Cover Girl
The day before my birthday (not saying how old I was turning), I was discovered. I was at a swanky bar, enjoying a martini larger than my bathtub. After a few dirty martinis I am grossly over-confident. It is charming. Really.I flitted about the bar, smalltalking with the patrons. I must have tossed my hair a lot that night, because when I went to the restroom, DeeDee approached me and asked me if I had ever modeled. I had lots of practice posing in the mirror, so I said that yes, yes I had.
She handed me her card and told me that she would love to represent me and told me to call her Monday morning.
I called. Within 24 hours, I found myself walking a runway wearing a see-through shirt with Band-Aids over my nipples. I wore a skirt inside out. I was told that it was to express the concept of the skirt. I nodded in deep, profound agreement. My hair was tiger striped and teased to all new heights.
Thus began my not-so-glamourous hair modeling career.
My parents were thrilled. "We sent you to college to get brains, Mist. Brains, not braids," Dad yelled over the phone one night. Ignorance. I never had braids.
I sent my parents a photo of myself clipped from Modern Salon magazine. The caption described my hair as "a whimsical approach to texture." They were so right. I am totally whimsical.
I decided to take modeling seriously because I had no other prospects (read: no sugar daddy/liberal arts degree). I lost weight. I dropped a few pounds and achieved the waif look. I got more work. I dropped a few more pounds and achieved the heroin chic look. I was sent to Japan to work. I was the only person in Japan with ridiculously curly hair. I was an instant hit.
When I came back to the States and looked for work, I was unable to find anyone willing to hire a 80 pound anorexic (Note: Am not androgynous enough to work for Calvin Klein, nor am I that cute). I went without work for months. Until, I got a call from Guns & Ammo asking if I was available.
They needed a corpse.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:10 AM
73 Comments:
How funny! Just yesterday I went out with Band-Aids on MY nipples too! Great minds...
1
Does that mean that you could out on a few pounds and work as a cadaver in a medical school? And maybe the next semester, the Dental School!
hahaha, thats some funny writing!
I hope you gained some weigth during the months off ;)
Yeah right! Really free these days now arent we?
Hmmm. Corpse in a coffin or location shots? If it's the latter, at least you won't need to have your hair teased or wear Band-Aids over your nipples.
At least you got discovered. I never was. Not even for any disgusting traits. I should write to you for advice. Thanks.
Heroin chic corpse or waif cropse?
Why'd you come back from Japan? I hear even David Hasslehoff is managing a successful career over there.
Oh yes. I answered my own question.
nihilistic,
Just a tip, a little baby oil will remove that unsightly sticky residue left from the Band-Aid.
0,
Cadaver work is so underpaid.
mone,
I have added plenty of pounds and grown my hair back.
Thanks for stopping by.
umar,
There is something about wearing Band-Aids on your nipples that is very freeing. Try it.
lizza,
Location. Location. Location.
venge,
Get out there and flip your hair.
vincent,
Once you look like a corpse, the rest really doesn't matter.
lee,
The Hoff and I used to hang out. Then I got too full of myself.
You must have a hell of a portfolio.
Heroin chic look with curly hair???
Tsk. Tsk.
pissy,
I am the most proud of my corpse work.
odat,
Is it too much?
*sigh of relief* I'm so glad I got out of the world of modeling by the age of 5. :)
That reminds me, I have to write monthly check to Sally Struthers. For less than the price of one double grande mocca latte a day, I can provide much need nurishment to a starving fashion model.
I was supposed to be sponsoring some model in Brazil, but looking at Sally and checking the headlines, I think my checks have been feeding someone else.
cool to see where a career path will lead
I too was approached by Guns & Ammo looking for someone to pose as a hunted bear. Did you get shot by Federique or Dylan?
Were they Mickey Mouse band-aids? Those are my faves.
Blue lips and sunken cheeks are really in next season - I know, I've seen the previews. You're sooo fashion forward Mist.
Puss
You made me laugh again.
I was very, very skinny until I hit puberty at 21.
Not too long ago, I had a boy tell me, after the lovin', that my body was such that I should be reclining on a setee holding a chalice of wine and some grapes.
I thought it was a very nice compliment. And I buy your comment that you're not that "cute": I picture you as devastatingly beautiful. Even as a corpse.
Hey, if you can make it in Guns n Ammo and not be from Arkansas i think that's Talent!
Serious note: Happy that you're more healthy now and around in our net community. It wouldn't be the same without you!
*big hugs*
You should have moved in to acting after that. YOu could have gotten a role on CSI. They are always in need of a corpse.
Guns & Ammo? Did they request that you wear antlers? Because, if the pay was right, I'd totally wear antlers.
However, I'm nowhere near 80lbs...
:-) hilarious!
karma,
It's a brutal world. Did you do work for Gerber? I thought I recognized you from somewhere.
kev,
Sally tried to eat me once. Never say, "bite me" to that woman.
margaret,
I think my career path led to the unemployment office. Next, it will probably lead to bank robbery.
av,
It was a group effort. I was very difficult to photograph. I disappeared if I turned too much to the side.
tug,
I am not a child. Of course they weren't Mickey Mouse. They were SpongeBob.
puss,
Designers are always calling me...Mist, how much are you going to weigh for fall? Mist, is ashen back in? It's so demanding.
alison,
I wasn't sure that this one is funny. How funny can a girl make Anorexia? I don't talk about it much. Thanks for laughing.
123,
I don't even own a chalice. I gotta get one of those.
mayren,
Arkansas...that's next to Kansas right?
Thanks. I'm happy to be here to.
reba,
Damn. Another Mist oppportunity.
darlene,
I used to date a guy that was into hunting. He made me wear the antlers a couple times. Thanks for the memories.
rose,
I am here for your entertainment. It's sort of my thing.
Mist1, work is work.
The next time I get caught by some woman wearing only my boxers with the blinds open, I'm going to rationalize it by thinking that I'm merely illustrating the "concept" of pants.
Whimsical women are better than ANGRY women....
matt,
Hold on...I am conceptualizing you in your boxers.
Cool....but did you take the job as a corpse? ;)
Steve~
steven,
They did a remarkably good job with my makeup.
Hair model?
Did I ever tell you hair is a big turn on for me? (a head of hair that is... no need to think I'm turned on to hiresuit women...LOL)
ranger,
Damn, I was totally going to email you a picture of my left armpit. I'm growing the hair out. Be happy that you clarified where you like hair.
At one time I thought about trying to become a waif look model, then I realized I had boobs....I took it in a whole different direction :)
A nice "Landing Strip" is really nice...
I tried Modleing once but I got hungry ate a few of the other models and used Kate Moss as a tooth pick.
Mist,
Go.Eat.Something. NOW.
I've missed a lot of meals since I started blogging. I think I have Blogorexia.
Heehee. My verification letters are csimfat. Somebody must be in charge of these things.
meg,
The puberty fairy missed me. I am still hoping. If they grow, the theme of this blog will change into photos of my new boobs.
nwjr,
Duct taping ribs together does not create cleavage. No matter how hard I try.
ranger,
Will have to grow some back.
dallas,
Are you really Naomi Campbell?
hearts,
You're a blogorexic? Okay. Just click "standby" you don't have to shut the computer all the way down. Now go have an Ensure.
See? That's why I don't feel sorry for lazy bums whining about how they're unemployed. Just like in your case, anyone can find a job!!
Where did they place the fake gunshot Mist?
Within 24 hours, I found myself walking a runway wearing a see-through shirt with Band-Aids over my nipples.
Photo please. Preferably band-aid-free.
LOL at post & dallas dysfunctions comment.
Hair is supposed to be one of the things that initially attracts most men...so the sugar-daddy thing may be in the stars for you, even if hair-modeling isn't!
drib,
The only place big enough for a slug of that caliber. My enormous head, of course.
dan,
You've been here long enough to know that this is a family blog. Any photos posted will include Band-Aids.
slb,
I better act now before my hair thins. My aunt uses Rogaine for Her.
um. I'm gonna need a visual here.
Corpse I can do - waif? its just ain't gonna happen
lol. Hope you turned that gig down. And I'm with dan, I need to see a picture......
You know, as proof.
Mmm, a corpse in a corset posing in Jugs & Ammo for the corps. I can just see it now.
Yowza!
stilt,
You have a good imagination, I'm sure.
cheeky,
Waif corpse is so last year. The corpse of 2007 has a softer, more feminine, yet just as dead edge.
kiyotoe,
I would show you, but I'd have to charge.
orhan,
That's me. Disgracing my family every step of the way.
This is very, very funny; but also just a little scary.
Seriously...I hope you're a healthy person now as regards the eating thing.
Mostly, though, it's very funny.
This is very, very funny; but also just a little scary.
I do hope you've gained back plenty of weight, as you say. Be healthy, please.
But mostly, this is very, very funny.
mystic,
Lots and lots of therapy can't be wrong.
Where you up against Nicole Ritchie for the gig?
I wonder if people randomly check her pulse every time she stops moving.
This is indeed funny, too funny to be true. Thanks! But...
Are you in fact *male*?
I haven't read other posts so this is a wild, possibly illogical guess.
lmmfao!!! oh my god Mist thats hilarious! my sister used to tell me she was a model until i found out it was for Low Rider Magazine. to this day shes embarassed that she ever admitted the truth. lol
good times.
i don't know how many times i have to tell you that you are hot.
aside from that, heroin is way overrated.
I'm sure you made death look hot.
Something about that sentence sounds weird.
steph,
She never stops moving. Have you watched her?
danny,
If this is a ploy to make me post the Band-Aid nipple photos? I am female...last time I checked.
Thanks for coming by.
yasamin,
Hey, I think I worked with your sister once.
k,
Thanks for noticing. I'll take your word on the heroin.
crank,
I looked like death warmed over.
I did some work as a plus sized model (a plus plus model) and did some similar work with CSI: Miami as a bloated corpse.
I consider corpse work some of the hardest to do.
killer,
Tell me about it. Very few people realize how hard it is to convey the feelings and motivations of a corpse. The eyes have to be lifeless, the bloating and stiffness of the limbs has to be just right. It's really very challenging.
Man! Do you think they were going to test their latest ammo by shooting you?
c,
Guns & Ammo is mostly Smoke & Mirrors.
well no wonder you still fit in your high school jeans (not that you would wear them...of course not..)
claudia,
I will not wear the jeans, but lately, I have been revisiting the old leggings.
I had an ex-boyfriend that literally studied every issue of his Guns & Ammo collection. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever see him on an episode of COPS someday.
babs,
He's probably familiar with my work.
Sure, family blog. No problem.
I meant e-mail! ;)
(Just teasing.)
Leggings??? NOooooooo....
dan,
I keep it clean here. I sent the pictures. Do you have a spam filter? The subject was something about Viagra or your mortgage.
claudia,
Yes. Shhhhh.
I laugh because my college roommate really did wear band-aids as a bra...every day.
she was very jealous of my bra-size.
karmyn,
Go ahead laugh. I have no feelings about my tiny boobs.
I'm trying to figure out how you toss curly hair?
icl,
C'mere, let me show you.
Post a Comment