To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, January 08, 2007

Go Fish


I needed to think on Friday afternon. I don't like to think alone. That's one of the warning signs that you are thinking too much.

I was in the mood for seafood, so a friend and I went to the Georgia Aquarium. They have the best seafood restaurant in town. The fish is always fresh. They get offended if you walk by the tanks and point out the fish that you want for dinner. They act like that's not the way it works.

I saw crabs that live to be hundred years old. I've had crabs tons of times, but never crabs of that size. I asked the volunteer docent all about crabs. She didn't seem to know much about them. She told me that these crabs can grow to be the size of a car. That worries me. I wear stretch denim, but I'm sure that I can't get a car into my jeans.

Gasper the beluga whale was euthanized last week. I signed the guest book and decided that I would have to try the whale fritter appetizer. I've heard whale is fatty, but I'm on that new diet where the food that I eat outside of my home has no caloric value.

I love fish. I have always been partial to the koi fish. I have one tattooed on my leg. As a kid, I refused to eat fish because I thought I had a spiritual connection with them. I think I have a new favorite fish; the Flasher Wrasses. Say it. Flasher Wrasses. It's funny every time.

Mist 1


93 Comments:

At 10:14 PM, Anonymous Bice said...

My favorite fish in the Midwestern wanker fish. It's especially fun to catch them bare-handed. Nothing beats wrapping your hands around a wiggling wanker.

 
At 10:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear this post. Its so special to me. But you spelt the title wrong. Its not an 'F', its a 'PH'. I forvige you this mistake because everybody makes it.

If I were a phinned phish, I'd be a flasher wrasses-groper.

 
At 10:31 PM, Anonymous vote for archie in the bloggies said...

Hey, don't just talk about it - let's have a special Flasher Wrasses day and time - we'll have a world-wide Flasher Wrasses moment!

This is just one more reason why I nominated you for the Humor Blog in the bloggies

 
At 10:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your diet plan. Due to my schedule, I eat out a lot.

Flasher Wrasses. Flasher Wrasses. Flasher Wrasses. :-)

 
At 12:22 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

bice,

I second the part about the wiggling wanker.

phishez,

Wouldn't you be a Phlasher Wrasses Groper?

archie?,

Do I have to flash my a$$ for the nomination? Thanks.

kirsten,

Um, is it too forward to mention that I like girls who eat out a lot?

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger Steph said...

I know lots about crabs.
That's all I'm sayin'.

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Poor crabs :(

 
At 12:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

steph,

Maybe you should apply for a job at my local aquarium.

orhan,

Lucky crabs. It takes a special crab to get in my pants.

 
At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have never seen this fish you like (cant pronounce it sorry) but I do share a special bond with a red tail cat fish. it always looks pissed off so I feel strangely drawn to it

 
At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always had a thing for sharks, and thus they remain they only thing under the sea I won't eat (I won't touch dolphins or whales but they are mammals).

 
At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once saw a school of flasher wrasses. Thanks heavens for Catholic High School girls!

 
At 1:10 AM, Anonymous lizza said...

I love fish too, and other seafood. But I don't think my palate is adventurous enough to try Flasher Wrasses. Blowfish looks interesting though.

 
At 2:08 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Great post. On a scale of one to ten, I give it a nine.

 
At 2:13 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

It was fun until I strained my tongue. Why do you inflict such pain and sufferring?

 
At 2:14 AM, Blogger spoon said...

Usually i'm a big fan of seafood too but i'll never be able to eat it again without thinking of you in stretch jeans. I'll have to go on a redmeat diet although your new diet sounds like one i could get along with nicely...

 
At 4:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have a Koi tattoo!!? I thought I was the only one.....

 
At 4:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm. Crabs. Tasty. Except I'm allergic.

Whale is a bit on the fatty side, but if you haven't tried it yet, I'd like to recommend baby seal. Fantastic. There's a place in LA that lets you club your own.

Or so I've heard.

 
At 5:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

flasher wrasses, flasher wrasses, flasher wrasses....ok...i'm practicing saying it five times...'
you nut!
Peace

 
At 5:54 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Flasher Wrasses at my Glasses... I also nominated you...As for that new diet, it also says:
if you break the cookie into pieces, the calories escape
if you eat off someone else's plate, there are no carbs, fats, or calories
You probably already know this, but just a reminder. Now, go out and Flasher Wrass.

 
At 6:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't read things like this when I first sit down in the POD. The mere mention of "crabs & pants" got me giggling. I barely lived through "flasher wrasses"...flasher wrasses..it really is funny every time

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

junkie,

Say it with me: Flash-er Wrass-es.

shadow,

You don't eat mammals?

othur,

They have schools where that's okay? Damn my public school education.

lizza,

Blowfish get all puffed up in your mouth.

nwjr,

Well played.

fab,

It's good exercise.

spoon,

A lot of people think of me in my stretch jeans. They are NC-17.

lux,

We are almost twins.

jester,

I've been clubbing in LA. Also, I once blew a seal in my car.

odat,

I don't technically have nuts.

swamp,

Thanks for the nomination. I have to go flash my wrass now.

susan,

You're a POD person?

 
At 6:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fish were also tanked. Thank god you didn't fall in....

 
At 6:40 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I'm on the diet where taking small bites and chewing furiously burns more calories than the intake. I'm down to -4 lbs already.

 
At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Rhea said...

That's odd. A seafood restaurant in an aquarium. Not sure if I would eat at an aquarium.

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

ROTFL...a seafood restaurant in an aquarium is just so wrong. And I never want to pick my lobster when they have them in a restaurant in a tank. I feel like a total murderer.

-N

 
At 6:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

well hello honey. now this is a nice little post for a nice little girl today. me, i like catfish. i don't think the aquarium sells catfish so i don't eat there often but i do think i had a flasher wrass once. it was a little bitty thing back then. now this was years ago, but my wrass was really GOOD! and you can always tell a good wrass when you see one, don't you think? now my latest wrass is way too big and once they get too big they start to get flabby, you know what i mean? now personally i think a big flabby wrass is just nasty i don't care who you are. i mean i don't know who you are. i mean who are you honey. and why are we talking about my big flabby wrass here in front of the whole world? don't you have any decorum? sigh, hand me my pills honey, do you mind? (poor little idiot can't cook, she can't even make popcorn ane whine, i mean wine. i hope she amounts to something someday....) oh, thanks for the pills honey, now you have yourself a nice day, you hear? (and try to keep your panties on for heavens sake....) bee

 
At 6:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking alone means you're thinking too much?

Jesus. I'm doomed.

Puss

 
At 7:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go Figure Mist that you love overgrown gold fish...

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

I can't flash my fins here!

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

Ahh, the Georgia Aquarium has those Whale Sharks too, they're delicious this time of year.

 
At 7:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a second, I thought you and I were on the same spiritual plane. Then I realized you wrote Flasher Wrasses, NOT Flash Yer Asses. My bad.

I like walruses.

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I seem to have accidental spiritual connections to fish and water. When I die, it will be while drowning during a freak accident at the aquarium, this I know.

Did you know the sarcastic fringehead is a fish? A little blog name trivia. I'm drunk in preparation for our date, so I'm rambling. No more typing in this box, okay? Need more vodka.

 
At 7:36 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

I've been to the Georgia Aquarium.

Twice.

That's enough.

Flasher Wrasses or no Flasher Wrasses.

 
At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

I have a tattoo of the flash on my wrass. Does that count as a spiritual connection?

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger melanie said...

hm... connection with the fishies eh? I too have a deep connection with life under the sea. But my favorite fish is Yellowtail, not so funny saying it over and over again.

can you fish at the aquarium? I LOVE to fish.

 
At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a shark

 
At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I am and we're watching you.

>>evil cackle<<

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger CP said...

I said Flasher Wrasses three times. Now it is in my memory.

I have now started to call my husband that.

Oh, and please stop by my blog. You have been nominated for an award.

CP.

 
At 8:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're so coy...

 
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have a new key word, lol. thanks :)

 
At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tami and I went to the aquarium in Long Beach, last weekend, and they served fish there as well...

How is it that no one else sees this as weird? ;)

Steve~

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you flex your leg and make the Koi look like it's swimming?

 
At 9:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds like just the diet to shift the Christmas jelly belly. And a good excuse to eat out more and not bother with the cooking...

 
At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah mist, too funny... ironically, we had our company Christmas party at the Vancouver Aquarium (no dead belugas, thank goodness... that would be bad for morale) and the menu featured rather a lot of sushi. more than was comfortable, to be frank, given the surroundings. coincidence? or mass murder? we never were able to get a clear answer...

 
At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like fish too. We used to have a tank in the house with tropical fresh water fish but now we have a pond in the back yard with gold fish. I was too cheap to buy koi so I got a bunch of .50 cent gold fish instead. Now they are huge and it looks like a koi pond on a budget.

When my hub was in college he swallowed a gold fish whole and chased it with a beer...as a bet.

 
At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Flasher Wrasses...omg, that IS funny every time! isn't that a new hip-hop song? ;)

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

Clever. Very clever. I wore a floatation device.

av,

You'd be weightless if you shaved.

rhea,

I've eaten in worse places. Like, my own kitchen.

natalia,

Imagine if you got to pick out all your food. I'd only pick the cute animals.

bee,

Your wrass is fine. No one even noticed your wrass until you started talking about it.

puss,

Remember when you just used to think socially? Before you started thinking alone.

mayren,

They are not overgrown. They have thick scales.

ranger,

You can flash what ever you'd like here. This is a safe place.

furious,

The name whale shark is perhaps the worst name ever. It's just confusing. It's like catfish or spider monkey.

123,

I like manatees. They make me feel pretty.

fringes,

So, I guess we shouldn't go to the aquarium for our date.

pissy,

How can you have had enough of the Flasher Wrasses?

britt,

Yes. Yes it does.

melanie,

I don't love to fish, but since it usually involves beer, it's tolerable.

nolff,

I think I saw you in a tank. I was the one who tapped on the glass.

susan,

Did you just see me flash my wrass?

cp,

I'm coming right over.

claudia,

I am, aren't I?

k,

Use it well.

steven,

It's not weird. It's recycling and that's good for the environment.

sqt,

That's not all I can flex, Sugar.

girlie,

Also, no dishes!

hube,

It's like the aquarium staff want us to wonder.

trish,

I would have chased it with wine.

miztris,

If you use that for your next song, I want royalties.

 
At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Flasher Wrasses is one of the cruel names of nature, like the Boobie for birds and Lawrence for humans. You know they get teased in their schools.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

wave,

I've always wanted boobies.

 
At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

Flasher Wrasser - that's funner than Mahi Mahi

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

karmyn,

I've found that the Mahi Mahi doesn't really have a good sense of humor.

 
At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do they call them Flasher Wrasses cause they flash their asses?

Just wondering...ummm not so sure
I would be telling every one that you have had crabs alot...I'm just saying...

You funny girl...I always smile when I read your blog you crack me up!!!

 
At 12:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand there are some tasty recipes for the flasher wrasser...there's "fruity flasher wrasser freshly served", or perhaps "flasher wrasser frappeed then used as a fill for wrapped fillet".

I'm going to bed.

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tellin',

That's exactly why they're called that. Did I say crabs? I meant carbs. I've had carbs a lot.

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stewart,

If I go to bed right now too, does that make your comment foreplay?

 
At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has a gay man ever called you fish?

Did you like the character "Fish" from Barney Miller? I did.

I got nuttin'.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

Barney Miller? Was he married to Betty?

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger Cheeky said...

This reminds me when Daddy took us fishing when I was little. We were in the mountain stream and it was my job to hold the line with the fish that had been caught. I befriended one of the little fish that day and nearly let him go...that night the family ate fish but I didn't - I didn't want to eat my friend. Maybe next time I will make a pact that whoever dies first the other can eat them without guilt...its survival that way.

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cheeky,

I didn't want to eat my friend either. She offered me another drink, but I still declined.

 
At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right it IS funny every time ….

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Roadchick said...

They tend to frown on redneck boyfriends bringing fishing poles inside too. Can't imagine why that's not allowed. Spoil sports!

 
At 1:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

teheee...

I am never disappointed to read you blog or comments...

I'm laughing...laughing

 
At 2:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Had to comment to jali, my best gay pal ALWAYS calls me "fish" or "sea queen" or "tuna-love." I try to remember they are terms of endearment.

When to we get photos of the tatoo, mist1?

Flasher Wrasses - lovin' saying that over and over!

 
At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

I keep trying to get my hubby to let me get a little fish bowl for my desk. I really like Beta fish. Unfortunatly, he knows me better than I do and knows that it would probably just turn into a tiny pet swamp. So much for my dreams of serenity!

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no, seriously, though, I lived with a lady who had one of her koi die and she made a soup out of it. I was concerned as to the reason the fish died so I decided to pass on the soup that night.

I love fish too...although Flasher Wrasses is not one I would mention in public.

 
At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no, seriously, though, I lived with a lady who had one of her koi die and she made a soup out of it. I was concerned as to the reason the fish died so I decided to pass on the soup that night.

I love fish too...although Flasher Wrasses is not one I would mention in public.

 
At 2:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the diet! Does it work even if I just step outside and have my homecooked meal out on the driveway?

 
At 3:15 PM, Anonymous Evil Genius said...

Flasher Wrasses...Flasher Wrasses...omg, I'm going to be repeating that and giggling for the next 48 hours at LEAST!!!

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mj,

I'm glad that you are mature. Just like I am.

chick,

You need to hang out at my aquarium. The only things they don't allow are lighters and gum.

tellin',

You all never disappoint me either.

tigger,

I'm not sure I want my thigh scrutinized by all of you like that.

kristyn,

Betas like swampy water. Seriously, one told me so.

geni,

Even better, if you eat right out of the pot, it doesn't count. No need to eat al fresco.

evil,

I've been laughing since Friday.

 
At 5:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forget Flasher Wrassess - YOU are funny every time!

Great site - I love your sarcastic wit :-)

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kai,

The sarcastic wit was another interesting fish. Not flashy like the flasher wrasses, but it stood out in the tank.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Great site, your wit is unmatched. You've got a flashy wrasses and a lizard like I have never seen before.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

You've seen my lizard?

 
At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw where they put the whale to sleep and everyone at the GA Aquarium was crying...I wonder if they sob like that when they eat lobster...I sure don't, I just ask for my butter.

 
At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is funny to say. I got a little worried when we went to Sea World the day after the killer whale attacked its trainer. Especially when their outdoor BBQ only listed that night's entree as 'surprise jubilee'...

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger Mags said...

Mist1: Thank you for stopping by and commenting earlier-I wanted to let you know...skinny people rule-just not the mean ones. ;)

Thanks again...it made me smile.

 
At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fish rock just as long as your chonies don't smell like one.

haha @ stretch denim!!! hahaha evil woman.

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Tom Bailey said...

I can understand a love for fish, they dont make a big mess and do not require much work. But they have so many omega three fats that are so healthy that I need to eat them. At least salmon. But salmon does not do much for a fish tank anways.

 
At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to go fishing with you & Bice...

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

aisby,

I never cry for my lobster, but I do pour a little malt liquor out for them.

michael,

I got attacked by surprise jubilee once.

mags,

We're only mean when we're hungry.

yasamin,

I still love the word chonies.

tom,

I had salmon for dinner tonight. Raw. I'm not a good cook.

tug,

I heard that Bice doesn't wear pants.

 
At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is funny! :)

I cannot stand seafood, and I am potentially allergic to shellfish, so I cannot share your love.

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

chris,

You can express your love by not eating it...in the case of seafood, that is.

 
At 11:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How weird to have a seafood restaurant at the aquarium. It's like having a burger joint at a dairy farm.

-velvet

 
At 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did think of that. But it sounds like your trying to say slasher wrasses groper, with a lisp.

And that just ain't right.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

A burger does sound good right now.

phishez,

I think Slasher Wrasses is a movie. It's pretty sick, I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing.

 
At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

While passing the tank at the Georgia Aquarium, I made a comment about how tasty the crabs looked....the staff and adults were tolerant, but the children...they seemed outright disgusted...

oh well... :(

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

counselor,

Children are getting crabs nowadays? It's a sad state of affairs.

 
At 7:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crabs the size of a car. I'd hate to see how big the frat boy is.

(crankster)

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

I'd hate to see how big his pants are.

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I had shrimp tonight. Does that make you randy?

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Leave the crabs alone you monster!

(Your commets box takes longer to load than you're freakin' blog. Well, I'm impressed!)

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I am a shrimp.

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

I am impressed with all the comments too. You all make this blog so much fun.

 

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Name: Mist1
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