To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I Talk to Myself and I Am Not Alone

I talk. A lot. When I cannot talk to other people, I talk to myself. Once or twice I have even listened.

Sometimes, the conversation that I am having with myself if so good that I don't want anyone to interrupt me. Then, I put on my earpiece and walk around talking to myself like I'm on the phone. It makes me feel important. I talk about science and stuff so that the people around me will think I'm smart. I know a lot about science. Protons, Electrons, Fig Newtons and such.

I find it disarming when other people talk to themselves.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with a woman who talked to herself. She asked me questions and when I answered, she mumbled to herself. I begged her pardon a few times before I realized that she wasn't talking to me. It was awkward. She asked questions and I waited uncomfortably to see if I was supposed to answer. She gave me directives and I made note of them, not certain if I should carry them out. She set a date for our next meeting. I put it in my planner, but I'm not sure if I'm invited.

After the meeting, I needed a drink to sort through everything. Also, I was shaking as it was well past the time that I prefer to start drinking. I took myself out. At a table near the bar, I noticed a man having a heated argument with himself. He wasn't winning. I have never lost an argument with myself. I have talked myself into and out of all sorts of things, but never lost an argument. I am never wrong. Suddenly, I felt compelled to stand up for the man. "You can't talk to yourself that way!" I scolded.

I told myself not to join him. But, I didn't listen.

He talked about the CIA and telemarketers. I talked about science.

I think I'll start leaving comments for myself here.

Mist 1


At 9:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

You sure know a lot about science.

At 9:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am also good at math.

At 9:36 PM, Anonymous Alison said...


Not only are you good at science and math, but you are also funny as hell.
Guess your humerus is in working order, nyuk nyuk! (Ouch. Did I just make a Three Stooges noise?)

At 9:53 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

You've confirmed my suspicions: We were separated at birth.

I really hate it when someone comes along and interrupts my own conversations.

But, I'm never lonely.

At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Girl next to me at work talks to herself all day long. its become like an endless drone noise.
But every now and then my mutipal personalities have a drink together does that count ;)

At 10:19 PM, Blogger Shelli said...

Good idea, Mist. I'm glad you take your own suggestions. ROFL

At 10:31 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Please tell me his name was Dijon.

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Lyze said...

Ah - so I'm not alone... That's a relief... Well, actually, I guess it isn't. I always did enjoy my quirky little idiosyncracies. Especially all the looks I got from people. Those were fun too... Nyar - but then again, assuming I was alone is a bit arrogant at first, so... just call me ignorant and be done with it...

Hm, isn't there a quote, that "only geniuses mutter to themselves?"
Or am I once again caught up in my own deranged ramblings?

At 10:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Talking to yourself is pretty normal. So is playing with yourself.

I was referring to chess when I said that, okay?

At 10:56 PM, Blogger slaghammer said...

When I talk to people with a lazy eye, I always look at the wrong eye. Then, when I realize the other eye has been looking at me the whole time, it makes me feel like they’ve been spying on me.

At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been debating with myself to leave a comment or not, I still haven't come to a satisfying conclusion :)

At 11:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL!! this is classic Mist!
(yeah, sure you say that now..)
well, of course...didn't you just read it?
(well, yah, I just read it, I'm not an idiot you know...)

At 11:24 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Oh, my flipping Jesus (he was All State, by the way). You are brilliant. Why haven't you taken over the world yet?

On a side note, because I've made a lot of these bad boy typos myself, you may want to check the selection "myself if so"--Edit this part from the comments, if you would, so I don't look like a total douche bag.

My cat just farted. Ew.

At 12:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think secretly everyone talk to themselves

-shut up falcon and say something interesting

- I don't have anything else

- see what I have to put up with

At 2:43 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You're an absolute gem.

My housemate catches me rambling all the time, mostly too myself. Basic non-sensical nonsense. Though, when he attempts to address the problem I tell him I have to speak out-loud so I can hear myself over the voices in my head.

Thats not crazy, is it?

At 3:22 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Well, so long as your comments make it past you on moderator, it should be okay.

At 3:41 AM, Blogger M said...

what's wrong with talking to yourself?

...nothing, you're completely normal, M!

At 4:30 AM, Blogger Strawberrysurf said...

Mist, you sure are savvy. You crack me up!

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I am so glad you brought this up. I LOVE talking to myself. Although I try to control myself in public, if someone pulls my library card, I'm screwed.

At 4:52 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Some of the best conversations I have ever had are with myself - after all who knows more or is better to talk to than me? Right? Right! (cheeky you are soooo smart)

At 5:12 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Did someone say something?

At 5:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA HA HA!! Especially the comments part.

"Psycho"! That's where the mouth is from (oops, sorry, just mumbling to myself).

Cell phones have made it exceedingly difficult to tell the self-talking loonies from the arrogant business folk. To make it easier on myself, I assume they're all assholes.

At 5:22 AM, Blogger spoon said...


At 5:24 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Talking to yourself is a sign of a finely-honed mind. Or so I tell myself.

At 5:44 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

Have you told yourself lately how funny you are?

At 5:48 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Yay! I am so early today!!!

Like your comments to yourself. The fact that your recognize protrons, electrons and fig newtons are from the same family makes me realize you are really smart. Continue talkin' (to yerself)

At 5:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And who would know better than you!
see what I mean


At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

rocket science

just to show you


At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I talk to myself all the time just not in meetings or in bars and NEVER in public bathrooms .. talk about awkward~~

At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Yasamin is such a lonely number said...

lol bananas. i talk to myself all the time. hell i run conversations i have had through my head processing which direction they could have taken with different answers. when i get angry i have to watch out because i cussed myself out once.

i work with a guy who freaking debates with himself in his cubicle. its the weirdest thing.

freaking daffy people.

At 6:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I talk to myself a lot too. It's talk to myself or talk to the dog and I find I give myself much better advice than the dog.

At 6:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee hee.

You KNOW that I fully accept your right to talk to yourself.

I do it too. Strangely, though, I often lose the arguments.

You must tell me your secret.

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

ahhahaa I love you!!!

I was just checking to see if you'd left comments for yourself.

*sigh* priceless.

I needed that laugh, thanks Mist

At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

People think I talk to myself, but I don't. I make fun of people who talk to themselves and so do Tava and Loo, but only really smart people can perceive Tava and Loo, so I know why all those idiots think I talk to myself.

At 6:58 AM, Anonymous ThatGuy said...

Can you believe what Miss Science Queen just said about you?

At 7:01 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I used to do these long drives between semesters in college from Atlanta back to Jersey and I would get so tired, I'd try to put together an entire comedy routine. At one point I heckled myself and got mad at the heckler. I pulled over and drank something highly caffinated and put ice cubes in my pants...there, now I'm sane.

No you're not.

At 7:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always start my posts with short declarations. It's my style. Other people tell me they like that. Then I give them some meat. I get to the crux of the matter:

Today, I realize I'm crazy. All of the people on my blogroll are fake. They are bots running wild on the Internet and I am, in fact, talking to myself.

At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have caught myself taking to myself while walking sometimes. Fortunately I'v got my mps player with me so folks might just think I'm singing along...or crazy?

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I have written myself a letter and a few emails. I listen to myself more than way. If I talk to me, I can just tune me out. I am good like that.


At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...


I talk to myself constantly. It's usually the best conversation I get all day.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger James Burnett said...


Kidding, I talk to myself too. And I hate myself for it.

So did you end up joining the other guy's conversation he was having with himself?

At 7:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


This is old news that you have a long and monogamous relationship with yourself... Next Topic please.

At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You seem normal to me.

At 8:44 AM, Blogger Wild Chill said...

Hey, I also talk to myself sometimes!
No I don't!
Yes I do, damnit! Why don't you shut up for a minute!
Screw you! Get a life, bitch!

So, yeah...

At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i saw a guy get into a heated discussion with himself on the street corner a few weeks ago and it was friggin awesome. I wish more people would 'go there'. ;D

At 9:24 AM, Blogger Trish said...

"You can't talk to yourself that way."

That is hilarious.

I talk to myself too, but I never seem to learn anything.

At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Pass that on to yourself too....

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Mr. G said..., darling...I think maybe it's time for you to go on another 'vacation'...just to get the meds all sorted out and balanced again...

At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

OMG!!! I just had an entire conversation with myself via IM.


That has to be a new level of crazy.

Really. I want a plaque.

At 9:55 AM, Blogger othur-me said...

Everyone's afraid to comment. We're afraid it might set off one of your "episodes".

At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

I talk to myself as well...I find its the only intelligent conversation I can have...

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Off the meds again, are we?

At 10:56 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Yes, that was a Stooges noise.


Separated at birth? Is that what this scar is from?


My other selves never pick up the tab. Cheap b*tches.

Thanks for coming by.


Never caught his name(s).


I'm pretty sure the genius part is right.

Thanks for coming by.


I love playing with myself. Chess, that is.


I just watched a movie where this guy snatched people's eyes out. Just a suggestion.


Have you decided yet?


Classic Mist sounds like a soft drink.


I can't handle the responsibility of the world.


Apologize to yourself right this instant.


Is this housemate real? I mean, can everyone see him? Or is it just you?


I never have to moderate my own comments. It makes me feel important.


Who wants to be normal?


I am savvy. Thanks for noticing. I am also good at science and math.


I hate trying to control myself in public. I hardly go out for that reason.


I like how nice you are to yourself.


Shhhh. I heard it too.


Well, the photo of the lady screaming in the shower didn't help.


I am assuming that because the second L in LOL wasn't in caps, that you didn't really laugh out loud. I read between the lines too.


I like your theory.


I am still telling myself how fabulous my hair looks today (from the right side). But, I'll get to that.


I think you may want to check your math. Something should be squared.


I spend a lot of time in bars and public restrooms. Who would I talk to then?


Try not to curse at yourself. Instead give yourself affirmations.


Maybe the dog is speaking through you.


Any time.


I have never seen Tava and Loo together. Care to explain?


I'll scratch her f*cking eyes out.


Self-heckling. I'm asking my therapist about that.


I hate to tell you that I may or may not be real.


Sure. They think you're singing along. Yeah.


I never check the emails that I send to myself. I have a folder called, "From Me" (seriously.


That's what I'm saying.


I rarely join in conversations. I just sort of burst in and expect people to talk about what I want to talk about.


I adore myself. I feel so lucky to have me in my life.


Me? Or me?


Ladies, break it up!


I do to. I had to know what he was fighting with himself about.


She's on the phone (with herself). I'll tell her when she hangs up.

mr. g,

Insurance says wait until 2007.

britt (again),

I always make it look like I'm offline so that I don't IM myself all day.


Look, with a name that sounds a lot like "other me," I'm always worried about setting off one of your episodes.


Really, other people can be so dim.


I self-medicate. I just poured a glass.

At 10:57 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

See, I told you they'd understand.

At 10:57 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You know how hard it is for me to listen to you. Have a glass of wine. Tyra's on.

At 11:20 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Joke's on you, kid. I AM a douche bag! Mwwaaa haa haaaaaaaaaaa!

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Tug said...

It's a vicious circle. Unless of course there's no arguement. Then it's notso vicious.

At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reminds me of an old song I use to sing:
(use tune of "You Are Everything" by the Stylistics.

"Today I saw somebody
who looked just like me
She walked just like me
I thought it was me...

When she turned the corner
I called out my name
I felt so ashamed
When it wasn't me - wasn't me-eee-eee-eee-ee

I am everything and everything is me
Oh-oh, I am everything and everything is me..."

At 11:42 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I wondered what you were sitting on.


As long as it's not rabid. I don't want to get any more shots.


Stuck in our heads now. Thanks a lot.

At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't get through the day with out talking to myself...the benefit of living in a big city is there are a lot of people who talk to themselves...

You are reaching legend status round here...already have my sister reading you but am now passing you on to the girls at work...I can only be selfish about why I am laughing out loud at me desk for so long....

At 12:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am a legend in my own mind too. Thanks for the validation.

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Rhea said...

I talk to myself, but I make sure I'm walking the dog when I do it. That way passersby think I'm talking to the dog.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Yeah, my therapist does that whole mumbling thing, too. I just thought it must be the delusions but if you're having them too, then it suggests we're the normal ones.


At 12:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're right...hadn't thought of that!

At 12:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Because talking to the dog is somehow more sane than talking to yourself. Of course.

Thanks for coming by.


My therapist just doodles when I talk.


I prefer Diet Mist.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Kelley said...

My mother is a notorious self-conversationalist. But the bright side is, I had perfected my tuning-out skills by the time I got married. Comes in handy.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger mrsmogul said...

I talk in my head but I think sometimes my lips move. Years ago I think I was somewhere moving my lips and this woman stared at me. I was so embarrassed.

At 1:46 PM, Anonymous Bice said...

I like what Lily Tomlin said years ago, "We should pair up all the people walking the streets talking to themselves. It'll make the rest of feel more comfortable."

At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I talk to myself all the time. Mostly my brain doesn't pay attention when my mouth is talking to it, and then they end up not being on speaking terms at all.

At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! I know you're not real, but we love the character.

At 2:17 PM, Blogger miss tracey nolan said...

Dude. Am I ever glad I came by. You're hilarious...I see traces of Sedaris. Nice, nice stuff.

I'll be talking about your entry to myself all the way home tonight.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger C said...

Mist - I think I might tell you more about click and drag but you have to be sure I am talking to you and not myself. The best way to tell is if I roll my eyes into the back of my head.

At 2:35 PM, Blogger PhoenixHearse said...

You like reading Mist's blog.

No you don't, you hate her.

You do not, you're jealous of her, she's the bee's knees.

The eff what?

You know what I mean.

At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i had to share my office with a colleague for a few months. it was supposed to be permanent. i suspect he requested a transfer due to my incessant self-talking. i am particularly good at coaching myself through puzzling excel problems. and also writing press releases.

At 2:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't take that from yourself, dammit. You're better than that. When you let yourself go on and on, it's just like giving yourself permission to continue. It's pure speculation, but it's not just about dialogue anymore, but trialogue, and quadralogue. I'm serious and so are you.

At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't talk to myself, but I do talk to my penis a lot. As a matter of fact, I beat it last night because it owed me money.

At 4:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm sorry, I tuned out your comment.


Embarrassment means little to me at this point.


Lily is good. I need a talking buddy.

Thanks for coming by.


I think you should mediate.


What's my rule about love?

miss tracey,

Dude am I glad you stopped by too. I adore your blog. And so do I.

Thanks for coming by.


What about if your head spins around?


Bees have hairy knees.


I love that you consider it self-coaching. That is pure genius. It takes the crazy edge off.

Thanks for coming by.


I'm not a quadralogue. My arms and legs work just fine.

mr. shife's penis,

Please beat Mr. Shife. He owes me money.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger S. A. F. said...

I like to anticipate conversations. So, when I'm driving to work or to a place I have to be, I run through conversations outloud that I anticipate having with others. This way, I am prepared with catchy comments and comebacks. I think people who drive along side my car think I'm nuts. But, fuck them. I think you met with a nut, though.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I sort of do this too. Only, when I'm driving somewhere, I pretend that I am interviewing a celebrity on my show. Sometimes, it goes well. Sometimes, they put their hand over my mouth like Clay Aiken.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

Did you really just say Clay Aiken?

At 7:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


No, that was you.

At 7:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

very funny. you're an interrupter, then. tsk tsk ;>)

At 8:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm not an interpreter.

At 8:20 PM, Anonymous archie said...

I am an interpolater.

I have often discussed unicorns with myself. Does this make them multicorns?

At 8:22 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You need a pedicure. Look at those multicorns.

At 8:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so used to having a running monologue going at home (comes from being around kids) that I still talk to myself when I'm out alone.

Genius solution about the earpiece. If I had one, maybe people in stores would stop calling security on me. ;)

At 5:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


An earpiece is an essential accessory.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Tom Bailey said...

"I have never lost an argument with myself. I have talked myself into and out of all sorts of things, but never lost an argument. I am never wrong."

This is possible for most people. Some just need more reasons to win than others. You dont need to feel so crazy you need to leave messages for yourself here.

At 9:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Crazy? Leaving comments for myself is crazy?

At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the earpiece thing..I'll try that at work! Then maybe they'll leave me alone!!!!!!

At 10:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


For it to be effective, you have to speak really loudly.

At 6:15 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I talk to myself all the time. Most of the time I answer too. Its hard to find someone exactly of my intellect with strange thought patterns. Converstaion flows. In a strangely intellectual random pattern.

I understand myself.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I understand myself too. We are very complex.

At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i talk to myself all the time too. too bad my coworker always busts me when i'm saying something dumb.

At 7:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


That's why I don't have co-workers. I still can't believe they fired me for that.

At 8:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I talk to myself all the time. But never out loud, for the most part. It makes people think you're crazy.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is that why they look at me like that?

Thanks for coming by.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger C said...

Then call a priest... make sure he's cute.

At 3:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Where am I going to find a cute priest? That only happens in the movies.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger melanie said...

there was a girl on the bus the other day talking to herself, then she hit herself in punishment. it was freaky.

I talk to myself but not outloud until I do something stupid.

At 7:05 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


If I could see stuff like that every day, I would take the bus.

At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i talk to myself all the time. especially since i can only find friends through myspace.

At 3:41 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You are not talking to yourself enough if you are still on MySpace.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


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