To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

My First Lesbian Experience


Last month, I nearly lost some of my favorite panties. Every time I wear them, I am thankful for my kindly neighbor who alerted me that they were outside for all to see.

I wore them Saturday. I remember putting them on. I poured a glass of wine and stepped into the panties (left foot, then right). Then I smoked a cigarette. I got dressed. I put on too much makeup. Then the drinking began in earnest.

My first martini was sweet and sticky. I cannot refuse limoncello. My fingers were sticky. The glass was sticky. I needed to balance out the sweetness with something salty. I ordered a dirty martini with extra olives. I got two olives. I demanded more olives. Olives count as a vegetable on the FDA food pyramid. All that salt made me thirsty, so I had a beer or perhaps, several.

Morning came quickly. I woke up naked sprawled out on top of my blankets. The cat was standing over me. He looked disgusted. I apologized, fed him and showered.

I reached into the top drawer and pulled out a pair of panties. They appeared to be the same pair that I had been wearing the night before. Confused, I checked my clothes hamper. The panties were there, right on top.

And then it hit me.

I've been wearing another b*tch's underwear.

This is the same as walking up to a random girl, stripping off our clothes and pressing my snatch directly up against hers.

I don't even know her name.

Mist 1


74 Comments:

At 10:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't resist limoncello either...the homemade stuff is the best.

 
At 10:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol,

Okay I gotta ask,,,,how the hell did you end up with some other girls panties?How much did you drinK????? and what was that formula,,,,,wine,,,,,cigs,,,,martinis,,,,,,extra olives,,,,,check check check check!

Ps gonna want my money back if I dont end up with some girls panties by the way.

BD

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

Will you come over and make it for me? It is useless to email me the recipe.

donkey,

It's foggy, but I think the order is wine, left foot, right foot, cigarette, wine, pants, wine, cigarette, shirt, change shirt, wine, change pants, cigarette, phone call, wine, text message, feed cat, wine, make up, fluff hair, wine, cigarette.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Mist, will you P L E A S E, start taking a camcorder out with you? Like one of those "Dateline" hidden cameras they use for undercover operations. You could put it in a purse or something?

PLEASE?

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger spoon said...

Oh that's hysterical and disturbing all at the same time. And you stole the panties BEFORE you got wasted, that to me is the concerning part. So how was it for you? Your first lesbo experience that is? he he

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kiyotoe,

I don't have a steady hand. While this is handy for some things (tee hee), it is not handy for filming video.

spoon,

It wasn't as good as I had expected. But it was a good ice breaker.

 
At 12:21 AM, Blogger Babs said...

OMG! We are both talking about lesbians on our blogs.
That was rude of her not to leave her name in her panties.

 
At 1:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm voting for Mist Cam.

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Was it good for you?

 
At 3:33 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Oh.My.G*D. I feel violated on your behalf. Come to think of it, though, I am missing a pair of panties.

 
At 3:34 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Oh.My.G*D. I feel violated on your behalf. Come to think of it, though, I am missing a pair of panties.

 
At 4:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should get some girlfriends to all wear too much makeup (and fabulous shoes) and then you can all travel around in a really small car.....

 
At 4:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

M.O.: you all get out of your (really small) car, walk up to some random girl, stripping off her clothes, and press your snatch(es) directly up against hers.

 
At 4:38 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Oh my. That is all. Let's connect via emails, it's been a while. Been very busy, sorry. Hugs.

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Mist: Those were mine. Best night of crosdressing EVAH!

 
At 5:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

babs,

I am putting my name in all my panties as soon as I catch up on all my feeds.

shadow,

For president?

nihilistic,

I've had better.

wg,

What's the proper etiquette here? Wash and return? Buy you a new pair?

matt,

I am not a clown. That sounds like the snatch clown car.

maiden,

Let's.

nwjr,

You have nice taste in panties.

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

Mmmm Snatch Dancing.

What town is this where girls feed and apologize to their disgusted pussies, all before getting naked and doing the Snatch-Rub Rumba with other random girls? Is everyone attractive? If so I would like to visit, if not run for mayor.

And speaking of dancing beeotches, maybe you're part dog, and you don't need names, you can just sniff panties/underwear/bootyholes and identify people that way. An added bonus is you can sniff out all the identity thieves who have covered all bases EXCEPT for everyone having their own unique crotch aroma.

Hmmm, now I feel I should have led with the crotch aroma talk, and closed with the beautiful girls snatch dancing. leaves a much sweeter aftertaste.

 
At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. That's some impressive drinking. We really do need to hang out.

 
At 6:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wasn't me, I stayed home Saturday!

 
At 6:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imagine how embarrassed I was that one night when I woke up in some girl's panties and bra!

It happens. We just have to learn how to deal with it. ;)

 
At 6:46 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'm not too sure, but I heard STD's are contracted by panty exchanges.

I know this awesome clinic off Peachtree Street.

They won't tell a soul.

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Ok so you got the panties - but the questions is - did you get the phone number? I mean if it was good enough to snatch the panties...........

 
At 7:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, i've never made it...but I do drink it!! if I ever get my hands on another bottle, you're in!!

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

Look on the bright side: at least we know it wasn't Sasquatch's snatch yours was up against.

You'd have remembered that.

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Mist, honey, I could make so many inappropriate quasi-skeevy comments about how I just happen to have a snatch and how you're welcome to it, but I won't.

Instead, I will say that the easiest way to keep this from happening again is to renounce underpants alltogether.

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Kelley said...

A few years ago, when I stayed overnight at my in-law's house for the first time (they weren't my in-laws yet at that time), I made sure to meticulously make the bed, wipe the toothpaste off the sink, etc. I was trying to make a good impression.

I week later, I got a package in the mail from my (future) mother-in-law. She had mailed me back my thong underwear (washed, no less) that I suppose got left in the bed.

I still have not fully recovered.

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger Greg said...

You are the queen of analogies.

Bravo.

 
At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Panties are definitely a "one user only" item of clothing. Well, unless it's consensual, of course.

 
At 7:42 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

I love olives.

 
At 7:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist you naughty girl. I mean seriously. Martini's and Beer never mix. Silly.

On the whole Panty/Snatch Situation - I would question your neighbor again. Sounds like those panties could be bought by him JUST so he could bring them to you. You ARE one sexy Wench -

I think it's the Neighbor lusting over you and thus no lesbian experience. No Snatch Switchin here

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Of course, we need a responsible person to collect the donations for the MistCam. Mist would only spend our money on beer and cheap whores.

 
At 8:18 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

ROTFLMAO - oh my god, I am WHEEZING here I'm laughing so damn hard.

I don't know what's funnier - you wearing someone else's underwear, or the visual of you rubbing "snatches" with some random chic.

Oh god. Seriously. Too funny.

 
At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, this is why deciding not to wear panties on drinking nights is a good thing.

 
At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I woke up with my girlfriend's panties on one morning...I liked it, she was mortified.

 
At 8:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a heartwarming story. Reminds me of the time I woke up in the grass in someone's backyard. The sprinklers came on.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Reba said...

Ewwwwww.

 
At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay somewhere on the internet is some snarky *snort* girl posting on her blog right now. its gonna go something like this
"FIRST TIME ALL NUDE STRIPPING"
Last night i poured myself scotch, put on my favorite panties, drank more scotch, fed the dog, drank more scotch, plastered on the makeup and went out dancing. after about 6 mojitos and nameless numberless shots, i ended up at a strip club. everything becomes foggy at this point. i wake up the next morning still wearing the same skirt and tube top from the night before except one thing, my fave pair of panties is missing! did i do all nude stripping last night?
where the hell have they gone to? they were my lucky pair and now i have no mojo left.

whoa is me.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

So, the pants your neigbour gave you back were not, in fact, yours? And you put them back in the drawer without washing them?

Makes The Goddess borrowing my knickers and then falling asleep drunk in them look positively innocent.

Although by your definition, it also makes us lovers...

Damn, and I never sleep with my friends.

Puss

 
At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay somewhere on the internet is some snarky *snort* girl posting on her blog right now. its gonna go something like this
"FIRST TIME ALL NUDE STRIPPING"
Last night i poured myself scotch, put on my favorite panties, drank more scotch, fed the dog, drank more scotch, plastered on the makeup and went out dancing. after about 6 mojitos and nameless numberless shots, i ended up at a strip club. everything becomes foggy at this point. i wake up the next morning still wearing the same skirt and tube top from the night before except one thing, my fave pair of panties is missing! did i do all nude stripping last night?
where the hell have they gone to? they were my lucky pair and now i have no mojo left.

whoa is me.

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

*gasp* it was you!!!

gimme back my panties!!

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tan,

You simply must come to Georgia. Also, I can't help but comment on your poetic use of the English language. Have you thought about Hallmark?

karma,

Okay, but let's make sure that we go home in our own panties.

margaret,

That narrows it down.

dan,

I wake up in girl's panties and a bra all the time. I am dealing with it.

slick,

Peachtree Street? W. Peachtree Street? Peachtree Road? Peachtree Drive? Specifics, please.

cheeky,

Your clever use of the word snatch to mean something other than genitalia impresses me.

claudia,

Call me.

pissy,

Ah, the silver lining.

123,

But my panties are soooo cute. Also, thanks for the invite. I will be in your area in January. I'll call you.

greg,

My SAT scores were incredible. Especially the analogy part.

velvet,

I don't remember signing a release.

alison,

That was the important part of this story.

mayren,

I can only hope. He's hot.

fringes,

That's what I used my tax return for.

britt,

Rotflmao is the sound I made in my throat when I figured it out.

lizza,

I will have to try that. I'm not known for sitting like a lady.

matt-man,

There are rules. If you want to get all prettied up, you should really purchase your own panties.

bird,

At least you woke up feeling clean.

reba,

What? You don't like limoncello?

yasamin,

I am her snatch sister.

puss,

I don't do long distance relationships.

nattie,

Shall I wash them first?

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger melanie said...

are you sure you don't have a doppleganger loose in your house?

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Commando's the way to go...


But then what would you end up wearing in the morning? hmmmmm...

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

I am already working with a therapist. Let's not add anything else to the mix. I don't know if my insurance would cover a doppelganger.

tug,

I'm afraid I'd peel off my own skin.

 
At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there no end to your versatility?

I'm expecting a foray into animal husbandry any day now.

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this blog from reading Dan's blah blah blah and I loved your comments to him so I had to check you out.

fareakin hilarious!! OMG, great story telling. Love it.

 
At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you may have a hobby.. you just aren't too awfully direct about posting it ;)

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

M, you've opened up a whole can of worms with the casual, "Oh, by the way, I'll be in your area . . ."

That is much better than opening up a can of whoop ass, I might add.

Matt's already in for showing you a good time on behalf of our nation's capitol--let's get drunk and make out with sailors! Keep us posted.

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mystic,

I come from a long line of taxidermists. My family has been mounting animals for years.

beth,

I shudder to think about the comments that I leave on other people's blogs.

Thanks for coming by.

skittles,

Well, besides drinking.

123,

I made out with a sailor once. I think I'll post about it.

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well at least someone else has your good taste in clothes!
Peace

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

The fact that you apologized for offending your cat shows real class and sensitivity.

At the end of the day, nothing really matters but having a happy pussy.

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

odat,

True. She must be a great gal.

hearts,

I am classy. Thanks for noticing. About that sensitivity thing, let's keep that hush hush.

 
At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a boots girl. High heels give me grief.

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Ha! I too would like to know what town it is where this happens randomly. I think I have business to schedule there for the next week or two.

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

okay - I think I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit...I know wearing her knickers probably isn't so bad considering whatever it is you had to do to actually get the knickers on yourself, but after everything I've done with my husband, I still draw the line on wearing his dirty underwear.

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

okay - I think I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit...I know wearing her knickers probably isn't so bad considering whatever it is you had to do to actually get the knickers on yourself, but after everything I've done with my husband, I still draw the line on wearing his dirty underwear.

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Damn, girl... I hope my students don't follow the link back to your blog... the poor little souls....

I can picture them waking up screaming in the middle of the night, "No more! No more!"

And i won't even be there LMAO.... j/k

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger STAK said...

speaking as a guy, i was strangely aroused by that anecdote............i'm goin to watch porn now.........

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger David said...

Not knowing the name is a good thing.

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

as many,

I adore boots. With a heel.

james,

I live in a little town called Amok. I run it.

Thanks for coming by.

darlene,

Once you're married, dirty underwear is the least of your worries.

arthur,

I am available to be a guest speaker for your students.

stak,

I am strangly aroused by the thought of you being aroused by this.

david,

I looked on the tag. I think her name was Victoria S. Secret.

 
At 4:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For quite a while now I have eagerly anticipated you posting your picture in your blog. I must say, the panties are hot but you really need to trim that thing. You got one dang bad case of Chewbaccacrotch there.

Later Y'all

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melon,

I thought you'd like a little tail.

 
At 5:55 PM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Keep them as a gift. And we shall never talk about it again.

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

wg,

That's decent of you. Thanks.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger STAK said...

i feel better now...........was it good for you?.............

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look I don't mean to burst your bubble, but my dog has been looking all over for those panties.

 
At 9:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stak,

I need a cigarette.

lee,

Oh, that was really good.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

ACK - That is like brushing your teeth with someone else's toothbrush. yuck.

 
At 4:20 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I think this story turned me on, but I'm not sure. Crotch-on-crotch erotica, hmm. My people will get back to you on this one..

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

karmyn,

It's a million times worse.

orhan,

If crotch-on-crotch doesn't get you, I don't know what will.

 
At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg, I would die! lol I've heard of people 'borrowing' other people's underwear....just the thought of doing that sends me into a fit of dry heaves!

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

miztris,

So, I can't borrow a pair of yours? How about some socks then?

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

God, Limoncillo is fantastic.

Randomly sharing underwear with a total stranger...not so much. Actually, that one really grosses me out.

 
At 10:12 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

What a little panty sharing between good friends?

 

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Name: Mist1
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