In my 10th grade chemistry class, Mr. Glock fascinated me. He always wore a leather apron. He cautioned us that hydrochloric acid may "tickle" a bit upon contact with human flesh.
He let us ask any question we wanted. We took advantage of this. Rumor was, Mr. Glock would tell you all about his addictions if you just asked. Risking five points off my final grade, I asked, "Mr. Glock, what was your first addiction?"
"Women," he replied. The class giggled because he was ancient and we were adolescents and couldn't imagine him as a young, vivacious man. For another five points, I asked what his second addiction was.
And with that, I was in love.
I have addictions (men, index cards in bright colors, shoes). I have worked through many, many others (lip balm, pickles, WebMD). But there are some, that still have a tight hold on me.
I am entirely powerless over Dental Floss. I have floss in the drawer in my coffee table, next to my bed, and in my desk. I even have those handy flossers in my car because I drive a stick shift and need at least one hand on my stereo at all times. I own every kind of floss. Waxed. Unwaxed. Mint. Cinnamon. Organic. Flouridated.
I floss my teeth several times a day. I floss when I wake up and before bed. I floss before and after meals. I examine my floss closely because I am a disgusting individual. I am thrilled to retrieve anything from between my teeth, especially popcorn. Once or twice, I have even flossed out an entire chunk of flesh. Then, I call it quits until the next day.
It consumes me. Sometimes, I find myself driving by drug stores that aren't on the way home. Maybe they will have a two-for-one special. Maybe an advance in dental floss technology will have been made since my last floss purchase.
I wish that I could clean my body the same way that I clean my teeth. A cleansing rinse would be first. Preferably nothing whitening. I think that's what happened to Michael Jackson. That would be followed by a soft bristled brushing with a minty soap. Minty soap is orgasmic. I can spend hours in a peppermint bath (masturbation optional). Then, I would remove any remaining particles from hard-to-reach areas with body floss.
Body floss should be pre-soaped; just add water. It's an ideal product for those last minute touch ups before sleeping with someone. "Just a minute Honey, I have to floss my a$$."
My name is Mist, and I'm a flossaholic.
PS: Thanks Stewart, for giving me something to blog about.