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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Poof! You're Divorced
 I am the Divorce Fairy.
My friend has a pornstar keychain. It's called the G-Spot keychain. When the button (G-Spot) is pushed, a woman's voice screams, "Yeah, oh yeah! Right there! Oh, Baby! Ohhhh..."
It's a little disturbing; especially when I answer the phone in the middle of the night and am subjected to a woman screaming "yeah, oh yeah..." That's my line, b*tch.
That's when I had one of my moments of inspiration. My friend works an unusual shift, so I got dressed and headed down to his place of business. His place of business happens to be a firehouse, so when I say I got dressed, I mean that I put on my garter belt and thigh-highs and left the house.
With the assistance of my friend, I crept into the room where all the firefighters sleep. After several moments of fantasy (read: masturbation), I snatched the cell phone of the rookie.
I scrolled through his phone book, until I found "Home."
I called his wife.
When she picked up, I pushed the G-Spot button. The keychain moaned. And groaned. "Right there! Oh G*d yeah, right there!"
At the end of the four minute orgasm, I hung up. I did a gratuitous slide down the pole and I left.
Poor bastard. He is in for a world of sh*t.
Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.
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Header image photo by Alison.
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I am the Divorce Fairy.
66 Comments:
Ohhh, you're lovely, but you can be so mean! But maybe it's his wife's voice that he recorded on his G-spot keychain? And I hope there's a similar keychain designed for women! ;-)
1
Did you receive my renewal and subscription check to Friends Of Mist yet? Please make sure to let me know that my subscription is current!
I know I shouldn't laugh but I can't help myself!
If he's a gay fireman, this could be the funniest thing you've done yet?
Or you just killed his Mom, which is still funny.
hilarious gadget!!! wouldnt come on the use you made of it...but CREATIVITY!!!
Way to loose some serious evil into the world. I'm surprised you didn't do this to your friend!
You really did that? Go to the firehouse?
I think the keychain is cute in a novelty kind of way though I wouldn't have one. G -Spot! WHo thoght of that? And what does the G stand for??
lizza,
I am awful.
0,
It looks like you might be past due on your bill. You may want to renew.
shadow,
It's okay to go ahead and laugh.
vince,
Oh, the possibilities are endless.
umar,
I am nothing if not creative.
Thanks for coming by.
crank,
I do what I can for evil.
mogul,
G stands for Goodies.
That's some funny stuff. I'm going to be watching my "recently dialed numbers" very closely from now on.
I haven't pissed you off lately ,it? And you don't know where I live, right? Right?!?
Perfectly lovely wickedness, Mist. I may have to steal that. :)
Is that true?? I sure hope it was!!!
LMAO...too funny.
Ok, so let me get this straight: you were in a room full of dozing firemen, dressed in minxy attire, at night, and all you did was press the button on a keyring?!
Mate, you are far more restrained than I could ever be...
Puss
So with just thigh highs on, did sliding down the pole give you 'pole-burns'?
I am bowing down before the goddess that is Mist......I can only hope to live in your shadow...
nwjr,
Any unusual calls lately?
ctw,
I never act in revenge. Although, staying on my good side is an excellent start.
karma,
All rights reserved.
barb,
All of this happened, more or less.
K. Vonnegut
miranda,
I'm sure they will look back at this moment and laugh too.
puss,
I can't tell you all of my escapades...can I?
tug,
A little raspberry on my inner thighs. But, it was worth it.
cheeky,
You may kiss the ring.
Ahhh, Mist1. You should try writing fiction.
The pole slide is never gratuitous. I am considering having on installed in my condo. I live on the third floor and I reckon it would save me time and give me a little good morning tickle... Damn I feel dirty already.
-N
You probably called his mother.
matt,
Okay, I made pole part up. So?
I hope his mother has a strong heart.
natalia,
Warning: If you install a pole, I will invite myself over every night. I think I may have a career in pole dancing, but I need some practice first.
Of course you can. I wouldn't tell. Promise. And I already have a pole in my house so you can practise as much as you like when you next visit. In my experience, firemen's poles are somewhat fatter than dancing poles, making them easier to sit on but harder to spin around.
Nuff said.
Puss
Aww Come on Misty,
Even you're not that malicious of a Faerie.
Stay away from my title: The Malcious Pixie.
Dammit I'm Malicious (in a good way) and Cute enough to pull it off - so Bounce up off my tricks. *smiles*
-Back to your regularly scheduled Orgasm keychain broadcast-
Oh that was sooooo mean! (Funny but mean!) I wish I could think of things like that!
It'll be interesting seeing how that fire gets put out!
I love sliding down big poles. I try to do it as often as possible. I don't recommend wood ones. they hurt.
I want to know this: where did that fairy get her thong panties and fancy shoes? Is there a bunch of gnomes somewhere, laboring away in a murky dungeon sweatshop with a whip-cracking goblin overseer watching their every move, toiling away at making luxury items for well-heeled forest denizens?
puss,
You're right the firemen were easy to sit on.
mayren,
Is the whole faerie/fairy thing like shoppe/shop?
mike,
I am known for my random acts of kindness and goodwill.
Thanks for coming by.
michael
Hahaha.
dallas,
Ouch. Splinters suck.
how deliciously EVIL! :D
I hope you never have a house fire. It could take them hours to get there.
The wife might know it is not true, if the only G spot button he can find is on that keychain. She would probably be the most likely to know he can not illicit those sounds authentically.
My birthday is coming up.
I'm gonna ask for one of those keychains.
It'll come in handy when I need to clear the aisle in church.
I'm so confused. No clever comment here today. Are you sleeping with this friend? Do you hate his wife? I don't get it.
I do, however, like the thigh high and pole combination. I've gotta run to Skeeter's House of Boobies now.
saurabh,
I think she got them at Wal-Mart. But your version sounds better.
miztris,
I do what I can to spread the hate.
heart,
Don't worry, I don't cook.
killer,
You are the voice of reason here today. So very wise.
pissy,
I usually ask for a real orgasm for my birthday.
123,
Send me a catalog from Skeeter's.
Ah Mist....I'm appluading you this very moment.
This dude's wife...what she look like?
ah, you wouldn't really do that! although i do agree with the inspirational idea part.
oh, and sliding down the pole.
;-)
I did the same thing last week, only it wasn't a firehouse. It was pretty much just my living room. And when I called, it was to a stranger.
drib,
Please hold your applause until the end. Thanks. As for his wife, she looks angry.
steven,
That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. I will remember it for as long as I can.
melanie,
I am an Ideas Person. Also, I am not really a People Person.
matt,
We are so alike. Except that you have a pole in your living room. Which is really, really cool.
fringes,
Probably with flowers.
Did you take the keychain with you when you left? I can just imagine him trying to prove his innocence without having the keychain to show as evidence.
velvet,
I'm not trying to hang the man, just have a little fun.
yasamin,
Minor burns. Slight bruise on the ego.
Thanks for coming by.
Damn...one wonders what you might do to an enemy.
lee,
This is how I show affection.
Hmmm...let's cancel that "experimental" make-out session then?
1
I just signed up for the affection plan
yeah i dont have to have a firehouse pole to get those burns *cries*
yes Faerie/fairy is like shoppe/shop and Magic/Magick.
Very perceptive of you Vixen-Pixie Mist... Nah i just like Vixen for you. Suits you well (specially wearing high-heel calf skin knee boots and a come-hither smile)
lee,
Damn. I've been practicing my patented tongue down the throat thing.
0,
Hello, big spender!
And by "friend" do you mean crazy-married-ex-boyfriend? Because that's what I would mean.
Does it come with boy voices?
I'm all caught up on your blog! Can't think of anything witty to say except that I've gotta go watch Dancing with the Stars finale now! LoL
Thanks for visiting me and your kind words while I was AWOL with Ferg.
Kisses to you and Kitty.
yasamin,
You have to get one. You simply must.
mayren,
I have to work on my come hither smile. I have a tendency to cross my eyes.
wg,
When I talk about the crazy-married-ex-boyfriend, I use the term, "homicidal maniac."
nihilistic,
I think I heard an "Oh, sh*t" in a male voice.
icl,
Of course. Iss and I adore kisses.
Instead of a "gratuitous slide down the pole," you could've at least indulged in one teeny tiny pole dance for the boys.
word verification = oksixic = in agreement with the Beast of the Apocalypse??
laugh,
I would have pole danced except for the fact that when I try to be sexy, it comes out all wrong.
The end is nigh.
Oh. My. God. rofl
where does one find those keychains? You should start a little mail-order business...
darlene,
Check out your local sex shop. They've got everything.
nerd,
The Queen of Torment.
I like the way that sounds.
wow. we shld combine our super-powers and take over the woild.
brooklyn,
You can be the brain of the operation. I want to have the cool outfit.
anastasia,
I think I left some skin up there.
OMG, so mean!
orhan,
Am not getting into heaven any time soon.
wow, now THATS classic! BRutal, mean, WOW,,,,,,,but classic
BD
donkey,
That pretty much sums me up. Brutal, mean, and classic.
COLD!
maven,
Is that good? Is that like the new HOT?
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