To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Casting Call


To date, I have not had a high (or low) speed chase with the local police. I have never cut anyone into tiny, bite-sized pieces using a hand saw. It's not for the lack of opportunity.

I may never get to do these things before I die. I have decided that acting is the only way to satisfy my urges. I have auditioned for several local productions but have not yet landed a role in which I get to wear clothing.

I signed up for an acting class. The teacher is a Very Famous Actor. He is best known for a role on America's Most Wanted in which he played the buddy of a fugitive. He never received an award for Best Supporting Actor in a Reenactment, but I have seen the footage. He should have been nominated.

As he detailed his illustrious career as a Reenactor, I began to think that I was in the wrong place.

I have decided that I don't want to reenact heinous crimes and bank robberies gone wrong. I want to reenact the moments of personal glory in my life.

I want a cast of professional actors and extras to gather on the set to reenact the time that I was having a really great hair day and got out of a speeding ticket. Or, the staff meeting in which I screamed at my former boss, "dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader!"

I will probably leave out the part when I got fired.

Mist 1


75 Comments:

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

One day you can star in a karaoke video.

 
At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You let me know when that movie on your work life comes to the theater. I want to be THE FIRST in line to get a ticket. (I wonder if I should go and wait now?)

 
At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someday I'll have a good hair day. And when I do, there WILL be cameras, & I WILL offer you a part. Cool?

 
At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Better than america's most wanted, show up on cops. No wait you would have to take your shirt off there to huh........

I repeat,better than AMW, show up on cops!

BD

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

oooh, am I first? If so, I'd like to reenact this moment over and over again.

 
At 11:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want a part! I want to play you though!

 
At 11:00 PM, Anonymous archie said...

Clothes are over-rated - on or off stage.

 
At 11:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds like great TV! Would it be a soap or reality though?

 
At 11:17 PM, Anonymous Bice said...

Visionary are never appreciated... especially when they're alive. You are alive aren't you?

 
At 11:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jack,

I can't sing.

dorky,

You might want to pitch that tent now.

tug,

Will I have any lines?

donk,

But, my shirts are so cute...well, okay.

tan,

Thanks for playing. Who will play you?

nihilistic,

Do you have curly hair? You might have to get a weave.

archie,

I did post this naked.

michael,

I hadn't gotten that far in my plans. I need an agent.

bice,

OMG, what if I'm dead?

 
At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bite size pieces are un-realistic. It's better to go with fist-sized chunks. Easier to notice if your dog tries to run off with a piece.

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lux,

I'm not afraid of you at all. Seriously.

 
At 12:27 AM, Anonymous archie said...

Be still, my beating - umm - heart

 
At 12:50 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Maybe your imaginary cyclops friend can be your co-star without his clothes. You could wear your new boots.
P.S. BTW, it's pretty difficult to smile around here right now, so I headed to your place. I knew there was one waiting here. Thank You !

 
At 1:42 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Amateurs use a handsaw. Pros use a hatchet.

 
At 2:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for MistCam and Webisode of your life!

 
At 3:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They'll probably make you do it naked.

And "dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader!"? Definitely a line worth being fired over.

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

If you can act without clothing, I have a camera. Call me. We'll take a meeting or something.

 
At 3:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And don't forget to include your famous, patented shoving-tongue-down-a-man's-throat technique in the movie.

 
At 4:31 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Can I play you? I'm comfortable with nudity, but only for artistic purposes.

 
At 5:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I much prefer the meatgrinder method. Less of a mess afterwards, and makes a great sausage.

I have to vote with BD on the Cops deal. Oh, and the topless thing too.

 
At 5:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's funny, about the actor that is...I was on Lanai a few years ago and there was all this whispering about some huge television personality that was on the island and seen about the place...ended up being a host (fake tan and all) from the show about "stupid criminals" (cant remember what it was called)

maybe you can learn to be a stunt woman

 
At 5:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

now honey why would you want to have a gray hair day? when i get one i go to the hairdresser and she has some gunky stuff she slaps on my head so it will turn blond again. i can't imagine WANTING a gray hair day sweeite. huh? you said great? oh. never mind.... bee

 
At 6:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome. Can I be in your movie? 14 years of acting experience here. Plus I'll let you be in my movie. It starts filming soon. :)

 
At 6:13 AM, Blogger Mr. G said...

Mist -

Having the cops chase you at high speed is over-rated.

When you eventually have to stop...and you will eventually have to stop (if nothing else then because you run out of gas), the cops have all this pent up adrenaline and agression in them and they need to take it out somewhere...trust me - it is not pleasant...

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I am so into that. It's just like my role-play. Only better.

 
At 6:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lmao! yeah ... you should write a book then sell it too the highest bidder to have it turned into a movie. then retain all rights for casting and script. then call me so we can go shoe shopping with the giant royalty check you're going to get. then show me who i need to sleep with to get my book published.

i cant wait.

 
At 6:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww come on .. Live on the edge a little .. Have a great hair day .. THEN get into a high speed chase.. They will put you on the news.. you will look fabulous and become instantly famous..

 
At 6:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i want a part in that show. I want to be that dude that you bring home in front of all the cameras and they use the nightscope to spy on us while we.........

Ooops, forgot where i was for a second.

btw, thanks for the nod.

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And the Motion Picture Association of America would be giving this production what sort of rating?

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

First off, you have to master the dramatic eye glass removal - very key. For examples, watch a Spanish language soap opera, even the people without eye glasses do it.

The boss-secretary scene is great. I'm a fan of corporate drama involving metaphorical arguments that make no sense..."You're asking me to jump rope with a line on the ground!"

 
At 7:29 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

I'm auditioning for the part of stalker.

 
At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader"

You are my hero.

 
At 8:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems like the whole firing thing would go without saying.

 
At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going to be king of all of the glow in the dark cobras, also known as the Glowbra Comander.

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

archie,

Who got a beating?

swamp,

I don't prefer the term co-star. It makes us seem like we're equal.

fab,

I thought I'd start small and work myself up to the woodchipper.

shadow,

You know Mist Cam? I went to school with her.

wg,

I'm good at finding things worth being fired for.

nwjr,

All women can act without clothing. It's called an orgasm.

lizza,

So many throats, so little time.

av,

You can be my body double for the nude dancing scene.

michael,

I don't think you can go from meatgrinder to topless in one comment.

junk,

Being on Stupid Criminals is better than being on When Rabbits Attack.

bee,

I love your comments.

karma,

Can I wear clothes in your movie?

mr. g,

Intrigued. Tell me more.

maiden,

There will be wardrobe and make up on the set. I love role play.

yasamin,

You mean I can sleep with someone to get my book published? All the time I've been wasting...

mj,

Going to jail with great hair is against the order of the Universe. It never works that way.

kiyotoe,

That's a great scene. How do you feel about full frontal nudity?

matt,

This film is currently unrated.

furious,

Mind if I borrow that line?

britt,

Our court scene is going to be great.

susan,

I wish more people felt like that.

crank,

I didn't see it coming.

nolff,

You can glow in the dark? Remind me not to sleep with you. I'd never get any rest.

 
At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You would hit a paradox when you decided to do a reenactment of you doing a reenactment. It would be a tear in the fabric of space and time or something.
Just cut somebody with a handsaw, if only a small bit.

 
At 9:20 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

This so doesn't apply to the post, as I was flossing last night, I thought of you. Do you have a favorite tooth (teeth) to floss?

I like the ones right before my bottom molars.

 
At 9:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to a casting call for extras in a J-Lo movie. There were lots of men and women there with tons of makeup and their head shots, thinking that a split second on the screen would be their big break.

 
At 10:11 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

You know, most directors would look at your stance with your old boss as inspiring, an act of bravery of sorts.

I'm thinking if you ever get a role where you actually get to wear clothes Mist, that you'll fade out...like most of those other actresses who try that do.

No offense.

 
At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the last quote. Is it ok if I take that line on my last day of work?

 
At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Mo said...

You ever know that you're my hero?

 
At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need to get a job just so I can yell that at somebody. With my luck I wouldn't get fired though.

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go for the performance art thing. Then you can throw Jell-O and feces at people and call it art. Clothing optional.

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my mom always jokes about the actors who reeanact stuff on America's Most Wanted. she wonders if they are constantly being mistakenly arrested for looking just like the 'real' suspects. :D

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

That's a great line. I may use it myself someday. I'll of course reference the creator.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

killer,

I love it when you talk physics to me.

123,

I like to get the ones in the very back. I'm working on dulling that gag reflex.

bird,

So, I'm going about it all wrong then?

slick,

Acting is a tough business.

turtle,

Be sure to take the stapler too.

Thanks for coming by.

mo,

That sounds like a good song.

sqt,

I can help you get fired.

 
At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could always do a little hack-sawing as your own acting practice. Just pick an annoying neighbor. If you can't find one I can give you a few addresses.

BTW, Happy New Year. And thank you gain for the bloggies nomination. Very cool of you.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Ahhhh the dreams of acting and stardom.......if you make the part can I be your personal assistant? I promise to keep stock of plenty of vodka - on hand at all times

 
At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, your dream can still come true! You can still act out the time you got out of a ticket with great hair - you might have to be naked though.

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

I love to reenact good hair days. It gets me through all the tuff times.

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Roadchick said...

The 'chick is waiting for the day that she sees the Now-Former-Mr.-Roadchick on COPS.

Then, she will have PROOF that watching all the television was NOT a waste of time.

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You can always be my cheerleader :)

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You can always be my cheerleader :)

 
At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, there's probably better things to do than flossing when you get that gag reflex dulled, Mist!

 
At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't Assistant Cheerleader open for Motley Crue back in the day?

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger C said...

What a build up but I wasn't expecting reenactment of these types of events. I want to see - stealing the girlfriend of an ex.

 
At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I surely do hope you bring this experiement to fruition.

I can't wait to see all the moments of personal glory in your life.

Or then again, maybe I'd rather not see such things.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

ctw,

I love art. I do not like Jell-O.

miztris,

I have always wondered the same thing. I'm going to ask him.

lbb,

Anytime. Thanks for the credit.

james,

Ixnay on the eighbornay alktay.

cheeky,

You are hired.

olives,

I do some of my best work naked, but I don't want to get typecast as that one naked actress.

dallas,

It probably helps to keep you humble too.

chick,

I always think I'm going to see my ex on AMW. Apparently, no one wants him. No even me.

orhan,

I'm working on my splits.

michael,

Just checking to see who reads the comments.

ajooja,

I was no one's Assistant Cheerleader.

c,

That's going to be good. I could live that moment angain and again.

mystic,

Who wouldn't want to see my personal glory? I can't wait to ask someone if they want to see my personal glory. It sounds so dirty.

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I won't let you down!

 
At 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rah Rah...!
Peace

 
At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

p.s. yes that was me yesterday..as anonymous...don't know why I showed up disguised!
Peace .

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hmmm. Sounds like your need a role with a really heroic script. How about a remake of “Animal House”? I wonder if they’d let you remain clothed?

 
At 4:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

I knew that I could count on you, Shakira.

odat,

Your peace gives you away

nick,

I think directors are trying to save money on wardrobe.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Edgy Mama said...

Wow. Check out all these commentos! Party on, girl. Came over from Fringes, but it seems we have lots o friends in common.

So, I made my movie debut recently, but the movie, called, not ironically, Asheville the Movie, has yet to be released.

I had like four lines that I had to say 800 times during a 12-hour day while sweating like a piggie. But I got paid, so I figure I'm a pro now!

 
At 5:51 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

edgy,

Don't you hate people that say stuff like piggies don't sweat? Yeah, me too.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually did participate as the driver of a high speed chase when I was about 17. I guess I would still be in jail had that moment ended differently.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

liz,

Yeah, like if it had ended in arrest.

 
At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I have a good hair day, you can have whatever you want.

 
At 7:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
And they are already doing a retrospective of you! I should have known.

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger Postmodern Sass said...

I was an extra in a movie once. They did my hair in a beehive (the film was partly set in the 1960s) and it took me a week to wash out all the hairspray. But I did get to meet Beau Bridges. Swoonerama!

 
At 9:04 PM, Anonymous Neil said...

You WANT to leave in the part when you are fired. We like rooting for the underdog.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tug,

Beautiful. How's the hair looking today?

0,

I love the royalties.

sass,

Maybe I should try to wear my hair in a beehive. That way, I'll only have to do it once a week.

neil,

I was thinking that I only wanted to include the Best of Mist.

 
At 11:30 PM, Blogger melanie said...

i am so jealous... I so wanted to scream at my last boss. but I refuse to use the C word in public.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

You don't say cheerleader?

 

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