To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Inmate #28472442


In the early 90s, I fell in love with a thug. He knew of all the best parties and I look cute in a bulletproof vest. We were meant to be. Also, he wanted to be a rapstar and I totally wanted to be a b*tch. I got my wish. He is still rocking open mic night.

We were inseparable. He used to say the sweetest things to me like, "Wait in the car, G" and "hold my heat, Money" I loved it when he talked to me like that. He needed me. We had a partnership. If he said drive faster, I drove faster. If he told me to stash the drugs, I obliged. When he said, "Break yo'sef fool," I broke myself.

The first time he went to prison, I waited for him. I wrote letters and sent him sexy pictures of myself. I waited for his collect phone calls every night. We were like the urban Romeo and Juliette. Except we weren't suicidal.

When he got out, we went on vacation. He said California. I packed my bags. I was thinking Disney. He was thinking Compton. The initiation rites were entertaining and I still have lots of memories of the drive-by shootings.

We were together for years. In that time, I wrote many, many letters scented with my perfume and sold a kidney to pay for all the collect phone calls.

After one release, I decided to show him my world. We took a romantic trip to the mountain home while he was awaiting trial. One night, we took a canoe out onto the lake. He proposed. It was something like this:

#28472442: You know I love you, G.

Mist: True.

#28472442: I got your back and sh*t.

Mist: Fo' sho'.

#28472442: I want to car jack people with you fo' eva. I love you, Lil Homie. Will you marry me?

This is when I realized that I wasn't sure where he'd spend the next 10-30 years. Also, there was no ring. Just a yellow gold chain with a blinged out Uzi pendant. I don't wear yellow gold. I declined.

He beat the rap. I missed the boat. He has a new b*tch. She has "LOVE 4EVA" tattoed on her knuckles. She keeps it real.

Last night he called me. Okay, he didn't mean to call me. His phone was in his pocket and he doesn't understand keyguard. I eavesdropped for a bit. It went something like this:

#28472442: Now I gotta f*ck you up. You f*cked with the wrong muthaf*cka, muthaf*cka.

Much scuffling ensued.

I miss him.

Mist 1


64 Comments:

At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's so eloquent...

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

You see his magic too.

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

ha. nice. how old were you when you experienced this love/enlightening in your life? Where does he fit in the spectrum of your heart?

i hope you called him back, or texted.

 
At 10:09 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You can't beat a woman with LOVE 4EVA on her knuckles. I mean that literally. Try it and she will kill you! Square-shot fo' sure. Nizzles. And stuff.

 
At 10:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing says love like a gold Uzi pendant. After all, Uzis are forever.

You missed out big time. ;)

 
At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How sweet.

I bet he loved you like a fat kid loves cake.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

t.a.n.

I too young to know any better. I called him back. We're having gin and juice tomorow.

Thanks for coming by.

orhan,

Am regretting not getting that tattoo first.

velvet,

If I only knew that then.

kev,

Yes he did, in that sort of "will you wait for me" way.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Did you return the cute bulletproof vest? It goes so well with a yellow gold Uzi pendant 'n' shit.

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger Umar Pirzada said...

Without commenting much on the guy being a thug...at least he took the first step...and proposed...meant he was asking for a commitment...most women shag away from that...

As long as its happy-go-lucky...I am fine...marriage...oh no...

He did the right thing...and moved on....I am glad you did too also...

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

It really hurt getting thost tats on my knuckles, but my boo is worth it. Right, right.

Back up off him, biatch. I believe this is the second time I've had to threaten to cut you via an Interweb comment.

You don't want a third time, ho.

 
At 1:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imagine how charming he would be if he could of make full sentences....

Come on Mist he was small fry surely your more up market, for the sort of thug that has minions to jack the car for him...and can treat you to some bling

 
At 2:06 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

No regrets, Mist. All the best girls spurn yellow gold and all the best guys know that. White-collar crime is where it's at - corporate fraud delivers much better baubles. Trust me.

Puss

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

(shakes head in disbelief) To think of the opportunities we've missed. (Scuffs ground, turns and walks away)

 
At 3:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A man of action and few words is a rarity. So what if he had poor taste in jewelry? ;-D

 
At 4:26 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Umm Mist: That's my ex-boyfriend. I did although tattoo our names on my tailbone. Yeah, oneluv4eva. Oy! That didn't turn out so good.

 
At 4:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

(wiping a tear from my eye) I enjoy a good love story..

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger Babs said...

What a charmer! I like yellow gold, but I'm tacky like that.

 
At 5:09 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

wow - Bonnie & Clyde....It must have been heartbreaking to turn down a well thought out, romantic proposal like that. Excitement does tire after awhile, tho...It just doesn't seem so sexy when you're 70 years old and you're in a high speed chase.

 
At 5:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On some level, I'd really, really, like to know how much of your blogging is biographical and how much is fiction. Either way, yours is among the most entertaining of all the many blogs I cruise daily. The other day I read a bunch of back blogs of yours, and laughed the whole way.

I'm not pulling your chain when I say that you should consider proposing a book to some publishers. Chronicle might be publisher who would look at you, for example.

But sorry, I'm not the publisher for you. I publish only very boring home improvement tomes. But if I did publish essays and humor, I'd have tried to grab you up a long time ago.

You have great talent. Make it work for you.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

You know I still have the vest. It was a gift. I'm not returning that.

umar,

The only time that I run is when proposed to.

123,

Tell your man to stop calling me or we can take this outside.

shadow,

It's not the size of the fry that matters.

puss,

I was young and naive.

wg,

Careful, don't scuff your shoes. You know how I feel about shoes.

lizza,

I know. I know. I am kicking myself for letting him get away.

maiden,

You can get that covered up, you know.

skittles,

Good, I am thinking of turning this into a romance blog.

babs,

But an uzi? Really? I'm a grenade girl.

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

darlene,

And where would we retire? You're right. It never would have worked.

mystic,

Need guidance. Will write for food.

 
At 5:30 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

You know when you head out for your Gin and Juice date - ummm you might wanna skip the Michael Richards comedy act....

 
At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, sigh...true love...it's beautiful.

 
At 6:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lost love... tears.

 
At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

awwww. That is so cute:)

The next time he goes to jail, you can just pretend that he's your pet that you just sent to a kennel. That might make it easier to cope with missing him so much.

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Don't blame you on the yellow gold thing...now brass knuckles? I'd cave.

 
At 7:01 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I'm gonna cover it with: Your name here.

 
At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist:

E-mail me off-blog if you're ever interested in learning a bit about the publishing industry. My own niche in the business is fairly narrow, but I'd be happy to tell you what I do know.

btrandem@creativepub.com

 
At 7:14 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

It's the touching, tender, emotional and inspiring love stories like this that keep me coming back to this blog over and over again.

I can barely contain my tears. I haven't cried this much since the last episode of "Extreme Home Makeover".

 
At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

True story: reminds me of this girl I dated briefly as a college freshmen who was from Detroit. One day she confided in me that the first guy she "fucked" got shot to death.

I hope this isn't a pattern, I said.

 
At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Early 90's?? What were you, like 8? lol

I thought I'd done the math, but I am guessing you are older than I thought.

 
At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

OOOOO Gurl. You so crazy!

 
At 8:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, the one that got away...

You are a riot. I love that you refer to him as his inmate #.

 
At 8:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*sighs* Young love. And young gangsta love. Who can beat that shit? That's tight.

I hope you kept the crack. Some things are just unreturnable.

 
At 10:07 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I have no comment that can do this post justice. See you on the rails...

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

Good advice.

karma,

I thought we'd be together forever. Or at least for 10-20 years.

margaret,

I can be really sensitive sometimes.

choo,

It was rather like having a pet. When he would get out, he'd hump my leg. Not to mention that I never did train him to stay off the couch.

tug,

Who couldn't cave for brass knuckles? Especially a His and Hers set.

maiden,

Just when I think I have outclassed you, you go and say something like that.

nwjr,

Was that the episode with the ten children with no limbs that had to share two prosthetic legs between all the siblings? I cried too.

matt,

Seriously, sometimes I am pretty sure we dated.

victoria,

Yes. I was 8. Well 8.5 really. But who's counting?

dallas,

Let me see your knuckles.

bird,

That's how I addressed all the letters. I don't think I can spell his first name.

ctw,

Of course I kept it. It was the only rock he ever gave me.

fringes,

Post Justice is the sequel to Poetic Justice starring 2Pac and Ms. Janet Jackson.

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Wait a second, wait a second. Something has been bothering me all day.

How old were you in the early '90s?

You were like, 8. Which, either makes him more of a pimp, or just plain grody.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Sooooorry. Should have read the back comments. Please don't bitch slap me.

 
At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's so sweet! Sometimes it seems like the good ones just get away.

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

123,

I have a cramp in my b*tch slapping hand.

violet,

He didn't get away. He did his time. Restitution too.

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
I just got a letter from Lawyer Screw M. McSweet saying that #2872442 left you to me since you were underage, along with a full barrel of dill pickles. Prepare yourself.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger kris said...

*sigh* got ta love dem bad boyz wid der low pantz and da chainz.

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Unfortunately, my father has already left me to a man in our village for two sheep, one cow, and a sow.

kris,

Hold on, I have to Shizzalate my page to understand your comment.

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

oh - being young. Didn't we all have to fall in love with the bad boy? - except yours was literal!!!

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

If he had only gone with white gold rather than yellow gold, y'all would probably still be together......

*sigh*

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger C said...

Hmmmm - I understood all that ... I did not even have to bust out with my ghetto translator. This is a bit disconcerting ... I must be ghetto. Well I did live 5 minutes from InGLewooood California for almost all my life. So really I know 4 languages, English, Spanish, French and Ghetto.

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

karmyn,

Bad boy would have been better. Delinquent is more accurate.

pissy,

He didn't understand me at all.

c,

Westsiiiiide!

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

careful he might gank yo' ass. what is gank anyway?

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

careful he might gank yo' ass. what is gank anyway?

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

srg,

I can't tell you what gank means because then I might have to gank you. Sorry, it's the gangsta code.

 
At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmm nothin beats a gangsta to make a woman feel ghettofabulous womanly. lol

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

yasamin,

True dat.

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

Mist, it's for the best. You would have gotten tired of hitting (excuse me, I meant to say "hittin'") on all his friends just so he could prove how much he loves you.

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

I just felt so validated.

*sigh*

 
At 4:14 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Oh my dog.

That is how my Dad started his marriage proposal to my Mum. Should I be worried?

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

Does you dad have any identifying marks? Scars, tattoos, etc.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

The one that got away, I think about mine all the time, he sounded so sweet, so down for you, I loved that story.

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

We were so Bonnie and Clyde.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger cinders said...

Mine was #178770. I went through three turned off phone numbers from all the collect calls. I wish I was kidding.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cinders,

My phone no longer accepts collect calls. I wish I was kidding too.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger melanie said...

thank god you passed on the tatt...

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

I don't know. We could have had something special.

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Heartwarming!

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

maven,

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

 

Post a Comment

"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

ABOUT ME
ABOUT ME
Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.

BLOGROLL

123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head

NEWEST POSTS

Cover Girl
Mishap
Single Life
Poof! You're Divorced
Trailer Parks, Mountain Dew, Crystal Meth
Grandpa
Restraint
The Lord's Bowling League
Skillz
One Flew East, One Flew West

ARCHIVES

Credits

Header image photo by Alison.

 Subscribe in a reader

 Subscribe to comments

RFS Blog Awards Winner