Sleeping In
On the weekends, I fall asleep on my couch. I get home, kick off my shoes, and turn on a movie. I fall asleep in my clothing and mascara. In the middle of the night, I usually wake up long enough to squirm out of my bra and panties and throw them onto the floor next to the couch. I also drink a glass of water and take two Excedrin Extra Strength to prevent a nasty hangover. I keep a sleep mask in a box on the table next to my couch. I try to pull it on before the sun starts coming up so that I can enjoy a few extra hours of darkness.Yesterday, I woke up from my phone ringing. I pushed my eye mask up on top of my head and answered the phone. It was a call from the Marine buddies of my friend's little brother. Apparently, they lost him in Savannah during all the St. Patty's Day festivities. The caller was wondering if I had talked to him. I didn't ask the obvious question of how I would of talked to him if they had his phone. Instead, I told them to call the local jails and hospitals. I used to be shacked up with a man that had a habit of not coming home at night and so I know the drill. I told him that if hadn't shown up in any of those places, that he was fine and that they only thing to do then was to pack up his stuff and throw it in the front yard and cut themselves out of all the pictures of them together. Then, I laughed to show that I'm not still bitter.
I got up and activated the phone tree to see if anyone could find him. After a few hours, I got a call. He was fine and at his mother's house. Satisfied that my reaction time makes me a perfect candidate for the director of FEMA, I put down the phone and went back to the couch to finish the movie that I slept through the night before.
I leaned over to pick up my bra and panties from the floor. My panties were lying there, right where I remember kicking them off. My bra was missing. I reached under the couch and pulled out my eye mask.
Slowly, I reached up and touched the top of my head. I grabbed the elastic strap and pulled my bra off of my head.
I guess it could have been worse. I could have slept with my panties over my eyes. Still, I am a little bothered that no sunlight streamed in through my bra cups. Apparently, my eyeballs and boobs are the same size.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 9:12 AM
86 Comments:
Sounds like you had a fun holiday too!
It's always great when you can get multiple uses out of something.
All of your posts are good ones, but this one especially so. I like the image of you as the director of FEMA. I'd like to see the state of California in an emergency, and you there shaking hands with Arnie for the camera.
I guess I'd recognize you, having never seen you, because you'd be the one shaking hands with Arnie.
honey what is a phone tree? i like to keep up you know. not act like an old woman and all. and i was laughing thinking of you putting my bra on your eyes, those long empty cups, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....
smiles, bee
todd,
Was it a holiday?
hearts,
Everything here multitasks but me.
jocelyn,
You'll also recognize me by the bra in my hair.
bee,
I have small boobs, okay? Gawd. A phone tree is a complex system of communication.
Was this Erin go Bra post just for St Patrick's Day?
It would have been way worse if your eye mask fit over your boobs.
churlita,
What are you talking about? I'm wearing the eye mask as a halter top now. It's adorable.
No sunlight streamed in through your bra? damn woman get with the programme and buy yourself some flirty flitty little lacey numbers!!!
My bra multitasks too, but as a laundry basket. I can almost fit an entire load of laundry in each cup. Sadly, I don't think my eye mask would cover a nipple, never mind the whole boob.
fiona,
I am online now.
kirsten,
I don't hate you. Close, but not quite.
There are worse things than having hangovers and small boobs
I'll think of something here in a few
Haha. You can literally wear my bra as a hat.
But I don't think they would block out any light.
Oh Lord, mist. You really killed me with this one. Your bra as an eyeshade--I'll be giggling at the image in my mind all day. I take it the boob-enhancement cream didn't work. Damn, and I was about to order some too.
I hope you wear waterproof mascara. I can't imagine attempting to wash a mascara-ed bra. Or even attempt to explain it to a dry-cleaner. LOL
Cute.
When I was younger I used to put a hoodie on with Bonds underwear over my head and pretend to be Spiderman. You'd be suprised how fooled people were. Look, its a bird, its a plane, its a strange kid trying to climb the wall like Spiderman again!
Suffice to say, I had to stop doing that after September 11, 2001. (Hey, I said younger. An 18 year old with underwear on his head trying to climb walls is not strange!)
Apparently, my eyeballs and boobs are the same size.
BOOM.
The sound of a thousand male fantasies burst with that declaration of mosquito bites!
Phone tree? Am I missing something or is this some american term I[m not understanding?
you had me at "squirm out of my bra and panties and throw them onto the floor next to the couch"
I see the makings of a movie sequel here.
BD
At least it wasn't your bob that was misused. I bet you never did get that label maker.
LOL...mine too!!
my bra doubles as leggings.
There you go again. I'm sooooo tired of snorting coffee every morning. I may have to start reading your blog in the afternoons. Carbonated beverages don't burn your sinuses like hot coffee. It just feels like they do.
lmao, poor mist! not only did you have to activate the tree to find your wayward brother but you also had to deal with the realization that the boob cream just isn't working for you. if i had a vote in who would run fema you would be my candidate! who is gonna have enough balls to not do ~exactly~ what you told them to do!
Panties on the head aren't quite the horrible experience you'd think.
I fall asleep on the couch all the time. Only one that snores there is me. I keep my panties on though. I'd hate to think my naked butt is hanging out where the dogs sit or my kids shoes have been.
"I could have slept with my panties over my eyes."
I hate it I sleep with your panties over my eyes, too.
You with FEMA
What disaster?
Oh that one? Send in booze
Maybe you should send in a rez
I'm not sure if this is very funny or very sad. At least you can save money on eyemasks.
I guess you have really big eyes? I'm thinking the lemurs of Madagascar...
What's wrong with wearing knickers on your head?
Puss
I have some Marine friends. They have a habit of picking fights in restaurant and bars.
I've had to pick them up from jail a couple times.
I think it's funny when people wear large sunglasses. For me, this never gets old.
My bra is much smaller than my eye mask. You are lucky.
Mist posting on Sunday? What's next? Drinking highballs before noon? Oh, wait...
slick,
Paper cuts are pretty bad.
phishez,
I rarely wear hats.
lizza,
The cream was a bust.
curiosity,
I hope Woolite works.
orhan,
Please send photos.
s & d,
I think I heard it. Sorry to disappoint.
shadow,
Clearly, Google Translator doesn't understand that a phone tree is when I call you and four other people and then you do the same and then they do the same. Frankly, I'm surprised that no one called you.
donk,
It's not that sexy. I sort of thrash around until I'm free.
choo,
They are not transparent.
wg,
I am in a label frenzy.
trish,
I like Jelly Belly jelly beans.
ee,
You are in good, albeit small breasted company.
love,
That's really, really funny.
michael,
Have you learned nothing?
heather,
How do I get into FEMA? I'm willing to sleep my way to the top if necessary.
av,
Even my own?
olives,
It's my couch. I make the cat sit on a tiny blanket on the couch. I don't want his fur all over the place.
nwjr,
Can I have those back, please?
wreck,
I am going to need a new FEMA wardrobe. And also a new bra.
ariel,
I'm never sure if these posts are very funny or very sad.
puss,
Huge eyes, Puss. Huge.
jali,
Speaking of eyes...um, do you want me to bust you out here or on your blog?
nolff,
I have picked up Marines in bars. We have so much in common.
fab,
Don't you dare use the goldfish as a pawn. I'll update my links.
matt,
I like to look like a fly.
tallulah,
I'm just still happy that my nipples don't have lashes.
fringes,
I'll have to change the date. You know I get ahead of myself.
Okay. The last line made me laugh out loud.
At least you did not have company over ..
just show up at the next disaster and take over. do ~not~ sleep your way to the top. use that as a reward for good behavior instead. ;-)
That was cute.
I'm glad your eyes got all the
post-Paddy day support they
needed.
Well..yeah but paper cuts only hurt for a few.
Genital warts could be worse, maybe?
I really didn't think the phone tree action made you a candidate for FEMA director. It's their signature procedure now. I try, but I'm not impressed. However, I'm a firm believer in directors' performances improving in direct relationship to the excellence of their hats. Clearly, it's your chapeau that qualifies you to not only rule FEMA - hell, you might even be able to be the director of the FEMA director. If you need a vote, you've got mine.
LOLOL I've finally figured it out. You are the female version of Robin Williams, only more talented.
Why aren't you on tv???
Since you were on the couch bare a$$ed, where was the Febreze during all this commotion?
Fantastic.
My bras double as slingshots for when my kids get out of line in the back seat.
I learned in my younger days how to take a bra off one-handed while driving.
I knew it'd come in handy for something besides sex someday.
tehee..Okay that was funny on so many levels..
I was recently driving through my neighborhood when I noticed clothes and shoes spread all over my neighbors front lawn...
I thought maybe the wife was trying to say something to the husband...
Think he got the clue??
P.S. all the men I have ever known say more than a hand full of boob is just a waste..big boobs are over rated or you could just have really big eyes..
alison,
When I laugh, my eyes bulge out a little bit.
mj,
I like how your glass is half full.
heather,
I am afraid that I might be the next disaster.
mayren,
I can't believe the wire didn't leave a mark on my face.
slick,
Can we leave warts out of this?
booda,
You're right. I should aim higher. I want to be the director's director.
mouse,
Seriously. Why am I not on TV? I don't exactly have a face for blogging, if you know what I mean.
gucci,
Febrezing took place upon realizing my bra was on my head.
alicia,
If you had never learned that one handed technique, you wouldn't have the kids to shoot stuff at.
Do you have to water phone trees? Are they part of the Arbor Day celebration?
Someone was telling me you had a sweet set of eyes, I guess that's what they meant.
I'm curious as to why the marines have your phone number and why they call you whenever somebody goes missing.
Top o'the mornin' to you,
Dagromm
My bra is so ginormous that if I put it on my eyes, I'd looked like a wasp. They are like Madonna's boob cones.
Seriously!
-N
Wee hee hee. Classic. I also sleep with an eye mask. Like minds attract.
Me and dogwalker found that my undies make a great eyepatch on frisky dogwalking day, and fortunately later we found my bra doubled as fort to hide in when hubby came home for lunch. I'm somewhat envious of you and your boobs Mist1, but also not so much as my pooch has a standing dogwalking appt on mondays.
tug,
Did you people never have to spread gossip through a rich and diverse social network?
furious,
Thanks for noticing.
dagromm,
I can't believe you're curious about that. Of course the Marines have my phone number.
natalia,
Take a picture.
maiden,
I have three masks. One by my bed. One near the couch. And one in the car. You know, for catnaps.
cheeky,
I am sort of jealous of your fort. I love making forts.
hope the bra didn't have any underwire in it. that could have been dangerous! :)
Even your own. Or, just send them to me, and I'll wear them on my head.
miztris,
It really lifted the bags under my eyes.
av,
Promise to post photos.
This is so funny. Hope all your curtains/blinds were closed. Well, perhaps your neighbors wouldn't find this odd coming from you. I would move next door...we could drink vodka together and talk about all the loser men we have known in our lives... Keep them coming.
If you think this is going to discourage the stalkers, then you don't know how tenacious they can be! Just keep your slingshot handy. Right there on your head.
I put down the phone and went back to the couch to finish the movie that I slept through the night before.
Call me boring, but what did you watch?
You seriously don't know how many times I have been in that same position. To this day I still have no idea where my sleep mask is.
How funny!
My bra's so small, it would never offer enough coverage to be an eye mask. In this case, the panties would have been a better option.
comedy,
I could use a new neighbor. First, we'll have to dispose of the body.
tammy,
But what will I use for ammo? I have baby carrots in the fridge.
jack,
Lady Vengeance.
dallas,
You do know where your bra is, right?
velvet,
My panties hardly cover anything at all.
Jason borrows my sleep mask when I read at night. It's pink and fuzzy. But the funniest part is that it's too small for his head,and if he moves around too much, it squeezes off his massive melon!
So do you have double D vision?
You know, I've always complained about how expensive my bras are, but you just doubled their worth to me. Thanks, Mist. This will help me sleep at night.
LOL! That's kind of like when I go to the closet and find the milk in there. WTF? Then I see that I've put the cereal away in the fridge...
jay,
I suppose he can't tell what color it is with his eyes closed.
bice,
I have 20/15 vision. I can see through stuff.
mystery,
I am here to help.
tammie,
That's why you find milk or cereal in my home.
Totally can see you as the Director of FEMA heck even you as the President of the US.
However, I go back to the Director of FEMA instead of the president...as I'm sure Americans do not need to see their President on the front pages of the newspaper with her bra on her head...FEMA meh.
;o)
You SHOULD be director of FEMA.
'cuz if you were...I'd be getting a new Beetle instead of just new windshields and paint job. ;-)
My God, your life is far more enormous than my bra.
Bras are versatile like that. And I bet you have a nice pair... of eyes :)
sorry that's obvious but I had to say it.
So I'm picturing a naked woman with a blindfold on my couch...hmmmmm
Oh geez, I had no idea where you were going with that story. A bra on your head? Didn't that do that in "Weird Science" and come up with a super-model? Careful the next time. Then again, you might conjur up a cute MALE model. Carry on.
Re. slingshot ammo for stalkers, try loose change in the cushions (leftover foreign coins work great).
At the risk of sounding like the stalker I was warning you about, I just have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying your blog. You're so concisely funny, it's really a joy to read. Had to get that off my chest.
Hmmm, something tells me that you just used the formula for the perfect post ;-)
Next time I have to have my eyes dilated, I'll grab a bra for the ride home.
LOVE IT!!!! ha ha ha
My college roommate didn't need a bra, but every once in a while she would put Band-Aids over her nipples (she was that flat)
nofear,
I think that the American public needs a president who is not afraid to push fashion.
pissy,
Vote for me. I will get you a new Beetle.
nance,
My life, my hair, and my shoe collection are the only enormous parts of me.
seb,
They are lovely. Thanks for noticing.
em,
Please substitute a bra for the blindfold.
cruiser,
I love that movie.
tammie,
That chest pun did not go unnoticed.
michael,
Be sure to get the one cup bra so that you can still see.
av,
You are so agreeable.
karmyn,
Sometimes, I use Band-Aids. Shuttup.
Big boobs are not important.
This is what I tell myself everyday. And I try to believe it too.
yvonne,
Big eyes are important.
LOL...oh, I love your stories!
claudia,
One day, I will bore you to tears with these stories.
You are the best storyteller ever!
My, what big eyes you have....
lex,
I do what I can.
tvs,
But did you notice my lashes? You didn't say anything about my lashes.
phone tree. good thinking. eyes bigger than your boobs. (curious about that support system)
melanie,
My eyes are also bigger than my stomach.
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