To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Blogger Dish

Meeting bloggers is a little awkward for me at first. Especially when I knock on the hotel room door and it is answered by a woman with her dress up over her head. This is how I met Fairmaiden.

If she had emailed me pictures of her boobs, I would have recognized her instantly. Instead, she had sent me pictures of her face. I had been thoughtful enough to send her a picture of the shoes that I would be wearing when we met, so she would know who I was instantly.

Averting my eyes wasn't an option. The half naked man in the room behind her waved hesitantly at me. In his eyes, I could tell that he hated me for box-blocking. I smiled and pushed my way in. "Hi, I'm Mist. This room smells like you were about to have sex." I am very good at introductions because I went to charm school.

The best way to get over awkward half naked introductions is to drink. In preparation, I had made sure that my diet was filling and nourishing. It consisted of four grapes, a half a piece of toast with a buttery-like topping, lettuce, a calcium supplement, soup, and two pieces of whitening gum. I also had swallowed my saliva for the past several hours to make sure that I wouldn't be dehydrated. This paid off for me in the long run.

The rest of the day and evening were filled with beer, vodka, various shots, red wine and champagne. The side effects of a rich diet and heavy drinking are waking up drunk the next morning and moderate kidney pain. The benefits include enhanced dancing abilities and the belief that everything that I have to say is entirely fascinating.

Maiden wanted to play pool. I don't play pool because I don't have cleavage. She explained that bending over was an integral part of playing a good game of pool. Because I wear jeans that are not appropriate for children, I agreed to play a few games of pool. Instead, I found myself at the internet juke box (for a minimal fee, you can also check your email). As we selected songs (Blondie, Alkoholiks, Pixies), the co-owner of the bar decided to hump the Maiden. She clearly was born without a sense of smell because his breath made my the hairs in my nose recoil in fear. I looked around for someone to punch him. As there was no one available, I decided that I'd rather score drinks on his tab. I ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu ($8) and hoped that he would hump her again 64 more times so that I could write off the rest of the tab.

I hope that I impressed her with the dance routine that I performed to Ice Ice Baby. No really, it's very good.

Mist 1

PS: Since I'm coming out of my shell, I've been thinking about another blogger meet up. A few other bloggers are in. Who else is interested?


At 7:39 PM, Blogger Gucci Muse said...

Hmm, its hard to comment since fairmaiden is by invitation only-by the likes of what you wrote, it seemed like an awkward situation and that you were trying to entertain yourself to keep up some momentum-basically, sounded pretty blah, unless I am so tired that I missed the entire point of your that case, don't mind me and I look forward to another meet up with another blogger to read about-

At 7:51 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I've been bending over all day just because I missed doing that. If anyone wants to read my blog please send me an email to: Mom found blog and until I can take off pic, it's there.

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Todd said...

A meet-up would be hysterical. I can imagine a bunch of drunk bloggers all trying to be the funniest person in the room. If only I could figure out ways to hyperlink my verbal conversations...

BTW, the meeting you mentioned sounds as if you were commissioned for a three-way. Did it end well? Was it in New York? I'm in New York!

I too tried (and failed) to read her site. I'm not invited :(

At 7:59 PM, Blogger maximo said...

but we only just met last night. this is moving way too fast for me. would you consider an open relationship instead?

At 8:34 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

If i only lived in the dirty south...

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

A get together sounds like it would be a lot of fun, but I haven't been able to find my 'not for children' jeans.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Tug said...

You have all the fun. PLUS 8 whole dollars worth of CHAMPAGNE? wow. I'm in awe.

If there's a meet & greet in Hell, I'm there! Otherwise, I'm poor....

At 9:03 PM, Blogger Lex said...

I'd love to meet up with bloggers in the ATL...whenever I'm there next.

I'm resisting the urge to drive down for the Finals.

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

I would totally meet up if you promised to do your dance routine to Ice, Ice, Baby. And if that didn't work, I'd still be happy with a Youtube video on your next blog post...Word to your mother.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger MXI said...

Ok, but I have to be back to the psych ward by 4.

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Not a Cookie Cutter said...

A blogger meet up sounds like fun, especially if kareoke and dance offs are involved...representin for the SouthSide!

At 10:42 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

Was this past weekend blogger meet up weekend? Mermaid and I saw each other.
As for you my dear Mist I would love to meet up - there is actually a bloggers conference in Chicago this summer if interested?
You, me, and the hotel bar baby!

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Yasamin said...

i'd only agree to meet a blogger if i were guarenteed to be drunk by the end of the night. since you seem to fulfill that nicely... you're welcome to come to the westside.

At 11:55 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Anytime you want to head up here to the land of ice and snow.... You're welcome to. I could put you up at the Firehall ;)

At 12:07 AM, Anonymous perry said...

let's throw down. I'm ready for a road trip, put me down on the list.

It just has to be before May when I graduate and go to jail.

At 12:40 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Meeting bloggers could be damn entertaining. Hell. I think meeting real people would be entertaining.

And free drinks are the norm for me when I do happen to meet people. I heart my huge boobs!

At 2:27 AM, Blogger Meloncutter said...

Well, Since I know we are both in the ATL. You could stop by the store and I could show you my cucumber and melon display. I aint allowed to drink at work any more so the cucumber is the best I can do.

Later Y'all

At 3:09 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Hmmm, an intriguing offer. I could probably be persuaded but I would need gin, music and a pole at the very least.


At 3:19 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I am always up for another blogger meeting, but we would need to discuss my appearance fee...

At 3:29 AM, Blogger spoon said...

I am very interested, when can we start fundraising for my flight?!

At 4:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogger meetups are fun. I've met a few and had a great time.

At 5:06 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

"The best way to get over awkward half naked introductions is to drink."

Also, oddly, enough, the best way to get to half-naked introductions!

At 5:19 AM, Blogger PaintingChef said...

As I am quite certain you are not too far from me, sign me up!

At 5:32 AM, Blogger C said...

I am not too far from you but I can't bring myself to spend any more on gas than is necessary - I will meet you one day.

At 5:37 AM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Date and Time

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Reminds me. I actually went out to a bar in China town last week w/ a friend and we saw a white-clothed, reserved table with a sign reading, "DC Bloggers Meeting."

The table was filled with the most horrendous and unfortunate looking creatures I've ever seen....

They were political bloggers.

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Reba said...

I bet that was good champagne. Almost as good as wine in a box.

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I go to no blogger. Bloggers come to me. On Halloween.

At 6:04 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

The last blogger meet up I did before I met you, we went skinny dipping in the ocean in December.

At 6:08 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

I'd be down with meeting but they just opened a new designer shoe outlet nearby. It'd surely send the world into a firey fate if two such shoe forces met buying millions of designer shoes.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


She's invite only? How did I get on the list.


It seems that you've been bending over a lot lately.


New York is later this year.


Moving too fast? Just wait until I try to move in.


Consider moving.


You can borrow mine.


I'm pretty sure that I have a one way ticket to Hell somewhere around here.


The word "finals" outside of the context of school means nothing to me.


Did I mention that I know every word?


I will totally help you use your day pass well.


I am always up for a dance-off. I have to go practice the worm now.


I would love to come to Chicago. I will of course have to drop in on Grandma.


With the time change, I think I'd have to be drunk by the middle of the day.


I am so there.


Maybe we can all have a meet up at the jail.


I plan on exploiting your boobs for liquor.


Nothing wrong with cucumbers.


I think we could work something out.


Have your people call my people.


Let's sell candy door to door.


As long as I don't get chopped up into tiny pieces.


So true.


Why? Have you seen me stumbling around your neighborhood?


I am totally worth the gas.


Working on it.


All bloggers are welcome. Some are just more welcome than others.


At that point, it really didn't matter.


I will be there. In costume.


Clothing is optional.


It's a risk I'm willing to take.

At 7:40 AM, Blogger DrunkBrunch said...

Let us know when you're in NYC :)

At 7:40 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Chicago sounds good for a meetup. There is a bloggers' convention coming up there in July anyway. Two birds, one trip kinda thing.

Excellent and funny post as usual, Mist.

At 7:44 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I keep putting the trip off until the weather is warm.


Blogger's convention? I'm really only interested in the drinks. Well, the drinks and showing off my shoes.

At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

as I'm currently stuck in northern hell, I'll have to settle for Orlando in October.

What do you think a stalker costume looks like??

At 7:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Judging from the guy outside my bedroom window, you'll need to wear a baseball cap and flip flops.

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

If you ever come to CT let me know. I'll be more than happy to take you to the local pool hall where $8 champagne flows in abundance!!!

At 8:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


If I had known you had $8 champagne in CT, I would have moved there a long time ago.

At 8:08 AM, Anonymous themuttprincess said...

Mist I would be honored to meet ya, only I have no plans of visiting the dirty south anytime soon.... So if you are ever in Minnesota... Then we would have to do downtown... or uptown or whatever is cool at the time.

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

I'm too far away. *sigh*

Please post pics of the shoes and drunk people.

At 8:12 AM, Blogger Roadchick said...


What shoes should the 'chick wear?

That should about cover it.

At 8:21 AM, Blogger tkkerouac said...

tkkerouac said...

At 8:23 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am in Mpls once a year.


You should have seen the shoes I was wearing.


Wear cute shoes.


I thought that blackface photo pretty much wrapped our blogging relationship.

At 8:24 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

Blondie and the Pixies? You are truly fabulous!

At 8:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Thanks for noticing.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger Lyrically speaking said...

Wow, this was a delicious read, lol, first time here in your blog and I must say I am enjoying my stay here.

At 8:38 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

The only place to meet is in Scottsdale. But do it quick because Scottsdale? Becomes HELL in about t minus 3 weeks.
Too friggin hot.

But we have the best hotels and champagne and shoe stores

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Gyuss Baaltar said...


Next time one of these meetups happen, please invite myself and Q along. We're real good at giving menacing looks at dry-humping managers.

We can even work out a signal so that if the dry-humping is acceptable, we can make ourselves scarce. But we will be leaving a video camera to record the proceedings.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pool without cleavage is like champagne without grapes.

At 8:57 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

LMAO. You don't play pool cause you don't have cleavage. Well if that's the case I need to be a pool playing mofo.

BTW: Is this meet-up in Maine perhaps?

At 8:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I wish you had caught me on a better day and not on a day when I'm practically begging people to meet me and admire my shoes. But seriously, do you like these shoes?

Thanks for coming by.


Should I charter a bus?


Dry humping is okay if you have Altoids.


That's probably why I'm not good at pool.

At 8:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Be sure to buy some new pool shoes.

At 9:00 AM, Blogger jali said...

" "Hi, I'm Mist. This room smells like you were about to have sex.""

See...I want you to meet A, but you make me nervous!

At 9:01 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

:( I'm so sad I didnt get to join you guys... maybe next time!

ps. I have a shadow puupet/ ballet routine to Ice Ice Baby

At 9:03 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I cannot help what comes out of my mouth.


We must practice our moves.

At 9:51 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I hear cleavage can really liven up the "Ice Ice Baby" routine too.

I know a bunch of DC bloggers meet up with what is called a MIRL (meeting in real life). I'm afraid if SCUBA and I'm afraid of MIRL.

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

a blogger meetup would be neat. unfortunately there's only like two of us in the state of PA. :)

At 9:56 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am coming out of my shell. I've met a few of you now. So far, no murderers.


PA is a state? When did that happen?

At 10:15 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Lookit, this is where the action's at. Pool, Vanilla Ice, blogger meetups. Jeez, Mist, do you ever sleep and stuff? I notice it's not on your To Do list...

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

$8 champagne?! Wow, spare no expense for you lovely ladies, huh? You were dealing with a serious high-roller.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi mist. there are lots of great shoe shops on worth avenue. don't limit yourself to the dirty south, come on down to the hot dirty south!!!

smiles, bee

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Yasamin said...

With the time change, I think I'd have to be drunk by the middle of the day.

i wouldnt have it any other way.

At 11:11 AM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

You meet-ups are very brave people!!!!!

At 11:31 AM, Blogger Gissy said...

I'd meet up with ya. I'm in the dirty south too... just a little more to the east though. You know what they say... Carolina Girls–Best in the World! Anyone wanna see if it's true?

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Dagromm said...

I can't believe you just opened up this can of worms. Is this a Dateline sting operation? I'm taking a magnet to my computer immediately!

Good Day,

At 11:36 AM, Blogger Winter said...

I'm in.

At 11:43 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Thank you for offering insight to why my pool game sucks so much... I have no cleavage either.

My alcohol tolerance isn't high enough to do any Blogger meet-ups. Perhaps I need to do some more training. I'll start tonight. ;)

At 12:06 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

It sounds as if you're good at grapes, though. You have priorities.

At 1:05 PM, Anonymous bice said...

I watch you through your window at night so we've already met... indirectly.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Sometimes, I pass out when I'm writing my daily post.


I hang around the high-brow types.


I am a fan of the Hot Dirty South. That's reasonable.


I feel like you understand me.


I had my homemade Taser.


Which Carolina? I spent a few weekends there last month.

Thanks for coming by.


I don't like canned worms. I like them fresh.




Pace yourself. Try not to eat first.


I like grapes.


Next time, I'll wave.

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Oh you misunderstand! I'm not scared of bloggers, I'm scared of acronyms.

At 1:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look, we haven't laid down the rules or anything but I thought it was understood that YES we would do Full Swing but that it would be 'Both Partner, Same Room'.

And as far as Vanilla Ice goes...I heard that you were just walking and you heard the siren song of Van Winkles Rap stylings and then your arms just flew up your butt lunged the rest of your body forward into the bar and by the time your companions caught up with you that somehow a Man's Loafer, size 11, Terra cotta in color (with tassles) and made from the finest most supple of Italian leather and filled with a vodka drink had miraculously and fortuitiously materialized in your mit.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Oh Mist, I couldn't top her, so I don't think so. I would much rather just show up here during the week and laugh at what you do. You are totally off the wall and I absolutely love it. Keep this stuff coming.

At 2:31 PM, Blogger Mystic Wing said...

Hmmm. I actually do travel to Atlanta occasionally on business, but I have a hunch I'm rather old and dull for your extended crowd.

Still, I can justify meeting almost any writer under the pretenses of professional interest, so an interview over coffee could work.

I do require, however that you not be hung over.

Perhaps sometime in 2015?

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

That could be one of the craziest things I have ever read, and the funniest too.

I'm all for meeting other bloggers, but I'm afraid you would eat me for breakfast. Standing up ofcourse.

At 3:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You're an acronyst?


The words terra cotta always make me think of teriaki. Now, I'm hungry.


I am off the wall, aren't I? Sometimes, I think I'm perfectly normal.


I will liven you up some. We'll start with your shoes.

I'll have a chai latte.


I rarely eat breakfast, unless you are a Cherry Coke Zero. Then, look out.

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I've been thinking about another blogger meet up. A few other bloggers are in. Who else is interested?"

I think you may be inciting a blogger massacre, mist1.

At 3:41 PM, Blogger tammy said...

Thanks for the invite, but me and my troll-like tendencies don't do well in public. But the next time you find yourself in Boston under a bridge, we can do shots. (just look out for falling debris)

At 3:54 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I promise not to hurt them.


I'm planning to be in Boston in April, but I need to be there during the marathon and Patriot's Day. Hotels are expensive. Can I stay with you? Do you mind if I drink?

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm in. And I have cleavage.

At 4:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Sweet. You play pool. I'll be in charge of the juke box.

At 5:36 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

What a hoot it would be, everyone trying to out-wit everyone else. I don't know if I could compete. At least not until the bourbon kicks in.

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Glaziersgirl said...

Count me in. Lots of peeps from Dallas so you can meet us all at big effin blogger party.

I don't play pool, but I will bring my magic 8 ball. I predict good times!

At 7:05 PM, Blogger K said...

I ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu ($8) and hoped that he would hump her again 64 more times so that I could write off the rest of the tab.

always a businesswoman.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


When the bourbon kicks in, I'll be curled up in fetal position.


Dallas and 8 balls...reminds me of another time in my life.


I have got a mind for math.

At 8:05 PM, Blogger STAK said...

ICE ICE BABY............the song that launched a thousand whigger dance routines..........count me in..........let's dance......

At 8:21 PM, Blogger jennifer_starfall said...

i want in. where's the meeting?

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

What type of shoes does one wear to meet a fellow blogger?

At 9:14 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Do I sense a challenge?


I'm leaning towards Atlanta. Of course, I'm drunk and I can't sit up straight.


Honey, if you have to ask, you have to go shopping. Call me.

At 10:04 PM, Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

I find that cleavage gets in the way of playing pool. Whenever my boyfriend and I are going out, he asks me to dress not slutty and we reach a comprimise. But then whenever I play pool, he immediately announces that my shirt is, in fact, slutty. It's all the bending over. I wish I had a nice ass like you - even when you cover that up, people can still notice and appreciate.

At 5:52 AM, Blogger tammy said...

I already have a bridge picked out for you (with extra sewer space for shoes). I'll bring the booze.

At 6:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

h & b,

There is no compromising when it comes to me and my slightly slutty attire.


There is indoor plumbing, right? Oh, and I like valet parking.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

You're going to be in New England in April? We're not far. OMG it's almost irresistable.

At 9:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Find this woman a hotel. Please.

At 4:14 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i'm still trying to get over the last "almost" meeting. I have to admit though, it was kind of mysterious to only see you from behind.

At 4:39 PM, Blogger tallulah said...

I'm laughing so hard that my absolutely flat stomach is aching. Thanks for the humour.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

LOL E-mail me your requirements.

At 5:32 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Many people have said that about me.


This is a workout blog.


I need a high ceiling. Seriously. Don't ask questions.

At 8:54 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I plan on exploiting my boobs for licker. Everybody benefits from them.

At 5:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Your boobs are so generous.

At 7:55 AM, Blogger TOM said...

I'd love to meet anyone willing to share their birthday with Index Cards...and maybe some better champagne!!

At 12:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Did you say index cards and champagne? It's like you know me.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I'm so there in spirit and will be there in person if it's anywhere in the vicinity of Syracuse NY. Hey I might even drive to Harrisburg PA.

At 6:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I will need to get out a map. You mean that there are other parts of NY than The City?


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


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