To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Crap


I know two women that live in a little two bedroom, 1.5 bathroom apartment. They have three big dogs, a cat, a rat, a beta fish, fruit flies, and several house plants.

This is too many living things in a cozy apartment. I suppose it's a good thing that they have so many plants. Otherwise, there probably wouldn't be enough oxygen to support all of those life forms. I hate going to their home. The conversation goes something like this; "So, LEAVE THE FISH ALONE how's your lust affair GET DOWN DAMMIT with that NOT ON THE F*CKING RUG internet boy?" I want to explain that he is a man and not a boy, but when I see people (or animals) puking, I can't help it, I puke too. "NO MIST NO! NOT ON THE F*CKING RUG!" Shamed, I go home.

I have noticed that every time I go to visit them, there is a little plastic bag of dog crap at the front door. They're front door appears normal in every other way. They have wind chimes, and a little monkey figurine, and a cute welcome mat that reads: Caution: Dog Can't Hold its Licker. I like that. I want a mat that reads: Caution: B*tch Can Hold Her Liquor.

I called Mom this morning to talk about shoes and her neighbor's fat cat. Naturally, talking about her neighbor's cat segued into talking about the little bags of dog poo at my friend's front door. "How long do they leave it there?" It's hard for me to believe that this was what Mom wanted to know. There were a number of other responses that I expected from her.

Now I am curious. I have been thinking of how I can find out without sending a sample to an independent lab for testing. Then, I thought about a time when I was parked in a lot indicating that I could only park there for an hour. When I returned to my car, there was a little yellow chalk mark on my tire.

I am going to have to buy some chalk. And maybe some rubber gloves and a face mask.

Mist 1


82 Comments:

At 9:03 PM, Blogger skinnylittleblonde said...

and....why is it there?
In the summertime when all the dogs come in, sometimes, it feels like theyr'e hogging all of the air...I can only imagine their little place!

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger Todd said...

True Story:

Last year when I lived in Ohio, there was a guy who would walk his very big dog around our condo complex. His very big dog would leave very big piles of dog poo all over the place and the guy never picked it up.

One night (after drinking) I put on some rubber gloves and collected all the dog poo in the neighborhood. It involved multiple trips with a large bucket. By the end of the night he had a very big pile of dog poo right outside his front door.

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger MXI said...

That's a repulsive story...
Fruit Flies?! Geez....

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

slb,

I don't want to know why it's there. I just want it gone.

todd,

Really? If you still have those rubber gloves, I have some disgusting stuff for you to deal with in the fridge.

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mxi,

How are the fruit flies nastier than crap?

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger Echo said...

Eeeww. I love that everytime I come by your site I wanna say EW. I knew a lady who owned lots of animals like that too. I think she died and her cats started eating her face. Or was that on a CSI episode?
Either way, the bags of poo is pretty disgusting.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger Paul said...

It is nice that (lots of) the poo now gets picked up in little plastic baggies. However, can you imagine what's happening at the landfill with all of those non-biodegradable bags permanently fermenting fecal remains?

How long does it stay there? Forever.

That’s just too gross for me!

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

echo,

Every time? Really? But what about those sentimental moment that I have?

paul,

I think the poo probably decomposes. I can't speak for the plastic. I think we should shoot it into space.

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

Maybe you could just light it on fire next time you're there and ring their bell. Sure, they'd be mad at first, but I think eventually, they'd find the humor...At least you'd be laughing.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger Fiona said...

EVERYONE should pick up after their dog....there's just nothing worse than trotting through crap on a dark night! And no, I'm not telling you why I'm out alone at night on poo-infested dark streets.

Everytime I come here, I guffaw. Don't you just love that word? It's true, Mist1, I'm not a giggler, I'm a guffawer. Do you know of any support groups out there?

 
At 10:21 PM, Blogger tfg said...

Maybe they are ripening it.

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger Lizza said...

Maybe you could bring your mother around to your friends' apartment so she can judge for herself how long they keep the dog poo there.

 
At 10:30 PM, Blogger MXI said...

It was an attempt at humor..I'll try harder next time...sorry.. :(

 
At 10:48 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

LOL

I like Todd and Churlita's solution to this poo problem. I used to have a dog and hate it when people leave chunks of sh*t around the neighborhood park. I was never sincere enough to bring their own poo to their own door... besides, I have no idea which neighbor has which dog. I'm not a poo expert.

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maybe they are hoping it will regenerate into a whole new dog.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger SQT said...

I want a doormat that says "Go Away." Is that wrong?

 
At 3:15 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You need to send me your private office box address (if you have one, hope you do) so I can mail you an Australian film along the lines of poop, called Kenny.

There's a smell in here that will outlast religion.

It's what you come to expect. They think I'm the poo monster.

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I leave bags of my own poop on my front porch. That's how I roll.

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger Trish said...

Do these women even LIKE having visitors? I dunno...something about poo by the door and puking cats just says "stay away" to me. But maybe that's just me.

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Gucci Muse said...

OMG! That is SO GROSS! Ugh-yuck and just plain filthy- I do not even think twice about not having people like that in my life-

You visit, meaning having been there more than once? Once woul be more than enough for me-those people must have the most digusting personal habits as well.

And you say you are shamed? That was the underscore to how putrid their apartment must be-and you did not elaborate upon-any glass in that house must have dog breath and saliva crust all over it-their rugs must squish with vomit, drool and urine.

The cats probably miss the litter box or when they don't, they step in their own feces etc and then drag it all over the house from their paws.

The dogs probably lick food off of every flat surface, leaving a saliva film everywhere. Their toilet-no, I would not want to even guess the condition of that entire room-blech would be putting it mildly-

Now that plastic doggie bag for crap-what is the purpose of that nipple like protrusion in the middle of it?

One look at that Mist, at the front door, just is a adverstisement for what lurks inside- JUST RUN, GIRL, JUST RUN!

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Wow, you're super-observant. As such, surely you could tell the age of the bag by the discolouration?

Although personally, I think you've already given the subject too much thought. Stick to shoes.

Puss

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger Ryan said...

I remember the days when we never had to be responsible for our pets. We could just turn them loose to do thier business... and not drag a poop bag along.

I didn't know that the poop bag was for multiple uses. That's being efficient.

Let me know how you make out with the chalk...

 
At 6:15 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

It's nice having a yard for the dog. No bags necessary. Now if only I could be paper trained, we'd be all set.

 
At 6:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

churlita,

That reminds me of high school.

fiona,

Some people guffaw when they come here. Other people retch.

tfg,

How long does it take to perfectly ripen a poo?

lizza,

Mom would just die.

xmi,

I thought it was pretty funny.

curiosity,

The word "chunks" makes me a little ill in this context.

hearts,

I knew I shouldn't have slept through biology.

sqt,

I saw one that said, "Why Don't You Run Along and Die Now.

orhan,

I should get a P.O. Box. I wonder how many people would send me poo.

fab,

Clearly, you have no neighborhood association.

trish,

I never thought about it like that.

gucci,

I think I'm going to be sick.

puss,

I had no idea that you're so good with forensics.

ryan,

I'm not going to make out with the chalk. That's just weird.

av,

You're an outdoor guy?

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

What the crud? Crap should be taken care of immediately. yimeney!

 
At 6:44 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

I recently discovered flushable kitty litter which has been fabulous since I no longer have little baggies of poo sitting by my door waiting to go out. FYI sometimes I'd forget them and they'd be there for days. Hopefully your friends aren't as disgusting as me.

 
At 6:48 AM, Blogger Matt said...

I've always wanted to go down to the hardware store with about five friends and just load up on axes, spades, gloves, flash lights, dark hats, lime, etc.

Just for the rush....

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

wreck,

My thoughts exactly.

yvonne,

We are all disgusting in our own special way.

matt,

If you're buying limes, I'll bring tequila.

 
At 7:01 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

That's freakin' nasty. Dog poo should be flung into your neighbor's pool, not kept.

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

No. I just hang out a window.

 
At 7:27 AM, Anonymous littlewhiteliar said...

Did you ever consider the bag of poo to be a WARNING? Maybe they didn't want to have all of those pets. Maybe they were dropped off like orphans screaming in baskets at the doorstep. They devised a plan. They would let any new would-be-abandoners know that they were full up inside. Full up on shit.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

I congratulate you on your scientific methods to pacify your curiosity. That's pretty healthy of you actually. You should make a note for your shrink to ease up on you because you've made progress.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

mist, do you know if it is true that a dog will eat a cat turd? just wondering, thats all...

smiles, bee

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

furious,

I'm not swimming at your house this summer. Or at your neighbor's either.

av,

Good boy.

liar,

I never see warning signs. It's a problem that I've had for a long time.

mayren,

I don't want her to think that I don't need her. What would that do for her self-esteem?

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

bee,

Last night, I thought this post was a good idea. I had no idea that I would be hung over today. I am regretting every word of it. Your comment made me turn green.

I have to lie down.

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

In Austria, they spell poop like this: Póöp

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Michael C said...

Does the milkman come and pick it up for them or something? Woa are their neighbors on a hot day!

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nolff,

You are so worldly.

michael,

I've never even seen a real milkman.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I've been obsessed with scooping poop for a month now. And here we are talking about it in this space. You and I have such the spiritual connection.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Uugghh, that's bad. I'm not going to say what I really want to say because I don't want to offend anybody.

I used to deliver meals to this old lady who had like 3 cats and 3 dogs. Worst 5 minutes of my life was everytime i had to walk into that apartment to put her meals in the fridge.

Damn!

p.s. is it a coincidence that your word verification is "ppooo"?

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

fringes,

Can you go help my friends obsess about poop.

kiyotoe,

Offend someone? On this blog? Yeah, I'd hate to do that.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger spoon said...

that's not kosher....surely!

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

spoon,

It's not like they have a baggie of bacon out front.

 
At 8:30 AM, Anonymous andy said...

As opposed to above, Mist1, I think you'd be happy to know that my word verification includes "bj".

As far as your friends shitsacks go, it sure as hell beats walking through my backyard right now.

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

andy,

BJs are way better than poo.

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger jali said...

Yuckety - yuckety - yuck.

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

You don't like chalk?

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

ok...I confess-when i clean out kitty's litter, there are times I just plop it outside my door too.

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

Ever since I found I could watch 'Bones' on the internet, I've been hoping I could have my Own Forensic Anthropologist to turn to in dramatic situations.

A student of Poo Bags will do. I know I have to share your expertise, but unless there's an epidemic, I think there's comfort in just knowing you're around.

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

Seriously....

why is it there?

Are they saving it for something?

Beside grossing you out, of course.

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

Eww. You should probably bring them some febreze as well.

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

Mist1 if your gonna go in deep it might help you to know that the more dehydrated the poop is the older it is..just thought I would mention that little fact...

umm it is not that I am a poop Connoisseur I'm just a science geek..

P.s I found a great bedside lube despenser..check out my blog. I am thinking of marketing this particular model as I am sure that it will fly off the shelves..let me know what you think...I could cut you in..

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

don't piss that one off, mist...once that bag is full, she might light it on fire and throw it at your door!

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger heather said...

all of this begs the question, why on earth do you deep going there?? make them come to you!

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

I may have done that once or twice. But not my front door.

booda,

I wish more people took comfort in knowing that I'm around. Most people take comfort in knowing that I'm far, far away.

pissy,

I think I'm going to ask them.

alicia,

You are the nicest person I have ever not met. That is just downright friendly of you.

tellin',

I'm coming over to your blog now. I'm not going to question you about your poopy knowledge.

miztris,

I will be on my best behavior. Also, I should really give her that $20 I owe her.

heather,

I don't want them to shed on my couch.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I've got kids in diapers; I've got poop by my door, too. I've also got great air fresheners;>

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

WOW! GucciMuse would not last one second in my house.

We track litter and dog saliva all over the place. So gross.

Plus I pick my nose.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Loved the "Caution: B*tch Can Hold Her Liquor", and you with a hangover today.

Just so you know...dogs do eat cat poo! Just wanted to clear that question up for Empress Bee! ;)

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Is that dog poop that they've picked up outside or is it poop that they've picked up inside but just haven't taken out to the trash yet?

Oh. Wait. I've just made myself even sicker than I already was.

-velvet

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I'm speechless. I think it was the doormat that got me.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

woo-woo,

Train the kids to go outdoors.

scotts,

I may or may not pick my nose. I'm not admitting to anything.

comedy,

You are trying to make me vomit, aren't you?

velvet,

Again, another valuable question that I haven't asked. I am going to start a list.

nwjr,

It's a good doormat.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Lex said...

I love animals, but all things in moderation, heh?

I have a family member with 3 Labs, 3 cockatiels (sp?), a parrot, a Maltese, a ferret and God knows what else. When there's a family dinner she has to clean the bird shit and feathers out of the dining room. It ain't pretty, I tell you.

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

My door mat simply says, "GO AWAY." Nobody ever reads it though.

Are they picking up the poop or is someone leaving it for them?

My neighbours are going to find out about their dogs poop shortly when spring comes. I don't think they know he does that because they just ignore where it lands. I plan to help them figure out where all that food goes.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lex,

Ferrets...so cute, so smelly.

miss a.t.,

I never considered that there may be a crap leaver on the loose. Someone who terrorizes people by leaving crap near the front door.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

What a funny concept: No mist not on the f*cking rug!
ahahahahahhaha. As for your friends poop, why not just ask them?

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Send me an email if and when you do. Don't worry, customs would allow me to send poop out of our island nation, but I may have to try :)

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Lee said...

I like Todd, but I hope he doesn't live in my neighborhood.

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Nance said...

When my sister and I were younger, we used to feed crayons to the dog. Later, when we took the dog outdoors, she would poop festively colored turds. We made a study of it. Our recommendations: magenta, blue-green, turquoise, silver, and red-orange. It would definitely brighten up the door bag for ya.

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger tallulah said...

I know all about crap. Between five kids, 2 dogs, four cats and four fish...there's always too much shit around here. Sometimes I feel like all of your friends you visit are just extensions of me.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Anyone hoarding bags of poo is dangerous. If they leave that on the porch, imagine what they're storing in the closet.

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

usually you make me laugh out loud and spit out whatever wine i have in my mouth...today you made me want to throw up...well at least you evoked emotion! ;-P

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

And you call these women friends? You completely rawk.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Brookelina said...

Sometimes the less you know about shit, the better.

Word.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

My dog eats her crap. I know I should make her stop, but it's so convenient not have to pooper-scoop the yard all the time. Or collect it in bags and sit it by my front door.

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

Better watch out...your plan might be foiled when the poop gets smart enough to wipe off it's own chalk mark. Then how will we EVER know how long it's been there???

Perhaps a pooping meter would be better. As far as I know, poop doesn't have currency yet.

 
At 7:42 PM, Blogger heather said...

good point lol

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

olives,

I don't think it's their poop.

orhan,

I can just imagine a PO Box of poop.

lee,

People feel that way about me too.

nance,

That's so creative.

tallulah,

We've got to hang out. Please throw away the crap before I come over.

james,

I've been through their closets. They are shoe challenged women.

nofear,

I am satisfied with that.

cruiser,

They don't know about the blog. I feel free to talk about them.

brooke,

Very, very wise.

h & b,

I wish my guinea pig ate her crap. I'm tired of cleaning up after her.

lcg,

Poop evolves. That's better than poop happens.

heather,

I don't even remember my point.

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

No no, not a crap leaver. More like a disgruntled neighbour who may or may not resemble me in some slight way.

I mean, stepping in dog poop is um, invigorating. Right?

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

miss a. t.,

Not in these shoes.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Sunny Delight said...

I want the doormat!

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

sunny,

Please specify color and whether or not you can hold your licker/liquor.

 

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