Meeting bloggers is a little awkward for me at first. Especially when I knock on the hotel room door and it is answered by a woman with her dress up over her head. This is how I met Fairmaiden.
If she had emailed me pictures of her boobs, I would have recognized her instantly. Instead, she had sent me pictures of her face. I had been thoughtful enough to send her a picture of the shoes that I would be wearing when we met, so she would know who I was instantly.
Averting my eyes wasn't an option. The half naked man in the room behind her waved hesitantly at me. In his eyes, I could tell that he hated me for box-blocking. I smiled and pushed my way in. "Hi, I'm Mist. This room smells like you were about to have sex." I am very good at introductions because I went to charm school.
The best way to get over awkward half naked introductions is to drink. In preparation, I had made sure that my diet was filling and nourishing. It consisted of four grapes, a half a piece of toast with a buttery-like topping, lettuce, a calcium supplement, soup, and two pieces of whitening gum. I also had swallowed my saliva for the past several hours to make sure that I wouldn't be dehydrated. This paid off for me in the long run.
The rest of the day and evening were filled with beer, vodka, various shots, red wine and champagne. The side effects of a rich diet and heavy drinking are waking up drunk the next morning and moderate kidney pain. The benefits include enhanced dancing abilities and the belief that everything that I have to say is entirely fascinating.
Maiden wanted to play pool. I don't play pool because I don't have cleavage. She explained that bending over was an integral part of playing a good game of pool. Because I wear jeans that are not appropriate for children, I agreed to play a few games of pool. Instead, I found myself at the internet juke box (for a minimal fee, you can also check your email). As we selected songs (Blondie, Alkoholiks, Pixies), the co-owner of the bar decided to hump the Maiden. She clearly was born without a sense of smell because his breath made my the hairs in my nose recoil in fear. I looked around for someone to punch him. As there was no one available, I decided that I'd rather score drinks on his tab. I ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu ($8) and hoped that he would hump her again 64 more times so that I could write off the rest of the tab.
I hope that I impressed her with the dance routine that I performed to Ice Ice Baby. No really, it's very good.
PS: Since I'm coming out of my shell, I've been thinking about another blogger meet up. A few other bloggers are in. Who else is interested?