To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, March 19, 2007

Sleeping In


On the weekends, I fall asleep on my couch. I get home, kick off my shoes, and turn on a movie. I fall asleep in my clothing and mascara. In the middle of the night, I usually wake up long enough to squirm out of my bra and panties and throw them onto the floor next to the couch. I also drink a glass of water and take two Excedrin Extra Strength to prevent a nasty hangover. I keep a sleep mask in a box on the table next to my couch. I try to pull it on before the sun starts coming up so that I can enjoy a few extra hours of darkness.

Yesterday, I woke up from my phone ringing. I pushed my eye mask up on top of my head and answered the phone. It was a call from the Marine buddies of my friend's little brother. Apparently, they lost him in Savannah during all the St. Patty's Day festivities. The caller was wondering if I had talked to him. I didn't ask the obvious question of how I would of talked to him if they had his phone. Instead, I told them to call the local jails and hospitals. I used to be shacked up with a man that had a habit of not coming home at night and so I know the drill. I told him that if hadn't shown up in any of those places, that he was fine and that they only thing to do then was to pack up his stuff and throw it in the front yard and cut themselves out of all the pictures of them together. Then, I laughed to show that I'm not still bitter.

I got up and activated the phone tree to see if anyone could find him. After a few hours, I got a call. He was fine and at his mother's house. Satisfied that my reaction time makes me a perfect candidate for the director of FEMA, I put down the phone and went back to the couch to finish the movie that I slept through the night before.

I leaned over to pick up my bra and panties from the floor. My panties were lying there, right where I remember kicking them off. My bra was missing. I reached under the couch and pulled out my eye mask.

Slowly, I reached up and touched the top of my head. I grabbed the elastic strap and pulled my bra off of my head.

I guess it could have been worse. I could have slept with my panties over my eyes. Still, I am a little bothered that no sunlight streamed in through my bra cups. Apparently, my eyeballs and boobs are the same size.

Mist 1


92 Comments:

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Sounds like you had a fun holiday too!

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

It's always great when you can get multiple uses out of something.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

All of your posts are good ones, but this one especially so. I like the image of you as the director of FEMA. I'd like to see the state of California in an emergency, and you there shaking hands with Arnie for the camera.

I guess I'd recognize you, having never seen you, because you'd be the one shaking hands with Arnie.

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

honey what is a phone tree? i like to keep up you know. not act like an old woman and all. and i was laughing thinking of you putting my bra on your eyes, those long empty cups, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....

smiles, bee

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

todd,

Was it a holiday?

hearts,

Everything here multitasks but me.

jocelyn,

You'll also recognize me by the bra in my hair.

bee,

I have small boobs, okay? Gawd. A phone tree is a complex system of communication.

 
At 10:55 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

Was this Erin go Bra post just for St Patrick's Day?

It would have been way worse if your eye mask fit over your boobs.

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

churlita,

What are you talking about? I'm wearing the eye mask as a halter top now. It's adorable.

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger Fiona said...

No sunlight streamed in through your bra? damn woman get with the programme and buy yourself some flirty flitty little lacey numbers!!!

 
At 11:09 PM, Blogger Kirsten said...

My bra multitasks too, but as a laundry basket. I can almost fit an entire load of laundry in each cup. Sadly, I don't think my eye mask would cover a nipple, never mind the whole boob.

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

fiona,

I am online now.

kirsten,

I don't hate you. Close, but not quite.

 
At 11:42 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

There are worse things than having hangovers and small boobs

I'll think of something here in a few

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Haha. You can literally wear my bra as a hat.

But I don't think they would block out any light.

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger Lizza said...

Oh Lord, mist. You really killed me with this one. Your bra as an eyeshade--I'll be giggling at the image in my mind all day. I take it the boob-enhancement cream didn't work. Damn, and I was about to order some too.

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

I hope you wear waterproof mascara. I can't imagine attempting to wash a mascara-ed bra. Or even attempt to explain it to a dry-cleaner. LOL

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Cute.

When I was younger I used to put a hoodie on with Bonds underwear over my head and pretend to be Spiderman. You'd be suprised how fooled people were. Look, its a bird, its a plane, its a strange kid trying to climb the wall like Spiderman again!

Suffice to say, I had to stop doing that after September 11, 2001. (Hey, I said younger. An 18 year old with underwear on his head trying to climb walls is not strange!)

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

Apparently, my eyeballs and boobs are the same size.

BOOM.

The sound of a thousand male fantasies burst with that declaration of mosquito bites!

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

Phone tree? Am I missing something or is this some american term I[m not understanding?

 
At 1:53 AM, Blogger briliantdonkey said...

you had me at "squirm out of my bra and panties and throw them onto the floor next to the couch"

I see the makings of a movie sequel here.

BD

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger choochoo said...

can you see through your nipples?

 
At 3:18 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

At least it wasn't your bob that was misused. I bet you never did get that label maker.

 
At 4:03 AM, Blogger Trish said...

Welcome to the small boob club. When my youngest was 3 he used to call my boobs "jelly beans"...

 
At 4:36 AM, Blogger EE said...

LOL...mine too!!

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger Love Monkey said...

my bra doubles as leggings.

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

There you go again. I'm sooooo tired of snorting coffee every morning. I may have to start reading your blog in the afternoons. Carbonated beverages don't burn your sinuses like hot coffee. It just feels like they do.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger heather said...

lmao, poor mist! not only did you have to activate the tree to find your wayward brother but you also had to deal with the realization that the boob cream just isn't working for you. if i had a vote in who would run fema you would be my candidate! who is gonna have enough balls to not do ~exactly~ what you told them to do!

 
At 5:25 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Panties on the head aren't quite the horrible experience you'd think.

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

I fall asleep on the couch all the time. Only one that snores there is me. I keep my panties on though. I'd hate to think my naked butt is hanging out where the dogs sit or my kids shoes have been.

 
At 5:51 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

"I could have slept with my panties over my eyes."

I hate it I sleep with your panties over my eyes, too.

 
At 6:09 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

You with FEMA
What disaster?
Oh that one? Send in booze

Maybe you should send in a rez

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

I'm not sure if this is very funny or very sad. At least you can save money on eyemasks.

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I guess you have really big eyes? I'm thinking the lemurs of Madagascar...

What's wrong with wearing knickers on your head?

Puss

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger jali said...

Stop exaggerating!

Your eyeball are MUCH bigger than your boobs.

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I have some Marine friends. They have a habit of picking fights in restaurant and bars.

I've had to pick them up from jail a couple times.

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Can you please send me that bra? I will pay for postage.

I am not on your blogroll. Are we broken up? If so, I would like my records back, and I want visitation rights to our goldfish.

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Matt said...

I think it's funny when people wear large sunglasses. For me, this never gets old.

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger tallulah said...

My bra is much smaller than my eye mask. You are lucky.

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Mist posting on Sunday? What's next? Drinking highballs before noon? Oh, wait...

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

slick,

Paper cuts are pretty bad.

phishez,

I rarely wear hats.

lizza,

The cream was a bust.

curiosity,

I hope Woolite works.

orhan,

Please send photos.

s & d,

I think I heard it. Sorry to disappoint.

shadow,

Clearly, Google Translator doesn't understand that a phone tree is when I call you and four other people and then you do the same and then they do the same. Frankly, I'm surprised that no one called you.

donk,

It's not that sexy. I sort of thrash around until I'm free.

choo,

They are not transparent.

wg,

I am in a label frenzy.

trish,

I like Jelly Belly jelly beans.

ee,

You are in good, albeit small breasted company.

love,

That's really, really funny.

michael,

Have you learned nothing?

heather,

How do I get into FEMA? I'm willing to sleep my way to the top if necessary.

av,

Even my own?

olives,

It's my couch. I make the cat sit on a tiny blanket on the couch. I don't want his fur all over the place.

nwjr,

Can I have those back, please?

wreck,

I am going to need a new FEMA wardrobe. And also a new bra.

ariel,

I'm never sure if these posts are very funny or very sad.

puss,

Huge eyes, Puss. Huge.

jali,

Speaking of eyes...um, do you want me to bust you out here or on your blog?

nolff,

I have picked up Marines in bars. We have so much in common.

fab,

Don't you dare use the goldfish as a pawn. I'll update my links.

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I like to look like a fly.

tallulah,

I'm just still happy that my nipples don't have lashes.

fringes,

I'll have to change the date. You know I get ahead of myself.

 
At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

Okay. The last line made me laugh out loud.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger MJ said...

At least you did not have company over ..

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger heather said...

just show up at the next disaster and take over. do ~not~ sleep your way to the top. use that as a reward for good behavior instead. ;-)

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

That was cute.
I'm glad your eyes got all the
post-Paddy day support they
needed.

 
At 7:52 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

Well..yeah but paper cuts only hurt for a few.

Genital warts could be worse, maybe?

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

I really didn't think the phone tree action made you a candidate for FEMA director. It's their signature procedure now. I try, but I'm not impressed. However, I'm a firm believer in directors' performances improving in direct relationship to the excellence of their hats. Clearly, it's your chapeau that qualifies you to not only rule FEMA - hell, you might even be able to be the director of the FEMA director. If you need a vote, you've got mine.

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Echomouse said...

LOLOL I've finally figured it out. You are the female version of Robin Williams, only more talented.

Why aren't you on tv???

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Gucci Muse said...

Since you were on the couch bare a$$ed, where was the Febreze during all this commotion?

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

Fantastic.
My bras double as slingshots for when my kids get out of line in the back seat.
I learned in my younger days how to take a bra off one-handed while driving.
I knew it'd come in handy for something besides sex someday.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

tehee..Okay that was funny on so many levels..
I was recently driving through my neighborhood when I noticed clothes and shoes spread all over my neighbors front lawn...
I thought maybe the wife was trying to say something to the husband...
Think he got the clue??

P.S. all the men I have ever known say more than a hand full of boob is just a waste..big boobs are over rated or you could just have really big eyes..

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

alison,

When I laugh, my eyes bulge out a little bit.

mj,

I like how your glass is half full.

heather,

I am afraid that I might be the next disaster.

mayren,

I can't believe the wire didn't leave a mark on my face.

slick,

Can we leave warts out of this?

booda,

You're right. I should aim higher. I want to be the director's director.

mouse,

Seriously. Why am I not on TV? I don't exactly have a face for blogging, if you know what I mean.

gucci,

Febrezing took place upon realizing my bra was on my head.

alicia,

If you had never learned that one handed technique, you wouldn't have the kids to shoot stuff at.

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tellin,

I am going to get my eye size surgically reduced to make my boobs look bigger.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Do you have to water phone trees? Are they part of the Arbor Day celebration?

 
At 8:21 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

Someone was telling me you had a sweet set of eyes, I guess that's what they meant.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger Dagromm said...

I'm curious as to why the marines have your phone number and why they call you whenever somebody goes missing.

Top o'the mornin' to you,
Dagromm

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

My bra is so ginormous that if I put it on my eyes, I'd looked like a wasp. They are like Madonna's boob cones.

Seriously!

-N

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Wee hee hee. Classic. I also sleep with an eye mask. Like minds attract.

 
At 8:59 AM, Anonymous CheekyBaby said...

Me and dogwalker found that my undies make a great eyepatch on frisky dogwalking day, and fortunately later we found my bra doubled as fort to hide in when hubby came home for lunch. I'm somewhat envious of you and your boobs Mist1, but also not so much as my pooch has a standing dogwalking appt on mondays.

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tug,

Did you people never have to spread gossip through a rich and diverse social network?

furious,

Thanks for noticing.

dagromm,

I can't believe you're curious about that. Of course the Marines have my phone number.

natalia,

Take a picture.

maiden,

I have three masks. One by my bed. One near the couch. And one in the car. You know, for catnaps.

cheeky,

I am sort of jealous of your fort. I love making forts.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

hope the bra didn't have any underwire in it. that could have been dangerous! :)

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Even your own. Or, just send them to me, and I'll wear them on my head.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

miztris,

It really lifted the bags under my eyes.

av,

Promise to post photos.

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger Comedy + said...

This is so funny. Hope all your curtains/blinds were closed. Well, perhaps your neighbors wouldn't find this odd coming from you. I would move next door...we could drink vodka together and talk about all the loser men we have known in our lives... Keep them coming.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger tammy said...

If you think this is going to discourage the stalkers, then you don't know how tenacious they can be! Just keep your slingshot handy. Right there on your head.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

I put down the phone and went back to the couch to finish the movie that I slept through the night before.

Call me boring, but what did you watch?

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

You seriously don't know how many times I have been in that same position. To this day I still have no idea where my sleep mask is.

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

How funny!

My bra's so small, it would never offer enough coverage to be an eye mask. In this case, the panties would have been a better option.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

comedy,

I could use a new neighbor. First, we'll have to dispose of the body.

tammy,

But what will I use for ammo? I have baby carrots in the fridge.

jack,

Lady Vengeance.

dallas,

You do know where your bra is, right?

velvet,

My panties hardly cover anything at all.

 
At 1:43 PM, Blogger Jay said...

Jason borrows my sleep mask when I read at night. It's pink and fuzzy. But the funniest part is that it's too small for his head,and if he moves around too much, it squeezes off his massive melon!

 
At 2:02 PM, Anonymous bice said...

So do you have double D vision?

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

You know, I've always complained about how expensive my bras are, but you just doubled their worth to me. Thanks, Mist. This will help me sleep at night.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

LOL! That's kind of like when I go to the closet and find the milk in there. WTF? Then I see that I've put the cereal away in the fridge...

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jay,

I suppose he can't tell what color it is with his eyes closed.

bice,

I have 20/15 vision. I can see through stuff.

mystery,

I am here to help.

tammie,

That's why you find milk or cereal in my home.

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

Totally can see you as the Director of FEMA heck even you as the President of the US.
However, I go back to the Director of FEMA instead of the president...as I'm sure Americans do not need to see their President on the front pages of the newspaper with her bra on her head...FEMA meh.
;o)

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

You SHOULD be director of FEMA.

'cuz if you were...I'd be getting a new Beetle instead of just new windshields and paint job. ;-)

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Nance said...

My God, your life is far more enormous than my bra.

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger Sebastien said...

Bras are versatile like that. And I bet you have a nice pair... of eyes :)

sorry that's obvious but I had to say it.

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Em said...

So I'm picturing a naked woman with a blindfold on my couch...hmmmmm

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Oh geez, I had no idea where you were going with that story. A bra on your head? Didn't that do that in "Weird Science" and come up with a super-model? Careful the next time. Then again, you might conjur up a cute MALE model. Carry on.

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger tammy said...

Re. slingshot ammo for stalkers, try loose change in the cushions (leftover foreign coins work great).

At the risk of sounding like the stalker I was warning you about, I just have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying your blog. You're so concisely funny, it's really a joy to read. Had to get that off my chest.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Hmmm, something tells me that you just used the formula for the perfect post ;-)

Next time I have to have my eyes dilated, I'll grab a bra for the ride home.

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

Of course!

 
At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

LOVE IT!!!! ha ha ha

My college roommate didn't need a bra, but every once in a while she would put Band-Aids over her nipples (she was that flat)

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

nofear,

I think that the American public needs a president who is not afraid to push fashion.

pissy,

Vote for me. I will get you a new Beetle.

nance,

My life, my hair, and my shoe collection are the only enormous parts of me.

seb,

They are lovely. Thanks for noticing.

em,

Please substitute a bra for the blindfold.

cruiser,

I love that movie.

tammie,

That chest pun did not go unnoticed.

michael,

Be sure to get the one cup bra so that you can still see.

av,

You are so agreeable.

karmyn,

Sometimes, I use Band-Aids. Shuttup.

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

Big boobs are not important.

This is what I tell myself everyday. And I try to believe it too.

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

yvonne,

Big eyes are important.

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

LOL...oh, I love your stories!

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

One day, I will bore you to tears with these stories.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Lex said...

You are the best storyteller ever!

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger ~TVS said...

My, what big eyes you have....

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lex,

I do what I can.

tvs,

But did you notice my lashes? You didn't say anything about my lashes.

 
At 3:45 PM, Blogger Melanie said...

phone tree. good thinking. eyes bigger than your boobs. (curious about that support system)

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

My eyes are also bigger than my stomach.

 

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Name: Mist1
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