me. We had a partnership. If he said drive faster, I drove faster. If he told me to stash the drugs, I obliged. When he said, "Break yo'sef fool," I broke myself.
The first time he went to prison, I waited for him. I wrote letters and sent him sexy pictures of myself. I waited for his collect phone calls every night. We were like the urban Romeo and Juliette. Except we weren't suicidal.
When he got out, we went on vacation. He said California. I packed my bags. I was thinking Disney. He was thinking Compton. The initiation rites were entertaining and I still have lots of memories of the drive-by shootings.
We were together for years. In that time, I wrote many, many letters scented with my perfume and sold a kidney to pay for all the collect phone calls.
After one release, I decided to show him my world. We took a romantic trip to the mountain home while he was awaiting trial. One night, we took a canoe out onto the lake. He proposed. It was something like this:
#28472442: You know I love you, G.
#28472442: I got your back and sh*t.
Mist: Fo' sho'.
#28472442: I want to car jack people with you fo' eva. I love you, Lil Homie. Will you marry me?
This is when I realized that I wasn't sure where he'd spend the next 10-30 years. Also, there was no ring. Just a yellow gold chain with a blinged out Uzi pendant. I don't wear yellow gold. I declined.
He beat the rap. I missed the boat. He has a new b*tch. She has "LOVE 4EVA" tattoed on her knuckles. She keeps it real.
Last night he called me. Okay, he didn't mean to call me. His phone was in his pocket and he doesn't understand keyguard. I eavesdropped for a bit. It went something like this:
#28472442: Now I gotta f*ck you up. You f*cked with the wrong muthaf*cka, muthaf*cka.
Much scuffling ensued.
I miss him.