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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Casting Call
 To date, I have not had a high (or low) speed chase with the local police. I have never cut anyone into tiny, bite-sized pieces using a hand saw. It's not for the lack of opportunity.
I may never get to do these things before I die. I have decided that acting is the only way to satisfy my urges. I have auditioned for several local productions but have not yet landed a role in which I get to wear clothing.
I signed up for an acting class. The teacher is a Very Famous Actor. He is best known for a role on America's Most Wanted in which he played the buddy of a fugitive. He never received an award for Best Supporting Actor in a Reenactment, but I have seen the footage. He should have been nominated.
As he detailed his illustrious career as a Reenactor, I began to think that I was in the wrong place.
I have decided that I don't want to reenact heinous crimes and bank robberies gone wrong. I want to reenact the moments of personal glory in my life.
I want a cast of professional actors and extras to gather on the set to reenact the time that I was having a really great hair day and got out of a speeding ticket. Or, the staff meeting in which I screamed at my former boss, "dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader!"
I will probably leave out the part when I got fired.
Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.
123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head
The Perfect Match
2007
Friendly Skies
Humanitarian Effort
I Used to Live Here
Carjacking
On Holiday
Call Cher, It's Mask II
I Wonder Where He Puts It
Flossy
Header image photo by Alison.
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To date, I have not had a high (or low) speed chase with the local police. I have never cut anyone into tiny, bite-sized pieces using a hand saw. It's not for the lack of opportunity.
73 Comments:
One day you can star in a karaoke video.
You let me know when that movie on your work life comes to the theater. I want to be THE FIRST in line to get a ticket. (I wonder if I should go and wait now?)
Someday I'll have a good hair day. And when I do, there WILL be cameras, & I WILL offer you a part. Cool?
Better than america's most wanted, show up on cops. No wait you would have to take your shirt off there to huh........
I repeat,better than AMW, show up on cops!
BD
oooh, am I first? If so, I'd like to reenact this moment over and over again.
I want a part! I want to play you though!
Clothes are over-rated - on or off stage.
It sounds like great TV! Would it be a soap or reality though?
Visionary are never appreciated... especially when they're alive. You are alive aren't you?
jack,
I can't sing.
dorky,
You might want to pitch that tent now.
tug,
Will I have any lines?
donk,
But, my shirts are so cute...well, okay.
tan,
Thanks for playing. Who will play you?
nihilistic,
Do you have curly hair? You might have to get a weave.
archie,
I did post this naked.
michael,
I hadn't gotten that far in my plans. I need an agent.
bice,
OMG, what if I'm dead?
Bite size pieces are un-realistic. It's better to go with fist-sized chunks. Easier to notice if your dog tries to run off with a piece.
lux,
I'm not afraid of you at all. Seriously.
Be still, my beating - umm - heart
Maybe your imaginary cyclops friend can be your co-star without his clothes. You could wear your new boots.
P.S. BTW, it's pretty difficult to smile around here right now, so I headed to your place. I knew there was one waiting here. Thank You !
I'm still waiting for MistCam and Webisode of your life!
They'll probably make you do it naked.
And "dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader!"? Definitely a line worth being fired over.
If you can act without clothing, I have a camera. Call me. We'll take a meeting or something.
And don't forget to include your famous, patented shoving-tongue-down-a-man's-throat technique in the movie.
Can I play you? I'm comfortable with nudity, but only for artistic purposes.
I much prefer the meatgrinder method. Less of a mess afterwards, and makes a great sausage.
I have to vote with BD on the Cops deal. Oh, and the topless thing too.
that's funny, about the actor that is...I was on Lanai a few years ago and there was all this whispering about some huge television personality that was on the island and seen about the place...ended up being a host (fake tan and all) from the show about "stupid criminals" (cant remember what it was called)
maybe you can learn to be a stunt woman
now honey why would you want to have a gray hair day? when i get one i go to the hairdresser and she has some gunky stuff she slaps on my head so it will turn blond again. i can't imagine WANTING a gray hair day sweeite. huh? you said great? oh. never mind.... bee
Awesome. Can I be in your movie? 14 years of acting experience here. Plus I'll let you be in my movie. It starts filming soon. :)
Mist -
Having the cops chase you at high speed is over-rated.
When you eventually have to stop...and you will eventually have to stop (if nothing else then because you run out of gas), the cops have all this pent up adrenaline and agression in them and they need to take it out somewhere...trust me - it is not pleasant...
I am so into that. It's just like my role-play. Only better.
lmao! yeah ... you should write a book then sell it too the highest bidder to have it turned into a movie. then retain all rights for casting and script. then call me so we can go shoe shopping with the giant royalty check you're going to get. then show me who i need to sleep with to get my book published.
i cant wait.
Aww come on .. Live on the edge a little .. Have a great hair day .. THEN get into a high speed chase.. They will put you on the news.. you will look fabulous and become instantly famous..
i want a part in that show. I want to be that dude that you bring home in front of all the cameras and they use the nightscope to spy on us while we.........
Ooops, forgot where i was for a second.
btw, thanks for the nod.
And the Motion Picture Association of America would be giving this production what sort of rating?
First off, you have to master the dramatic eye glass removal - very key. For examples, watch a Spanish language soap opera, even the people without eye glasses do it.
The boss-secretary scene is great. I'm a fan of corporate drama involving metaphorical arguments that make no sense..."You're asking me to jump rope with a line on the ground!"
I'm auditioning for the part of stalker.
"dammit, I'm your assistant, not your cheerleader"
You are my hero.
Seems like the whole firing thing would go without saying.
I am going to be king of all of the glow in the dark cobras, also known as the Glowbra Comander.
archie,
Who got a beating?
swamp,
I don't prefer the term co-star. It makes us seem like we're equal.
fab,
I thought I'd start small and work myself up to the woodchipper.
shadow,
You know Mist Cam? I went to school with her.
wg,
I'm good at finding things worth being fired for.
nwjr,
All women can act without clothing. It's called an orgasm.
lizza,
So many throats, so little time.
av,
You can be my body double for the nude dancing scene.
michael,
I don't think you can go from meatgrinder to topless in one comment.
junk,
Being on Stupid Criminals is better than being on When Rabbits Attack.
bee,
I love your comments.
karma,
Can I wear clothes in your movie?
mr. g,
Intrigued. Tell me more.
maiden,
There will be wardrobe and make up on the set. I love role play.
yasamin,
You mean I can sleep with someone to get my book published? All the time I've been wasting...
mj,
Going to jail with great hair is against the order of the Universe. It never works that way.
kiyotoe,
That's a great scene. How do you feel about full frontal nudity?
matt,
This film is currently unrated.
furious,
Mind if I borrow that line?
britt,
Our court scene is going to be great.
susan,
I wish more people felt like that.
crank,
I didn't see it coming.
nolff,
You can glow in the dark? Remind me not to sleep with you. I'd never get any rest.
You would hit a paradox when you decided to do a reenactment of you doing a reenactment. It would be a tear in the fabric of space and time or something.
Just cut somebody with a handsaw, if only a small bit.
This so doesn't apply to the post, as I was flossing last night, I thought of you. Do you have a favorite tooth (teeth) to floss?
I like the ones right before my bottom molars.
I went to a casting call for extras in a J-Lo movie. There were lots of men and women there with tons of makeup and their head shots, thinking that a split second on the screen would be their big break.
You know, most directors would look at your stance with your old boss as inspiring, an act of bravery of sorts.
I'm thinking if you ever get a role where you actually get to wear clothes Mist, that you'll fade out...like most of those other actresses who try that do.
No offense.
I love the last quote. Is it ok if I take that line on my last day of work?
You ever know that you're my hero?
I need to get a job just so I can yell that at somebody. With my luck I wouldn't get fired though.
Go for the performance art thing. Then you can throw Jell-O and feces at people and call it art. Clothing optional.
my mom always jokes about the actors who reeanact stuff on America's Most Wanted. she wonders if they are constantly being mistakenly arrested for looking just like the 'real' suspects. :D
killer,
I love it when you talk physics to me.
123,
I like to get the ones in the very back. I'm working on dulling that gag reflex.
bird,
So, I'm going about it all wrong then?
slick,
Acting is a tough business.
turtle,
Be sure to take the stapler too.
Thanks for coming by.
mo,
That sounds like a good song.
sqt,
I can help you get fired.
You could always do a little hack-sawing as your own acting practice. Just pick an annoying neighbor. If you can't find one I can give you a few addresses.
BTW, Happy New Year. And thank you gain for the bloggies nomination. Very cool of you.
Ahhhh the dreams of acting and stardom.......if you make the part can I be your personal assistant? I promise to keep stock of plenty of vodka - on hand at all times
Hey, your dream can still come true! You can still act out the time you got out of a ticket with great hair - you might have to be naked though.
I love to reenact good hair days. It gets me through all the tuff times.
The 'chick is waiting for the day that she sees the Now-Former-Mr.-Roadchick on COPS.
Then, she will have PROOF that watching all the television was NOT a waste of time.
You can always be my cheerleader :)
You can always be my cheerleader :)
Hmmm, there's probably better things to do than flossing when you get that gag reflex dulled, Mist!
Didn't Assistant Cheerleader open for Motley Crue back in the day?
What a build up but I wasn't expecting reenactment of these types of events. I want to see - stealing the girlfriend of an ex.
I surely do hope you bring this experiement to fruition.
I can't wait to see all the moments of personal glory in your life.
Or then again, maybe I'd rather not see such things.
ctw,
I love art. I do not like Jell-O.
miztris,
I have always wondered the same thing. I'm going to ask him.
lbb,
Anytime. Thanks for the credit.
james,
Ixnay on the eighbornay alktay.
cheeky,
You are hired.
olives,
I do some of my best work naked, but I don't want to get typecast as that one naked actress.
dallas,
It probably helps to keep you humble too.
chick,
I always think I'm going to see my ex on AMW. Apparently, no one wants him. No even me.
orhan,
I'm working on my splits.
michael,
Just checking to see who reads the comments.
ajooja,
I was no one's Assistant Cheerleader.
c,
That's going to be good. I could live that moment angain and again.
mystic,
Who wouldn't want to see my personal glory? I can't wait to ask someone if they want to see my personal glory. It sounds so dirty.
I won't let you down!
Rah Rah...!
Peace
p.s. yes that was me yesterday..as anonymous...don't know why I showed up disguised!
Peace .
Hmmm. Sounds like your need a role with a really heroic script. How about a remake of “Animal House”? I wonder if they’d let you remain clothed?
av,
I knew that I could count on you, Shakira.
odat,
Your peace gives you away
nick,
I think directors are trying to save money on wardrobe.
Wow. Check out all these commentos! Party on, girl. Came over from Fringes, but it seems we have lots o friends in common.
So, I made my movie debut recently, but the movie, called, not ironically, Asheville the Movie, has yet to be released.
I had like four lines that I had to say 800 times during a 12-hour day while sweating like a piggie. But I got paid, so I figure I'm a pro now!
edgy,
Don't you hate people that say stuff like piggies don't sweat? Yeah, me too.
Thanks for coming by.
I actually did participate as the driver of a high speed chase when I was about 17. I guess I would still be in jail had that moment ended differently.
liz,
Yeah, like if it had ended in arrest.
If I have a good hair day, you can have whatever you want.
1
And they are already doing a retrospective of you! I should have known.
I was an extra in a movie once. They did my hair in a beehive (the film was partly set in the 1960s) and it took me a week to wash out all the hairspray. But I did get to meet Beau Bridges. Swoonerama!
You WANT to leave in the part when you are fired. We like rooting for the underdog.
tug,
Beautiful. How's the hair looking today?
0,
I love the royalties.
sass,
Maybe I should try to wear my hair in a beehive. That way, I'll only have to do it once a week.
neil,
I was thinking that I only wanted to include the Best of Mist.
i am so jealous... I so wanted to scream at my last boss. but I refuse to use the C word in public.
melanie,
You don't say cheerleader?
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