To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, November 20, 2006

Cover Girl


The day before my birthday (not saying how old I was turning), I was discovered. I was at a swanky bar, enjoying a martini larger than my bathtub. After a few dirty martinis I am grossly over-confident. It is charming. Really.

I flitted about the bar, smalltalking with the patrons. I must have tossed my hair a lot that night, because when I went to the restroom, DeeDee approached me and asked me if I had ever modeled. I had lots of practice posing in the mirror, so I said that yes, yes I had.

She handed me her card and told me that she would love to represent me and told me to call her Monday morning.

I called. Within 24 hours, I found myself walking a runway wearing a see-through shirt with Band-Aids over my nipples. I wore a skirt inside out. I was told that it was to express the concept of the skirt. I nodded in deep, profound agreement. My hair was tiger striped and teased to all new heights.

Thus began my not-so-glamourous hair modeling career.

My parents were thrilled. "We sent you to college to get brains, Mist. Brains, not braids," Dad yelled over the phone one night. Ignorance. I never had braids.

I sent my parents a photo of myself clipped from Modern Salon magazine. The caption described my hair as "a whimsical approach to texture." They were so right. I am totally whimsical.

I decided to take modeling seriously because I had no other prospects (read: no sugar daddy/liberal arts degree). I lost weight. I dropped a few pounds and achieved the waif look. I got more work. I dropped a few more pounds and achieved the heroin chic look. I was sent to Japan to work. I was the only person in Japan with ridiculously curly hair. I was an instant hit.

When I came back to the States and looked for work, I was unable to find anyone willing to hire a 80 pound anorexic (Note: Am not androgynous enough to work for Calvin Klein, nor am I that cute). I went without work for months. Until, I got a call from Guns & Ammo asking if I was available.

They needed a corpse.

Mist 1


74 Comments:

At 10:36 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

How funny! Just yesterday I went out with Band-Aids on MY nipples too! Great minds...

 
At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Does that mean that you could out on a few pounds and work as a cadaver in a medical school? And maybe the next semester, the Dental School!

 
At 2:36 AM, Blogger Mone said...

hahaha, thats some funny writing!
I hope you gained some weigth during the months off ;)

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger Umar Pirzada said...

Yeah right! Really free these days now arent we?

 
At 3:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Corpse in a coffin or location shots? If it's the latter, at least you won't need to have your hair teased or wear Band-Aids over your nipples.

 
At 3:12 AM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

At least you got discovered. I never was. Not even for any disgusting traits. I should write to you for advice. Thanks.

 
At 3:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heroin chic corpse or waif cropse?

 
At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why'd you come back from Japan? I hear even David Hasslehoff is managing a successful career over there.

Oh yes. I answered my own question.

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nihilistic,

Just a tip, a little baby oil will remove that unsightly sticky residue left from the Band-Aid.

0,

Cadaver work is so underpaid.

mone,

I have added plenty of pounds and grown my hair back.

Thanks for stopping by.

umar,

There is something about wearing Band-Aids on your nipples that is very freeing. Try it.

lizza,

Location. Location. Location.

venge,

Get out there and flip your hair.

vincent,

Once you look like a corpse, the rest really doesn't matter.

lee,

The Hoff and I used to hang out. Then I got too full of myself.

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

You must have a hell of a portfolio.

 
At 5:29 AM, Anonymous Odat said...

Heroin chic look with curly hair???
Tsk. Tsk.

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

pissy,

I am the most proud of my corpse work.

odat,

Is it too much?

 
At 6:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*sigh of relief* I'm so glad I got out of the world of modeling by the age of 5. :)

 
At 6:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That reminds me, I have to write monthly check to Sally Struthers. For less than the price of one double grande mocca latte a day, I can provide much need nurishment to a starving fashion model.

I was supposed to be sponsoring some model in Brazil, but looking at Sally and checking the headlines, I think my checks have been feeding someone else.

 
At 6:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cool to see where a career path will lead

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I too was approached by Guns & Ammo looking for someone to pose as a hunted bear. Did you get shot by Federique or Dylan?

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Were they Mickey Mouse band-aids? Those are my faves.

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Blue lips and sunken cheeks are really in next season - I know, I've seen the previews. You're sooo fashion forward Mist.

Puss

 
At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

You made me laugh again.

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

I was very, very skinny until I hit puberty at 21.

Not too long ago, I had a boy tell me, after the lovin', that my body was such that I should be reclining on a setee holding a chalice of wine and some grapes.

I thought it was a very nice compliment. And I buy your comment that you're not that "cute": I picture you as devastatingly beautiful. Even as a corpse.

 
At 7:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, if you can make it in Guns n Ammo and not be from Arkansas i think that's Talent!

Serious note: Happy that you're more healthy now and around in our net community. It wouldn't be the same without you!
*big hugs*

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Reba said...

You should have moved in to acting after that. YOu could have gotten a role on CSI. They are always in need of a corpse.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

Guns & Ammo? Did they request that you wear antlers? Because, if the pay was right, I'd totally wear antlers.

However, I'm nowhere near 80lbs...

 
At 8:27 AM, Anonymous rose said...

:-) hilarious!

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

karma,

It's a brutal world. Did you do work for Gerber? I thought I recognized you from somewhere.

kev,

Sally tried to eat me once. Never say, "bite me" to that woman.

margaret,

I think my career path led to the unemployment office. Next, it will probably lead to bank robbery.

av,

It was a group effort. I was very difficult to photograph. I disappeared if I turned too much to the side.

tug,

I am not a child. Of course they weren't Mickey Mouse. They were SpongeBob.

puss,

Designers are always calling me...Mist, how much are you going to weigh for fall? Mist, is ashen back in? It's so demanding.

alison,

I wasn't sure that this one is funny. How funny can a girl make Anorexia? I don't talk about it much. Thanks for laughing.

123,

I don't even own a chalice. I gotta get one of those.

mayren,

Arkansas...that's next to Kansas right?

Thanks. I'm happy to be here to.

reba,

Damn. Another Mist oppportunity.

darlene,

I used to date a guy that was into hunting. He made me wear the antlers a couple times. Thanks for the memories.

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

rose,

I am here for your entertainment. It's sort of my thing.

 
At 8:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist1, work is work.

The next time I get caught by some woman wearing only my boxers with the blinds open, I'm going to rationalize it by thinking that I'm merely illustrating the "concept" of pants.

Whimsical women are better than ANGRY women....

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

Hold on...I am conceptualizing you in your boxers.

 
At 8:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool....but did you take the job as a corpse? ;)

Steve~

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

steven,

They did a remarkably good job with my makeup.

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

Hair model?

Did I ever tell you hair is a big turn on for me? (a head of hair that is... no need to think I'm turned on to hiresuit women...LOL)

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

ranger,

Damn, I was totally going to email you a picture of my left armpit. I'm growing the hair out. Be happy that you clarified where you like hair.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Meg said...

At one time I thought about trying to become a waif look model, then I realized I had boobs....I took it in a whole different direction :)

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I always put band-aids on my nipples whenever I attempt to use duct tape to increase my cleavage. It hurts when you pull that shit off.

Helpful hints you won't get anywhere else...

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

A nice "Landing Strip" is really nice...

 
At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

I tried Modleing once but I got hungry ate a few of the other models and used Kate Moss as a tooth pick.

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mist,

Go.Eat.Something. NOW.

I've missed a lot of meals since I started blogging. I think I have Blogorexia.



Heehee. My verification letters are csimfat. Somebody must be in charge of these things.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

meg,

The puberty fairy missed me. I am still hoping. If they grow, the theme of this blog will change into photos of my new boobs.

nwjr,

Duct taping ribs together does not create cleavage. No matter how hard I try.

ranger,

Will have to grow some back.

dallas,

Are you really Naomi Campbell?

hearts,

You're a blogorexic? Okay. Just click "standby" you don't have to shut the computer all the way down. Now go have an Ensure.

 
At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Drib said...

See? That's why I don't feel sorry for lazy bums whining about how they're unemployed. Just like in your case, anyone can find a job!!

Where did they place the fake gunshot Mist?

 
At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Within 24 hours, I found myself walking a runway wearing a see-through shirt with Band-Aids over my nipples.

Photo please. Preferably band-aid-free.

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger skinnylittleblonde said...

LOL at post & dallas dysfunctions comment.
Hair is supposed to be one of the things that initially attracts most men...so the sugar-daddy thing may be in the stars for you, even if hair-modeling isn't!

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

drib,

The only place big enough for a slug of that caliber. My enormous head, of course.

dan,

You've been here long enough to know that this is a family blog. Any photos posted will include Band-Aids.

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

slb,

I better act now before my hair thins. My aunt uses Rogaine for Her.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

um. I'm gonna need a visual here.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Corpse I can do - waif? its just ain't gonna happen

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

lol. Hope you turned that gig down. And I'm with dan, I need to see a picture......

You know, as proof.

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Mmm, a corpse in a corset posing in Jugs & Ammo for the corps. I can just see it now.

Yowza!

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stilt,

You have a good imagination, I'm sure.

cheeky,

Waif corpse is so last year. The corpse of 2007 has a softer, more feminine, yet just as dead edge.

kiyotoe,

I would show you, but I'd have to charge.

 
At 2:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

That's me. Disgracing my family every step of the way.

 
At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very, very funny; but also just a little scary.

Seriously...I hope you're a healthy person now as regards the eating thing.

Mostly, though, it's very funny.

 
At 3:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very, very funny; but also just a little scary.

I do hope you've gained back plenty of weight, as you say. Be healthy, please.

But mostly, this is very, very funny.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mystic,

Lots and lots of therapy can't be wrong.

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Where you up against Nicole Ritchie for the gig?

I wonder if people randomly check her pulse every time she stops moving.

 
At 4:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is indeed funny, too funny to be true. Thanks! But...

Are you in fact *male*?

I haven't read other posts so this is a wild, possibly illogical guess.

 
At 4:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lmmfao!!! oh my god Mist thats hilarious! my sister used to tell me she was a model until i found out it was for Low Rider Magazine. to this day shes embarassed that she ever admitted the truth. lol

good times.

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger K said...

i don't know how many times i have to tell you that you are hot.

aside from that, heroin is way overrated.

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

I'm sure you made death look hot.

Something about that sentence sounds weird.

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

steph,

She never stops moving. Have you watched her?

danny,

If this is a ploy to make me post the Band-Aid nipple photos? I am female...last time I checked.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

yasamin,

Hey, I think I worked with your sister once.

k,

Thanks for noticing. I'll take your word on the heroin.

crank,

I looked like death warmed over.

 
At 7:52 PM, Blogger Killer said...

I did some work as a plus sized model (a plus plus model) and did some similar work with CSI: Miami as a bloated corpse.

I consider corpse work some of the hardest to do.

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

killer,

Tell me about it. Very few people realize how hard it is to convey the feelings and motivations of a corpse. The eyes have to be lifeless, the bloating and stiffness of the limbs has to be just right. It's really very challenging.

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger C said...

Man! Do you think they were going to test their latest ammo by shooting you?

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

c,

Guns & Ammo is mostly Smoke & Mirrors.

 
At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

well no wonder you still fit in your high school jeans (not that you would wear them...of course not..)

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

I will not wear the jeans, but lately, I have been revisiting the old leggings.

 
At 4:35 AM, Blogger Babs said...

I had an ex-boyfriend that literally studied every issue of his Guns & Ammo collection. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever see him on an episode of COPS someday.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

babs,

He's probably familiar with my work.

 
At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure, family blog. No problem.

I meant e-mail! ;)

(Just teasing.)

 
At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leggings??? NOooooooo....

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

dan,

I keep it clean here. I sent the pictures. Do you have a spam filter? The subject was something about Viagra or your mortgage.

claudia,

Yes. Shhhhh.

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

I laugh because my college roommate really did wear band-aids as a bra...every day.

she was very jealous of my bra-size.

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

karmyn,

Go ahead laugh. I have no feelings about my tiny boobs.

 
At 4:09 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I'm trying to figure out how you toss curly hair?

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

C'mere, let me show you.

 

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Name: Mist1
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