Mixed Nuts
I love group therapy.I hadn't been to group in a long time. Too long. I was starting to miss it.
Every session, I would imagine that I was a guest on a talk show. Group therapy is much like a talk show. There is a host and corporate pharmaceutical sponsorship that makes it all possible. Really, the biggest difference is that there is never a musical guest.
Sometimes, I was the person in need of tough love. Other times, I felt like an expert panelist. Mostly, I wanted to be the host. Without the credentials, of course.
I like the check-in part where you get to list off all your sins since the last meeting. I liked knowing that other people had done worse things than I had done. It was refreshing to hear the guilt of others over seemingly mundane stuff like obsessively plucking out a patch of hair.
Group therapy is a setting in which it is entirely acceptable to be on and talk about drugs. Half the group will be nodding out from a new prescription. The other half will be twitching like crickets on crack. We compare notes and talk about our personal preferences. Does it make you suicidal? Did you gain weight? How's the sex? Can you drink on it? How long does it take to wear off? It's really the only place outside of college where you can talk about drugs and sex so openly with the advantage of being able to say things about strange habits like flossing several times a day.
Recently, I went back to group. I felt like a past celebrity guest who came back for an update. I told them about life on the other side of group. I confessed that I still have thoughts and behaviors that make me uncomfortable, but that I am learning to set boundaries and I don't see those little bugs at all anymore. I asked them to hold their questions until the Q & A period generously provided at the end of the meeting. I also informed them that I would be available for autographs later. I plugged my blog and told them about what it's like to work with my therapist. She is brilliant, really. She has such a command over her craft. Seriously, she is never out of character throughout our entire session. I feel so honored to have had the opportunity (read: insurance) work with her.
I can't wait to go back. I've got this really convincing way of scratching a hole in the skin on my left arm.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:05 AM
69 Comments:
Ouch! Reminds me of the time I had to fake a needle prick because of the blood test I used as an excuse but never went to. Like an idiot, I wore a long sleeve shirt to work the following day, so all the effort and pain was wasted...
I prefer group sex.
Who knew that group therapy could be so helpful...Wow, they really let you plug your blog? Maybe I should start going.
I don't really need group therapy... my classes are more than enough.
i'm reading your old entries. you must marry me.
I want to join a group now, this sounds awesome. Do you get a complementary flamethrower at the end of sessions? That'd be interesting.
Maximo said it best.
Come on - I find it hard to believe there wasn't at least ONE musical guest at some point.
Wow, your therapist must be good; mine can hardly ever keep a straight face.
Group got expensive - that's why I took up blogging. It's much the same deal, except I get to do nearly all the talking.
Puss
I have extreme fear of public speaking. Group therapy would make me jump.
damn, i halfway expected you to start thanking G*d like they do at the award shows.
Crickets on Crack. That's a good one. I was in group once. They hardly ever called on me - I wasn't screwed up enough to be the main speaker. I got bored listening to all those f-d up people. They were making me crazy. So I left.
Oh, and does it bother anyone that "Therapist" could have been mispelled way back in history. I think it was probably "The Rapist" back then. 'Cause one way or another, they are going to get some.
Rehab is for quitters. You know this, don't you?
I decided to be my own therapist and it has greatly improved my view on therapy in general!
michael,
You have to coordinate your wardrobe around your excuses.
av,
My insurance doesn't cover that.
churlita,
When you have the floor, you can say whatever you'd like.
arthur,
Maybe I'll start coming to your classes. What's the copay?
maximo,
I give us a year.
seb,
The flamethrower got kicked out.
jonas,
Fight for me.
karmyn,
Seriously, do you know any good bands?
sqt,
Mine just raises her eyebrow.
fab,
I'm not a cutter.
puss,
Well, yeah. That's pretty much why I do this.
lee,
They will give you meds to help with that. You won't feel a thing.
k,
The music cut me off.
michael,
I would have to protest if I wasn't the craziest one in group.
nwjr,
Who said anything about rehab? I go to group to get new ideas.
olives,
How much do you charge yourself per session?
I'll never forget the time I ran into my ex-girlfriend's therapist.
AWKWARD!
So I says to this woman I met recently, "Are ya seeing anyone? I mean... clinically?"
As always, I'm sure you were the "life of the party"
then it's a deal!
i can handle a year. i couldn't promise anything beyond that anyhow.
matt,
That's a fantastic line.
slick,
I really am.
maximo,
My fear of commitment is raging right now. I have to go to group.
I'll take you on pro bono.
i'm going to count you as my 3rd almost-girlfriend this year.
WOOT! this is sooo my year!
I'm thinking about putting my MOM in a support group thingy because she thinks the things that happen on the soap operas are real.
I like to go to the wrong meetings. There's nothing like talking about being a sex addict at a AA meeting. Sometimes it makes me wonder if the stories drive them to drinking.
av,
I am pro boner.
maximo,
You get around.
nolff,
What do you mean? Soap operas aren't real?
ariel,
The group next to mine is Ice Breakers. It's for recovering meth addicts. I want to attend just for the name.
Sounds like you're on your way to having a good show of your own...
Hopefully your show will have a designated band...you know, so that you can exchange witty banter with the lead vocalist just like Conan O'Brien does.
lcg,
I want a band and a theme song to much it hurts.
Avi said "bono" heh heh heh
OMG IceBreakers? Are you shitting me? THAT is what they call the meth addict meeting?
*taking note for future suppliers*
Ha! I knew EXACTLY what you were going to say in response. I should have emailed it to you and said "Don't open this until you reply to my comment."
I'm pro-boner too.
I always figured that blogging was group therapy anyway. And waaay cheaper.
You're a celebrity of sorts.
scotts,
I didn't even make that up. They meet on Friday nights.
av,
Damn. It's like you're in my head.
maximo,
That's what I heard.
velvet,
Blogging doesn't come with free coffee.
alicia,
I have lots of fans. I have a little silk screened Japanese fan. That's my favorite. But I also have an oscillating fan.
I have a friend who claims everyone should go to therapy. I used to think she was nuts. Now I am thinking she is right.
-N
natalia,
She's right. Everyone should go.
Therapy was one of the best things I ever did for myself, but I never tried group... It was hard enough baring my soul to my therapist, but a group of strangers...
Oh, wait.
I have a blog. I already do that.
Nevermind.
(BTW, found you through Avi and I adore your blog!)
I wanna go too!
Now you need to start a book club. And a magazine called "M."
you are such a rock star, mist!
I'll be your groupie.
If I had only looked at group therapy in the way you do, I would've done much better in that hospital.....
It's like an episode of Cheers, except group is funny.
steph,
Group is the best because it sounds like of like grope. And groping is good.
Thanks for coming by.
jali,
What happens in group stays in group. Unless I blog about it.
hearts,
I am going to be the only one on the cover of M. No one else will ever grace the cover.
miztris,
Yes, I am. I'm sure my latent musical talent will come out soon.
wreck,
I expect you to always want the seat next to me in group.
karma,
Lord, I love the hospital. Don't get me started.
bice,
Also, people are a little twitchier in group.
Mist, if you are picking at your arm, shouldn't you be in the Friday night group? Don't do the cutting thing. It's too dangerous. One slip and it could be the end of Mist. We can't have that.
comedy,
I have plans on Friday night. I can't make that group.
Um, excuse me, I thought blogging WAS therapy. I guess I really am delusional.
cruiser,
I will ask my therapist what she thinks about that.
It's when you start scratching holes in other people's arms that you really get center stage.
And a Thorazine dart.
And possibly a restaining order.
All publicity is good publicity though!
1,
Perhaps you should start the 24/7 group therapy blog? I wonder if insurance would cover it? Cams, of course.
chick,
I like darts.
0,
I can only take so much therapy. After a few hours, it would drive me nuts. Then, I would need another group. Maybe your idea is pretty good after all.
Y'know, if and only if I'm anywhere remotely close to the dirty south -- I would so jump on the chance and say, when and where?
But I'm not. So all I can do is imagine how sane I must look hanging with your group. Even with me scratching a hole my right thigh.
What kind of music you're thinking?
Oh yeah, I forgot to add. I meant to be the musical star guest...
(Scratching my right arm now.)
Now, see, I couldn't do group OR a talk show because then i'd have to let other people talk. that's just really not going to work for me.
I will write you a completely original theme song, if you like.
And I hope you like the song from "Shaft," because I basically just changed the pronouns and inserted the word "Mist!" where "Shaft!" would usually go.
Mist! Damn right...
By the way, I ran into this crazy woman at the bus stop the other day. When you force ppl to listen to your insane thoughts, does that count as group therapy?
Group sounds a lot like Catholic School!
curiosity,
I guess I'll have to wait to see you in group.
I would like a rotating musical guest.
nance,
That does pose a problem for me, but I can always manage to steer the conversation back to me.
mystery,
The word shaft makes me have impure thoughts.
choo,
Yes.
todd,
We don't dress the same. Everyone is encouraged to express themselves through their style of dress.
see? Now I'm scared....
Damn!
kiyotoe,
We can work on your fear in group.
Is group therapy cheaper than one-on-one therapy?
yvonne,
I am a bargain shopper. It is a fraction of the cost. Plus, you get a smoke break.
You silly. That wasn't group therapy. It was the market research group for Pfizer and Abbott Labs.
willie,
Did I pass? Will I get the free drugs?
Why would you need to go to group therapy - you're clearly the sanest person I know! On the other hand it would be fun way to pass the time to set the other 'groupers' back several months in their therapy.
faz,
A girl has one little breakdown in a hotel and has to spend four days in fetal position under the hotel desk, refusing to check out or to get on an airplane and all of a sudden she needs therapy.
This is richly funny material. I am hooked. Even my cat is laughing and I wasn't even aware he could read. Wait, no he's not laughing, he just swallowed a bug. Never mind.
My word verification for this comment is "manwhyp".
any,
I want a manwhyp.
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