On the weekends, I fall asleep on my couch. I get home, kick off my shoes, and turn on a movie. I fall asleep in my clothing and mascara. In the middle of the night, I usually wake up long enough to squirm out of my bra and panties and throw them onto the floor next to the couch. I also drink a glass of water and take two Excedrin Extra Strength to prevent a nasty hangover. I keep a sleep mask in a box on the table next to my couch. I try to pull it on before the sun starts coming up so that I can enjoy a few extra hours of darkness.
Yesterday, I woke up from my phone ringing. I pushed my eye mask up on top of my head and answered the phone. It was a call from the Marine buddies of my friend's little brother. Apparently, they lost him in Savannah during all the St. Patty's Day festivities. The caller was wondering if I had talked to him. I didn't ask the obvious question of how I would of talked to him if they had his phone. Instead, I told them to call the local jails and hospitals. I used to be shacked up with a man that had a habit of not coming home at night and so I know the drill. I told him that if hadn't shown up in any of those places, that he was fine and that they only thing to do then was to pack up his stuff and throw it in the front yard and cut themselves out of all the pictures of them together. Then, I laughed to show that I'm not still bitter.
I got up and activated the phone tree to see if anyone could find him. After a few hours, I got a call. He was fine and at his mother's house. Satisfied that my reaction time makes me a perfect candidate for the director of FEMA, I put down the phone and went back to the couch to finish the movie that I slept through the night before.
I leaned over to pick up my bra and panties from the floor. My panties were lying there, right where I remember kicking them off. My bra was missing. I reached under the couch and pulled out my eye mask.
Slowly, I reached up and touched the top of my head. I grabbed the elastic strap and pulled my bra off of my head.
I guess it could have been worse. I could have slept with my panties over my eyes. Still, I am a little bothered that no sunlight streamed in through my bra cups. Apparently, my eyeballs and boobs are the same size.